


You Were Meant for Me

by nihonlove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bartender Dean, Bottom Dean, Cambridge, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Community: deancasbigbang, Dean in Panties, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2016, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Minor Anna Milton/Ruby, Minor Balthazar/Gabriel, Minor Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Mpreg, Multiple Orgasms, Naomi Being a Dick, Omega Dean, Omega Gabriel, Past Castiel/Other(s), Past Dean/Other(s), Rimming, Schmoop, Student Castiel, Top Castiel, United Kingdom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:42:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 101,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8495950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonlove/pseuds/nihonlove
Summary: The year is 1997. Dean Winchester is all of 21 and already he feels like his life mission is over, now that his little brother has gone off to college. But perhaps the outside world can offer Dean something to do with his life now. In Cambridge, UK, he meets the mysterious Alpha, Castiel, whom Dean can’t seem to get out of his head. Even if the feeling seems mutual, can Dean really trust this to last? Because Dean has a past, and would Castiel really stick around if he knew all his darkest secrets?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally here. My first DeanCas Big Bang. I can't even tell you what a journey this has been. I've been writing this thing since March, and I can hardly believe the day for me to post it is finally here. Also I can't believe this became so freaking long :O. And it's mostly super self-indulgent too. This is like my ultimate self-indulgent fic.
> 
> Huge special thanks to my friends justkeeponwriting and littlemismatchedteacup for their continued support through this entire process, as well as Beta-reading for me. This wouldn't be nearly as smooth and clean a fic without you guys <3\. Another special thanks to my artist JourneySmilesMiles, who made so many art pieces for this fic and encouraged me with her kind words about it. Thanks so much! The masterpost of her artwork can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8501641).
> 
> There is going to be a sequel this fic eventually, which is the reason it is set in the 90s. But that's a story for another day :).

1997

By the time Dean Winchester was 21, it felt like he had accomplished all that he had been aiming for the most in his life.

It had been about a week ago when Dean and his younger brother Sam had said goodbye to each other. Sam was going to start a new chapter in his life life in Palo Alto, California, where he would start attending Stanford quite soon. Dean himself had driven Sam from Sioux Falls to Palo Alto in the ’67 Chevy Impala that for many years had been the only constant home that the two Winchester boys had truly considered their own. They had agreed to make a road trip of it, to spend the past few days cooped up together in a car like they had once upon a time, when they’d been little, in the backseat of that very same car while their father had driven them through the great American highways.

They’d held a big going-away party for Sam with their closest friends and family, but Bobby, Ellen, and her daughter Jo had still been there early that morning that the two brothers had begun their one last road trip together. A few tearful goodbyes and promises to look after themselves had been exchanged, before Dean had insisted they couldn’t let this turn even further into some Omega flick, although he had been the only real Omega present that day.

Finally, the Winchesters had started to drive towards California. On average, it would take about 25 hours to drive to Palo Alto if they didn’t stop, but Dean had been determined to get them both there in just 24 hours, even with a few stops for food and gas. He had always been one to drive fast and furious, and having been cooped up in the same city for a few years now, he had been more than eager to burn some rubber.

The first few hours had passed relatively smoothly. Sam and Dean had debated over music, movies and wrestlers, the thing they normally did. But the air had been tense the whole time regardless. Both of them had been able to tell that they were keeping everything they talked about light for a reason.

Eventually, Sam had cracked under the pressure.

“You sure you don’t want to come to California with me, Dean?” he had queried from his brother.

Dean had sighed, pained. He had known this had been something that would have to be discussed sooner or later, but it didn’t mean he had been looking forward to it, or that he had wanted to have this conversation one more time at all. “Sam, for the last time: California is your future. Not mine. I’ve got nothing there.”

“So, what, you’re just gonna keep on living with Bobby until you’re old and gray? Keep working at his auto shop, working part-time as a bartender at The Roadhouse? You could be a mechanic anywhere, Dean, not to mention a bartender. But you’re just gonna stick around in Sioux Falls?”

“Sam,” Dean had stated firmly, glancing over at his brother, riding shotgun in the car. “Look, I don’t know what’s gonna happen, or what I’m gonna do yet. I haven’t even seen you off, and you’re already thinking about my future? Can’t I take some time, figure out what’s next for me, on my own? It’s not like I’ve ever had much of an opportunity to think about that until now.”

Sam had flinched slightly, his Alpha scent turning sour with guilt. But Dean had refused to take back his words, even though he had needed to bite his tongue to keep an apology from leaking through.

“Dean…” Sam had started. “You know I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. Hell, I wouldn’t even be going where I’m going right now if it wasn’t for you, I know that. Even after Dad died and we moved to live with Bobby, you still…” Dean licked his lips, almost by force taken back to remember the taste of what he’d had to do to a particularly shady social worker to even get them to be able to live with Bobby in the first place, and together. “But that’s what I’m trying to say. If you were in California with me, I could look after you for once. And you wouldn’t be alone.”

“Sam,” Dean had said again, attempting to maintain his calm. “I think we both know, as long as we’re together in the same place, I’m always gonna see it as my job to look after you. Not the other way around. Just because you grew all Alpha on me doesn’t mean you’re just automatically in charge now.” He had rather snapped that last part out.

“Dean…”

“And I’m not gonna be alone,” Dean had interrupted Sam before he could say more. “I’ll still have Bobby-”

“He’s our adoptive Dad, Dean, he barely counts.”

“-Ellen-”

“She’s basically our mother, same thing.”

“-Jo-”

“She’s like our younger sister.

“-and Ash,” Dean had finished.

“Okay, maybe Ash,” Sam had admitted. “But he’s more your drinking buddy than anything else. Face it, Dean, you don’t have that many when it comes to friends.”

“Not yet, maybe,” Dean had said. “But I can make more. I don’t think I’ll have to work as much now that I don’t have to squeeze every penny. I can go out more.”

“You could do that in California too. Go to a new place, meet new people…”

“Sam,” Dean had snapped. “Just drop it. Maybe I’ll stick around in Sioux Falls, or maybe I won’t. But wherever I might go from there, California’s not it. That’s your future, not mine. And you should get a fresh start, without me. Go to a new place, meet new people,  _ maybe _ learn to wash your own socks…”

“I wash my own socks!”

“Only when I make you. In college you’ll have to make yourself wash them all the time.”

Sam had shaken his head, but had been smiling then, this being more like the normal brotherly bickering they were used to.

But he still had had to ask, “So you’re absolutely certain?”

“Yes,” Dean had answered. “So don’t bring it up again.” He had looked over at his younger brother. “I don’t want to spend our last road trip fighting.”

“…Fine.”

The rest of the road trip had been more peaceful, with the two of them talking about Sam’s plans for the upcoming freshman year of college, about his new roommate that Sam had talked on the phone a few times with, and Dean trying to remind Sam not to be all work and no play.

“Seriously, Sam, this is the time of your life. No parents to answer to, and a bunch of people all alone in a new place. So I’m serious, meet some new people for a change, go out, have fun.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam had said.

They had stopped to eat and buy snacks while they filled the tank a few times along the way. And Dean had kept to his word and got them to Sam’s dorm in just under 24 hours. But as they had drawn and parked right by the right building, it had gotten quiet in the car.

After a moment’s silence of the two brothers just sitting there, once in a while sneaking glances at towards the dorm building, Dean had asked, “You want me to walk you in? Help with your stuff?”

“Nah, it’s fine. I don’t have that much anyway,” Sam had answered, and he was right. Living on the road with very few possessions for multiple years of your life tended to make sure you didn’t get too attached to material things.

“Well,” Dean had said, opening the car door and stepping outside. “Better get on with it then.”

He and Sam had unpacked the car of Sam’s things, placing them on the curb, before turning to each other. They had known that this would be the last moment in a long time they would see each other, and it had been making both their scents and expressions, both so intimately familiar to one another in ways only family could be, murky in ways that told them both all that they hadn’t been able to put in words. That although this was a dream come true for both of them, they would miss one another terribly. And that although they were happy and relieved to have gotten to this point, the future for both of them was open and scary in ways had never before been.

But Dean hadn’t been able to put that all in words, so instead he had just taken his now-taller younger brother in his arms and held him there for a while. Sam had held him back, and Dean had breathed him in, memorizing that special kind of woodsy scent Sam had, that reminded Dean of the first days of spring, when the sunshine first seemed to start warming the air.

As they parted, Sam had looked his older brother in the eye and said, “Dean.”

“Yeah?” Dean had asked.

“Just…take care of yourself, okay? And don’t lock yourself away from people. You were right, it might be good for us to be apart for a while, learn to be on our own. But that doesn’t mean you should be totally on your own, you know? Take your own advice; go see new places, meet some new people. You’re only 21, Dean, just at the start of your life. So start enjoying your youth, too. You finally can, now.”

“…Okay,” Dean had nodded. He had almost wanted to say that he hoped Sam wouldn’t feel guilty for having been thrust into Dean’s arms as a baby while their home was burning, and having become Dean’s responsibility from then on out, when it hadn’t been Sam’s fault. But that had felt a bit too Omega flick to Dean, so all he had done instead was clap Sam on the shoulder and say, “Take care of yourself, Sammy. Write once in a while, okay?”

“Yeah, Dean. You too,” Sam had said.

Dean had begun to head back towards the driver’s seat of his car. “You sure you don’t want any help with your stuff? Or we could go get some breakfast before I leave?”

“I’ll be fine, Dean,” Sam had reassured him. “You go, get an early start heading back. Or rather, find a motel and get some sleep,” Sam had looked taller, stronger and older suddenly, standing up straighter with his shoulders tensed. “It’s about time I learn to do things on my own.”

Dean had just nodded, said a quick “bye” to his brother, before getting into his car and driving away. Away from his grown college-boy brother, who didn’t need him anymore. But Dean had still looked at him in the car mirror until he no longer had been able.

Still, Sam’s words stuck with Dean all through the ride home, and even after. Despite his words, once Dean made it back to Sioux Falls, Dean at first quickly found himself falling back into old patterns. He worked as much as before, if not even more, and still found himself saving every penny he could for a rainy day. But this time around, it all felt meaningless. Before when Dean had been doing it, he’d always done it with a specific goal in mind: to help Sam get as good a start in life as humanly possible. That had been Dean’s big life mission, what he’d been working towards ever since he had been a mere four years of age. But now all of that had come into its conclusion; Sam was on his own, independent, about to start the next big chapter of his life at one of the best schools in the country. And…Dean was aimless, suddenly. Drifting. Didn’t have a goal, a point to reach for in mind. He was only 21 and a half, and it already felt like he had finished his one and only goal in life. And with Sammy gone, there was just a big gaping hole in Dean’s very being.

It wasn’t like Dean was completely unsatisfied with his life. He liked both his jobs as a mechanic and a bartender at Ellen’s pub known as The Roadhouse, and he maintained he even had fulfilling relationships in his life. But somehow, all of it felt less meaningful when Dean didn’t know what was supposed to happen next for him in his life. What were you meant to do when your one big goal in life was already finished and done with? Dean had never put much thought into what he even wanted to be when he grew up, having been forced to drop out of high school to look after Sam.

As he was thinking about all of this, Sam’s words about going to new places and meeting new people kept ringing somewhere between Dean’s ears. He didn’t put too much thought into it, however, until one night, Dean had been up reading while some movie where a traditionally pretty Omega girl left to go to Europe for a year to “find herself” before college played in the background. Now, Dean had never been one to believe in fate, destiny, God or anything of the sort, but if he had been, he might’ve said it had felt like a sign. And, lame as it was, for the next weeks, Dean couldn’t keep his thoughts from wandering even more.

He wasn’t exactly fond of flying, but he could make it over somehow, right? And what did he have to lose? Like Sam had said, he could work anywhere. Dean knew that better than anyone after everything he’d done in his youth to keep himself and Sam fed and with a roof over their heads. Dean was a free man now, who didn’t have to worry about anyone else. He even had some money saved, still stuck in his old habits just in case Sam would ever need some extra money. And, hell, he had seen almost all of America and even bits of Canada and Mexico a few times, but he had never stepped outside of North America. So what was the worst thing that could happen?

Therefore, after another week of pondering, Dean got around to getting a passport, bought himself a plane ticket with his savings, and packed up his insignificant life to go to Cambridge, England. He had chosen England because it was the closest place in Europe aside from Iceland, which didn’t sound like a very welcoming place, and people also spoke English there. He had chosen the town because he knew it was an university town where he wouldn’t stand out too much as long as he didn’t speak, being still college-aged himself. And, well, he knew well he was attractive, with his large green eyes, lush lips, and freckles. Perhaps people would be more willing to hire him if they thought he’d bring in more people from the college?

So, Dean called Sam on the phone and told him about his plans, said goodbye to everyone he knew on this side of the pond and left for his next adventure in life. He promised himself to have no expectations for how this would go. At best, he simply hoped that if nothing else, this time away would give him new experiences and new points of view towards life.

After a horrifying flight during which Dean had drunk far too much, he finally landed at Cambridge International Airport. The first thing he did after getting his minimal belongings was to ask the taxi driver to get him to the nearest and best-equipped public library. At the Central Library of Cambridge, Dean immersed himself in the guides to the city to find a cheap inn or hotel to stay at until he could find something more permanent. On his way out, he purchased the local newspaper to look at roommate ads and job offers. There was luckily no shortage of either.

The cheap hotel Dean ended up staying at had a stale smell and crowded space. He also had to share a bathroom with the entire floor, but he was used to such things from his childhood. In some ways, it was almost nostalgic. The good thing was that the place had a payphone that Dean could use to call the places offering jobs or housing. However, not many seemed all that willing to take on some American without proper references (well, he did have references but they were all across the sea, and no one wanted to pay for those kinds of calls) or plans. But Dean was stubborn, and had always found a way to survive, so when calling didn’t help, he went to visit the places.

Not long after he had first stepped inside Heaven & Hell, a nice drinking establishment not far from the Cambridge campus, he had himself a job. The owner, a short balding guy in a pretentious black suit with the odd name of Crowley, had taken a look at him and ended up hiring him after Dean had demonstrated that he could work the bar. The place also had a stage for music performers, which Dean had found himself glancing at in what he had thought was a discreet manner.

“Are you, by any chance, a musician?” Crowley queried before the interview concluded when Dean’s eyes once more swayed towards the stage. Dean had tried to turn on some of his tricks on him, but they hadn’t seemed to be working. Dean couldn’t tell from the guy's stale Beta smell if he was just putting up a very good poker face or if he was genuinely not affected by Dean’s eyes or lips. He also wasn’t sure which option he preferred to be true.

“Oh, um…I suppose you could say that. I mean, I play the guitar and sing sometimes, but I’m no pro or anything.”

“Hmm,” Crowley said. “What kind of music do you play?”

“Covers, mostly, but I’ve also written a few original pieces.”

Crowley was silent for a while. Then, he gestured towards the stage. “There is a spare guitar behind the stage. Play me something, would you?”

Dean was weirded out by the request, and more than a little nervous because he hardly ever performed for anyone, but didn’t feel like he had the option to refuse. At least he hadn’t been asked to suck the guy’s dick. Although as he approached the stage and went to the back to take out the guitar, he wasn’t quite sure anymore if doing that or doing this would be easier.

Once he had tuned the guitar just a bit, he chose the simplest song he could think of and began to play.

“No, no, no! You have to sing, too!” Crowley protested in less than a minute, so Dean started over and this time also sang. Soon enough, he forgot he was being watched. That was what he loved about music. It had been one of his only sources of relief over the gloomiest days of his life; the place where he could find solace and avoid thinking too much. He had learnt it at 15, only a few months after he had presented, at Sonny’s Home for Omega Boys, where his Dad had sent him after he’d come back and found Dean a freshly presented Omega.

“I just can’t deal with this right now, Dean. There is just too much going on, and I don’t have the means to take care of you now. I’ll come back for you once I sort a few things out,” had been John's only explanations for leaving Dean there.

Although at first Dean had been wary of being left behind, he had ended up liking it at Sonny’s. He had been allowed to take guitar lessons, go to a normal school and no one had treated him like he was inferior even though he was an Omega. In fact, he and the other boys were taught that being an Omega was nothing to be ashamed of, and it didn’t mean you had to be different from what you had been before, even if the rest of the world might see it that way. If it hadn’t been for those months spent there, Dean wasn’t sure if he would’ve ever been able to accept himself for what and who he was.

But then, eventually, John had indeed come back. A part of Dean, a very large and painful part, had wanted to stay at Sonny’s, and Sonny had even reassured him that if he wanted to stay, he’d do everything in his power to make sure Dean could. But Dean knew he still had a job to do: a little boy waiting for him with John in their car, who depended on him. How could Dean have abandoned him, and what would happen to him if Dean stayed? He had known John couldn’t be trusted to look after Sammy on his own.

So, Dean had gone with his family. But Sonny had insisted he take the guitar he had gained during his time at the Home. For the half price of which Dean had mowed lawns and done other chores for the neighbourhood, and for the other half which had been given to him as a birthday present. Dean still had that guitar, and had fiercely protected it over the years so John wouldn’t pawn or sell it for cash. It was one of the only personal things Dean really had over the years, and he had kept practicing with it, finding solace in its music especially when things got though.

He finished the song for Crowley, who gave a surprisingly enthusiastic applause.

Dean put the guitar down gently and went back over to the man as he gestured him to do.

“Well, kid, I’d say you’ve got a job, if-” Crowley started, putting up a hand to silence Dean before Dean could say anything, “If you play here once in a while, especially on the nights we get people from the university. They will fly here like birds if they hear we have an attractive new Omega bartender-slash-house musician.” Crowley smirked, holding out a hand. “Do we have a deal?”

He had a job, and he would get to play music too? What was there not to like, doing two things he really liked doing? Sure, Dean wasn’t very used to playing for strangers, but nothing could be gained without taking any risks, right? And maybe this could even lead somewhere.

He took Crowley's hand and shook it. “Deal.”

It still took Dean a few weeks longer to find a proper place to live, but at least he found he liked his job as a bartender, even if some of the drinks were a bit more complicated than he was used to. But he had always been a quick learner, and picked up what he had to do fairly quickly. He was also fortunate in that his looks gave him some of the best tips, especially if he threw in a little flirting and compliments as well. He still had money saved up and he lived as meagerly as he possibly could, still living at the cheap hotel, but he needed to make more money if he ever wanted to move on from this country and not get stuck here.

Finally, then, a few weeks into his stay in the UK, he called up a person called Charlie Bradbury, who was looking for a “relatively clean, but very fun and relaxed roommate. Preferably a guy not looking for a relationship”.

“Hello?” a female voice answered at the other end of the line, and Dean was surprised to learn Charlie was apparently either a girl or had a girlfriend who answered his phone.

“Yeah, hello, my name is Dean Winchester, I’m calling about the roommate ad?”

“Oh, hi! Am I mistaken, or are you a fellow ‘Yankee’?” Charlie queried, and now that she was talking more, Dean could indeed hear that she also lacked the distinct British accent most people around here possessed.

“Yeah, I’m an American. You are too?”

“Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! Hey, how about we meet up for coffee, so I can see you in person and we can tell each other how we ended up across the pond?”

Charlie gave him the address and the directions to a cafe nearby, where Dean promised to meet her in about an hour. Charlie had turned out to be a redheaded young Beta woman around Dean’s age, who was studying computer coding at Cambridge and needed a new roommate because she had just split up with her live-in girlfriend.

“That’s why I’d prefer a male roommate this time. My ex was my roommate before we became a couple, and, you know, it’s kind of messy when suddenly you’re not together anymore and can barely look at each other, yet have to live under the same roof because that’s what you were doing before and one of you can’t find a new place to stay,” she explained. Dean caught on quickly that she was only into women, but didn’t touch on it. It wasn’t as if he was in any position to judge, and, to be honest, it was probably better for him as well if there could never be anything but friendship between the two of them. If Dean was going to split town sometime soon, he didn’t need deeper attachments to distract him, which was what he told Charlie.

“So you’re doing the whole ‘see the world before I’m too old and boring’ gig? That’s awesome!” Charlie exclaimed, clapping her hands together enthusiastically as Dean told her more about his plans. He left Sam’s departure creating a gaping hole in his gut out of his narrative on purpose, though he did mention he had a little brother who was going to college back in the home country.

He pretty soon decided he liked Charlie’s bubbly, cheerful and open-minded look on life, and apparently the feeling was mutual, because Charlie was ready for him to move in as soon as he was able to look through the roommate contract and agree to it. Dean took the copy of it that Charlie had brought with him, promising to get back to her soon.

That weekend, he moved to the second bedroom at Charlie’s place, which was not very far from the Cambridge university campus. It had enough space for two people to live in comfortably, it was clean, and had such a good TV, video game set and collection of movies that Dean wanted to weep with joy. He had gone out without much entertainment or access to media during his days at the hotel. And now he had all this for a very affordable rent.

“How can you afford this place with just this much rent from a roommate? Your parents wealthy or something?” Dean asked as Charlie watched him put away his things from the doorway of his new bedroom. It was ready with a bed, a desk and a dresser and comfortable enough, if slightly bare.

A flash of pain passed across Charlie’s face as Dean mentioned her parents, but she quickly perked up, giving Dean a rather eerie smile. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Dean blinked, but didn’t ask her again about anything money-related or family-related. Still, as they got to know each other better, sharing the same space, he quickly decided he rather liked Charlie and came to consider her a new friend. They had very similar tastes in books, movies and music, and when they had nothing better to do, they often found themselves watching something from Charlie’s collection or talking about their favorite TV shows. Charlie never seemed like she had to work or study, but he didn’t dare question that either. He quickly came to realize that Charlie had things to hide, and Dean respected that. It wasn’t like he also didn’t have stuff he didn't exactly wish to tell Charlie, if for no other reason than that she might kick him out if she found out.

Life went on like that for a while. Dean avoided making deeper connections with people, so it wouldn’t be as difficult to leave them behind (and truth to be told, he had always been the kind of guy who liked to keep his social circle small but intimate), but he still spent much of his time with Charlie and sometimes went to a few social events with his co-workers from the bar if they managed to schedule a time that was suitable for all of them.

It was on a Friday in September, when there was a change to Dean’s routine.


	2. Chapter one

The bar was packed with people that night. Students came in large groups and Crowley had hired a band for the night that was playing music that people were dancing to, all wearing nice club clothes and probably flirting more than a little. Dean almost wished he could join them, but alas, he was stuck behind the bar mixing drinks. Well, at least a few Alpha girls were flirting with him. He rather blatantly ignored the Alpha guys, who tended to either start with shitty pick-up lines, thought way too highly of themselves, or were stuttering shy messes who had probably never been with anyone. And they all always smelled terrible, the knotheads reminding Dean all too much of things he’d rather forget, and the virgins just having too prudent sexual smells along with being far too sweaty. There were reasons Dean normally didn’t hook up with Alpha men, after all.

It was a few hours into the night, when Dean smelled it. Somehow, amidst all the smell of sweat and liquor and all the other humans mixing together, it stood out to Dean like a lighthouse in a storm. It smelled like…like a Kansas summer storm right before it started to rain in earnest and a Christmas tree pine mixed together, making Dean think of his childhood before his mother had passed. It was a powerful, Alpha smell, but not obnoxious in the way the knothead smells tended to be. No, this Alpha commanded respect just because of what radiated from him. He didn’t demand it with words, but rather earned it with his form. Dean kept trying to find the source of it, but it always eluded him, and there were just too many people it could be coming from. It came and went in turns, sometimes getting closer and then fading into the mass. Dean just wished he could see that Alpha. If he could find him, he swore, if the Alpha was willing, Dean would be going home with him tonight. He smelled so good that Dean was willing to make an exception for him.

Finally, after maybe an hour to Dean first catching that smell, it started to get stronger again. And stronger, and stronger. Now Dean was looking for the source of it almost frantically, willing himself not to lose it again, when—

“Excuse me?” A gravelly voice, equally alluring to Dean as that smell, caught his attention and Dean turned to look up at the face of what was probably the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. He was quite tall, but not quite up to Dean’s height, and dressed in a weirdly inappropriate fashion to go to a bar – a light blue button-up and some jeans. He had dark brown hair that was spiked up in a messy way that still somehow managed to look stylish and like that was the exact look he had been going for. His eyes were a clear blue color, and slightly hooded underneath his brows. And his mouth, God his mouth was all full and pink and looked so soft and Dean wanted to kiss and bite it right now—

“I’m sorry, are you quite all right?” The man, the Alpha, spoke again, this time a bit louder to be heard properly over the music, and Dean realized he had been caught staring.

“I’m sorry. What would you like, sir?” Dean asked, but as he took a breath after saying that, he realised that this man, this Alpha, was the source of that terrific smell he had been searching the source of for the better part of the hour. And suddenly the man seemed even hotter than before, and Dean found it a little hard to keep looking him in the eye, now that he could put a face to the scent. It was only making his attraction worse and he was actually worried he was going to start getting a little wet here, right in the middle of his workplace.

“A strawberry daiquiri and a beer, please – whatever is on tap will do.”

“Coming right up,” Dean said, and managed to put a little bit of his usual charm into it with the little smile at the corner of his mouth that he knew made his eyes sparkle in a rather specific way. But right after, for some reason, he immediately felt bad. This wasn’t like in the past, and the Alpha wasn’t just some client - he didn’t need to be putting on some kind of an act on him. It felt wrong to put him in the same category as any others.

By now, he had learned to mix the requested drink effortlessly, completing it swiftly before pouring some beer into a glass, calculating the price in his head. He handed the drinks over and told the price.

The Alpha rummaged through his pockets for cash, which Dean thought was strangely adorable for some reason, and paid him.

“Keep the change, please.” The stranger turned to leave, and Dean was just about to try and come up with any excuse to make him stay, when the Alpha stopped suddenly with an “oh,” evidently seeing something Dean wasn’t seeing. Then he walked over to one of the small side-tables near the bar instead, setting the daiquiri down and took a sip of his beer.

Dean kept staring at him between customers, following his gaze to where he was looking at. He was clearly watching the dance floor. Dean couldn’t make out who exactly he was looking at. He seemed pleased, though, like whatever he was seeing there was something he had been hoping would happen.

The Alpha finished his beer, and came over for a refill, as Dean had been hoping he would. He quickly took a whiff of his wonderful scent, though he made sure to be discreet about it.

“Could I have another one, please?” the man asked, and Dean set onto taking care of the task. But this time he was determined not to let the man leave without engaging him in at least a bit of conversation. Especially when it seemed impossible to tell what he was thinking, either by his scent or his face.

“So, you here by yourself?” Dean asked, as he handed over the guy’s beer. This time, having found a free stool at the bar, he didn’t go back over to his little table. Dean was thrilled at the thought, hoping maybe he could have a chance of getting into this Alpha’s bed after all.

“Not originally. I was here with my friend Anna, but her attention seems to have been stolen.” He didn’t seem too upset about this; in fact, he smiled mildly. There was something pure and winter-like about his scent that seemed to indicate contentment and happiness as he said this and Dean found his smile unnaturally alluring.

“Kind of a dick move, to leave you by yourself,” Dean said, but phrased it like a question rather than an angry statement.

The Alpha shrugged, and didn’t stop smiling, still smelling happy as well. “Perhaps a bit, but it was expected. She asked me to accompany her here because an acquaintance of hers, Ruby, that she is quite infatuated with, mentioned she was going to be here, and Anna needed some encouragement to come. Rather absurdly, perhaps, for I have it on good authority that Ruby is quite taken with her as well, but I could not let her come here alone with good conscience.”

“So, she ditched you for her crush?” Dean asked.

The Alpha nodded. “They are on the dance floor right now, standing quite close to one another. I can only hope Anna remembers to inform me before she leaves.”

Dean took a moment to think about what to say next. “So…you said you only came because your friend asked you to. This not your usual scene, then?”

The man chuckled, and it was a lovely, beautiful, breathy sound to Dean’s ears. He found inexplicable joy in having caused that sound, as he also did in the wintery happy scent he could smell coming off the Alpha. 

“I suppose not. I am more of an indoors-type of person, though there is certainly some appeal to getting out of my apartment once in a while, it seems.” As he said this, he looked straight into Dean’s eyes, and Dean felt himself blush and…yeah, that was definitely a little slick that escaped there. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the guy to smell that or not. It was a bit embarrassing how taken he was by this total stranger, but that…had to have been a flirtation, right? He still couldn’t quite read the guy’s scent to know for sure. He didn’t seem aroused, but he did seem pleased to be in Dean’s company at least. And Dean actually found he liked it better that way.

Dean decided to go with something obvious next, to avoid things from getting too awkward in case he was reading the signals wrong. And in any case, it would probably be good to know, no matter how things turned out tonight. “I’m Dean.”

The Alpha smiled a little wider, revealing a straight row of pearly white teeth and a little bit of pink gums. “It is very nice to meet you, Dean. My name is Castiel.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “That’s an interesting name.”

Castiel chuckled a little again, though there was a sad tinge to his scent now, almost bitter. “My Alpha Mother was obsessed with naming all her children after angels. As far as I am concerned, I got off easy. My older brother was given the name Lucifer.”

Dean gasped out a surprised laugh. “No way! You’re making that up!”

Castiel kept smiling and there was good humor in his expression and scent. “I can assure you I am not. He has, however, changed his name to Luke by now. I, myself, tend to prefer to go by Cas.”

Dean smirked a little, leaning against the bar counter so he could get closer to Castiel. “Well then, Cas, I must say that it’s quite nice to meet you, too.”

Dean had to leave his new acquaintance for a bit to serve another customer. He could feel Castiel’s eyes follow him as he went, and made sure to put a little swing to his hips as an enticement, before glancing over his shoulder at the Alpha. Having been caught, he blushed, but Dean only smiled. And when Castiel after a few moments raised his eyes again to see that, he gave Dean a hesitant smile in return. They kept smiling at one another all the way until Dean returned behind the bar.

“So, Dean, may I inquire of you what a man like you is doing all the way here in the UK, since judging by your accent you are quite clearly an American. Are you a student here?”

“Yeah, I am American, no, I am not a student here.” Dean sighed a little, cleaning the countertop with a rag, getting a bit tired of explaining this to everyone. “I’m just sorta…travelling for now I guess. Trying to see the world. I’ve been pretty much all over the States growing up, but I’ve never really left North America, so I thought, why not? I’m thinking of doing odd jobs like this a bit all over, saving money ‘til I have enough to get to my next destination and to get things going once I get there. This is just my first pit stop.”

“I see. That will be quite an adventure for you then, I am sure,” Castiel said with a small smile, but there was something sad that seemed to linger in his eyes as well. “How long are you staying here, then? Do you know?”

Dean shrugged. “Probably a few more months, just to see more of what the life is like here. I’ll see how things turn out from there on out.”

Castiel nodded once, his eyes now on his beer, which he took a sip from. He looked so pathetic and smelled so sad and disappointed all of a sudden, that it strangely gave Dean a boost of confidence and he decided to just be bold and go for it. After all, he had come here to get new experiences, right? So why not try and get with the hottest Alpha man he had ever seen or smelled? What was the worst that could happen?

“My shift ends in about an hour,” Dean stated, making Castiel look up in surprise. “I’d like if you took me home with you then.”

Castiel’s mouth opened. He seemed to be at a loss for words, his scent all stilled shock. He kept opening and closing his mouth, unable to actually say anything though he tried to start many times.

Dean was starting to get a little worried. “I mean, no pressure here, okay? I’m not usually this bold, I swear, but I just thought…”

“Yes.” Castiel stated suddenly, setting his beer down on the counter with a loud thump, his scent suddenly a myriad of emotions that Dean couldn’t read. “Yes, I’d like to take you home with me.”

Dean’s face spread into a grin. Score! “Awesome! Just wait for me, okay? And maybe go tell your friend? And…is there a roommate we should worry about?”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I live alone. We’ll have the needed privacy.” He finished his beer, and stood up. “I’ll be waiting at my earlier table. I’ll go find Anna now.”

So he disappeared to the mass of people and Dean tried his best to focus on his job and finish his shift with honor. Thankfully, the people were slowly starting to spread out to the dance floor, drunk enough for now, and Dean didn’t need to do that much until his shift ended. Afterwards, he went to quickly pick up his things, called Charlie from the bar phone briefly to let her know not to expect him home until morning, to which his roommate said, “You dog. Dean! Go you, and have some on me, too!”

When he finished, he went to find Cas.

Dean found him, as promised, at his earlier little table. The strawberry daiquiri was gone from it now, probably having been handed over to his friend Anna.

“Wanna get out of here?” Dean asked with a smirk.

Castiel replied with a smile. “Please.”

Cas lived within a 15-minute walking distance from the bar, apparently, which they quickly decided to indeed make on foot. Dean went to work by biking, so he walked the bike with him, not wanting to leave it at the bar for the rest of the night. The night air was cool and made both their breaths frost in the air, but the sky was clear and full of stars, the moon gleaming white amongst them. For the first few minutes the pair walked in a semi-awkward silence, Dean attempting to steal quick glances at the man who he would soon be sharing a bed with and to make out what he might be thinking from his scent, with little to no success. Cas led them through the mostly empty streets in the right direction. In the view granted by the streetlights, the Alpha looked stunningly beautiful, his clear blue eyes glowing and his tan skin reflecting the meagre warmth of the yellow streetlights, his eyelashes creating shadows upon his cheeks when he blinked. Dean gulped.

“Dean?” Castiel said, looking over at Dean over his shoulder and Dean realized to his embarrassment that he had stopped in his tracks simply to stare at the man.

“Oh, sorry, I was caught in my thoughts,” Dean mumbled sheepishly, catching up to where Cas was waiting.

But Cas didn’t begin moving again. Instead, he turned to properly face Dean, stepping slightly closer and meeting Dean’s eyes head-on. Man, his eyes really were something else. There was that strange intensity to his gaze again, making Dean feel both like the Alpha could see right through him into his soul, but also like the whole surrounding world disappeared around them. It was as though it was just him and Castiel in the middle of some empty void, rather than the night streets of Cambridge. It was rather intimidating to be the target of such an intense stare, and a part of Dean wished to look away, but it was like there was a force between their eyes that prevented him from averting his gaze.

“Dean,” Castiel began, his tone soft but with something akin to disappointment in his eyes and scent, as well as worry. “Are you having second thoughts about this?”

“What?” Dean blurted, stunned. Of all the things he had imagined Castiel might say, that had not been one of them. “No! Why would you think that?”

Castiel shrugged slightly, but his eyes never left Dean’s, his worry not ceasing. “I just want you to know that even though we left together, I have no intention of going through with anything unless you are certain you wish for it to happen as well. You are not under any obligation to come further with me if you would rather go home instead.”

Was this guy for real? Dean couldn’t smell any dishonesty on him; in fact, Cas was projecting rather profound sincerity and worry, although there was still a hint of sourness indicating disappointment there too. But this was something Dean had never been exposed to with anyone he had ever planned to have any sort of sexual relations with, much less with an Alpha. They generally never asked anything related to what he was willing or not willing to do, they just looked at him, made their offer and then Dean would have to make his demands before they got down to business for real. After that, he was willing to do almost anything for the right offer, so long as there were always condoms involved.

But never had an Alpha wanted to make sure he was completely okay with what was going to happen. Even Cassie hadn’t gone that far, but then, sex with her had always tended to be almost animalistic in how fast and hard it happened. And yeah, Dean hadn’t exactly minded that, but still.

Huh, strange actually, how this Alpha’s nickname and his ex’s name were so alike.

But then he realized Castiel was still waiting on for an answer from him, so Dean said, “I promise, I’m 100% on board with this. I mean, I admit that it’s been a while, but I really wanna go home with you tonight. I mean, I could do a lot worse, right?”

Castiel hummed out a soft puff of laughter, smiling in a way that to Dean looked a bit self-deprecating. The worry wasn’t completely gone from his scent either, but there was truly something incredibly captivating about the way he smiled anyway.

“Then follow me, please,” Castiel gestured forward, and they picked up the pace, returning to their previous silence.

After a few moments, Dean broke it once more. “Thanks for…you know, asking.”

Castiel looked at him again then, this time frowning. There was something like fire in his scent, indicating anger. He almost growled out his words. 

“Consent should never be expected. It should always, always, always be asked, multiple times a night preferably.” He left out an irritated huff, and God, Dean had problems, because he swore this guy was even hotter when he was getting all righteously furious on the behalf of Dean’s non-existent virtue. Dean even had the feeling Castiel probably wished to berate Dean for his choice in bedpartners, but didn’t want to hurt Dean’s feelings. Or maybe he just wished not to drive away the hot piece of ass he was hoping to ravish tonight, but all Dean knew about him so far told him differently. That maybe Cas really was angry that Dean hadn’t been treated better by people that he had taken to bed before, as though Dean deserved to be treated better than that.

Not wanting to go where that train of thought was leading right now, Dean decided to change the subject, and found one as he thought about Cas’ speech patterns further now that he was able to hear him better away from the noises of the pub. “You sound a little different than most of the people I’ve met here so far. Where are you from?”

Castiel turned to look at him, his blue eyes slightly widened in surprise. “I’m surprised you could tell; most people can’t anymore, as I’ve been here for so many years now and have picked up the local accent. I am actually American, like yourself. I suppose one of the reasons I was somewhat curious about you was that I had heard there was a new bartender at Heaven & Hell who was also a ‘yankee’.”

Dean blinked. “Wow, really?” But now that he knew what to look for, he could indeed tell there were still some American leftover tones in Castiel’s speech, though underneath the Britishness he had picked up it was difficult to tell which part of the States he originated from. 

“Can I ask then, what are you doing this far away from our home and native land?” Dean tried to keep the tone light, but hoped he managed to indicate that he wouldn’t mind if Cas didn’t share. It wasn’t like this was going to become anything more serious than a night of fun together, after all.

Castiel frowned, his scent turning murky and dark, and Dean was just about to insist he didn’t need to tell him, when Castiel said, “I mentioned my family earlier. I’m afraid the complicatedness in that area exceeds us children having rather specific names. I wished to get as far away from all of that as possible, so I came here, all the way across the ocean. Aside from that, Cambridge is an excellent school and I am privileged to be able to study here.”

“Sorry about your family, man,” Dean said, and wondered briefly if it would be weird to put his hand on the guy’s shoulder. Then decided that yeah, definitely weird and too intimate. “But you must be super-smart to be able to study here.”

Castiel huffed another one of those self-decapitating laughs, the murkiness not completely gone from his scent. “Either that, or the influence of my family name carries further than I thought.” Dean was just about to ask, when Cas stopped in front of a building. It was painted yellow and had three stores, nine windows visible on this side where it was squeezed between other two buildings. 

“This is where I live,” he said, turning to Dean again. “Do you still wish to join me?”

Dean grinned. “Hell yeah.”

Castiel smiled for real then, and there was now both sweet happiness in his scent and something that could only be excitement and the beginnings of arousal. It made Dean’s knees a bit weak and made him further realize that this was really happening. He was really going to have sex with this incredibly gorgeous Alpha. He was starting to get slightly nervous, but in no way to a degree that he wanted to back out of this, even though he was fairly certain Cas actually wouldn’t hold it against him and would let him go on his way.

But no. Dean wanted this. He couldn’t even remember when he’d last wanted to have sex with someone this badly, let alone an Alpha man. Must’ve been back with Cassie and dammit, he should really stop thinking about his ex when about to get down and dirty with someone else, because thinking of Cassie and by that inevitably how things had been left off always put a damper on Dean’s mood.

Castiel opened the front door for Dean with a key once Dean had locked his bike outside, and led him to the second floor and to his door. It didn’t have a name sign on it, just the apartment number.

“I apologize for the mess in advance,” Castiel said with a sheepish yet sly smirk, before he unlocked the door.

Truth to be told, it wasn’t all that messy. At least there were no dirty dishes in the sink or anywhere else. There were, however, books and papers laid out on basically every available surface. But the place was roomy enough for one person, with a nice little kitchen just to the left of Dean when he stepped beyond the entrance, a living room space further from that, and to the right just before that space was the bedroom, the door to it slightly ajar. The bed was king-sized and properly made, with decorative pillows and all resting on the white bedspread. Dean couldn’t wait to see and feel what it would be like to have sex in it.

“Can I get you anything?” Castiel asked politely as he stepped inside after Dean.

But Dean shook his head. He was done talking, and he was pretty sure Cas could smell it too. “No thanks. Just you will do.” He smirked.

Castiel smiled a little back at that, thrums of excitement and arousal now in full force in his scent. Dean was starting to get the feeling the dude didn’t smile all that much or that widely; that he had a subtle way of working his expressions, the same way his scent seemed almost secretive at times. “Then…may I kiss you, to start with?”

“Go right ahead.”

And Castiel did. And it seemed that after Dean had given his permission, all bets were off. Castiel kissed him like there was no tomorrow, like there was nothing he would rather be doing than putting his lips against Dean’s and showing him how much he appreciated Dean having come back home with him. His lips were incredibly soft and his kisses firm in just the right way. He gave everything he had and demanded none of what Dean didn’t wish to give. But Dean had always been a sucker for a good kisser, and gave back with just as much enthusiasm, opening his mouth for Cas to explore and doing some digging of his own after the Alpha gave him the cue to do so. At the same time, they felt up each other’s bodies over their clothes, soft and strangely unhurried in contrast to the enthusiastic and deep kisses, engulfed in their aroused scents joining together as one. They didn’t even really feel up the real sexy bits, just each other’s backs and necks and heads. And yet the almost tease of it was making Dean harder and harder and wetter and wetter, and he needed to get out of these clothes, yesterday.

Dean began to back away, hoping Castiel would realize what he was doing rather than stop kissing him, and thankfully the man did, probably being able to smell Dean’s slick. The two of them stumbled into the bedroom, trying their best to keep on kissing as they did. Everything was more hurried now, and it was getting Dean further and further into the mood. They fell onto the bed together, Castiel looming over him. Their eyes met once more. Castiel’s pupils were blown wide and black, his gaze intense, his hair a beautiful mess from where Dean had been running his fingers through it. He was panting slightly, filling the room with his addictive and arousing smell, and Dean could feel the press of his erection against his own thigh. He could also feel himself let out slick at the expectant pressure of it.

“Do you still wish to go on?” Castiel mumbled, his voice even deeper, wrecked from Dean’s tongue down his throat and the tense expectation air of the situation.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Dean mumbled, and with a single nod, Castiel kissed him again, deep and intent, but at the same time with his hand resting on the side of Dean’s throat, oddly tender for a stranger. A few of Dean’s men had done that to him in the past, seeming to get off on the idea of having him for their own rather than being rough on him, but this was so different and Dean wasn’t even completely sure why. But it probably had something to do with the fact that he had chosen Castiel, had wanted to go home with him and be here with him. This wasn’t an obligation to Dean; it was just something he wanted to do. And that made all the difference in the world.

Cas lifted himself up a little, beginning to slowly undress Dean, removing the flannel from his shoulders. Dean got the memo, and began to unbutton Cas’s shirt. On impulse, he leaned over a bit and kissed his neck as he did, going down on his chest as he freed more buttons. Cas made a soft noise at the back of his throat and his hand found Dean’s hair, stroking it up and down gently. Dean found this a bit odd, but he liked to have his hair touched so he didn’t mind. He looked up as he passed Castiel’s rather impressive pecks to look at his face, and the expression surprised him. There was arousal there, yes, but also sparkles of something like amazement. Like Castiel couldn’t believe he was here, with Dean, allowed to have him kiss his chest and be surrounded by his smell and body, and the pleasure they brought to him. And it all made Dean blush rather vividly, and made him a bit more nervous.

It seemed Cas could smell it, because he again asked, “Do you wish to stop?”

Dean was still blushing, he could feel it, but having seen and felt Cas’ chest had made him even more curious about the rest of his body, and he said, “Hell no,” meeting Castiel’s gaze head on.

Castiel nodded, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt by himself and taking it off. Dean followed his cue and took off his t-shirt, leaving them both bare-chested. And yeah, Cas was all nice toned muscles, but not in that body-building sort of way that Dean had never really fancied all that much. Cas though, Cas was just right. Broad shouldered and strong arms, but slim at the same time, his skin wonderfully warmly tan. It made Dean bit self-conscious to be honest, having developed a bit more of a belly after coming to the UK. He still wasn’t fat or even exactly chubby, but he had lost the toned abs he had previously had and had gained some softness instead. He blamed the fact that Charlie always had so many snacks available at their apartment.

But when he looked at Castiel again, there was still that same look of amazement on his face; if anything, it had only become increased. As had the aroused smell in the room.

“Gorgeous,” Castiel murmured, as if guessing Dean’s thoughts. Or maybe he could just smell him. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

They kissed again, Dean falling back to lay down on the bed fully. After a few slow and deep kisses, Castiel began to kiss down Dean’s throat, down onto his chest much like Dean had done for him before, but because Dean was completely shirtless, Castiel had more access and got to work on Dean’s nipples once he reached them. And he did not fuck around with his technique either, using his mouth and tongue generously, helping the nipple that was missing in on the action with his fingers. He quickly had Dean arching his back, making embarrassingly loud noises and practically gushing slick into his underwear.

“Do you like this? Do you wish for me to keep going?” Castiel queried, almost annoyingly polite, like he was just talking about the weather or something. If Dean wasn’t so surrounded by both of their aroused scents, he might’ve thought Castiel wasn’t affected at all by what he was doing to Dean.

Dean could only nod frantically in frustration and pleasure, but then a thought occurred to him. “Could I just…get out of my pants first? Before I completely ruin them?”

He wondered if he should worry about ruining Castiel’s bedspread as well, but figured his pants were more important for the sake of making it home in somewhat decent shape later, so he decided not to care. With an, “Of course,” Castiel slid off from hovering over Dean long enough to assist Dean out of his pants and underwear, giving him an appreciative once-over once he was in the nude, lying on Castiel’s bed. Dean blushed again, but gave Castiel and his own pants a meaningful, almost daring look. Castiel met it with a smirk, removing his own legwear and kicking them away.

And okay…wow. Cas was nice and big, uncut and already standing red at attention, curving a little to the side as it did. It had to be one of the nicest dicks Dean had ever laid eyes on, and he had seen a lot of dicks in his day. Cas also had sharp hipbones and powerful-looking legs, making Dean wonder if he ran. And also if he could support Dean’s taller body enough to fuck him against the wall.

But for now, Cas went back to his task on Dean’s nipples, this time around starting with the one he hadn’t had his mouth on before. He used a bit more teeth now, and yeah, Dean found he really liked that when it was done right. And Cas sure did it right. Dean was so fucking wet now, probably really ruining Cas’s bedspread, arching his bed and moaning and sighing with nearly every move Cas made. For Dean, this was all off to a pretty great start. At least Cas seemed to know what he was doing, and Dean saw no reason to tell him to stop. So he let Cas keep going, all the way until Dean reached his first orgasm.

He only came a little from his dick, as was normal for Omega males, but he was leaking slick like there is no tomorrow, and the afterglow of coming left him warm, relaxed and satisfied.

Castiel stopped his ministrations on Dean’s nipples then, and gives him what is the largest version of his smile Dean had seen so far, accompanied with joy underneath his aroused scent. He was clearly very pleased with himself. Dean couldn’t bear to take that away from him with a sarcastic comment, and settled for just smiling back. He was certain Cas was now going to ask him if it was okay for him to finally put his dick in Dean or something along those lines, but instead, what he said was, “Tell me at any time if you wish for me to stop.”

And then he just started kissing Dean’s body all over, progressing lower and lower little by little. He planted both sweet soft kisses and something more akin to bites on his skin, especially around Dean’s soft middle. Finally, he reached the lower parts of Dean’s body and Dean was wondering if he was one of those Alphas that liked to suck a dick or something – which was unusual in Dean’s experience but definitely not something he was against – but he didn’t touch the part of Dean where Dean was most eager to have him. No, instead, he alternated between Dean’s both legs going down, then lifted Dean’s lower body up so that his legs were resting over Castiel’s shoulders, licking along his inner thighs and…

He gave Dean’s entrance one exploratory lick. It was enough to make Dean shiver. Was this guy for real? Dean had had a few people willing to suck his dick when he was in bed with someone that actually cared about his pleasure and knew something about how to give it to an Omega man, but this? This had only been done to Dean a handful of times, and it had always been one of the most incredible things he had ever had done to his body. But not all that many were willing to go there, especially if they had already managed to make him come once.

“Cas….” Dean groaned.

Castiel immediately raised his head in alarm from between Dean’s legs, his scent as concerned as his expression. “Do you wish to stop? Or just not do this particular thing?”

“No, no, neither, just…” Dean mumbled, face aflame with embarrassment. He couldn’t believe this guy. What kind of an Alpha needed an explanation for this? “You don’t have to go there.”

Castiel raised one questioning eyebrow in confusion. “But I want to. I desire to taste you Dean, but more than that, I yearn to give you pleasure.”

And Dean wasn’t sure how he was able to blush even hotter while still maintaining a full mast erection. “Yeah, but…you already did. I mean, you did catch that, right?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, his voice soft, “but you can go multiple times, right? And such an ability should be celebrated like the gift it is, especially when you Omegas go through so much other shit in this world.” And fuck if Cas cursing wasn’t another thing that just made him hotter in Dean’s eyes, especially when his scent flared up with righteous anger like that. “If there is nothing else stopping you from wanting me to do this, Dean, other than the fact you think I should not have to, please allow me to do this for you. As I said, I yearn, even ache, to give you as much pleasure as I can. When I saw and smelled you tonight, I swore to myself that if I could ever have the privilege of having you in my bed, I would do my utmost to worship your body as it, and you, deserves to be worshipped.”

Dean didn’t know what the fuck ever to even say to all that. He felt like he should tell Cas that that wasn’t the typical pillow talk you gave to a one-night stand, but it was just so flattering to hear him speak like that without any kind of embarrassment or reservation that Dean just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. All he could really do was gush out more slick at what he supposed was Cas’ attempt at dirty talk, and Lord, how messed up was it that it was actually working on Dean? But man, it was just such a turn-on to have an Alpha seemingly ready to work so Dean for once could have the best sexual experience Cas could provide for him, rather than just sticking it in and not even caring to see if Dean had actually reached climax.

So, all Dean in the end did was mumble out a quiet, “Yeah, okay, you can go for it.”

And it was all Castiel needed to hear. He began his work with short, teasing licks, alternating between Dean’s hole, and the areas surrounding it, even licking Dean’s balls here and there, causing him to make a sound he would deny to his grave mostly resembled a squeak. As Dean produced more slick, Cas lapped it all up, like Dean’s juices were the sweetest nectar to him. Slowly, he got to work in earnest, beginning to lick Dean deeper, sucking up his slick as fast and best as he could. His stubble scratched Dean’s delicate skin, but it just made Dean more turned on with its arousing contrast to Castiel’s soft but firm tongue, and soon he was coming for the second time, almost yelling out the Alpha’s name, before Castiel even got to the main course.

But Dean coming didn’t even slow Castiel down. No, if anything it only made his efforts more enthusiastic, as if he was wishing to see just how fast he could make Dean come right after. He got to work in earnest, grazing Dean’s walls all over with his tongue, plunging it in and out while not neglecting the entrance, fucking Dean with his tongue almost like it was his cock. There was no way Dean could keep his voice down anymore, tears springing into his eyes with the strength of the wave of pleasure washing over him, breathing in the mixed aroused smells of him and Castiel, and then he was coming, coming again, hard and fast and with a shout of, “Cas!”

Cas lapped at him a few more times, gently easing out as Dean came down from his high wave of orgasm, chest heaving as he panted. Dean was fairly sure he had actually blacked out for a second there out of the sheer pleasure of it all. If Cas’ goal had been to make Dean get multiple orgasms, well, Dean would just have to congratulate him on a job well done.

Cas rose away from between Dean’s legs, and Dean could observe clear as day the effects of his two orgasms on his face, shining and wet. And dammit, he should be done after three orgasms, but seeing the proof of those orgasms on the face of the man who had given them to him just got him going all over again. Which was probably just as well, because Cas was still standing hard at attention, his cock starting to look quite red and his balls almost purple. There was a pearl of precome at the head, and Dean wondered if he should ask if he should blow Cas. But what he really wanted, truth to be told, was to have that dick where Cas’ tongue had been just a minute ago, already beginning to imagine what it would feel like. But at the same time, it was probably selfish to have already gained three orgasms and not have given this man any, so wouldn’t blowing him and not getting a fourth orgasm even things out a bit?

“How did that feel?” Castiel queried after wiping his face with his arm, his tone and expression strangely innocent, as if he was talking about giving Dean flowers rather than having just made him come twice on his tongue.

“Hm’awesome,” Dean hummed, not really capable of proper speech quite yet. “I could suck…for you?”

“If that is what you wish, Dean,” Castiel said. “But my goal tonight is just to please you. You do not have to give anything in return for what I give you.”

Dean was becoming a bit more coherent now, so he said, “I want you to have something too. I’m down with anything, so long as you wear a condom.”

Cas’ eyes darkened again, just staring at Dean, and his scent gained another notch that screamed of arousal.

“Then…may I fuck you, Dean?”

Dean wasn’t that surprised. Putting your dick in an Omega’s hole was considered the greatest source of pleasure for an Alpha, but from Cas he didn’t mind it. In fact, he was thrilled, because it gave him the chance to have what he’d also wanted; to have Cas inside of him.

Still…

“You sure?” Dean wanted to be certain Cas wasn’t just humoring him, because the Alpha seemed to be strangely attuned to Dean’s wants and cues, and Dean really wanted to give him what he desired the most, rather than what he was doing just to please Dean.

But the look on Castiel’s face was so earnest and his scent so sincere when he said, “Please,” that Dean had no choice but to take him up for his word.

So, he nodded and asked, “You got that condom?”

Castiel replied with a nod of his own, reaching over to his bedside table drawer, where there was a pack of condoms. He took one, but before he could open it, Dean took it from him. “Let me.”

At Cas’ nod of acceptance, and indeed, a little add to his aroused smell, Dean opened the condom and rolled it onto Cas’ cock like a pro. Then, he lay back once more, and let Cas slowly come and loom over him. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, before Cas gave Dean a smile and a kiss. Dean could still taste something in him that had to be his own most intimate taste. It was pretty hot to think about that.

As they parted, Cas looked into Dean’s eyes again. “Are you certain I can do this?”

And Dean didn’t hesitate to answer, “Hell yeah!”

And so, Castiel positioned himself. He lifted Dean’s legs over his shoulders once more, lifting his bottom slightly, and then slowly pushed in. And fuck  _ yes _ . Cas’ cock filled Dean even better than his tongue had, and Dean was so wet there was hardly any resistance but Cas still took his time with getting inside, adding some thrilling tease to it. He did this probably either to control himself, which wasn’t unlikely given the hitch his breath made and the spike in his scent as the tip went in, or to make sure Dean was comfortable. With him, it could be either, or even both.

Cas paused after he was fully inside, taking time to adjust. “Are you all right?”

Dean grinned up at him. “I’m awesome, Cas. You feel so good inside. Move anytime you like.”

Castiel took a minute longer, but then began moving in earnest and fuck, it was so good. He went at it all rough and fast, just the way Dean was in the mood for, hitting Dean right in his sweet spot with nearly every thrust. He kissed Dean in the meantime, on the lips but also on his cheeks and neck and chest and everywhere he could reach without pulling out. Dean kept his hands on Castiel’s back, kissing back as much as he could. It was frantic and uncontrollable and so incredibly good that Dean was quickly brought back to the height of pleasure, letting Cas use his body as he liked, since the Alpha seemed to have Dean all figured out.

“Dean,” Castiel groaned into Dean’s shoulder. “I’m not- I’m not going to last.”

“Go ahead,” Dean murmured to his shoulder, now almost holding and embracing him, so close and intimate they were. “It’s okay. You can knot me.”

But Cas wouldn’t have that. He took a hold of Dean’s dick, beginning to wank it to the rhythm of his thrusts inside Dean, and fuck, that was bringing Dean to the edge too, once more. What was it about this man that made him so crazy with lust and pleasure, that after three orgasms he was still ready to go for one more so soon?

But that thought soon vanished, as Cas gave a few more thrusts, starting to seem desperate, and Dean realized he was waiting for Dean to finish before allowing himself to do so. So Dean focused on chasing that feeling again, that thread of pleasure and release, to get himself to that fourth orgasm so the Alpha would find it in himself to let go and come only for the first time tonight, finally. It didn’t take much longer for Dean, as he looked at Castiel’s out-of-control, desperate face, reveling in their mixed scents, felt Castiel’s cock hit his prostate over and over and his hand jerk his dick. Then, as he was about to go over the edge, he impulsively caught the back of Cas’ head and brought their lips together and that was all she wrote.

“Dean!” Cas came only what seemed like seconds after him, his knot catching at Dean’s rim and feeling huge but oh so good there. Strangely, almost like it belonged there.

Cas collapsed on top of Dean then, and Dean himself seemed to be locked somewhere within his mind for a while. Perhaps he even fell asleep for a moment, but when he came properly to, Cas’ knot was beginning to loosen and they were lying face-to-face on their sides on Cas’ bed. Cas was holding him to his chest, stroking his hair up and down gently.

“How are you feeling?” Cas murmured as he realized Dean was becoming coherent. He now smelled sated and comfortable, even comforting.

“Dude, I just had four orgasms given to me by a gorgeous Alpha, how do you think I feel?”

“…Well, hopefully good enough,” Castiel said, and was so deadpan and serious about it that Dean had to laugh.

“You sure are something else, Cas,” he said afterwards, by which time Cas’ knot had gone down enough for him to pull out. He took off the condom full of his jizz, and tied it off.

“We should go wash up. I am afraid we’ve made a rather mess of ourselves. “Cas said, and Dean agreed. He was still covered in his own minimal come and massive amounts of drying slick, though the bedspread had got the worst of it.

Castiel allowed Dean to shower first, giving him a spare towel to use. Dean had wondered if he should suggest showering together, but had a feeling that that would just lead to more sex, and he had learned the hard way in the past that shower sex was more complicated than it looked and generally left you feeling more dirty than you were before entering it. Besides, somehow, showering felt like too intimate an occurrence to experience with a one-time bedpartner, especially when Dean was pretty sure they had already crossed far too many lines of proper behavior in that area.

He only washed his body, not bothering to do his hair. He’d do that when he got home and his hair wasn’t that greasy either, since he had to always look good for the customers. Therefore, he was fairly quick, and dried himself from head to toe with Castiel’s towel before stepping over back into the bedroom.

Cas was sitting on the bed in the nude. Next to him was a bundle of neatly folded clothes.

“What’s that?” Dean asked, looking at the clothes.

Castiel blushed, averting his gaze, and that was a funny look on any Alpha, but especially on one that had pretty much made Dean leak his brains out through his dick just a few moments ago.

“I…I thought you might like some clean clothes to sleep in. I was sort of hoping you might stay the rest of the night.” Before Dean could say anything, Castiel hurried to continue. “I just mean, that it is quite late and I really wouldn’t mind and you could just make your way home in the morning especially since your roommate isn't expecting you back and—”

“Cas!” Dean yelled, holding up a hand to silence the man. “Calm down. I can stay, if you don’t mind. I’m sort of not feeling up to going back this late anyway.” Plus, he was thinking that maybe he should repay the man back for all the nice orgasms by making breakfast for him tomorrow in the very least.

Castiel’s posture relaxed, and he smiled. “I’d love that.” He stood. “Please excuse me. Feel free to change while I’m showering, and get to bed. The underwear is completely unused, I was given them as a present but they turned out to be too large for me, so don’t worry; you won’t have some soiled ones of mine or anything.” He smiled sheepishly, before going to the bathroom.

Dean unfolded the clothes. They included a simple light blue t-shirt and a pair of black – dear God – silk underwear. Dean felt them in his hands, stroking them. They were so soft and smooth, nothing like the materials he had for his regular, cheap underwear. Dean had only had something akin to this once before, and that particular thought needed to be shut down right now immediately if he wanted to get any sleep tonight and not get ready to attempt the fifth orgasm.

With a lump in his throat, he slipped into the delicate material. He almost considered just getting under the covers in his regular underwear, but they were still wet and sleeping in them was such a considerably more unpleasant thought than doing it in these soft and comfortable shorts. They were a bit large on him as well, clearly made for an Alpha customer far bigger than him or Castiel, but they felt so nice against his skin that it didn’t really matter.

Dean put on the t-shirt as well, then gathered up his own clothes and put them on the office chair in the room in front of a working desk. He stripped the bed of the bedspread, revealing neat light blue sheets and two pillows, and got under the covers. Perhaps it would be best to feign sleep to avoid any more awkwardness tonight. There was plenty more time for that tomorrow, if Dean was going to stick around long enough to make breakfast. So he took a comfortable position – and  _ damn _ this bed was even better for sleeping than for fucking – and closed his eyes.

He was almost asleep by the time he felt the bed dip and Castiel get in. But he could still vaguely feel the light press of a kiss on his head, and hear the low mumble of, “Good night, Dean,” before he truly fell asleep, lulled by that inviting Alpha smell Castiel had, mixed with the body soap Dean had also used in the man’s shower.

…

Dean woke up the next morning to the light hitting him in the face from the ajar bedroom door, through which the living room window was bringing in the morning sunlight. He slowly opened his eyes, for a moment confused about his whereabouts, before he heard the soft snores behind him, smelled the one creating them, and felt his breathing at his neck and warmth at his back. Right, he had slept over at Cas’. Who was apparently currently spooning him in his sleep.

Well, not spooning exactly, as he didn’t have his arm wrapped around Dean or anything. They were just sort of…huddled together for warmth. But it still probably violated even more one-night stand rules, and Dean decided it would be far less trouble to get up now and get started on that breakfast than to stick around and have to talk this out with Cas. Even if doing that would mean getting more sleep. So, he slowly and carefully wiggled his way out of bed, doing his best not to rouse his bed mate, then stepped out of the room and closed the door quietly shut behind him.

Now that it was daylight, Dean realized what a nice apartment Cas actually had. It all looked pretty new, probably having been renovated in the recent years, and there was quite enough space for one person. That probably meant Cas’ family not only had reputation and prestige, but also wealth to go with them. The silk underpants Dean was wearing indicated the same; there was a reason Dean didn’t own any underwear like this. Well, money, and that other reason that he was not thinking about. But the fact that Cas had left them unused also spoke of a man who was used to finer things in life, wrong size or no.

Dean wandered over to Cas’ fridge, but found it painfully empty. There was only half a carton of milk, a bottle of orange juice, some eggs, butter, cheese, and ham in there. Cas wasn’t much of a cook, apparently. The cupboards weren’t much better, as all Dean really found there was cereal and toast. He decided to make omelets and fried cheese toast, because that was all he really could manage with this.

It took him a moment to locate the cookware, but when he did, he put two frying pans on the stove, letting them warm up. In the meantime, he split the ham into small pieces, and mixed that with the eggs he had broken into a bowl. Then he put some butter on one of the frying pans to ease the cooking, before pouring the mixed egg batter in and letting it cook. Afterwards, he placed four slices of bread on the other pan, putting cheese in between two slices which he stacked on top of one another, and let them cook as well. He adjusted the egg batter once in a while so it would cook evenly, turning the sandwiches over as well. He then placed some plates on Castiel’s table after stacking more books on top of one another to make room for them to eat. Cas clearly had a spot where he ate at the table by himself, but no space for a guest. It made Dean wonder how often he actually had company over.

Dean had just put his first omelet and the cheese toasts on plates, and was starting on the second omelet, when Cas emerged from his bedroom, eyes all squinty and hair all ruffled, his posture not at its best. Dean got the feeling he was not a morning person.

“Dean, you…you made breakfast?” he mumbled roughly as he stepped over to the kitchen, stepping over to the coffee maker Dean hadn’t been able to figure out how to use and starting a fresh pot. He smelled sleepy and a bit cranky.

Dean shrugged. “Thought it was the least I could do after such a night,” he said, trying to make it sound as though this was something he did for all his one-night stands. “You can have the first omelet, and there’s cheese toast, too.”

Cas nodded, put waited for the coffee to be ready before going over to the table after the first sip. He cut himself a piece of the omelet, and tasted it. His scent immediately brightened.

“Dean, this is delicious!”

Dean chuckled. “I tried. I didn’t have much to work with there.”

“Yes, I—” Castiel swallowed his mouthful, already digging deep into his breakfast. “I’m afraid I’m a rather terrible cook myself, so I do not do it very often. Hence, there is no reason to buy too many groceries.”

Dean wondered how he ate then, but supposed either with friends or in restaurants or pubs in the area. The dude could probably afford it. Still, Dean was sure it was also likely nice for him to get an actual cooked meal for once.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” Castiel said when Dean finished cooking his own omelet and joined him at the table.

Dean shrugged, mouth full of toast. “It’s no big deal. I was happy to do it after what you did last night.”

Suddenly, Cas looked and smelled almost sad. “Is it really so unusual for you to be with a partner that puts your pleasure above their own?"

“Let’s just say I’ve learned to be cautious about my optimism when it comes to bedpartners. Usually I can be glad if they care to get me off at all.” However, at the look on Castiel’s face at that, Dean hurried to add, “But hey, luckily you weren’t one of those people, right? You definitely got me off.” He wiggled his eyebrows to both be suggestive and to steer this conversation away from such serious topics. Castiel blushed pink in a way that Dean would deny he found adorable if asked, and thankfully didn’t continue on the issue, focusing on finishing his breakfast instead. But there was still that lingering undertone of sadness in his scent. As if Dean’s poor sex life was something that had personally offended him.

It got somewhat awkward after that, as it tended to do between that time when you started to realize this was the last you were ever going to see of the one you had just spent a night with and couldn’t come up with anything to say that wasn’t too personal to ask or state in-between getting ready and getting the hell out of there. So, they ended up finishing their joint breakfast in silence aside from the occasional request to pass the orange juice over please. Once they were done, they put the dishes in the sink. Castiel reassured Dean he would wash them later. Afterwards, they both went back to the bedroom to get properly dressed.

Dean was just about to get out of his borrowed underwear when Castiel said, “You don’t need to return them. I think it would be better if you kept them, actually. As I said, they don’t really fit me, and I’d feel better if they weren’t just gaining mold in the back of my drawer, not being used by anyone when the material is so comfortable and when they were a gift from my brother.”

Dean couldn’t help but raise both eyebrows. “You serious?” Wasn’t it kind of weird to give your one-night stand a keepsake? Shouldn’t it be the other person asking for a symbol of their conquest, or even stealing one, rather than the other just…handing them over? And Dean could tell this hadn’t been cheap underwear. He honestly felt almost dirty just wearing them, as though he was soiling them with his working class ass. In the way that his ass was attached to a working class person; his ass was high-class quality and he knew it.

“Very. They fit you much better than they do me, and I’d be glad to know they were being used by someone for once.”

Dean couldn’t really think of how to argue with that in a way that wouldn’t sound totally stupid and pathetic, or include a bit too much truth, and it wasn’t like he was terribly eager to get back into his own soiled underwear, even for the journey back to the apartment. Honestly, these were close to the kinds of underwear in terms of material and comfort he had only vaguely dared to think about having, and now he was getting them served free on a platter, even if they were a bit big on him as well? So who was he to argue?

“Okay, man. Thanks.”

Castiel simply nodded, and Dean hurriedly put on the rest of his clothes, remembering to check he had his keys and money with him. Then it was just time for the awkward goodbyes at the door.

“Are you certain you don’t need me to call you a taxi?” Castiel queried from Dean as Dean prepared to leave.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve got my bike, it won’t take me long to get home.” He didn’t feel like admitting that he wasn’t really all that sore after last night. Castiel had taken his time well enough with foreplay and prepping that he’d been wet and open enough for it to not be rough between them. Therefore, there wasn’t much to dread on by getting on a bike and riding it home.

“All right then,” Castiel said. “Well, I guess this is goodbye.” He seemed and smelled strangely resigned at that, and could hardly meet Dean’s eyes. He was just awkwardly rubbing his arm up and down with his hand.

“Yeah,” Dean said, almost starting to feel bad about it himself. But he had known this was just going to be a one-time thing, and he wasn’t looking for anything more permanent. He was going to get back on the road and leave the United Kingdom sooner rather than later; he couldn’t have something anchoring him here. Besides, he knew it wouldn’t work out anyway. He’d tried to have a real relationship once, and had quickly been reminded why people with backgrounds like his didn’t get their happily-ever-afters.

“See you ‘round, man,” Dean said, just to be polite and to use a turn of a phrase, although he knew if they were to see each other again, it would be strictly customer and servant, nothing more and nothing less. Then he opened the door and went on his merry way.

The morning outside was cool. It made him shiver as he stepped out of the front door of the apartment building, and caused his breath to mist as it had last night. The weather was much bleaker now, though, all foggy and the sun being covered in clouds. Dean hurried to unlock his bike, still there thankfully, and rode it back past Heaven & Hell, and from there to the apartment. Fortunately, he didn’t get lost, although he had always been quite good at coming back the way he had once treaded, subconsciously making a note on landmarks that would later guide him on his way.

He made it back rather quickly, and locked his bike again before going up the stairs to he and Charlie’s shared apartment. He couldn’t wait to take a shower and maybe sleep some more before his shift tonight.

However, it appeared that was all wistful thinking, as Charlie was on him as soon as he made it inside. “Well, how was it? Was it good? Did you make it to the finish line? Did you do it only once or multiple times? Was he good in bed, or just smelled like it?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Red. Let me at least take my jacket off first,” Dean grinned, proceeding to do just that, his heart still thudding in his chest from his roommate practically jumping on him as he’d walked in. “Since when do you care about my sex life anyway? And what do you care if he was handsome or not? I thought you didn’t care for men.”

“One, I’m single as fuck and not getting any action over here so I need to settle for living vicariously through my friends. Two, yes, I am a card-carrying lesbian still, but I assume looks matter to you as much as to anyone having a one-night stand, so it’ll make things more interesting.”

Dean sighed. “Can I at least take a shower before we start braiding each other’s hair and talking about people we think are cute?”

“Sure. But only if you admit you want to brag about your conquest to me anyway.”

Dean smirked. “Never!” he said and rushed by Charlie to their bathroom.

Regardless, after a shower and a change of clothes, Dean actually liked having someone to tell about his night with Castiel. It was something new for him. He had become used to not talking about his sex life growing up, as most of it had consisted of stuff neither Sam nor Dad needed to hear about. Besides, growing up, both of them had always seemed so judgy when Dean sometimes had come back to wherever they had been staying at during that time, smelling like other people. One night, when Dean had come home reeking of about four different Alphas, Sam had woken up and had snorted into his pillow as he turned in bed.

“You’re such a slut, Dean,” he’d said. And it had hurt, because it hadn’t been like Dean had wanted to come back smelling like that. He would’ve given so much to have just been able to shower without Sam waking up and wash the smell of those other people off his skin. He had been 16 and his Dad hadn’t been home in a week and he was already rationing food and…

In any case, after that, he had learned to be quieter about coming back, whether it was after sex he had wanted or sex he had had because he had needed to. And that manner of secrecy had bled into much of his later relationships, even once they had settled down to live with Bobby. Talking to Jo about sex was in Dean’s eyes like talking to Sam about sex, seeing as he viewed them both as his younger siblings who shouldn’t have to see that side of him. He didn’t exactly hide it if he had sex anymore, but he wasn’t going to brag about it either. So talking to Charlie about it like this was strange and new, but not necessarily in a bad way. In fact, it was kind of nice, the way she encouraged him to give all the dirty details.

“—and he made me come four times! Four! I don’t think I’ve ever had that many orgasms with a partner!”

“Boy, you’ve led a sad life until now in terms of bedpartners if that’s the case.” Charlie smirked over the cup of coffee she had made for them. “But I guess that’s what you have to expect for the most part if you generally sleep with people who don’t even know Omegas and vagina-owners can have multiple orgasms, and generally need a bit more help getting there than just sticking and sticking and sticking it in there.”

Strangely, after sharing this kind of a conversation with his roommate, Dean felt closer to Charlie than he ever had before.


	3. Chapter two

After his encounter with Castiel, Dean’s life continued much in the same way as it had before meeting him. Except for a few minor details.

Firstly, even when Dean was continuously given the eyes and the indications of someone wanting to go home with him at the bar, he never accepted those invitations. He couldn’t really explain it, even to himself, but all the people offering just all seemed…wrong to him, somehow. It wasn’t even just the way they smelled, which did seem wrong as well, yes, but other things as well. He always seemed to find something lacking in everyone that offered to take him home, small things that he didn’t think had ever bothered him before. Too tall, too short, big head, laughs funny, likes the wrong kind of beer, hair too light, eyes too dark…

And it wasn’t even as though he wasn’t feeling up to it. He was a young guy in his prime and having the time of his life, so he took time to indulge in some self-love fairly frequently. Usually, he stuck to fake fantasies about actors he found hot or something, but nowadays his thoughts always seemed to come back to that night with Castiel and the four amazing orgasms he had given him. How Castiel had looked at him, how he had touched him, how he had smelled, how he had sounded when he’d been eating Dean out or been inside of him. Sometimes Dean even let his fantasies work with him and imagined scenarios that hadn’t happened that night. Him giving Castiel a blowjob, Castiel giving him a blowjob, him riding Castiel, Castiel fingering him and giving him a blow job at the same time…He had even taken to wearing that pair of underwear he had received from Cas during these fantasies. Not only because of the comfort, but because of the faint hint of the scent of Cas’ apartment that still somewhat stuck to them, although it was fading fast with how often he had to wash them due to his extracurricular activities.

It was all making him anxious and worked up and confused as fuck. The only time he’d been so focused on a single person had been when he’d been with Cassie, but that had been because he had been pathetically in love with her. But he wasn’t in love with Cas, right? He barely knew anything about the Alpha, other than that he had a complicated family, went to school in Cambridge, and was apparently a master in the sack.

This was how things continued for the next few weeks, until one night when Dean was working at the bar again as usual. Things were progressing normally enough, until he once more caught the trail of that intoxicating scent that seemed to have become intimately familiar to him in just one night. It called out to him like a beacon once more, and this time somehow it was easier for him to track it through the crowd of mingling people. He had just finished serving some customers their drinks at their table when he smelled it, and without thinking, almost subconsciously, he followed it to where it led him.

Namely, to Castiel, who looked like he had just stepped into the bar, still with his coat on and his cheeks flushed from the cold. His eyes widened as they found Dean, and the rumpled look from the wind made him seem even more attractive than normal to Dean, somehow. And right as their eyes met, Dean felt stupid. He had had no reason whatsoever to go to Castiel right away like this. He hadn’t even sat down to order anything yet! He must look like a desperate, silly fool that was just waiting to get onto Castiel’s knot again. He wished the ground would swallow him up or that he could walk away from the situation without it seeming too obvious. But before he could do either, Castiel’s face had spread into a soft smile and he began to smell pleased and joyous.

“Dean,” he said, breathless. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Uh…you too, man,” Dean said. “Do you already know what you want? I can bring it to you, if you want to go find a table.”

“Another beer would be lovely, please.”

Dean nodded and went back to the bar to get Cas his drink. Afterwards, he just followed the Alpha’s scent again and let it lead him back to Castiel.

“Here you go,” he said, setting the glass gently down on the little table Cas had managed to find for himself.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, as he took a sip of his glass.

“So…” Dean began, trying to sound casual and nonchalant. “What brings you here tonight? I mean, no offence, but you said this wasn’t your usual scene, and it seems like you’re truly on your own this time around.”

“I am. And it still isn’t my scene, but it seems something still keeps drawing me back here.” With those words, he glanced up right into Dean’s eyes, and Dean could both smell and feel the tension between the two of them, could tell Cas wanted him too, wished to have more of him, just like Dean did Cas. Maybe Castiel had even been thinking about Dean like Dean had been thinking about him. Cas took his hand into his, and didn’t drop his gaze, meeting it head-on.

“I get off in an hour,” Dean said, somewhat breathless.

“I’ll just wait here then,” Castiel replied, and let go of Dean’s hand so Dean could get back to work. Dean wasn’t sure if he should be insulted that Cas was assuming, but then again, it seemed as though they had both said more than enough with just their eyes, scents and that simple touch of hands. And he figured, why not have a bit more fun with this guy who seemed to be keen on putting his pleasure first, when he knew he was already good in bed? It was much better and more reliable than hooking up with someone totally random person that didn’t even smell or look right.

So, they ended up going back to Cas’ place after Dean’s shift ended. This time, Cas made him come five times.

However, this time around they didn’t fall asleep right away. Hell, Dean was still so breathless from his last orgasm he needed to calm down a bit before he could even think about falling asleep. Cas hadn’t knotted him this time, but Dean had sucked his cock and let Cas come on his face and chest, which he hadn’t let that many people do. But he actually liked the idea of carrying Cas’ scent around on his skin as a reminder for some reason. Everything Dean was used to doing somehow seemed to not matter when it came to that guy.

Once Dean came down from the afterglow and caught his breath, he turned his head towards Cas, lying next to him in bed. “I didn’t think I’d see you again, let alone end in bed with you again.”

Cas lowered his eyebrows in a frown, concern taking over his scent. “Do you…regret that you did?”

“Hell no,” Dean said, sitting up so he was on his side, leaning his head on his hand, which he held up by his elbow. “It was great, even better than last time and that’s saying something. And I don’t go to bed with someone unless I want to.” Then it was his turn to frown. “Unless you expect me to regret it? Be some type of Omega who goes to bed with just anyone and immediately regrets it because that’s what Omegas always do when they have sex with someone who is not their mate? Because if you think that…” He trailed off in a growl.

“No!” Now Castiel sat up too, so suddenly that Dean’s heart jumped in surprise in his chest. “No, of course not! It is everyone’s free business what they wish to do with their bodies! If you find pleasure in casual sex, that is all fine and well, as long as you’re safe about it, and if you don’t like it that’s fine too; what is not right is to judge someone based on what their sexual history is like.”

“Okay, okay, okay, Cas, calm down, geez,” Dean hurried to say, almost laughing at how comically serious Cas had gotten over this matter, his scent even flaring up with the righteous fury and fear of what Dean thought of him. But in a way, Dean liked that about him. It made him think the gut feeling he got about Cas was right. That Cas was a good guy, and Dean didn’t have to pretend around him. And that he was safe with him. 

“What I meant to say was, did you just randomly decide to show up again, or was there some kind of a reason for it?”

Cas seemed to calm down, but he now raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I thought the answer to that would be obvious,” he said. “You already know I don’t usually go to bars.”

“Yeah, but that might’ve just been something you say to all the people you take home like this.” Dean meant it as a joke, but Cas didn’t laugh. In fact, he looked utterly serious, frowning and grabbing Dean’s hand over the mattress, his scent taking a darker undertone.

“You should know, Dean, that I also don’t usually take home strangers like this, or in much of any manner really. It’s only really been you.”

Dean was more than a little stunned. He had no idea what to say to that. Was this supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? Cas said it in such a warm and serious tone that it didn’t sound like he was insulting Dean, or implying that he had just thought Dean would be an easy lay, or that he disrespected him even if he was (which, granted, he had been, for Cas). Still, Dean got on the defense and tried to make a light of the situation, as he always did whenever he was starting to feel threatened and vulnerable, “Aw, thanks Cas, what a nice thing to say to the guy you took to bed.”

“I mean it, Dean,” Cas said, still serious, squeezing Dean’s hand tighter. “That first night, when I saw you and smelled you, I just…I longed to have you close to me, even if it was just for the night. And I thought that that would be enough for me, would satisfy me, would give me something to remember after you’d gone, but…” He sighed. “Since that night, I have barely been able to concentrate. I barely eat, I barely sleep and am struggling with school and work. All I can think about is you and your smell and the way you reacted when I touched you. I struggled against it for all this time, telling myself I shouldn’t come and see you, but in the end…”

“You came to see me anyway,” Dean mumbled, a little breathless. Cas’ words might’ve been creepy if they had been from anyone else, but because it was him, they weren’t, at least not to Dean. Because, hadn’t he been rather the same? Hadn’t he been thinking of Cas and his hands and mouth and scent all the time too? So honestly, it was mostly a relief and very flattering to learn that he hadn’t been feeling that alone, that Cas had been thinking about him too. He didn’t think he had ever made such an impact on anyone before, and there was probably only one person who had made such an impact on him before too.

“I did,” Cas nodded. “I had to at least see you. I…I didn’t plan for this to happen again, not really.”

“Hey, I was the one who suggested it, so no arguments here. And like I said, it was great.” Dean paused, hating what he had to say. “The question now is, what happens next?”

Cas blinked, smelling slightly worried now. “What would you like to happen next?”

Dean sighed. “Cas, I gotta be honest with you, man. I like you, I do. I think you’re cool and nice, and I can hardly deny our sexual chemistry, but…” He shifted a little closer to Cas on the bed. “I didn’t come here to stay. I don’t know how long I’m gonna stick around. I wanna see the world, and that means I shouldn’t let anything hold me down here. I’ve had too much of that already in my life.” Mostly done by Alphas, but he left that unsaid. “I can’t start anything real with you. I’m sorry. But it’s just not the right time for that.”

“That is all right. I understand. I assumed you were going to say something along those lines,” Cas said, and it wasn’t unkind. It was mostly quiet, and Dean could smell a touch of disappointment on him, though he had a feeling Cas was trying to hide it for his sake. But Castiel didn’t argue against Dean, and Dean appreciated that. “So…does this mean this will be the last time I’ll see you?”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Dean said. “I mean, like I said, we’ve clearly got chemistry in bed and we like each other’s company well enough too, I think. So I say we just enjoy each other for so long as we can, in a casual, non-committal, easy way.” He grinned a little. “You know what friends with benefits are, Cas?”

“No…”

“It refers to friends who have sex on the side with no strings attached. So I say, let’s do that. Though I guess we would be more like casual acquaintances with benefits.” He chuckled a little at his own joke.

Cas gave a huff of laugh as well. “I think I would be fine with that sort of arrangement. I’m happy with anything I can get.” He paused. “So, how will this work in practise? Will I keep on coming to see you at work or…?”

“Oh, I think we should exchange phone numbers. It’s sort of distracting having you show up at my workplace,” Dean winked cheekily. Cas’s cheeks flushed, and he was utterly adorable, his scent now having both embarrassed and excited undertones. “I can give you the number to my apartment phone. But if my roommate picks up instead of me, you better hang up fast without saying anything unless you want to be drawn into a very long, very awkward and very painful conversation.” He thought for a moment. “You can still show up at my work too, once in a while, but I better give you a schedule of my hours so you won’t get there until I’m just about to get off work. I mean, I work mostly nights and you probably mostly work in daytime, so after my shift works pretty well, time-wise…”

“It does,” Cas nodded. “I think we can work something out with phone numbers and schedules. I can also give you mine, so you know when I might be available during daytime.”

Dean nodded. “I can work with that.”

They were silent for a moment.

Then, Cas whispered, his scent indicating slight nervousness, “Does…does being ‘friends with benefits’-” Dean laughed inside because he could practically hear the quotation marks in Cas’ speech—“Does it mean that we could also hang out, just like friends? Outside of this?” He gestured around himself to indicate he meant in bed.

Dean’s heart ached and he almost wished he could say yes to Cas. He liked Cas, he really did, but that was already bad enough. He shouldn’t let this progress any further than lust or like. That was dangerous territory. It would only lead to someone, most likely him, getting hurt in one way or another. Even if he chose to remain with Castiel, he might come to regret it and then resent Cas for it. But by that point it might be too late to leave. The more likely scenario, however, was that Cas would grow tired of  _ him _ . Dean didn’t know what Cas studied at Cambridge, but the fact that he was even there meant that he likely had huge opportunities ahead of him. A good life, a good job. And what did Dean have? A GED and skills in fixing cars and bartending. Castiel deserved better, and would more than likely reach out for something better too. Then after making a career for himself he’d find some nice, smart Omega that was also pretty and petite, and have half a dozen beautiful pups that looked just like him. And Dean would just become some story from his wild university years that he’d tell to his buddies in company meetings or whatever, recalling how he’d liked to experiment with an Omega of a bigger size before eventually settling down with someone more appropriate to his status and life.

Dean tried to shake off these thoughts as soon as they came. He didn’t really want to believe such things about Castiel, and everything he knew about the Alpha so far contradicted them. But he also saw no future for them to become anything more than what they were becoming now: simple fuck buddies. It was best for everyone to keep it at that, and not get involved any deeper. They wouldn’t learn anything further about each other, and would only meet to have sex. Amazing sex, sure, but emotionless sex. They wouldn’t become real lovers, or even friends. There would be no affection, only physical chemistry. Then Dean could leave in a few months, and years later maybe see Cas on the news or the like for something he’d accomplished in his life and think, “Good for him.”

So, he said, “Better to keep this as casual as we can, buddy. It’s just gonna get overly complicated if we try to actually be friends while having sex. It’s better to just be two people who occasionally meet up to enjoy each other’s bodies. You get me?”

Cas was silent for a minute, but just a minute. Then he softly said, “Yes, I ‘get’ you. And that is fine by me.”

Dean got the feeling it really wasn’t “fine by him,” even without Cas really indicating it with his scent, but since Cas evidently wasn’t going to be saying anything further on the matter, neither did Dean. Instead what he said was, “We should try and get some sleep. We can sort the details out further in the morning.”

Castiel nodded. “Good night, then, Dean.”

“‘Night.”

It wasn’t until the next morning when he woke up that Dean realized he had been holding onto Castiel’s hand all night, their fingers curled together the way they had been when Dean had fallen asleep. Embarrassed, he hurried to let go of the hand and went, once again to cook him and Castiel some breakfast. Thankfully, the pantry was more stocked this time around. They ate breakfast much the same as the first time, not talking all that much, but in a way that wasn’t truly awkward. Cas gave Dean some paper on which to write down his schedule and phone number, doing the same with his own sheet of paper, and after eating they switched the papers with one another. And then it was just about time for Dean to go on his way once again.  

Cas saw him off the apartment door, as before.

“I’ll see you around, Dean. I’ll call you. Or you can call me. Whichever is fine.”

“Yeah, see you ‘round, Cas,” Dean said, exiting the apartment. Already on his bike ride home, he found himself wishing the next time wouldn’t be too far away. He knew he wouldn’t be the one to make the first call, he just wasn’t that kind of person, so all he could do now was live and wait for Cas to come a’calling.

…

That was pretty much how the next month passed by for Dean. He would work, do the chores around the apartment that fell into his hands, and then a few times a week he’d go over to Cas’ apartment, usually after his shift at the bar had ended, and have incredible sex with him. And every morning after, he made both of them breakfast before he left. Usually Cas came to get him after his shift, as that seemed to work timewise for both of them, but he or Dean did occasionally also call each other up for a noon quickie if Cas didn’t have classes or other engagements. They usually did it about three or four days a week. Every time, Dean would leave immensely satisfied physically, but still somehow with a small sour feeling of regret in his gut and the hope that it would happen again soon.

Still, he found himself getting more and more comfortable with his life in Cambridge. He fell into an easy and familiar routine, but to him that was grounding rather than stifling. He had lived pretty much his whole life in uncertainty. So long as he’d been looking after Sam, there had always been some worry at the back of his mind, even after their father had passed and they had found a steady home under Bobby’s roof. It had only meant Dean’s worry had shifted from “how long are we gonna be able to eat with this much money?” to “how can I make sure Sam gets the best possible chance he can get to have a good life?”. Now, for the first time, Dean was beginning to feel truly free. He wasn’t responsible for anyone else except himself, and there was no one else to spend his money. He knew where every pound he earned went. Whereas in the States that sort of freedom had felt stifling, here it felt like a release. Dean wasn’t entirely sure why that was, but he guessed it might have something to do with the people. Back home, everyone he had interacted with had known about his and Sam’s situation to a degree. Dean had always felt like they expected him to have Sam’s back and to look out for him the way his Dad had expected him to. Here, no one even knew much about Sam, other than Dean having mentioned off-hand to a few people that he was off at college, so Dean felt more free of any expectations regarding his little brother.

He wrote letters back and forth with Sam as often as he could, but overseas mail wasn’t exactly fast. Sam seemed happy, if busy, at Stanford, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He told Dean some things about his new classes and the new friends he was making. Dean always encouraged him to not study too much and also remember to take breaks and have fun. In turn, he also wrote about his job and Charlie, but made sure not to mention Cas in his letters. He felt like doing that definitely went past “fuck buddy” territory.

Before Dean knew it, it was almost time for Halloween. Charlie one day announced, while the two of them were having lunch together, that she was going to host a Halloween party for anyone who wished to come.

“How are you gonna fit everyone in here, if you don’t know how many people are going to show up?” Dean asked.

“Oh, just let me worry about that,” Charlie said, dismissing his worries with a wave of her hand. “Just spread the word to anyone who cares to listen. And tell them to bring hot single chicks who are into other hot single chicks, because  _ man _ , I need to get back out there!”

And that was why that night Dean, on his way to Cas’ place after his shift, said, “Oh, I just remembered. My roommate is hosting a Halloween party, and she asked me to invite anyone who cares to listen. So…you could come if you want. If you can bring a hot chick that likes other hot chicks, that would apparently be a bonus.” At Cas’ confused face, Dean explained, “My roommate split up with her girlfriend sometime before I moved in and she wants to get back in the dating game.”

Cas nodded slowly, hesitant but understanding. “I should be able to come, I believe, but I can’t promise to bring any ‘hot chicks’. I think the only one who qualifies for that whom I know would be Anna and she is no longer single.”

Dean smiled. “Things worked out with her and that girl she liked then, huh?”

“Yes.” Cas smiled back, his scent all joy on the behalf of his friend. “Although I had no reason to believe they wouldn’t, when Ruby was so clearly equally taken with Anna. They’ve been going out for about a month now.”

“Well, bring them anyway if they wanna come. And ask if they have any single friends who would like to join.”

“And you would be fine with me being there as well?”

Dean blinked. “I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t, would I?”

Cas frowned, his scent taking a nervous undertone. “No, I suppose not. It’s just…” He sighed. “You said you didn’t wish for us to actually be friends. Would inviting me to a party where I will most likely meet your roommate not indicate us being friends?”

Dean suddenly froze. Somehow, he hadn’t even considered that particular aspect of his invitation. All he had been thinking of was how Cas and anyone else he might invite to come along would be the only people Dean currently knew in Cambridge that he’d want to see outside of work. Dean’s co-workers weren’t bad people and most did their jobs well enough and worked in unison with him, but he wasn’t really close with any of them. But Cas…Cas he liked. And it was becoming clearer and clearer that it extended even outside of the bedroom. They had begun to have actual conversations over breakfast about trivial things, such as what each of them had been doing since they’d last seen each other. Dean knew by now that Cas was studying to become a doctor, was in his second last year of university to accomplish this goal, and was doing his residency work at the local hospital. He knew how Cas liked his coffee and that he liked sweet things. It was actually easier for him to wake up when Dean made him something sweet for breakfast. He also knew Cas liked to run in his free time to stay healthy and to keep in shape, as well as read. He still didn’t know anything too deep about Cas’ life or past, but the more he learned about the Alpha, the more Dean liked him. And the more he liked Cas, the harder it became to leave him every morning after.

He was on thin ice already. He should probably put an end to this thing in its entirety right now, and just go home. But the thought of doing that felt unbearable. He told himself it was because he had prepared himself for another night of spectacular sex and multiple orgasms, but the truth of the matter was that the thought of having to say that to Cas and leave him now felt like it was constricting Dean’s chest. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to break this thing off with Cas. And he wanted Cas to come to Charlie’s Halloween party.

So, in the end, what he said in the end was, “You know what? I think we should revisit that part of the deal. Just come to the party if you want to come, bring your friends, and we’ll talk more about that part of the arrangement after we see how everything goes.”

Cas hesitated for a moment, his scent a blend of emotions, before he slowly nodded. “All right.”

…

So rolled around Halloween. Dean helped Charlie clean and decorate their apartment for the party, and then helped her haul massive bags of snacks and booze from the grocery store. They had moved the chairs around the table to here and there around the apartment so people could circle the dining table where they set the snacks and the drinks alongside paper plates and plastic cups. You couldn’t trust people drinking to keep anything much whole, after all. Dean was still a bit worried about the number of people that might show up, but since this was Charlie’s apartment, he figured she should be allowed to host parties that might test how close people would have to stand to each other.

The first guests started arriving around dinner time and most of them helped themselves to the snacks and drinks right away. Dean didn’t know any of them, and Charlie generally knew maybe one or two people in the groups that arrived. Most of them were her acquaintances from school, but also from places she frequented, such as the bookstore or the coffee shop she preferred close to campus. A lot of them gave Dean appreciative looks, and some even attempted to start a conversation with him, but Dean found himself not paying them any mind. He just waited for Cas to arrive. Just so that he’d actually have someone to talk to, besides Charlie of course, since his roommate was making nice with their guests and probably trying especially hard with the ladies with the way she seemed to be ignoring the guys for the most part.

However, Dean was out of luck, as Cas wouldn’t end up arriving until a few hours later, when the place was starting to get pretty packed, and some of the guests were beginning to get pretty drunk. One of them hadn’t been up for taking no for an answer when he’d drunkenly asked if Dean wanted to make out, but Dean was bigger and stronger than him. He wasn’t seventeen and helpless anymore and had tossed the guy out, telling him not to return. The guy’s friends hadn’t taken that very well, calling Dean a few unpleasant names, but thankfully hadn’t started a fight and had just left. They probably figured Charlie, who had been in total agreement with Dean’s actions, would probably go through with her threat and call the police if they caused any more trouble. Still, all of this meant Dean was in a rather bad mood by the time someone knocked on the door again. But when Dean went to open it, it revealed Cas and two attractive women, one with deep red and the other with dark brown long hair.

Dean felt his mood light up right away being able to see Cas’ familiar face and to smell his familiar scent, knowing he finally had someone around that he actually knew and liked. “Cas, you came!”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas smiled at him, his scent mutedly joyous. He gestured to the redhead next to him. “This is Anna,” and then to the brunette, “and this is Ruby.”

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Dean,” Dean said politely, holding out a hand for the women to shake. But all Anna did was to give it a cold, piercing look with her wide elfin eyes, and all Ruby did was roll her eyes and look the other way, her Alpha scent annoyed. Dean awkwardly extracted his hand, and stepped out of the doorway instead. It didn’t seem like Anna liked him very much, though he couldn’t be sure why. He was almost certain he hadn’t met her before, and if he had under circumstances he didn’t remember, like at work (where it was near impossible to remember all the customers), he didn’t think he’d ever done anything to warrant getting the cold shoulder like this.

The group stepped inside, and quickly exchanged what looked like heated words amongst themselves which Dean couldn’t hear over all the other conversations taking place in the room. But in the end, Anna and Ruby went deeper inside while Cas returned to where Dean was.

“I’m sorry about Anna’s behavior,” he said right after reaching Dean once more, even smelling apologetic. “I’m afraid she didn’t really want to come here, but I convinced her otherwise.”

“That’s okay, I guess,” Dean mumbled, though he wasn’t so sure he meant it. He didn’t feel like Cas was telling the truth, or at least not all of the truth on this matter. But he supposed it was Cas’ own business. If they agreed to become friends for real after this party, he could revisit this. But right now, it didn’t feel like his place to ask. He just hoped Anna wouldn’t infect everyone else with her sour mood and wouldn’t ruin the party, when Charlie had been looking forward to it so much. He decided to change the subject, “How are you doing?”

Cas smiled again then, his scent gaining that joyous tone it had had when he’d arrived. “I am well, thank you for asking. I was really glad to have you invite me here. I’ve been working and studying quite a lot lately, it’s good to get away from that for a while.”

“I guess that explains why your place has been so messy lately,” Dean chuckled. It seemed Cas was at his messiest when he simply didn’t have the time or the energy to clean from everything else that was going on in his life. “Hey, I’m glad you could come, man.”

“Dean!” Charlie’s voice suddenly cut through the background noises, and Dean looked over his shoulder to see her approaching. “Is this guy bothering you? I swear, is it really that impossible to have a party for university students without some asshole Alphas bothering people and ruining the night for everyone else-”

“Charlie-” Dean tried to cut in.

“And you!” Charlie got right into Cas’ space, setting a pointed finger on his chest, not paying Dean any mind. “I’ll have you know, I won’t tolerate any sort of bullshit here. This is my apartment and I won’t look past any harassment, especially towards my roommate. So back off or leave right now, or I swear—”

“Charlie!” Dean yelled, louder this time. He managed to catch her attention, but also the attention of many of the other occupants of the crowded apartment. Still, he needed to come out and say what he had planned to say, so he came out with, “This is Cas. You know, I’ve mentioned him to you? And I told you I had invited him?” He gestured to Cas with both hands, willing Charlie to remember without him having to say something like ‘you know, the guy I occasionally have casual sex with that you insist hearing about every time I don’t sleep in my own bed here’.

“Oh!” Charlie gasped, and a lightbulb seemed to go on in her head. Thankfully, without Dean having to explain Cas any further. “Oh, I’m sorry, Cas! Welcome! I, uh…I hope you enjoy your stay!” Then she left them alone surprisingly quickly, likely to go back to her hostess duties. But as she passed Dean, she gave him a look that told him they would be talking more about this later. And although Dean didn’t know what they would be having words about, he didn’t think he was going to like it very much.

As the rest of the guests began to get back to their previous conversations, Dean turned to Cas once more. “Sorry about that. I think she was still a bit on edge by that one guy we had to throw out before you got here…”

“It is all right,” Cas said, and unlike Dean earlier, seemed to really mean his words. “May I ask what happened earlier?”

Dean shrugged. “It was no big deal. Just some asshole who drank a bit too much and wouldn’t take no for an answer. We gave him the boot, which didn’t make him too happy, but what do we care?”

Cas frowned then, but in a different way than Dean usually saw him frown. Cas’ normal frowns around him had a tinge of sadness to them, or sometimes just pure exhaustion. But this time, he shimmered with what Dean could only describe as undaunted rage. Even in the mess of all the other scents around the room, Dean could smell Cas and the cackling anger underneath his skin. His blue eyes were stormy and his shoulders tense, as if he was preparing for a fight.

“Cas, hey,” Dean said, stepping closer to him and putting his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. We got rid of that guy.”

“It’s not okay,” Cas practically growled, and Dean’s heart jumped a little at the sound. But he was surprised to realise it wasn’t because he was afraid of Cas. “No one should...no one should ever assume they have any right to someone else’s body, whether they be drunk or not. He deserved worse than he got.”

Dean gulped. Because, yeah, apparently Cas being all righteously angry on his behalf was some kind of weird massive turn-on for him now. He had never thought it would be, when he had always hated it when Sam or Dad had tried to control him and what he did. But this wasn’t like that at all really, now was it? Cas wasn’t angry because Dean wanted to be free to have sex with anyone he wanted; he was angry because he felt Dean’s agency had been violated and he couldn’t stand the idea of that. And that was pretty much simultaneously the hottest and most noble thing any Alpha had ever done for him, and Dean found himself both aroused and touched at the same time. He kind of really wanted to kiss Cas right then.

And, because he was a little drunk himself, and lacked much impulse control in the first place, he did.

Cas was still for a minute once Dean pressed their lips together, but then returned the kiss. Dean didn’t even care who saw or what they thought. Cas was angry on his behalf and a great guy and he wanted to kiss him right now, so why not? The kiss was nice too, passionate but soft, and not rushed. Cas put his arms around his waist and Dean held onto the back of Cas’ head and his shoulder blades. He ran his fingers through Cas’ soft dark hair, touching his neck a little in the process, making him shiver against him, reveling in the pleased and aroused scent he was able to coax from Cas. Dean may or may not have done that on purpose, knowing Cas liked it when he touched his hair in the bedroom as well.

He would’ve gladly kept on softly kissing Cas right there in the middle of the apartment and the crowd, but was suddenly pulled back from Cas’ lips and body by someone grabbing the back of his collar and pulling him away.

“Hey, what—” he started, his mouth a bit wet from the exchange of saliva with Cas, expecting the person pulling him to either be Charlie who was messing with him or some other Alpha asshole who thought Dean was now free-for-all. What he hadn’t expected was to come face-to-face with the anger of Cas’ friend Anna.

“How dare you!” she yelled, fury present on her small, pretty face that was lacking in her muted Beta scent. Before meeting Cas, Dean would probably have been very into the way she looked, would even have wanted to buy her a drink at the bar at the very least. But right now, all he could think of was how he could get back to kissing Cas and why she was preventing him from doing that.

“Anna,” Cas started, his lips all swollen and even pinker than normal from the kissing, his hair a mess where Dean had run his fingers through it. He looked absolutely delectable, but the expression on his face was serious and concerned, his scent nervous and anxious. “Please don’t.”

“No, Cas, I can’t just sit back and watch you go through with this anymore. This is not right. You’re only harming yourself by not admitting that.”

“I’m an adult, Anna, I can make my own choices and take care of myself.”

“Maybe normally, but you’ve become blind to this, blind to what the rest of us can all see. He’s not good for you Cas, you need to end it.”

“Excuse me?” Dean finally put in, insulted. Yeah, he knew Castiel was out of his league, but who was this girl to tell him or Cas that? She didn’t know him. And besides, it wasn’t like they were doing anything serious; they were just having some fun. What was the point of being in college if you couldn’t engage in some casual, fun sex once in a while? “I think it’s his decision who he gets into bed with.”

Anna seemed to pay him no mind, though. “Cas, you’re just kidding yourself with this! How long do you think you can keep up with this ruse? Do you think it’s going to hurt any less if you don’t speak about it? All that will do is leave you in the unknown! You either need to be honest or break it off before it destroys you!”

“Anna, please, let’s not do this here,” Cas mumbled, his eyes shifting around the room, looking and smelling pained. And yeah, now Dean could also see that the guests were beginning to pay more attention to their little argument than their own interactions as well. He hadn’t minded them possibly looking when he made out with Cas, but to get his personal business all out in the open like this…a blush of humiliation began to creep up his neck.

“Outside,” he gasped, at a loss for words. “Let’s go outside.”

Anna glared at him for a minute, exchanging a look with Castiel, before beginning to head over to the door of the apartment.

Dean looked over at Cas, who looked apologetic. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I can go alone and talk to her.”

Dean almost told Cas to go ahead, since he honestly hadn’t really been a part of even the previous conversation either, but in the end, shook his head. “No. I think she has something to say to me as well. Unless you mind?” 

He had the feeling Cas didn’t want him to hear what Anna had to say, and he wouldn’t argue if Cas wanted him to stay away. But he also got the feeling this was important, and that he should find out what it was. That if he didn’t, it would lead to people getting hurt. And Dean had learned to listen to his gut feelings.

Cas seemed to think it over for a moment, before he said, “All right. And I suppose Anna is right. I can’t keep lying to myself, and to you. We need to talk it out all out, even though this was not the way I wished for us to do it.”

Lying about what, Dean couldn’t help but wonder, but didn’t voice his thoughts, figuring he’d find out soon enough. He merely grabbed his coat and left the apartment with Cas. They went down the stairs to the backyard, where Anna was waiting.

She only gave them both a sharp look, then gestured over at Cas. “Say what you need to say to him. Now.”

Cas sighed, then turned to Dean. “Dean, the reason why Anna hasn’t been so friendly with you is because she is my friend, and she is worried about me. I just want you to know that. She’s not being intentionally rude, she is just worried about me.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Worried about what? That you’re getting involved with a male Omega who is just a bartender?” he scoffed.

“No, Dean, please don’t say things like that about yourself,” Cas said seriously, reaching over to grasp Dean’s hand, his scent almost sad on Dean’s behalf. “She was worried because I was letting myself get into a casual relationship with you, when in truth I want so much more with you.”

Dean could do nothing but blink. It felt like his whole mind had been cleared of any conceivable thought. All he managed to say was, “What?”

“Yes,” Cas said. “Ever since I saw you at the bar that first night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Dean. I want to be with you in every way possible, but you said you didn’t want that, so I agreed to only be casual with you instead. I wanted to be with in in any form you were prepared to give me. I didn’t want to push you into anything you were not willing to do or be with me, and I still don’t. But Anna is right. I want something more than just ‘friends with benefits,’ without even the friends part of it. I’ll only get hurt if I keep on pretending like everything is fine. I understand if you do not feel the same, but I don’t think I can keep up with this ruse any longer. We need to end it, Dean. I’m sorry.”

Dean gulped. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. The thought of this being it was like a lump in his throat and nearly unbearable. But this was what he had wanted, right? Just fun, casual sex with no attachments so he could leave and move on once the time came? So what did it matter that it had come to its end sooner than he had expected? He shouldn’t have expected Cas to have to keep up with the arrangement only as long as it was fine with Dean; Cas was his own person and made his own decisions and had his own thoughts and feelings.

And yet…hearing Cas say the only reason he no longer wanted to be with Dean was because he wanted to be with Dean for real…it made something constrict inside of Dean, made it all the more difficult for him to speak, to put an end to this, to say what he felt he needed to say, what he had been telling himself for weeks he felt. But all he could think about was how much he didn’t want to lose Cas, not like this. Not here, not now.

“Dean?” Cas mumbled, his scent worried and restless.

Dean shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Cas, I…” he cleared his throat, feeling how scratchy it was. “I don’t really know what to say.” He took a pause for a moment, then said the first thing that came to his mind. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t notice you weren’t 100% on board with the whole arrangement. Sorry if I hurt you or your feelings. I didn’t mean to, I swear it.”

Dean could vaguely hear Anna scoff at the sidelines, but all Cas had to say was, “I know, Dean. You don’t need to apologies. After all, I never outwardly said I had any kind of a problem with our arrangement. As I said before, I haven’t been entirely honest with either you nor myself. I just…” he sighed. “As I said that first night, I wanted you so much, in whatever capacity you were willing to give to me. And I suppose I thought it might even be better to keep things casual if you were going to leave fairly soon anyway. But I can’t keep on doing this anymore, when every morning when you leave I just wish to spend more time with you and talk with you and get to know you. It’s not right towards you nor myself.”

“I…” Dean began, but before he could stop himself, he had blurted out, “I want that too.”

“What?”

“I mean…” Dean fumbled, trying to find the right words. “Every morning when I leave, I wish I could stay. And I really like you, Cas, even outside of the bedroom. But I…” he sighed. “I’ve been under other people’s thumbs for so long. Here, for the first time, I have felt free. I don’t want to lose that freedom, and I’m afraid deciding to stay here for good will do that. And what if it doesn’t even work out? What if we grow to resent each other or something, and then it’ll be too late for me to leave again? I don’t…I don’t want that.”

“Neither do I, Dean, but this—” He came closer to Dean. “This is a good thing. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear I do not feel what I feel alone. And if we want to take this up to somewhere that is more than just sex, I’m willing to take it slow. We don’t need to rush into anything. We can just…try getting to know each other a little better. And you don’t necessarily have to put your plans aside. Perhaps we could set a date to see how you feel after we’ve been going out for a while? Dean...” He held both Dean’s hands now, his scent a mix of emotions, the topmost being joy, nervousness and hope. 

“This doesn’t have to be the end of anything. I would never take away your freedom, and the last thing I want to do is to hold you back. If that’s how you feel, I will let you go, but you have to understand…I can’t just be your bedmate anymore. I can’t do that to myself.”

“No, I wouldn’t ask you to. It wouldn’t be right of me.” Dean shook his head. “Can I…can I think about this for a while? I can call you when I’ve made up my mind.”

“Of course,” Cas said, nodding. “I’m sorry this had to become so complicated after all.”

“Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t want to be anything with anyone who is not 100% on board with the arrangement,” Dean said. He glanced back over at Anna, who was biting down on her lip, still seeming unsatisfied. But Dean decided to ignore that; this was between him and Cas. “Do you…do you guys wanna come back up?”

Cas chuckled, a bit sadly. “No, I think I at least will head home. I think it’s best we don’t see each other until you’ve made up your mind.” He turned to his friend. “What about you, Anna?”

Anna shook her head, looking exasperated. “I might as well go home too. I’ll just fetch Ruby,” she said, with one flip of her hair and a glare over her shoulder at Dean, she began to head upstairs, leaving Dean and Cas alone for the moment.

“Well…bye for now, I guess. I promise I’ll call, no matter what I decide,” Dean said, sadly. He could hardly believe this might be the last time he saw Cas.

“Goodbye, Dean,” Cas said, and with another nod, Dean also headed upstairs. He was getting so drunk tonight.


	4. Chapter three

Dean ended up drinking himself into oblivion just so he didn’t have to think about Cas or his words or his stupid, attractive, sad face anymore. Charlie tried to make him stop and get him to talk about what had happened instead, but eventually relented when Dean promised to talk about it once he’d gotten over whatever horrible hangover all this drinking would give him. Right now he just wasn’t prepared or ready to think about any of it and just wanted to forget for a while.

He ended up waking up in his room, feeling pretty much like crap. His head was pounding and the light from his window seemed unbearably bright. He felt slightly nauseous, but not to a degree that he thought he was going to hurl, at least not yet. He was lying on top of the covers in his bed, still in yesterday’s clothes, and as he looked up he saw someone, most likely Charlie, had left him a glass of water and a painkiller on his desk above his head. He gratefully took both, drinking the glass empty. From doing that he got the strength to get up long enough to pull the curtains shut, take off his pants and get under the covers. It was his day off today, and he didn’t much feel like going out there and facing the world just yet. Especially when it felt like someone was playing drums very loudly inside his head.

He dozed off for some time more, until he was woken by Charlie’s insistent shaking and saying, “It might be your day off, but that doesn’t mean you get to sleep all day. It’s your own damn fault you feel like shit anyway.” 

Dean sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fingers, pinching his nose. Charlie seemed to approve. 

“But since I’m such a nice roommate, I made you something to eat anyway. But you have to get up to get it.”

The idea of food was more tempting to Dean at that point than the idea of more sleep and escapism, his earlier nausea having been replaced by gnawing hunger. Charlie had made them soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, which to Dean were the best thing he had ever eaten right that moment. They were light enough for him to eat in his state, yet filling and tasty. The grease of the sandwiches also helped with the hangover.

Once they were finished with eating, Dean felt dread creeping up his spine at the look Charlie gave him. And his expectations were rewarded when Charlie said, “We’re gonna talk about what happened last night.  _ Now _ . And don’t leave anything out, because I’d actually like to get as much of the picture as I can so I can help you the best I can.”

Dean groaned, lowering his head to rest on the table. “Do I have to?”

“I’m not gonna allow this to keep affecting you and your life, because for some strange reason I actually quite like you, Dean Winchester. And if you’re not gonna talk to me voluntarily, I’m gonna make you, and trust me you don’t want that.”

Dean believed it. He knew there had to be some kind of a reason why he never really saw Charlie work, and yet do incredibly well by all appearances. 

“Fine,” he sighed. “Where should I start?”

“Well, maybe from why you were full-on snogging the Alpha who is only supposed to be your fuckbuddy in the middle of our apartment like the two of you were all alone in your little world or something.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Dean said, a little snappish because Charlie wasn’t really too far off. When he’d been kissing Cas, it really had felt like they were the only two people in the room, or at least the only two people who mattered in it. Dean hadn’t cared about anyone else there at that moment. “Look, it was supposed to be just simple fun. Just really good sex, no commitment, no attachments, no emotions.”

“But that’s not what ended up happening, is it?” Charlie asked, not seeming to mind Dean’s unkind tone earlier, her voice quiet and soft.

Dean had to sigh. “No,” he said. “He wants more than that, he told me last night.”

Charlie raised a questioning eyebrow. “And what do you want?”

Dean swallowed around his suddenly dry throat. “I don’t really know. It’s complicated.”

“So explain it to me. Use as many words as you need.”

Dean pondered that on for a moment, trying to figure out what he needed to say, what he was feeling. “I like him, a lot. I think he’s interesting, I want to know him. But…” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I promised myself when I left the States that I wouldn’t let anyone hold me back or control me on this trip. That I’d be responsible only for myself, and would neither let anyone else control me nor let myself worry about anyone else. So I should just tell him no, I’m not doing anything than casual sex, but…”

They were silent for a moment, until Charlie encouraged him, “But…?”

“But I think he’s gotten under my skin somehow. I think about him more than I should, and I want to know him outside of the bedroom too. I wanna spend time with him, I wanna be with him. I don’t want to never see him again, which is what will happen if I say no.”

“Okay, so let me see if I’ve understood this correctly,” Charlie said. “He likes you, you like him, but you’re afraid he’s going to screw up your plans by getting in the way, yes?” Dean nodded shortly, shrugging. “Has he seemed like he wants to, as you put it, ‘control’ you or ‘hold you back’?”

Dean blinked, but immediately answered, “No. He in fact said he’s pretty much willing to let me set the pace for everything, and just follow my lead. And I think he means it too. I don’t know that much about him, but…I feel like I can tell he’s a good guy. Sincere.”

Charlie smiled. “Then what’s the problem? If it’s your decision to be with him, I don’t think that counts as him holding you back, especially since he’s willing to let you set the pace for your relationship. That also means you don’t necessarily have to take it so seriously. You can just start having something extra outside of the bedroom and see where it goes. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t. But, Dean, from what I’m hearing, I think you would regret leaving this guy in the dust and not at least trying it out.”

“It’s not what I planned though, when I came here.”

“So? That’s just life. Plans don’t always work out, or they change with the circumstances. But Dean…would it really be so bad to stay here? I don’t think you’ve been unhappy here.”

She was right. He hadn’t been. Hadn’t he been thinking that this was some of the happiest he had ever been? There was stability in his life here, and he had routines that he hadn’t really had for the first 18 years of his life. He was carefree here as well. He had certain responsibilities, yes, but they were only so that he could live on comfortably enough. All of that was something he had been lacking for long, and the change of pace hadn’t been stifling. If anything, it had been comforting.

As if reading his mind, Charlie continued, “I think for someone who has been on the road for most of his youth, some settling down might be good. Staying does not always have to mean losing your freedom, Dean. To some, it can be the beginning of it.”

Dean was silent for a moment longer, pondering on everything Charlie had said. Then, he stood up. “I’m gonna go call Cas.”

Charlie smiled. “You do that, my friend, you do that.”

…

Dean and Cas agreed to meet at a café that was about halfway between their apartments to talk on a neutral ground. Dean arrived first, quick on his bike, and ordered himself a cup of coffee, afterwards settling at a free table. It was relatively quiet in the café, lunch rush having ended some time ago evidently, but there were still a few other customers sitting at tables of their own. Dean nursed his coffee nervously, waiting for Cas and trying to organise his thoughts so he could say what he wanted in an orderly manner.

He was just taking a sip when the bell above the front door of the café rang, announcing the arrival of a new customer. Dean looked up and nearly choked seeing Castiel enter. His heart was suddenly beating a mile a minute and his thoughts, so organised before, became muddled as his palms began to sweat.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted him, granting him a small smile. His cheeks and lips were flushed from the cold weather outside and he looked delectable and utterly kissable. His natural tempting scent was mixed with the crisp air of the autumn outdoors and Dean’s throat was suddenly very dry. “Thank you for meeting me, and so soon.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean managed to croak out as Castiel took a seat opposite of him. “I suppose I…I have come to a decision.”

Cas frowned, his expression and scent now grim. “I see.”

Dean decided to do the impulsive but comforting thing, and reached over the table to take Cas’ hand into his own. “Cas, I don’t want to end things between us. I don’t wanna to never see you again. And I want to get to know you better.”

It was as if someone had cleared the weather of Cas from stormy clouds into pure sunshine at the effect of Dean’s words. His smile was so wide and white that Dean could see his gums, and small crinkles appeared on his nose, and his scent became light and sweet with joy. The sight and smell of Cas’ happiness made Dean’s heart skip a beat and his breath catch, and he knew then that he had made the right decision. And immediately got into thinking about how he could make that expression appear on Castiel’s face and make his scent flare up like that more often down the line.

Cas squeezed his hand. “Dean, I am so glad to hear that.”

Dean smiled a little, his cheeks feeling a bit warm. He cleared his throat. “I hope you’re still fine with taking this slow, though? And possibly with me sort of in control of the pace?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas said seriously. “I wouldn’t say that if I hadn’t meant it. We can go as slow about this as you need.”

Dean nodded a bit sheepishly. “Thanks,” he said. “So, uh…I was thinking we could just start by getting to know each other a bit better. Get together once in a while and just…talk. I mean, we’ve been sleeping together for about a month already, but I don’t really know all that much about you, nor you about me…”

Cas smiled gently at him, his scent still full of that earlier joy. “That sounds good, Dean. I want to know more about you as well. We don’t need to put any pressure on whatever we do. We can just hang out. That would be well enough for me.”

And it was a little flattering again to hear him say stuff like that so openly. To hear that just him, Dean, was enough on his own, with no extravaganza. 

“No pressure sounds nice,” he said. “But I also think…I think we need to have the occasional serious talk about our relationship. Maybe set certain timelines for when we talk about where we see it going? Because…”

“Because you want to be sure you’re not staying for nothing, if that is what you decide to do.” Cas nodded. “I understand. I think it is a good idea. It’ll give both of us some perspective on things. Do you have a date in mind already?”

“I was thinking, maybe right after Christmas? I’ve been thinking of leaving after the New Year’s, so…”

“That’s fine by me.”

They were silent for a moment. Dean took a sip of his coffee to feel less awkward about it.

“Is…is there anything you’d like to add to anything concerning this?” Dean finally asked.

Cas shrugged, his scent now muted that Dean couldn’t completely read him. “Not really. Much as before, I am happy to gain whatever I can. But I’ll let you know if that changes, after Christmas at the very latest,” he said. “Is there anything  _ you’d _ like to add?”

Yes. There were things. Such as exclusivity. Dean had made a promise to himself that he would never go behind someone’s back to have any sorts of relations with someone else, no matter how casual the relationship. He knew he wouldn’t be seeing anyone else. But he didn’t dare to demand that of Cas when he felt like he was already making everything more difficult than it necessarily had to be, no matter that it was supposed to be easy between them. Not that he really believed Cas to be the type to see multiple people at the same time, for plenty of reasons. The guy needed schedules to be able to meet up for casual sex alone, so Dean for one didn’t see him as having enough time for multiple relationships. So he figured that was a stone better left unturned, for now at least.

“No, there is nothing more. I’ll let you know if that changes, too.” He smiled. “So, since we’re both already here, why don’t you order a cup of something warm too, and we can get to that whole getting to know each other better?”

Cas smiled back and squeezed Dean’s hand again. “I’d like that very much.”

…

That was the beginning of the next few months in Dean’s life. Instead of after his work, he and Cas began to meet up during daylight hours as much as they could, but also sometimes they hung out at Cas’ apartment when they couldn’t meet in daytime for a while. Cas kept to his promise to allow Dean to set the pace, and the pace Dean set was slow and steady. More than anything, the two of them simply talked; about their days, their weeks, their lives. Their likes and dislikes, their families, their histories.

“I was born in Kansas, but I honestly kind of lived all over the States. My Mom died before I even turned five, in a fire that destroyed our house. Dad just wasn’t the same after that. He just sort of…became lost, I suppose. She was his True Mate, and to have her die so suddenly and so young…” Dean shook his head over a lunch date at a nice café Cas had taken him to. “After that, he couldn’t really stay in one place for long, or hold down a job. I think he saw ghosts of the past everywhere he went, and not staying in one place for very long was his way of trying to escape them; to cope with the loss. He also drank a lot.”

“I’m sorry. That must not have been an easy life for you,” Cas said, holding onto Dean’s hand over the table, smelling of sincere sympathy and sadness on Dean’s behalf. But Dean didn’t smell pity, which he was glad about.

Dean shrugged. “It was what it was. Kind of lonely, since it’s hard to make friends when you know you’re gonna leave sooner or later anyway. But I always had Sammy, at least, to keep me company.” The thought of his little brother made Dean smile wistfully and a little sadly. It was times like this that he really realized how much he missed him and how far away they were from each other.

“Sam is in college now, right?” Cas asked, cutting up his salad.

“Yeah. Smart kid. Full scholarship to Stanford.”

“That’s incredible,” Cas admitted. “And your father?”

Dean swallowed painfully, passing the peas around his plate. “He passed away nearly four years ago. His drinking finally caught up to him, I guess; he was driving drunk and it didn’t end well.” Dean didn’t like talking about his Dad, much less about his death. It always brought up emotions he didn’t want to name or experience in the first place. Mostly, he just wanted to forget and put his father behind him altogether.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said, and once again sounded, looked and smelled it, too.

“It’s okay,” Dean said, hoping Cas would take the hint and not go on about the topic. Still he found himself saying, “In some ways, it was an improvement of our old lives. We were able to go live with our Uncle Bobby, who was Dad’s old friend and whom we had known since we were little kids. We had stayed with him a few times before, but he and Dad had gotten into a bad argument a few years back and we hadn’t seen him since. But he took us in anyway, giving us a home. Sam was able to go to high school in one place and finally have a life. So in some ways, it was an improvement.”

“What about you, Dean?” Cas queried gently, his expression still all sad puppy eyes. “Was it an improvement for you?”

“It was…” Dean pondered on his words. He knew Cas wouldn’t be offended if he didn’t say anything. They had agreed that it was all right for both of them to say only as much as they were comfortable with, as long as they never lied to one another. But Dean wanted to tell Cas. He wanted to trust him. Wanted to know if he could accept all parts of him, and thereby be worthy of staying in Cambridge for and being with for a longer period. And in any case, Dean found him oddly easy and calming to talk to. Cas never seemed to judge, and always listened attentively to what Dean had to say. Dean couldn’t say that about many people he had met in his life. 

“It was…complicated, I suppose, for me. Dad was gone, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. Was it bad to be almost relieved for it, because of the peace and stability it brought into our lives? And I wasn’t really sure what I should do with myself, with that new type of life we had been given. Because of Dad’s bad habits, I had looked after Sam for most of our childhood, but suddenly that was no longer something I necessarily needed to do. So I was just kind of…lost with everything.”

Cas simply nodded, his eyes sympathetic. “Is that why you came here once Sam left?”

Dean shrugged. “I guess. I mean, I still felt like I needed to stay with Sam back then, but now that he’s all grown and wants to be on his own…I suppose I saw an opportunity and took it. But I also came because that feeling of being lost only grew once Sam was gone. I thought maybe a change of scenery would help with that.”

“Has it?” Cas queried, but he didn’t appear skeptical or cruel, only curious.

Dean smiled then, just a bit. “Yeah, I think so.” And squeezed Cas’ hand.

Cas smiled as well. “Then I’m happy. And I’m glad you came here, if only so I was able to meet you.”

Dean blushed. Cas was still almost painfully open about how much he liked Dean’s company. “Cas…don’t just  _ say _ things like that.”

Cas simply kept smiling, even as he put the rest of his lunch in his mouth and chewed.

“Okay,” Dean then stated. “You know a bit more about my family now. Would you tell me about yours?”

“All right,” Cas said. “What would you like to hear?”

Dean shrugged. “Just whatever I guess. What comes to mind.”

“Hmm,” Cas mused, thinking for a while, setting his utensils aside. “You may have already figured it out, but I come from a rather wealthy background.” Dean nodded. It had been easy enough to figure out, what with Cas being able to live in a nice apartment without seeming to actually have a job, and being able to go to school so far away. And he had also said a few things about expectations and influence that had made Dean think. 

“I have three older brothers; two Alphas, one Omega. I’m the youngest of our brood.” He sighed. “My parents’ marriage was an arranged one, and not a very happy one at that. My Mother, my Sire, was hardly ever home when we were growing up, leaving the job of raising us to my Omega father.”

“I’m guessing you’re not very close to Mommy Dearest then?”

“Far from it. It is…difficult for me to be around her, most of the time. I am quite close to my Dad, however. I suppose we have similar personalities, and in comparison to my brothers, I was probably the easiest child for him to manage when we were growing up.” He frowned into his plate, his scent tinged with longing and sadness. “I admit, it has been difficult being so far away from him.”

“Then why come all the way over here to school? Did it get really bad between you and your Mom?”

“In some ways, yes. A lot of it has to do with my Omega brother, Gabriel. He is the closest of my siblings to me, as he is the second youngest and so we were the closest in age of us. The life our Mother expected him to have was…stifling for him, to say the least. All of us had certain expectations placed upon us the moment we were born, but once Gabriel presented, those expectations changed. He basically became a bargaining chip in our Mother’s eyes, someone to marry off to business associates or their children in hopes of securing alliances or deals. But Gabriel…he’s always kept his own mind, rebelled against what he doesn’t believe in, in one way or another.” He smiled nostalgically at his memories. “Many suitors ended up having ‘accidents’ when they came to meet Gabe, and refused to come back. But the final straw for our Mother was that, in the end, Gabriel really took a hold of his own destiny. He fell in love with an Alpha named Balthazar, and they eloped some years ago.”

“No way!” Dean exclaimed. “What did your Mom have to say about that?”

Castiel frowned again, his scent taking a melancholic tone. “Mother would not stand for it. She couldn’t take not being able to control Gabriel anymore. The bond could’ve been broken, of course, but as you know, it can only be done if the parties involved want it. She gave Gabriel an ultimatum: leave Balthazar and come home, or be cut off from the family entirely.”

“I’m guessing he took the first choice.”

Cas smiled sadly. “Indeed. Gabe knew what he was getting into when he did what he did. I was a teenager at the time, and I felt betrayed that he left us, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve also grown to understand why he did it. And that he didn’t abandon me on purpose; he just couldn’t take the life expected of him anymore.”

“So…are you in contact with him now?”

Cas smiled more genuinely then. “Yes. As soon as I was an adult, I reached out to Gabriel. We’ve been in contact ever since, exchanging letters mostly because I am still overseas most of the time.”

“And him and that Balthazar guy?”

“They are still together, and very much in love it appears. Gabriel just had twin girls in the spring.”

“Wow,” Dean mumbled, taking a sip of his water. “You…you think you could tell me your last name? Or tell me if I would know your family from somewhere by that name?”

Castiel was hesitant, frowning once more. “I’m sorry, Dean. But I think I need to keep my last name to myself for a while longer. Because it is likely you would recognise it.”

Huh. Apparently Dean wasn’t the only one who had some “make it or break it” types of things he wanted to keep to himself. It also sounded like Cas was indeed from a very affluent and rich family. It made Dean curious, and more than a little nervous, but he stuck to his deal not to pry and said, “Okay.”

…

It was a few weeks into their casual dating, and also a few weeks into November, when while hanging out at Castiel’s apartment, Dean strumming his guitar for a bit, Cas said, “I’d like for us to take a short trip together. You came over here to see the world, but so far you’ve only seen Cambridge. I feel as though you should at least experience London while you’re here.”

Dean blinked. “So…you wanna take a trip to London with me?”

“Sure,” Cas smiled. “I’ve been a few times, but there is always so much to see there. I think you’d like it. If you could take Friday off from work, we could spend a long weekend over there.”

Dean thought about it for a moment, but not much longer. “Okay, sure.” 

After all, what did he have to lose? And it would be nice to see a bit more of the United Kingdom, especially with someone who had at least some idea of where he was going there. It might be the most time he had ever spent in Castiel’s company, but he always liked hanging around with him, so it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

Because Dean had been working hard and hadn’t taken any extra days off in months, he was able to get both Friday and Monday off surrounding next week’s weekend. They would have to come back on Sunday because Cas had classes on Monday, but Dean figured he could use his extra day to sleep off the travel hardships. He and Cas agreed that they’d ride an early bus to London, which would take around two hours, and they would be in London before noon. Cas had apparently booked them a hotel room. He wasn’t telling Dean where they’d be staying, which was making him slightly nervous, but Cas insisted he wanted it to be a surprise.

That Friday morning, Dean grabbed his duffel bag, packed with some clothes and his toiletries for the trip, and left to meet Cas at his apartment. It was still dark out, and cold, which made his breath mist in the air. His head felt rather heavy and his eyes dry with the lack of sleep and the early wake-up call. He yawned once in a while, but managed to make it to Cas’, where the man was waiting. He’d already called them a taxi to take them where the bus would pick them up.

They didn’t talk much on the way to the bus station, while waiting for their ride to arrive or when they got on the bus, both too tired and not functioning well so early in the morning. On the bus, they fell almost right to sleep, leaning on each other and cuddled together. The bus driver woke them up once they reached London.

The capital of the UK was much bigger than Cambridge, obviously, and seemed to have a different feel, even a different smell that clung to it; one that tended to stick to the biggest and busiest cities in Dean’s memory. Cars and people were buzzing about, people rushing back and forth doing this and that. Dean, who was more awake now after his nap, tried to take it all in, almost overwhelmed by everything he was seeing, smelling, and hearing.

They quickly found a taxi waiting in line at the bus station, and Cas gave the driver the name to their hotel. Dean didn’t recognize the name, but then again he was more familiar with motels and cheap inns than hotels. The place itself, when they arrived there, was tall, modern and huge to the point of slight intimidation. Like any good hotel Dean had only previously experienced in movies and TV shows, it was very clean to the point of almost gleaming, from the outdoor front to the spacious lobby. The smell of cleaning products and shining stone was in the air everywhere.

It was pretty much the nicest place Dean had ever stayed at. It made his head swim and his nerves prickle.

Cas checked them in with Dean’s name, as they had agreed previously, since Cas was still reluctant to let Dean know his real last name. They wouldn’t be able to get into their room until after 2PM, but the hotel had a storage area where they could stash their bags before hitting the town. Dean noticed the Beta woman behind the counter gave him a bit of a look when she thought he didn’t see. She was likely taking in his worn clothes and old duffel bag, and Dean wondered if she thought Cas was his sugar daddy or something similar. The thought made him a bit cold, especially in the light of how nice this hotel was. It had to be expensive. And they hadn’t really discussed payment, Cas only insisting that he’d take care of everything.

These thoughts in mind, Dean offered to pay for the brunch they decided to enjoy in a nearby diner to start off their day. Even as he ate, he was doing mental calculations in his head. Would he be able to pay for half of their hotel stay? How much would it take? He could dip into his savings, but what if this relationship didn’t end up going any further and then Dean would have to stick around for that much longer because he couldn’t afford to leave yet, stuck in Cambridge with all his memories and thoughts of Cas?

“Dean, is something the matter?” Cas queried, bringing Dean out of his thoughts with a blink. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Are you still tired?”

“No, not really, that’s not it…” Dean mumbled, passing his food around his plate to avoid looking straight at Cas.

“Then what is bothering you?” Cas asked, his tone soft as he cautiously reached for Dean’s hand. Dean let him take it, smelling Castiel’s concern. “Can you tell me?”

Dean kept moving his food around his plate, licking his lips in shame. He wanted to be honest with Cas, but being completely honest would mean telling the whole truth, and Dean frankly wasn’t ready for that, especially in an open space like this and when they were in another city where he couldn’t get away from Cas if Cas didn’t like what he heard.

Finally, he said, “I guess I’m just a bit uncomfortable the idea that you seem to want to pay for the hotel.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at that. “May I ask why?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s just…it makes me feel almost like you’re paying me to be near you. Like I owe you for this. Or that it’s unbalanced. I mean, I get that we come from different types of backgrounds, and I don’t wanna hold that against you, but…”

Cas squeezed his hand. “Dean, I’m sorry,” he said, frowning. “I can’t lie, I like the idea of being able to spoil you, to be able to give you nice things, when I get the feeling you haven’t had that many in the past. That was part of the reason why I booked such a nice hotel; because I wanted you to be able to enjoy yourself. I kept it a surprise because I wanted to see the look on your face when you saw it. But I did realize you didn’t look happy like I had thought you would be. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, or like you’re obligated to do anything, which you are not. Everything I give is a gift I want to give you, just because I want to make you happy. But if it doesn’t make you happy, we can work something out.”

Dean smiled cautiously. “I’m just not…there yet I guess. Because we’re not…”

“We’re not serious yet,” Cas nodded. “I understand. What would you like to do about this? What can I do to make it better for you?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t really know…I kinda want to pay for half of the hotel, but…” He didn’t dare say he wasn’t sure he could afford it.

Cas sucked on his bottom lip in thought, his scent muddled, then said, “How about we do it this way: you pay for all our meals and transportation fees while we’re here. If after we go back to Cambridge, you still feel that wasn’t enough, we can talk of a part you can pay for the hotel stay.”

Dean blinked. “That…that sounds doable.”

Cas smiled. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

They finished eating, and as agreed, Dean paid for the meal. They then headed for the subway, to go to the London Tower, which Cas had chosen as their first destination to visit. Dean was content just to follow his lead, trusting Cas to know where to take him. The old stone castle turned out to be fascinating to look at, and they also went on a few tours guided by the Tower guards called Beefeaters. The history of the place was actually surprisingly fascinating, and the way the Beefeaters told it was entertaining and amusing, making it easy to pay attention to. Dean even laughed at a few of their jokes, and he and Cas shared meaningful grins when something especially funny was said.

They ended up touring the place from top to bottom, both with guided tours and without, talking about this and that in-between or just remarking at what they were seeing. Afterwards, they entered the chamber with the crown jewels. It was dark in there, with the valuables placed in lit-up glass cases. The floor moved beneath them so they couldn’t linger much. But even Dean, who wasn’t much a jewel person, had to admire some of the designs in the crowns. And also wonder how much they were worth and how heavy they must be.

Afterwards, they decided to enjoy a late lunch/early dinner at the nearby pub, both of them ordering fish and chips. It was quite good, and the portions were big, which was good because they were both starving. Dean paid, once more, before they decided to simply walk around the city before turning in early to get an early start tomorrow. They passed many stores, and window-shopped, then went past the Trafalgar square, while holding hands and talking. Dean took photographs with the use-and-toss cameras he had purchased for the occasion. He figured it would be good to have something tangible to remember his time in the UK by, rather than just his personal memories.

Dean and Castiel were on their way back to the hotel, when they passed another one of those small, dime-a-dozen boutiques that sold small souvenirs to tourists, such as magnets, coffee or tea tins and the sort, most of them decorated with Union Jacks. Cas kept looking at the place, even as they passed it, over his shoulder. Finally, he stopped walking altogether.

He gave Dean a quick glance. “I’ll be right back,” he said, then hurried towards the boutique. Dean raised an eyebrow. If Cas wanted to buy a souvenir so badly, he could’ve just said so.

Cas returned swiftly, holding something in his fist. He was somewhat breathless and smelled slightly nervous. “Give me your hand, please.”

Dean blinked, but held out his palm. Cas placed something smooth and relatively heavy, considering it didn’t feel big in size, in it. When he removed his hand, Dean saw it was a silver keychain, shaped like one of those red phone booths you saw everywhere around here. He looked up at Cas in confusion.

Cas’ cheeks flushed lightly. “A small gift for you. So you have something especially from me to remember this day, and this city, by. I hope you’ll accept it, even if it’s not much.”

And suddenly, Dean just felt his heart melting at his words, as he looked down at the keychain again. Such a small gesture, but somehow so genuine and heartfelt. This type of simple thoughtfulness was why he liked Cas so much, the way he was always so considerate of Dean and wanted to do everything he could to please him. Consistently, he was always willing to consider Dean’s feelings and tried to make him as happy as he could in whatever way he could. When he’d realised Dean didn’t want grand gestures or huge gifts, he had switched into something smaller but all the more meaningful. Dean didn’t think he’d ever had anyone caring for him so much.

He didn’t know how to put all of that into words, however, so he just squeezed the keychain into his fist, looked Cas right in the eye and said, “Thanks, Cas. I’ll put my keys on it.”

Cas’ face spread into a wide smile then, his scent filled with joy, and Dean just had to kiss him for it.

They made it back to the hotel and had a light evening snack of cheese sandwiches in the lobby, before heading upstairs. Dean put the keychain into his keys, as promised, and they both showered and brushed their teeth. The rest of the evening they spent half-watching some crappy TV, but they were both rather tired from the long day and the travels earlier, so they decided to just go to sleep rather quickly. This was another new for Dean. He had never before simply slept in the same bed with someone he wasn’t related to when it didn’t involve any type of sex whatsoever. Let alone that it happened in a hotel room, where most people would almost expect sex to happen. But Cas wasn’t insinuating anything, and Dean didn’t feel like doing anything but sleep either. It was strange and new, but Dean found he liked it. It was easy to fall asleep surrounded by Cas’ scent and his soft breathing so near to him.

The next morning, they ate breakfast at the hotel, before heading out. Cas was taking Dean to the Bunker Museum today, which was built into a real underground bunker, where the leaders of the Allies had planned their war strategies during WWII. The place was really neat, everything arranged to look as authentic to the way it had been over five decades ago. Now that he was more awake, Dean even read the history bits provided on plaques about the place. Cas also shared some facts not mentioned at the museum but that he knew, and Dean found it interesting to listen to him and his rumbling baritone voice. At the gift shop, he bought himself a red and white mug that said “Keep Calm and Carry On,” which he found he rather liked, as a small souvenir.

They ate lunch after, before heading for the British Museum. Dean had to take a few pictures of the gorgeous structure itself, shaped like the Pantheon Temple, and a tourist agreed to take a picture of him and Cas on the stairs of the Museum together. They visited as many exhibitions as they could, though Dean ended up liking the Egyptian exhibit the most, with his sarcophagi and other items that had been found in the old tombs. Cas told him some things he knew about these as well, in a sort of fun-fact type of way that Dean found amusing as well as fascinating.

They ended the day with a late dinner, before going to bed. Once again, they were both too exhausted to do anything but sleep, though Dean let Cas spoon him in bed, enjoying the warmth of him at his back, his soft breathing against his neck. He hated to admit it, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt so safe while sleeping as he had with knowing Castiel was right there beside him.

On their last day in London, they took a tour bus around the city to see as much of it as possible, before they needed to catch their own bus back to Cambridge. Theirs would leave around six in the evening, so they’d both have some time to get back to their apartments and get a proper night’s rest. They ate lunch before heading back to the hotel, where they had already checked out, but had kept their bags. In the end, Dean felt that paying for the food and the travel expenses was enough compensation, so Cas paid for the room. Dean smiled, and didn’t feel used or exploited at all anymore.

Although they didn’t sleep this time around on the bus back to Cambridge, they didn’t speak neither. They had talked enough the past few days and were both tired in any case. But the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, more like one that said words weren’t needed for them to understand each other. Cautiously, Dean rested his head on Cas’ shoulder, and was happy that Cas didn’t say anything, just put his arm around Dean and rested his head against Dean’s. It filled Dean with a special kind of warmth in his chest, one that he almost felt like must be dangerous to feel. But it felt so good and safe to be with Cas like this. So, for now, he just let himself feel what he felt.

Once they arrived at the bus station in Cambridge, the two of them said quick goodbyes with small kisses, before heading their separate ways. Cas promised to call Dean on Tuesday to ask how he was doing, and to make possible plans for the latter half of the week. Charlie wasn’t home when Dean got back to the apartment, but she had left him a note that said she had gone to a late study group. Dean cooked himself some quick dinner, ate it in his pajamas and watched some bad TV before going to bed early. The trip had been tiring, although fun, and he just wanted to sleep in his bed and get it out of his system.

Dean woke up early the next morning, and felt like cooking after days of eating prepared meals. He had time, and Charlie wasn’t up yet, so he whipped up one of his big breakfasts for both of them. Charlie thanked him with a hug once she woke up, and welcomed him back. She had classes today, but they didn’t start until noon, so she and Dean were able to have a chat about his trip before she left. Dean told her about what he and Cas had done and experienced, what it had been like. But most importantly, he talked to her about how he’d been feeling the entire trip.

“I felt so close to him. It felt so good to be with him,” Dean said. “We stayed at a really nice hotel, and we didn’t even have sex there! I didn’t even feel like we had to. Like we were both content to just be together and sleep. And I didn’t even feel guilty when I let him pay for the stay there.” He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been like this with anyone else. Or felt like this.”

Charlie looked straight at him, her expression very serious. “Dean,” she said. “It sounds like you’re starting to fall for Castiel.” Dean blushed, but didn’t deny it, although he averted his eyes. “That means you have some things to think over, some things to consider. But Dean,” Charlie spoke slower. “I think he makes you happy. I think he has the capacity to keep making you happy. I think you’re good together. So I really hope you don’t let this one go.”

And so, Dean did think about it. He ended up thinking about it all day, hardly being able to focus on anything else once Charlie left for her classes.

With how much time Dean had been spending with Cas lately, he had learned quite a few things about the Alpha. Dean now knew generic things like the fact that Cas hated olives, loved spicy food even though it tended to make him sneeze, and that he couldn’t have anything with caffeine in it after five PM or he’d have hard time falling asleep at night. He also learned some of the bigger things, like the fact Cas was quite passionate about Omega rights, having witnessed first-hand how difficult life could be for them, even when they seemingly had everything they could materially ask for.

“And that doesn’t even cover Omegas of lower class, of color or transtype Omegas,” as Cas himself had put it. It explained some of why he was always so considerate of Dean and treated him as an equal. It made Dean trust him all the more, and allow himself to relax around Castiel. Cas didn’t expect him to be anything other than just Dean, so Dean let himself laugh loudly in his presence, eat more pie than people considered ‘appropriate’ for a single person – let alone an Omega – to eat, and to be upfront about his opinions. In fact, it seemed that Cas much preferred when Dean was himself, as whenever Dean laughed or got passionate talking about cars, music or books, Cas got this strange type of expression on his face. His beautiful blue eyes would sparkle in a very specific way and he’d have this overly fond, soft smile on his face. His scent would be all sunshine and sugar, and Dean found himself loving all of that, and wanting to see and smell it as often as he could.

Dean had even told Cas about how he’d grown up learning about cars from both his Dad and Bobby, how it had been something he had used to have in common to talk about with his father. At least, until he had presented. Afterwards, John had always seemed to find some excuse out of spending any time alone with Dean.

“He was gone a lot more after that. He was never exactly around, but it got a lot worse after the fact, and for longer periods at a time. He never…never really looked me the same, after. Subtlety wasn’t my Dad’s strongest point. It was easy to tell how ashamed he was that his firstborn turned out to be an Omega.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Cas had said, squeezing his hand in comfort. “But I also think your father was close-minded and doesn’t sound like a very good parent. If he couldn’t see beyond your Type, it was his loss.”

Dean had also told Cas about the Omega Boys’ Home, and what a contrast it had been to come back to live with John’s shame after the liberal values and empowering atmosphere of Sonny’s. It had been after that particular conversation that Dean began to realize he was telling Cas things he had never spoken of to another living soul. Sam had been fed some half-assed lie about Dean’s time at Sonny’s and after returning Dean had shut down his questions and refused to bring it up again. Everyone in Sioux Falls hadn’t really known about it and people knew better than to ask if they guessed something. So Dean also hadn’t talked about it. Until he had told about it to Castiel.

It was easy for Dean to talk to Cas. Almost too easy. But being in his presence made Dean let down his guard and made him want to spill his secrets to Cas. Dean felt like he could tell Cas anything and not be judged for it. He felt safe with him, safer than he had probably with any other person, let alone an Alpha.

And the thought of that was scary as fuck.

The more Dean spent time with Cas, the more he liked him. They hadn’t even had sex these past months, which was sometimes more than frustrating because Cas was so hot and smelled so good, but even without it, Dean was looking forward to every moment he could spend with Cas. Even if it often meant some self-love afterwards, having basked in Castiel’s scent so openly yet not being able to get any relief for it. Dean also tended to get this weird warm feeling in his chest lately just at the mere thought of him, found himself missing Cas when he couldn’t see him, even if it hadn’t really been that long, and he thought about him all the time.

No matter what anyone may have thought, Dean wasn’t stupid enough to not realize what all that probably meant. He had even been in love before, once, brief as that relationship had ended up being. So it was becoming increasingly evident to Dean what Charlie had already realized and voiced as well: that Dean was falling for Castiel.

The question now was, of course, what Dean should do about that. The more time he spent with Cas, the less he ever wanted to be apart from him. It was a weird oxymoron; to want to spend more time with someone with every time you spent time with that someone. But it was dangerous. Dean may have told Cas things he had never told any living soul before, but there was one big more that he was holding tightly onto. The biggest secret, the “break it or make it” secret. It was what had destroyed his relationship with the only other person he’d ever truly been in love with, his ex-girlfriend Cassie, because she hadn’t been able to deal with it. Would Cas react the same way she had?

Dean knew more than well that to make an informed decision about Cas, the Alpha would need to know that secret. If he could accept that part of Dean and his past, Dean was pretty sure their relationship would be able to withstand anything. And that Cas would be the one to hold on to, the kind of person Dean wanted in his life for good. But the thought of telling Cas also terrified Dean. More than anything, he realized, he was afraid Cas would think so much less of him for it, and that was a thought Dean could barely deal with.

These thoughts plagued him for days on end, making sleep and paying attention to much else quite difficult. Dean was becoming increasingly distracted, deep in thought on his dates with Cas, at the apartment and at work. Charlie and Cas were both noticing, and seemed worried, but wouldn’t push the issue as they seemed to realize Dean didn’t want to talk about it. Instead they just expressed their invitations to talk or help with whatever it was he was going through. Dean just tried to think of something else, and distract himself so he wouldn’t worry them any more than he already did. Which tended to backfire, because he just ended up becoming more distracted.

In the meantime, almost without him realizing it, the months changed into December, with snow on the ground and the air freezing and Christmas just a few weeks away. And with Christmas, the agreed deadline for when he and Cas would have to decide and talk about what they should do about their relationship was quickly approaching as well. Dean knew he needed to tell Cas his final secret before the deadline, preferably sometime earlier so Cas could have some time to think about it if he needed. Although in Dean’s imagination and dreams he usually just ended up making up his mind right at the spot, most often in the form of saying a few cutting words (often reminiscent to what Cassie had said when he’d told her) and showcasing how much he despised Dean now.

That day was approaching fast, and Dean wasn’t looking forward to the conversation they would need to have.


	5. Chapter four

Dean’s worries kept plaguing him, weighing more heavily on him as December progressed. But Dean didn’t know what to do and couldn’t seem to find a way out of his messy mind. He did know the right thing to do would be to talk to Cas, and he almost wanted to a degree, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to. At least not with Cas.

It was a good thing that Castiel wasn’t the only one who cared enough about Dean now to to know his sudden brooding and moodiness was uncharacteristic. After a while of Dean spacing through his life, Charlie seemed to have had enough of it, and finally said to him, “Okay, spill. What’s been up with you these past weeks?”

Dean looked up from where he’d been mindlessly watching TV on the couch, staring at the screen without absorbing anything of what was happening. “Sorry?”

“Don’t you ‘sorry’ me, Winchester. You’ve been so out of it that you didn’t even notice I put carrots and peas in your sandwich for lunch yesterday. Something’s obviously bothering you.” She sat down next to him on the couch, took the remote off his hand and turned the TV off. “Look, we’ve been living together for about three months now, and I don’t know about you, but in that time, I’ve come to consider you a friend. And as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I don’t actually have that many. Based on that you only send letters to your brother, I don’t think you do either. So I want the two of us to be able to count on each other and rely on each other. To talk about stuff and gain support for that. Without judgement or shame. So…I’m just letting you know, once again, that I’m here if you wanna talk.”

Dean was stunned for a moment, trying to process everything Charlie had just said. Eventually, what he blurted out was, “I consider you a friend too.” He didn’t mention Charlie was probably the best friend he had ever had. Or that she was right in that he didn’t have too many real friends, and had even less those whom he had met and gotten to know all on his own, instead of them coming into his life through someone he already knew, like Jo. Instead, he said, “I think…I think I should talk about this, but I don’t know how it’s going to affect us being friends, or even me living here.”

Charlie put up her hand, as if to swear an oath. “Hey, I said no judgement, didn’t I? Believe me, there’s some shit in my past I don’t like folks knowing either, so who am I to give you shit about yours?”

Dean almost wanted to ask what she might mean, but got the feeling she wasn’t ready to come out and be more specific just yet. But he also didn’t know how to even begin to tell his own secret. It felt like his lips had been glued shut and his tongue dried off. He kept wringing his hands at his lap and was beginning to sweat nervously.

“Okay,” Charlie said after a few moments of Dean trying to say his piece. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Or we could do it in another way. I can ask you questions, you’ll answer honestly. Yes or no questions only. We’ll get to the bottom of it eventually. Does that sound okay?”

Dean thought about it for a minute. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, then,” Charlie said, slapping her hands on her thighs. “Is this related to Cas?”

“Yes.”

“Something he did?”

“No.”

“Something you did?”

“…Yes.”

“A long time ago?”

“Yes.”

“Dean, are you afraid to tell him you used to be a prostitute?”

Dean could barely control his shock. “How the hell did you get that from me in four yes or no questions?!”

Charlie shrugged, but Dean was pretty thankful she at least didn’t seem all that shocked or appalled. Or that she hadn’t just meant her question as a joke, but had genuinely guessed right. 

“From what I’ve learned about your past so far, it wasn’t too difficult to put together. On the road all the time, the sole provider absent, two underage and growing kids, the older one of them an Omega.” She put her hand on Dean’s arm. “It’s more common than you think, Dean.”

Dean’s face was burning and to his further humiliation, he realised, so were his eyes. He tried to blink fast to make it go away. He hadn’t thought about this shit in years, at least consciously. Of course memories tended to surface from time to time, but Dean always did his best to squash them down deep before they could escape much further. He hated thinking about it.

About how the first time, he had been going without food for two days because John had already been a week late from returning when he said he would. About how he’d been looking for something to eat at diner dumpsters, having only found half a hamburger. About how when he’d left that side-alley, some big, ugly, fat Alpha man had exited that same diner, taken one look at him and then began approaching. About how he’d asked Dean “How much?” and how confused Dean had been. How innocent. About how the Alpha had said “To have those pretty lips of your around my knot?” About how Dean had wanted to tell him to piss off, how scared he had been because he was by himself in an unfriendly neighborhood with a much bigger Alpha, who might try and force him anyway if Dean refused. So he’d said the first number that had come to mind: “40 bucks.” About how the Alpha had agreed to that, and taken him back to the side-alley. About how Dean had choked on the Alpha’s cock, how it had hurt his throat and mouth, but how he had tried to take it and make it good. About how, in the end, the Alpha had said, “You are a lousy whore, boy,” and had given Dean a 20 for all that, and Dean hadn’t known if he should be happy or sad he had said that. About how after the Alpha had gone, Dean had thrown up what little he had managed to eat that night, mixed with the Alpha’s semen he’d swallowed. About how he had told himself that would be the first and the last time he did anything like that for money.

About how it hadn’t been the last time, because the times between when John was around became longer and longer, but he never left enough money and even though Dean did his best to ration the money and the food, he didn’t want to worry Sammy and eventually the money always ran out anyway. About how Dean had practiced on a cucumber to get better at giving blow jobs, but not because he had someone special he wanted to please. About how he’d hurried and gotten into bed with an Alpha he had sort of liked from his math class, so his first time wouldn’t be with someone who had paid him. About how some of the first people he’d pleasured for money had smelled his discomfort and disgust, and left in the middle without paying him, before Dean had learned he always had to take the money first. How he had learned to put on perfume to mask the disgust, or how some of the people had enjoyed his tormented scent, enjoyed choking him on their genitals. About how much it had hurt when he had allowed someone to do it in the ass for the first time for money, how he hadn’t been turned on enough and therefore not wet enough, but somehow that had only spurred on the one who had done it. About how awful it had been to go back to Sam every time. About how he hadn’t known if it had been worse when Sam hadn’t caught him or when he had and assumed Dean had just been slutting himself out to a bunch of people out of his free will. About how Dean had sometimes wanted to shake Sam and scream at him, “Do you think I like this? Where do you think the money to feed both of us comes from? You ungrateful brat!”

But Charlie was speaking again, her voice soft and gentle. “How old were you?”

Dean sighed, trying to not to let the tears fall. His voice was hoarse as he answered, “I was 16 the first time, but it continued until my Dad died when I was 18, on and off, depending on how much money we had.” He felt that now that the secret was out, there was no point in hiding or lying any further.

“Jesus, Dean,” Charlie gasped, and her face turn horrified. “You do realize that it was wrong that you were forced to do that? That it never should’ve happened in the first place?”

“Yeah, I do,” Dean murmured, and meant it. “But in any case, it’s baggage. And how well do you think Cas can deal with that kind of baggage? I’m…scared he’s going to look down on me and hate me, so a part of me wants to preserve things as they are. But on the other hand, I can’t keep on not knowing how he might react to knowing the truth. This is…it for me, Charlie. My one dark secret. If Cas can deal with it and maybe even accept it, I’ll know I made the right call to stay. But if not…”

“You’ll want to get the hell out of dodge before it’s too late,” Charlie finished for him with a sigh. Then she put her hand over his on his lap. “Look, Dean, I can’t tell you what to do or how Cas will react. And I know how wonderfully easy it can be to try and pretend nothing is wrong so everything you’ve built up can last for a while longer, wrapped in a cozy bubble. But, Dean…this isn’t just going to go away. It’ll keep on bothering you, and at least if you go ahead and talk to him, you’ll know either way. And from the way you were after your London trip…I think you want to stay with Castiel, and to be with him for real. Shouldn’t you find out if he’s worth it?"

Dean nodded, almost unconsciously, robotically. He knew what Charlie was saying was entirely true. He needed to tell Cas, and the sooner the better. He’d known it all along, but he’d needed to hear it from someone else, too. And to not have Charlie judge him or kick him out or do anything except offer support and advice, well…it gave him hope maybe Cas would react in a similar way. That they could get past this and not get stuck in it like he had been with Cassie.

Without saying anything, Dean rose from the couch, and went over to the phone, dialing by now a very familiar number.

“Hello?” Castiel’s voice came over the line.

“Hey, Cas, it’s Dean. Listen, there’s something I gotta tell you. Something pretty important and big. Can I come over?”

“…Is this about what’s been bothering you of late?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Then yes. I’m at my apartment right now. Come over whenever you can.”

“Okay, I’ll start heading your way now.”

Dean hung up the phone and headed towards the door to grab his coat. Before he could make it out of the door, however, Charlie spoke up, “Hey, Dean.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked, one hand on the door handle.

“If he can’t deal, doesn’t deserve you. But I can still make his life miserable for your sake if he makes you feel like shit about it. Just so you know.”

Dean smiled, and was oddly touched. No one had ever defended his honor like this before. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

And then he headed out the door and rushed over to Cas’ place.

As soon as he arrived there, and stepped as far as the kitchen in the apartment, he got the feeling Cas hadn’t been as available as he had let Dean think over the phone, because the place was a mess, and smelled of paper and coffee. And then Dean realized that his finals of the fall semester were coming up and Cas was probably busy studying. And he had come all the way over here with his problems that might make very difficult of Cas to focus on his studies afterwards.

“Sorry, this is a bad time, I should just go…” Dean said, and turned to do just that.

“No,” Cas insisted firmly, his scent anxious but serious. “I told you it was all right for you to come, and I meant it, Dean. So come on in, and tell me what’s been bothering you.”

“But if you’re busy…”

“I wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, thinking about what it was that you wanted to tell me. Besides, you deserve more than having to come here without even saying what I know you’ve had to build up the courage to speak to me about. You’re more important than that, Dean.”

Dean blushed, but said nothing more and stepped inside. He left his coat to one of the hooks on the wall in the hallway, and let Cas lead him to sit on the couch, where Cas had evidently removed some books and papers to rest on his coffee table instead, so they could sit down for a chat.

Cas took a hold of Dean’s hands. “Tell me what is wrong, Dean, and I will try my best to help you with that.”

Dean grimaced. “Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep,” he said, sighing. “I’m about to tell you something about me. And it will probably change the way you see me. If you want to call everything between us quits after I’ve told you, that’s fine, or if you need some time to think about it, that’s fine too. All I’m really asking is that you won’t go around telling what I tell you. Whatever else you feel about it or do about it is up to you and I can’t control how you might feel. But I hope you’ll respect the trust I’m placing in you at least enough that you’ll keep this between us.”

Cas squeezed his hands, his anxiety growing more obvious in his scent by the minute, though it didn’t show on his face. “Dean, whatever it is, I would never tell anything you’ve told me in confidence forward. You have my word on that.”

Dean nodded. But as he prepared to say what he knew he needed to say, it again became difficult to form the words. Was there any right way to say this? To make it any easier on either one of them? Dean wasn’t sure, but the thought of Cas not understanding everything fully before Dean told him scorched him inside.

So, he started out with, “I’ve told you some things about how I grew up already. You know we moved around, that Dad was gone a lot and we didn’t have all that much money.” He waited for Cas to nod. “Well, after I came back from the Omega Boys’ Home, fully presented and somewhat grown into me being an Omega, Dad was gone even more than he used to when Sammy and me were little. Maybe he thought I was now old enough to hold the fort, or maybe he just didn’t feel like looking at me or smelling me. Maybe I reminded him too much of Mom, the way I was an Omega like her.” He gulped down his suddenly dry throat. “When he knew he would be gone for some time, he’d leave me and Sammy some money. It had been hard to manage with that money when we were kids, but when he started being gone longer and longer and didn’t leave much more money than he used to…” Dean shook his head. “I did everything I could. I budgeted, I went without food so Sammy could eat. Hell, I even stole sometimes, or begged. But in the end it wasn’t enough.”

“Dean…” Cas mumbled, his grip on Dean’s hands tighter than ever. “What happened?”

Dean had a feeling Cas had already guessed, but was waiting for Dean to confirm it. He was by no means stupid, after all. He smelled angry, but also sad and worried. It scared Dean because he couldn’t be sure what about Dean’s story made him feel those emotions, and who or what he was angry or sad at. Dean himself, John maybe, or the circumstances of Dean’s childhood? Was he worried about Dean himself, or about what he was going to hear? He couldn’t be sure until he told Cas. So he just came out and said it, “I used to trade sexual favors for money. Sometimes, on and off. It was the only way for me to put food on the table and buy us necessities when I was so young and when we moved around so much.”

Cas took in a quiet breath through his slack mouth, but that was the only sound in the entire apartment right then. You could’ve heard a pin drop, it was so quiet. His scent was still angry and sad, but he still wasn’t saying anything about who or what they were directed at. But he hadn’t let go of Dean’s hands and Dean took that as a good sign at least.

In the end, Dean couldn’t take the silence any longer and stated, “Please say something.”

Cas still seemed stunned into silence, and almost robotically came out with, “Dean…how old were you?”

“I was 16 when I started, and it ended when Dad died and we went to live with Uncle Bobby. I didn’t have to worry about money there and I was also able to get more work job after a while.” He paused for a moment. “So I haven’t actually done anything like that in years any more, if that’s what you want to know.”

“No, no, I…I just…” Cas rubbed at his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “I don’t even know what to say.”

_ Say you don’t despise me, see me as damaged, see me as broken and terrible _ , Dean begged inside his mind, but couldn’t bring himself to the humiliation of saying it all out loud. Instead, all he asked was, “Do you want me to leave?”

He formed the question in a way that Cas could interpret it as he wished. Dean could be referring to leaving to give Cas some space to think, or to leave forever. He left that up to Cas to decide.

“No!” Cas burst out, his eyes wild and panicked at the mere thought. “No, Dean, the last thing I want is for you to leave.”

That was good at least. But still… “Cas, I didn’t tell you because I need you to save me or something either. As far as I’m concerned, that part of my life is over and done with. But I also wanted to know how you might feel about it, and felt that you should find out from me now rather than later, for both our sakes.”

Cas’ face was soft and empathetic, yet his smile was sad. “No, I don’t think you need saving either, Dean. You’re…you’re incredibly strong, both now and then, having gone through what you did and coming out as a winner. But Dean…” he said. “You do realize that you having to do that, when you were so young, was wrong right?”

“Yes,” Dean reassured him. “I do realize it was wrong. And it’s not like I enjoyed it, most of the time. The memories of it aren’t good ones. But I did what I had to do to get by. I tried to get an honest job, but no one would hire me at that age, especially without any credentials and little education.”

“Do you regret doing it?” Cas asked, but he didn’t sound or smell judgmental or like he wanted Dean to say he did. Like he thought Dean would somehow be ruined if he didn’t think prostitution was terrible and wrong in all cases.

Therefore, Dean found it easier to be honest with him about it. “I don’t know if ‘regret’ is the right word. Like I said, I didn’t like doing it. A part of me resents my Dad for making me go through that. I get that it was wrong, and I wouldn’t wish it on any kid out there, but…the way I see it, I only did it because I had to. Because I was desperate and saw no other way for us to manage. And it supported me and Sammy both. We would’ve starved had I not done what I did. The only other way I saw was for Dad to start sticking around, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think that was going to happen, so I just…did what I had to do.” 

Dean didn’t mention he had also felt like it was his responsibility then, since it had always felt like he was the reason why John had started staying away for longer periods at a time. If he’d presented as an Alpha like they’d all assumed he would, and had not been such a cause of shame for John, would his Dad have been so reluctant to come back more often, and not leave his two sons alone without enough money? Dean had never found out the answer, but the thought of all that might have carried him through more than once with clients.

Cas nodded, his grip on Dean’s hands still tight. “I understand,” he sighed sadly. “Dean, all I can really say is that I am sorry you had to go through all of that. It wasn’t fair on you, not then and not now, and it should never have been your responsibility to bring food to the table, no matter what the method of doing that was.” Then he smiled softly, and there was a hint of joy in his scent underneath all of the sadness. “However, I am happy that you trusted me enough to tell me this. I know it must not have been easy. Thank you for that.”

It felt like a knot had been unclenched in Dean’s chest and gut both. It was as though he could finally breathe again, to let down his shoulders from all the tension. Cas was all right with this. He wasn’t judging him, but he also didn’t see Dean as damaged or someone he could turn into a project that he needed to save. He may have been a bit overwhelmed, but Dean couldn’t blame him for that. It was pretty big stuff to reveal to someone.

All he managed to say was, “Thank you for listening, and for understanding.”

He looked into Cas’ eyes for a minute, and after seeing nothing except warmth and affection there, he leaned over and kissed Cas. It was a soft kiss, but Cas returned it wholeheartedly. They didn’t use tongues or anything, just held each other close and gently pushed their lips together. It felt like a resolve, a beginning but also an end. Like a promise of something more and better to come in the future.

They kissed like that for a while, before Dean leaned back so he could look at Cas properly. “If you need more time to think about this, I get it. But I want you do know…I’m ready for this to be more now, even though there’s still time ‘til our agreed deadline for the discussion. All I really needed to be sure was that you’d be fine with what I told you just now. And you were. That’s enough for me to have a more serious relationship.”

“Oh, Dean,” Cas sighed, his expression elated, his eyes actually gaining a few tears Dean was shocked to see. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. But before anything, I suppose I should tell you my big secret as well.” He sighed. “My surname…is Novak.”

Novak. It was indeed a name Dean had heard of before. He was pretty sure everyone in the United States had, and probably more than a few abroad as well. The Novaks were one of the oldest money families in all of America, their fingers dipped in a little bit of everything, but mostly focused on weapons manufacturing. It was said there was very little in the financial world that didn’t bring at least a little bit more money into their pockets. Dean knew the current head of the Novak family was Naomi Novak, an Alpha who was often seen at various society and charity events with her head held up high. Her Omega mate was less known, and Dean wasn’t even sure if he could recall his name. But now everything Cas had told him previously was now put into perspective. No wonder the guy could get into Cambridge and live in a place like this if he was a Novak!

It was a surprise, but Dean realized, not as much of a surprise as it could’ve been. He had always known Cas’ family had money and influence. Dean also knew that Cas was getting an education to be able put more distance between his family’s legacy and his own life. To have a job and independence of his own without needing to work for his family. He also knew Cas had had no reason to lie about everything he’s told Dean, and that Cas honestly firmly believed in Omega rights, unlike his conservative, pro-life, abstinence-only mother. Dean understood how knowing who Cas really was might’ve been a big deal to someone…but to him, it really wasn’t. To him, Cas was still Cas, Novak or not. But he was in some ways glad Cas hadn’t decided to tell him until later, if only for the Alpha’s own peace of mind that Dean wasn’t with him just for his money or something.

So he gave Cas another soft kiss. “I only care that you’re Cas. I know well enough we can’t choose our families. Who your family is doesn’t change anything for me.”

And then Cas smiled so widely that Dean could see the crinkles in his nose, the gums of his teeth and the sparkle in his eyes. He kissed Dean, his scent all sunshine and sugar with happiness once again. This time it was a much more enthusiastic kiss, with Cas not holding anything back and nearly devouring Dean. Dean tried to give back in equal measure, now opening his mouth and allowing some rather major tongue action between the two of them. Dean leaned back on the couch so Cas was lying on top of him and soon they were just enthusiastically making out on Cas’ couch. The air was becoming thick with aroused pheromones, and Dean could feel Cas’ erection against his thigh as well as his own slick beginning to form and to pour out. He was rather quickly reminded how long they had gone without having sex, and how although Dean had pleasured himself more than a few times during their break in the bedroom, it just hadn’t been quite the same. Now he had Cas here on top of him, hard against him and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Not to mention they were apparently going to become more serious about their relationship, and Dean wanted to be naked with Cas inside of him as soon as possible.

As if sensing his thoughts, Cas ceased kissing him, and said, “Would you like to take this further?”

Dean grinned. “I think revealing our big secrets, being okay with them and becoming more serious about our relationship calls for some sort of celebration, don’t you think?”

Cas just smiled, and leaned down to kiss Dean again.

They ended up having rather wild and enthusiastic sex on that couch. Cas rimmed Dean good into one orgasm before getting inside of him and coaxing Dean into a second one and to his own release.

Afterwards, they lay there on the couch with Cas’ knot locked inside of Dean, spooned together. Cas’ hand was in Dean’s, held against Dean’s chest, and the other one was gently stroking Dean’s hair. The air smelled of the leftover of their sex, but also of happiness and satisfaction from both of them. And Dean didn’t think he’d ever felt more at home anywhere or with anyone than he did right that moment.

Cas kissed the back of his neck softly. “Does being serious mean I can tell people about us now?”

“Depends. Who is ‘people’?” Dean asked, only half-serious. It was difficult to be serious when you were this relaxed.

“My brother Gabriel for one. And my father. Anna I’m afraid already knows, as she’s the one who got us really together in the first place. She wouldn’t leave me alone about it.”

“That’s okay, Charlie wouldn’t either. And yeah, I think it’s okay if you want to tell about me to your Dad and your brother.” It was actually kind of a warming thought, Cas talking to his family about Dean. It made Dean feel like he really had a place in Cas’ life. So far, he was really liking this being serious thing. “I’ll tell Sam about you, too, then, when I next write to him.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Cas said, again echoing Dean’s thoughts to such degree that Dean had to laugh a little. “Did I say something amusing?”

“No, no,” Dean said, still laughing a bit. “I just…I was also kinda happy you want to tell your family about me.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to brag about you,” Cas said, and Dean could hear the smile in his voice. “In all seriousness though, they’ll be glad I finally found someone. I’ve never been in a serious relationship or held much interest in anyone until I met you. My Dad and Gabe have been worried since I’m so far away, although I have assured them I have friends here multiple times.”

“I’ve only had one more serious partner before you,” Dean said. “She was an Alpha girl I met when I was 18. It was some months before my Dad died, we were living in Minnesota for a while. I met here there. It didn’t last very long, but I was…I think I was in love with her. I even considered staying there for her even when Dad would come and get us.”

“What happened?” Cas queried gently.

“I didn’t want there to be secrets between us, so I told her what I told you. She didn’t deal with that nearly as well as you did.” That was a mild understatement. Cassie hadn’t been able to hide her disgust and had demanded to know why Dean had thought it appropriate to tell her about his past. She had asked if he was still doing it, or planning on doing it, because if he was, she didn’t think she wanted to be with him. She’d said she didn’t want to be with someone who would cheat on her. Even Dean’s reassurance that he wasn’t doing it right now, and would try his hardest not to do it when he was with her, hadn’t put her mind at ease. She hadn’t been able to deal with any of it, and they had ended up fighting. Dean couldn’t remember half the things they had said to one another that night, but by the time he had left Cassie’s house, his heart had been broken and he knew he and Cassie were over.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said, squeezing Dean’s hand and holding him closer with the arm that was over him, his scent sympathetic.

“It’s okay,” Dean said. And because he was feeling extra sappy and affectionate in the afterglow, he added, “I’m glad it was different with you.”

“Me too,” Cas said, and kissed the back of Dean’s neck again.

…

To his surprise, Dean came to notice he and Cas’ relationship didn’t change all that much with the new “serious” stamp on it. They still went on dates like before, and talked about themselves and their lives. It didn’t feel all that different in that sense. But what changes did occur, Dean found himself liking more and more with each passing day. Now, whenever he and Cas couldn’t get together in person, they would talk for a while on the phone about their days during whatever time they could spare. Dean stayed the night at Cas’ place more often, and sometimes played him some of his music. Cas also came to listen to him at Heaven & Hell, and he never dared to keep quiet about how much he enjoyed Dean’s playing and singing. Sex was also back on the table, and they engaged in it frequently and enthusiastically, but there were also nights where they simply slept in the same bed, more often than not huddled close together. It was as if all barriers had come down, and Dean finally let himself enjoy being with Cas without reserve.

Let himself enjoy being in love.

Yeah, he couldn’t deny that he had fallen for Cas any longer. He had pretty much realized it for good that day Cas had so openly accepted his past and not treated him any different for it. He hadn’t told the Alpha yet, and he wasn’t in a terrible hurry to do so, but he let himself embrace his feelings now at least and also allowed himself to show affection towards Cas more openly. They tended to kiss goodbye these days and held hands even while walking outdoors.

Charlie had been overjoyed at the news that everything had gone so well, though she had been a bit angry that Dean hadn’t called that he wouldn’t be coming home that night from Cas’ place. (“I thought you had drunk yourself into passing out in a ditch or something!”) But she was also happy that it looked like Dean would be staying a little while longer and not leaving after New Year’s after all.

Indeed, Dean was planning on staying. He talked to Crowley, who agreed that he could keep his job, as long as he didn’t parade his relationship around at the bar (“It’s bad business, if the customers know they don’t have shot with the bartender”). Dean was also looking into possibly working as a mechanic in the future. He wasn’t in a rush at the moment, but he couldn’t really see himself working at a bar forever. He had enjoyed working with cars in the States, so it’d be nice to continue doing that in the UK, as long as the cars weren’t too different. He’d started reading up on British cars as well.

It was strange to make long-term plans like that based on such a short relationship, but Dean allowed himself to do that by telling himself nothing was set in stone. He may or may not stay in the UK regardless of what ended up happening between him and Cas. He just liked to have his options open and look into every possible route, that was all. Though sometimes when he was with Cas, it did feel like he could imagine spending the rest of his life with him. He barely dared to think about that yet, however.

Christmas grew closer and closer, and brought alongside itself a few inches of snow and cold weather. Not long after becoming more serious, Dean asked Cas about his plans for Christmas.

“I was home this summer, so I’m not going to visit my family for Christmas,” Cas told him over dinner. “The years I’ve been in the UK for Christmas, Anna has generally invited me to spend it at her parents’ home in Leeds. However, this year she is bringing Ruby in my stead, likely to finally put an end to her parents’ misconceptions that she and I are involved. I don’t particularly feel like being a part of that.” He smirked in that way that let Dean know he wasn’t being entirely serious, his scent mischievous as well. “What about you?”

Dean shrugged. “We agreed with Sammy that neither one of us would be flying to Sioux Falls this year. I may have enough money saved up, but Sam definitely doesn’t, and it would feel wrong to spend Christmas at Bobby’s without Sam, you know?” Dean said. Then he smiled a little. “Besides, I don’t think this is the right time for me to go anywhere.”

Cas smiled as well, hand held Dean’s hand in his. “Then, would you like to spend Christmas together?”

“I think I would, but I need to talk to Charlie about her plans first. I don’t want her to be alone either.”

Castiel was amenable to that, and it turned out Charlie had been invited to a party on Christmas Eve for students who weren’t going home for Christmas. She let Dean know he and Cas were more than welcome to join her, but also reassured Dean that she’d be more than fine with them not going there with her. In the end, they had agreed that Dean would spend Christmas Eve and Night with Cas at Cas’ place and come back Christmas Day morning, spending the rest of the day with Charlie. The three of them agreed to spend Boxing Day together at Dean and Charlie’s place.

Since Dean wasn’t spending his saved money on tickets away or places to stay, he decided to spend it on Christmas gifts instead. He had bought Sam an early edition of  _ Jane Eyre _ , which Sam had borrowed more than once from local libraries no matter where they went. Cas had helped him find it at a local small bookstore, and Dean had sent it over to California a few weeks ago so it would make it to him in time. From the same store he’d gotten Bobby a book on English lore and legends, which were included in Bobby’s strange interests. Jo and Ellen had been sent a ton of English sweets to share. However, he still had to buy gifts for Charlie and Cas. So one day, when the two of them were both busy studying for their finals, Dean headed over to the shopping central before his shift at Heaven & Hell.

Dean went to a gaming store for Charlie, and ended up buying her a new tabletop roleplaying game that the clerk had recommended to an experienced gamer. It had been expensive, but he felt like he owed his new friend some recognition for all of her help and support these past few months. Cas, however, was trickier. Dean knew well enough that Cas wasn’t really one for material possessions. It became clear from his rather bare apartment alone, which only held the necessities Cas needed for living and studying. Nothing that came to mind as a possible present seemed to satisfy Dean, who wanted to make his gift both special and meaningful, yet look like he hadn’t put too much thought into it. Books seemed too generic, although Dean knew Cas would like them; clothes and notebooks were too boring and more about needs than wants, and sweets didn’t seem proper enough. Dean found himself almost wishing Cas was a chick so he could buy him jewellery or something.

Other than books, what did Cas like? Well, he liked music, but Dean wasn’t sure if he knew enough about Cas’ musical tastes yet to get him a record or something. While he could’ve used this as an opportunity to introduce Cas to some of his own favorites, he thought he’d much rather do it with records he himself already owned rather than buy Cas a new one and then see him try and hide a grimace upon opening his present and either not liking it or not knowing enough about it to make a judgement. Cas also liked the medical sciences, obviously, but that could be put underneath the book umbrella. He liked good food, and Dean was half-wondering if he should just make coupons that stated he’d cook for Cas whenever he gave him one, but that idea felt childish. Cas liked animals a lot too, but Dean couldn’t really buy him one, knowing what a big responsibility they were. He wasn’t even sure if they’d be allowed in Cas’ building. And in any case, that was something better bought after long thinking and discussion rather than mindlessly and as a surprise. It was another breathing, living entity, after all.

Then, most obviously perhaps, Cas of course liked Dean, being with Dean and sex with Dean. And almost unconsciously, Dean found himself standing in front of a lingerie store which catered solely for both male and female Omegas, offering most of all very pretty and delicate pieces of underwear. They were the types of underwear people liked to show off, or that made them feel beautiful and delectable. Dean found himself thinking of the silk underwear Cas had given him and how nice they felt when he wore them. They weren’t anything special to look at and were entirely too big, but the material was smooth and lovely and felt so nice against his skin.

He also found himself thinking of his first Omega girlfriend, Rhonda Hurley. How she’d presented him with her pink satin panties and asked him to put them on for her before joining her in bed. The whole thing with Rhonda had been so much about pushing boundaries and doing forbidden, taboo things, that Dean had agreed. And in his deepest, darkest thoughts and fantasies, he could admit he had liked it. Had liked when Rhonda had sucked him off through the material while he simultaneously licked her. The material of the panties had been smooth and felt good to him, but he had also enjoyed it when Rhonda had told him how pretty he was and how good he looked. He had glanced at himself in Rhonda’s full-body mirror and…he’d felt good, seeing himself like that. It had been during the first year he had been staying with Bobby, and had slowly started to get back into feeling comfortable in his own Omega skin, much like the way he had at Sonny’s. Since he’d hit his growth-spurt, he had been tall, but especially tall for an Omega. It had made it easier for him to hide and suppress his Omega identity when he’d still tried to make his Dad happy with him by doing that, but there had also constantly been a suppressed thought at the back of his mind that no one was ever going to find him beautiful as an Omega. He had been twinky and skinny enough to please the johns who paid him for sex, but he had never felt like someone anyone would like to have for a longer period of time. People like anomalies like him for a night, but didn’t mate Omegas like him.

The panties had made him feel beautiful in a traditional Omega way. It had been such a simple method, but at the same time so forbidden to Dean. Even his emotions about wanting to feel like that had been mixed. Since he had presented he had tried to prove to his Dad that he could be everything an Alpha could be, and that he didn’t need any type of special coddling just because he was an Omega. Therefore, he had still worn his Dad’s old clothes when pamphlets recommended softer and smoother fabrics for Omegas, had still liked the same classic rock and classic cars and had acted like he didn’t need any Alpha to look after him or knot him. But still, sometimes he had looked at or felt the soft underwear at the local stores when he’d been alone. He’d secretly looked at nice-looking Alphas, both male and female, and had then dated Cassie. And sometimes, when there was a romantic song on the radio when he was driving alone, he found himself reluctant to change the station.

After John was gone, it had gotten both easier and harder to keep up the charade Dean had built for himself. It had felt like a disgrace to John’s memory to want to do things differently than he had wanted for Dean, but at the same time, Dean hadn’t needed to be so careful because John hadn’t been around anymore to look over his shoulder. Dean had slowly begun to allow himself to experiment with more things, but only when he had been alone. Rhonda had been a part of that. She had been on her way of going away to college, and had wanted one last fun thing before that. Dean had never been with another Omega, but he had allowed himself to admit he sometimes found their scents and bodies equally alluring as Alphas. And sometimes they seemed like safer options. He’d crushed on one of the other Omega boys at Sonny’s, though he hadn’t said or done anything about it. Rhonda had been fun and pretty and sexy, and she hadn’t minded being Dean’s little experiment, especially since Dean also allowed her to experiment on him. He had liked her a lot and the sex had been pretty great. She had helped him understand himself more and be more comfortable in his own skin. In the end, they hadn’t even had that much sex, but rather talked. There were certain things only Omegas could understand and Dean hadn’t had any Omega friends he could talk to. In the end, when Rhonda had gone, Dean had missed her, but more as a friend and a confidant than a sex buddy.

Dean still hadn’t allowed himself to buy panties, because he had been afraid someone would find them. And they also cost money, of which Dean had been saving every penny he earned for Sam’s future. He hadn’t been ready yet to buy something that was just for himself if it wasn’t something he really needed. But refraining from buying them, as well as the whole experience with Rhonda had helped him realise something: being an Omega indeed didn’t change what he actually needed. But it didn’t mean that he couldn't have things that he liked, just because they were something different. He still liked cars and rock, but he could also listen to sappy love songs when they came on; he could still wear flannel and think about panties and soft beds. He didn’t have to be either or. He could be both.

So now he looked at the pretty-colored panties and bras on the mannequins in the store window. He had his own money now. He wasn’t responsible for anyone but himself. It was his money and his money alone. He didn’t need to stick to only necessities when it came to living. He could buy something for himself. And for Cas at the same time. Dean blushed at the thought, but at the same time the thought of Cas seeing him in one of those pairs of panties and looking and praising him like Rhonda had…

Yeah. It was making him more than a little wet just thinking about it.

Before he could lose his nerve, he made up his mind and stepped into the store.


	6. Chapter five

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, Dean headed over to Castiel’s early enough for lunch. They had agreed beforehand that Cas would buy the ingredients on a list Dean gave him, and Dean would cook a Christmas meal with Castiel’s minimal help. Dean had told Cas to get the smallest turkey he could find so it would fit in Cas’ small oven, but the plan was still that Cas would be able to eat the leftovers on Christmas Day, too, when Dean wasn’t around to cook for him.

Dean walked to Castiel’s place this time around instead of biking, because the streets were icy and slippery and in any case, it was getting too cold to bike through Cambridge. Dean had his guitar case in one hand and a backpack with a change of clothes, which also hid the panties. He hadn’t dared to put them on beforehand, as he’d had the feeling they would become too much of a distraction before long, and there was still plenty of time before a suitable occasion to actually show them off to Cas would occur.

The warmth in Castiel’s building was a relief for Dean when he stepped in, and when Cas opened the door to his apartment for him with a big smile and sugary scent, it made Dean warm up in a very special way from the inside.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted him, letting Dean in.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean smiled back, and gave the Alpha a small kiss before taking off his jacket. Cas’ normal-tempered lips felt almost hot against his own, and left them tingling. “Let’s see what we have to work with.”

Dean put Cas into chopping the vegetables and scrubbing the potatoes, which were simple enough tasks that he didn’t think Cas could mess up too badly. Dean himself prepared the oven and the turkey, stuffing it with his own special sauce he had come up with on the first Thanksgiving at Bobby’s house, before scattering the potatoes and the veggies (which Cas had thankfully managed well enough) around it in the dish. Then in the oven it all went, though they would have to moisturize the turkey once in a while so it wouldn’t become too dry.

While they waited for the bird to cook, Dean and Cas simply enjoyed one another’s company. Cas had a small Christmas tree that he had decorated with some gold thread and those cheap decorative balls that came in sets of the exact same color, just with different textures to them. Dean played a few songs on his guitar at Cas’ request, they watched  _ Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean _ , and a few other Christmas specials on Cas’ small TV and made light conversation about their weeks. It was nice, simple and warm. Dean felt immensely comfortable, and it made him feel less sad about Sam and Bobby and everyone he loved being so far away.

Hours later, right when Dean and Cas were finishing up  _ The Muppet Christmas Carol _ , the turkey was ready to come out of the oven. Cas set the table and they ate with gusto and happy appetites, stuffing themselves to the brim. Dean was pleased with how the turkey had turned out, every bite moist and tender, and evidently, so was Cas, who didn’t seem to be able to get enough of it.

“Didn’t you have cooks or something to prepare turkey when you were a kid?” Dean queried, a forkful of turkey in his own hand. He was certain this couldn’t be the best turkey Cas had ever tasted, no matter what he claimed.

Cas swallowed his latest mouthful. “Yes, but there is something special when the meal is prepared with love and affection for the people who are going to eat it. Our cooks only worked for us and did it because they were paid to do it; not because the necessarily wanted to.” He reached over to take Dean’s hand. “Don’t put yourself or your cooking down, Dean. You did such a wonderful job. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone cook for me like this.”

Dean blushed a little, but managed a small smile. “Remind me to come over and cook for you more often, then. You need to have your share of home-made cooking.”

Cas smirked a little, but smelled pleased. “Be careful with what you promise; I might take you up on that.”

Dean actually found he didn’t mind the idea. He cooked for himself and Charlie often enough, but it would be nice if Cas could maybe come over for dinner at their place sometimes. It would give Dean more of a chance to cook meals that were meant for more people. Not that he would mind cooking just for Cas either. He actually found himself looking forward to doing that, if Cas was going to be this enthusiastic about his food every time. Charlie appreciated his cooking, but Dean also saw it as a part of his roommate duties to make sure she ate well. Back home, everyone had mostly just been surprised he even could cook, let alone that he might enjoy doing it. It was some type of compliment that they liked what he made them, but at the same time, Dean had to admit to himself that it was sometimes a little hurtful that they hadn’t expected him to be any good at it.

After eating, they let the dishes rest in the sink, Cas reassuring Dean he’d do them the following day when Dean was gone. They were both so stuffed and full then that they ended up watching more sappy Christmas shows and movies. Dean got slightly teary-eyed at the beginning of  _ It’s a Wonderful Life _ , at the scene where George Bailey’s friends and family all prayed for his sake. Cas seemed to notice, as he put his arm around Dean and let Dean rest against him, but didn’t mention it out loud during or after, for which Dean was grateful.

This was pretty much how their Christmas Eve passed. It was quiet, gentle and comfortable, and Dean found himself thinking he wouldn’t trade it for any big party. And although he missed Sam, in some ways it felt good still to be away from him, and not fall into the same old patterns. Dean still needed some time apart, and he expected Sam did too.

It was as evening began to turn into night that Cas said, “How would you feel about exchanging presents tonight instead of tomorrow?”

Dean felt his heart jump into his throat. This was it, wasn’t it? “I…I wouldn’t mind.”

“Good,” Cas said, standing up from the couch and going into his bedroom. He came back with two boxes, one of them thin but long, and other more evenly portioned, but both of them cupold-shaped.

“Here,” Cas said, handing the presents over to Dean, a touch of excitement in his scent.

“Aww, Cas, you shouldn’t have,” Dean teased, though he was halfway-serious. He and Cas had agreed they could exchange one present with one another, but Cas had clearly gotten him two. Dean suddenly felt rather nervous and self-conscious. What had he been thinking, getting Cas what he had? Did it even count as an actual present when Dean would be the one wearing it? Would Cas even like it? Would he think panties only looked strange on Dean and his large body?

“Dean? Is everything okay?” Cas queried.

“Oh!” Dean gasped, pulled out from his thoughts. “Yeah, just…you really shouldn’t have.”

Cas smiled gently, and covered Dean’s hands with his own. “I wanted to. As you know by now, I have more than enough money. And I told you once I want to spoil you a little; now I finally have an excuse.”

Dean raised a teasing eyebrow. “You could donate your money to charity, rather than spend it on me.”

“I do, in fact, every year. But I believe giving presents to those I actually know to show my appreciation of them is important as well.” Cas smiled. “Please, open the presents, see what you think. I kept the receipts, so we can return one if you really want to.”

“…Fine,” Dean said, and got to work. He opened the wrapping papers very carefully and slowly, so that they may be reused if need be. Years on the road had taught him never to be too careful with material possessions. Cas watched him do this with meaning, but seemed to understand why Dean was doing it and didn’t say anything. The first wrapping paper revealed a huge, leather-bound book, and Dean recognized it as a photo album. He looked over at Castiel for an explanation.

“I thought you might like something to keep all the memories you might make here in the UK, or wherever life may take you next. I know you don’t have all that many mementoes from when you were growing up, as everything you owned needed to fit into a duffel-bag, but I hope this can be the first step to change that.” He smiled sheepishly. “I took the liberty of putting in a few photos already.”

Dean’s curiosity was immediately piqued and he opened the book. The first two pages indeed already had some photos taped on them. He recognized some from Heaven & Hell, where he was working behind the bar. In another one he was performing on stage. There was also a picture of him and Cas kissing at what couldn’t be anything other than Charlie’s Halloween party, and a few more from their London trip.

Dean was in shock. “Where did you get these?”

Cas shrugged. “I asked around, and also asked other people ask around. Charlie was actually most helpful, as she knows a lot of people who in turn know a lot of other people. I figured there had to have been at least a few people who had captured the new attractive American bartender on film, and at least some people who had taken pictures at the Halloween party. The London pictures are those that you took, as I’m sure you can tell. Charlie got me the negatives from your apartment…”

Dean was stunned. He didn’t think anyone else had ever gone through so much trouble just to give him a present, and such a thoughtful one even. He stopped listening to what more Cas had to say and leaned over to kiss him. Cas was surprised at first, but soon kissed back and they kept kissing and making out there on the couch. It was very reminiscent of that other important day of doing that, aside from Dean being on top this time around.

Finally, Cas parted his lips from Dean’s and asked, “Don’t you want to open your other present?”

Dean shook his head. “I’d rather be with you.” He wasn’t even embarrassed to admit it, too caught up in the moment. “Can’t you just tell me what it is?”

“I thought you needed something to capture the memories you’re going to make for yourself. Something more permanent than disposable cameras. So I got you your own camera.”

And that was enough reason for Dean to go back to making out with Cas. It was a little sloppy and more than a little wet, with much saliva involved, but it was comfortable and nice all the same. Much like the whole day. They took their time for once, even as the pheromones of arousal began to cloud the air and they could grind their hard cocks together through their pants. Their fingers were in each other’s hair and Cas’ also on Dean’s upper back, stroking up and down slowly and firmly. Dean would almost have been content just to stay here and keep making out with Cas. But Cas had yet to receive his present, which was still with Dean’s stuff. And Dean figured this was as good a time as any to try it out.

So, he pulled back after a while from the kissing and mumbled, “You want your present now?”

Cas smiled softly up to Dean, bliss leaking through his aroused scent. “I’d rather be with you.” And Dean had to chuckle a little with a small blush.

However, he also needed to insist before he lost his nerve and hid the panties somewhere deep underground, never to be seen again. “It’s good, I promise. Give me a minute.”

He rose up off from on top of Castiel, hurried over to the bedroom and grabbed his things, before heading to the joined bathroom. He stripped as quickly as he could while simultaneously attempting to rummage through his backpack to find what he was looking for. The panties were still in their packaging, so Dean was able to find them relatively easily after a moment of rummaging around through his toiletries and change of clothes. He handled the package much more gently than his regular, everyday clothes, opening it much in the same slow manner as he had Castiel’s present. The panties themselves were silky, almost like as a tribute to Rhonda and her influence on what was about to happen, but the color was a beautiful blue, the closest Dean had been able to find to match Cas’ eyes. They were simple enough, although there was a lighter blue bow at the front of them. Dean hadn’t dared to buy anything too elaborate in case Cas wouldn’t even like this simpler style on him. He also wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to go to the extremes yet, himself.

Feeling himself blush and his throat go dry, Dean slowly stepped into the panties. He hadn’t been able to try them on at the store, so he had had to guess with the help of the shop assistant, all too embarrassed to have been there in the first place. But he was happy to realize they fit rather perfectly on him. They covered everything and felt extremely nice on his heated skin. His cock poked at the material, still standing at attention. Dean was actually leaking from both his cock and his behind now, the excitement of everything bubbling deep in his belly alongside the nervousness and fear of rejection. He gulped down, and felt a bit bad the panties were going to be ruined so fast.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, pulling Dean from his thoughts. 

“Dean, are you all right in there? What are you doing?” Cas queried through the door, sounding somewhat off-put and worried.

“Yeah, Cas, I’m fine,” Dean said, trying to make his voice as neutral as possible, but not sure how well he had succeeded. “I’ll be right out.”

This was it. Nowhere to hide. Dean had to do it now before he completely lost his nerve. And in any case, what was the worst that could happen? He knew that Cas wasn’t one to mock him, no matter how he might actually feel about the panties. Cas was too kind for anything like that. He might act awkwardly, but maybe they could just laugh about it and Dean could pretend it was all a joke?

He steeled himself, unlocked the bathroom door, and opened it. He stepped into the doorway to the sight of Castiel, waiting outside the door for him.

Cas’ eyes widened at the sight of Dean, his breath caught and hitched in his throat. He seemed to stop breathing for a moment after that. He was completely still, completely silent, and his eyes never left Dean’s form. Dean was growing increasingly uncomfortable over that, over the painful silence that stretched out in the room. He couldn’t tell what Castiel was thinking by his scent either, as all he could smell was arousal, but that could be left over from earlier. It was as if the entire world had stopped and ceased to turn, because Dean also couldn’t bring himself to move or say anything. His feet felt glued to the ground.

He was just starting to shiver from the lack of clothing in the middle of winter, when Castiel finally got a grip of himself. 

“You look…you look so…” His voice was still breathless and his eyes were quite aflame. He now smelled…satisfied, to Dean. And even more aroused. So he had to guess this wasn’t a complete disaster.

Still, Dean felt vulnerable, and did what he tended to do when he felt like that; cracked a joke. “I know right?” He attempted a grin, but felt it a bit shaky at the corners. “I look fantastic, right?”

Cas met his eyes head-on then. And, completely seriously, said, “Yes. You’re…magnificent. Gorgeous.”

And Dean couldn’t help but blush a little more. Cas’ open compliments were always so earnest and honest that Dean found himself almost believing them. From Cas’ mouth, they sounded more truthful than from anyone else’s.

“I am curious, though,” Cas said then. “What brought this on? You’ve always worn more Type-neutral underwear so far…”

Dean smiled, but shrugged, a bit embarrassed. “It’s Christmas, right? So…Merry Christmas. Here’s your present.”

Cas’ face spread into a smile at that, his scent sugary sweet with happiness. He took a step closer to Dean, and took his hand. “I think I like this present.” He paused, the joy in his scent becoming more muted. “But you realize you don’t have to do things like this for me, right Dean? I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Dean’s blush deepened. But he was going to be honest about this, if only so Cas wouldn’t worry about anything. 

“Actually…” he took a shaky breath. “I kinda like them? I like wearing them, I mean. I’ve just…I’ve just never really had the opportunity or the means. It’s easier here, because I have my own money and can hide them better if I don’t want anyone to see…”

Cas smiled again then, and leaned over to give Dean a light, soft, simple kiss. “Then I am happy you’ve found the opportunity and the means to do things you like to do, Dean. You deserve nice things, things that make you happy.”

Dean had to grin at that. “What would make me happy right now would be if you took me to bed and ravished me.”

Cas chuckled lightly, but then said with utter seriousness, arousal returning to his scent, “With pleasure.”

And then he kissed Dean, this time deeply and with passion, practically invading his mouth with his tongue. Dean was very much on board with that, and eagerly kissed back to show it, putting his arms around Cas and beginning to mess with his hair again. The early slowness of the make-out was all gone now and Cas was all business, seeming to want to get down to the middle of things as fast as he could, because he immediately began to stroke Dean through the panties and  _ God _ was that good. Dean’s breath quickened right away, and it was incredibly difficult to keep on kissing Cas while he was doing that, and with Dean wearing the dangerously smooth and silky panties. It was also increasingly difficult to hold off an orgasm. Dean had already been worked up from the make-out session and then putting on the panties, though the nervousness of before had made him lose a bit of his enthusiasm for a moment. But now that Cas was here again, all warm and hard against him and clearly enjoying the feel of Dean’s cock through the panties on his hand, it was getting increasingly difficult to keep from coming. The panties were getting pretty damn soaked back there too, and if Dean hadn’t been so distracted he probably would’ve been more upset they were ruining a perfectly good and new pair of panties.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, breaking the kiss. But Cas didn’t let him get far, and just captured his lips again and stroked Dean just so, and Dean had to properly pull back to keep from coming right then. “Cas, slow down.”

Cas immediately backed off, his scent and expression alarmed. He took his hand off Dean’s junk and Dean right away missed it there. Cas kept close to him though, placing his hand on Dean’s upper arm. “What’s wrong? Do you wish to stop?”

“No, no, Cas, that’s not it,” Dean hurried to reassure him. “Just…I dressed up as a present for  _ you _ . This was supposed to be about  _ you _ . And you’re gonna make me come if you keep up with the hand action there.”

Cas’ expression melted into a soft smile. “Oh, Dean,” he shook his head. “When will you learn, that for me giving you pleasure is…it is like a high. The way you blush, the way your breath quickens, the noises you make, the smell you produce…I can’t get enough. I want to give you as much pleasure as I can, make you come as often as I can. That’s why I am so glad these,” he stroked the side of the panties with his fingers down, “bring you such joy as well. That they help me make you so worked up. Dean…” He took Dean’s face in his hands, looking deep into his eyes. “For me, the greatest source of pleasure is giving you some. It’s a shame I can’t have multiple orgasms like you do, but…when you have them, I get to join in on that, and I feel as though I get to feel them in some capacity as well. It brings me to the edge, but I hold off because I know there is even more pleasure to come. And when it does…” His eyes were gleaming, arousal spiking his scent. “It’s incredible. So please, if your only issue with what we were doing is that I’m giving you too much pleasure…let me continue. We will experience it together.”

Dean was more than a little breathless. Cas’ words may have been sentimental in some ways, but a lot of it was more like dirty talk and when spoken in Cas’ gravelly, turned-on voice…it was getting Dean far too wet at both ends again.

He gulped a little, not trusting his voice right away. “Okay.”

“All right then,” Cas said, and without any further ado, went back to kissing Dean and stroking his cock through the panties. It didn’t take Dean much longer to get back to the previous edge, but then he remembered what Cas had said about being there. And…it was kind of on point. It felt like you were constantly riding on pleasure, but without it floating out of your body with the orgasm. It wasn’t like when he had been having sex a few times and some of his partners hadn’t made sure he came at all, thinking that him getting wet was enough of a sign he was having a good time, when all he felt was frustration and like he’d been used. He wondered if one day they could experiment with that a little. If Cas could tease him for a long time and then finally, finally let him come and it would be the biggest orgasm he’d ever felt…

However, that turned out to be the wrong thing to think about in these particular circumstances because it got Dean so worked up that he ended up coming. All over the panties and through them on Cas’ hand.

Oh well. They could leave that discussion for another time anyway.

“Oh dear,” Cas said, his voice teasing. “It seems we’ve made a bit of a mess." He got on his knees, and dammit, him looking at Dean so cockily from underneath his eyelashes made him leak even more slick. “I better do something about that.”

And with that, Cas took Dean into his mouth and began to lick and suck him through the frigging panties. Like Rhonda had once done, but so much better. Everything about sex always seemed to be better with Cas than with anyone else, no matter how much expertise Dean’s previous partners may have had. Apparently it was true after all, that sex was better when it was with someone who you had genuine feelings for. Dean had cared about Rhonda, yes, but it had mostly been attraction and friendship; miles away from what he felt for Cas.

Dean was getting hard again under Cas’ ministrations, which Cas seemed to take as his cue to try and take Dean as deep into his mouth as he could. Dean could barely control his breathing, which was coming out in small, high hitches. The fabric of the panties was preventing him from feeling as much of Cas’ mouth and tongue as he usually did, but there was something to be found there as well, when he had to chase that feeling of light stimulation a bit further. It was a delightful tease, and Cas’ warm mouth also kept the fabric from turning cold, wet and nasty.

Cas popped back from sucking Dean, looking up at him, still with that teasing allure. “Is that enough? Or should I do more?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s your present. Depends on what you want. If you want soon and fast, better add something. If you want to take your time, just go with this.”

Cas smirked. “I told you,” he teasingly liked the tip of Dean’s hardness over the panties, making him shiver, “I love your orgasms. Tonight, I will give you as many as I can.”

With that, he went back to sucking Dean, fast and furious, but he also snuck his hand up Dean’s thigh, almost teasing, and the realization of where it was going made Dean leak even more. The anticipation of it was thrilling.

Yeah, they definitely needed to have a discussion about teasing Dean to the edge later.

Cas began what he was about to do by just stroking Dean’s slippery crack over the panties with his finger. Up and down, up and down. It was smooth and easy for him to move his finger, thanks to the silky material on top and the slick underneath. The he began to push two digits around into Dean’s hole, just feeling Dean’s walls as much as he could over the fabric. All the while he didn’t stop licking and sucking on Dean’s cock. Dean was starting to shiver again, his thighs trembling as he chased his second orgasm.

Cas pulled back, giving Dean’s cock little kisses. “Can you come from just this? From just the anticipation of me fingering you while I suck on your cock? You’re so very wet, Dean, I can feel it through the fabric. If these panties weren’t so very snug on you, I would probably be able to finger you well and good through them without pulling them into your hole in the meantime. I believe we need to try that someday, Dean.”

What the hell? Where was all of his coming from? When did Cas get into talking dirty? Had he realized what his speech earlier had done to Dean? He was pretty sure he could at least tell what it was doing to him now.

“Cas, fuck…” Dean mumbled, as Cas kept pushing his fingers around the entrance of his hole through the panties.

“Hmm…” Cas mumbled. “Maybe next I’ll see if you can come from just me talking to you. For now, though…”

And he sucked Dean down to the tip, taking all of him into his mouth, while letting up the fingers from on top of the panties and sneaking them underneath them instead. He squeezed Dean’s ass cheek in his hand a few times before pushing two fingers inside Dean’s hot, slick hole. Dean had to muffle a scream, because he hadn’t realized how much he wanted to be touched there until now. He really was horribly wet and leaking more and more as Cas worked his fingers inside. He was so loose with how turned on he was that they went in without any trouble. Cas still kept teasing though, just feeling around Dean’s walls although he could’ve gone right for the sweet spot.

He pulled back from Dean’s cock, licking around it for a moment. “Let go, Dean. Give us both what we want.”

He sucked down Dean’s cock one last time and it, along with Cas’ words was enough to send Dean into another orgasm, this one more powerful than the last. Dean figured because it had been built up for a bit before it was allowed to arrive.

Cas sucked as much of him through the panties as he could, before pulling back. He left his fingers in Dean’s ass though, without moving them anymore.

Dean chuckled as he tried to even out his breathing. “I think the panties are pretty much ruined.”

“I’ll buy you more, if you like. Now that I know I can buy you something that we both enjoy, perhaps I can purchase many more pretty presents and spoil you like that.”

Dean blushed, and gulped. He almost wanted to refuse, but Cas had a point. It was something for both of them. He could let Cas give him this one thing at least. And to be honest, he couldn’t wait what kinds of panties Cas would buy for him. He thought he’d give Cas some tips or ask for the money himself to buy a few pairs, but he also wanted to be surprised by what Cas would like to see on him or what he thought Dean might like. So he just nodded at Cas silently. This was one thing he would allow Cas to spoil him with.

Cas smiled, his scent happy and pleased. “Shall we move this on the bed?”

“Sure,” Dean smiled back, and pulled Cas towards the bed. The panties were starting to stick to him at multiple places and the wetness wasn’t very pleasant anymore as it became cold against his skin. “Mind if I take these off now?”

“Not at all. I want you to be as comfortable as you can, Dean,” Cas said.

Dean did as he was told and took the panties off. It was a shame. It would’ve been nice to have Cas inside him while he wore them, but that would only work in their favor if they still felt nice at the front. Oh well, there was time to do that later with some new pairs.

“Lie back, if you please,” Cas said, and Dean did. “I will now finger you, if you don’t mind.”

Dean gulped. “Be my guest.”

And Cas did, getting right back into the groove. He started slow, perhaps having noticed Dean liked to be teased a little, just running his finger around the rim of Dean’s hole. He kissed Dean’s legs as he did. Dean was leaking so much. He was going to need a lot of water after all this. Slowly, Cas pushed one finger around the loose hole’s entrance, getting deeper inside in a circular motion, just feeling the walls and the wetness and the warmth.

“You really are so incredibly wet, Dean. You smell amazing,” Cas mumbled, his eyes bright and dark, his breathing heavy. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

“Can you keep doing that and come a bit closer? I’d like to smell you to get some idea.” Dean grinned.

“Of course,” Cas said, and complied, leaning his frame over Dean’s and giving him his neck to smell. He himself pressed his nose to Dean’s neck and began to kiss it. And…Jesus, Cas really was turned on. There was hardly anything else except arousal in his scent, just a little bit of contentment and joy mixed in there. It was a rush for Dean, and such a simple way for him to really see how much Cas desired him, how much he enjoyed giving Dean pleasure.

“Dean…” Cas mumbled against his neck, now giving him small bites. He kept himself at the shoulder to keep away from the mating gland at where Dean’s neck started, but the feeling of him so close there, where Dean may one day be marked by someone he chose to be with for the rest of his life…it was incredible. Dean allowed himself to be lost in that, and Cas’ smell, and the feel of his finger in his ass, and let himself fall into his third orgasm.

Cas pulled back from Dean’s neck with a cheeky grin. “Apparently I don’t even need to touch you where you most like it to get you to come. Good to know.”

“Shut up,” Dean said, but was grinning too.

“But speaking of that little spot…” Cas's expression turned sly, and he turned his hand in Dean’s ass, adding another finger. “I wonder how much of that you need before you come again.”

And suddenly he was jamming into that happy spot of Dean’s, almost with too short intervals. He just kept stroking it with his fingers over and over, turning Dean into a quivering, whimpering mess. But he’d already come three times and he almost always needed something else to help him over the edge. He had managed with just the one finger moments before thanks to Cas’ scent being so close and the kisses he’d been placing so very near the most sensitive spot around Dean’s neck. This time he wasn’t even having much fun being on the edge, and was getting frustrated chasing that orgasm instead.

Suddenly, Cas stopped moving his finger. “Dean? Are you all right? You smell distressed.”

Dean gasped a breath, wanting to scream almost. This was so humiliating. “No, it’s fine. Keep going.”

“No, Dean,” Cas said, pulling his soaked fingers out. “Something is wrong, and I don’t want to do anything when I can tell you’re in distress. Please, talk to me. Do you wish to stop here? We can if you want to.”

Dean shook his head from side to side from where he was lying. “It’s not that, it's just…” He covered his eyes with his arm, ashamed. “I just can’t relax into it. Before, I think I was able to do it because I wasn’t thinking about it and you were so near, but now I just…started to overthink it.  Some Alphas I was with in the past – not as a prostitute, mind you – thought I would or that I should be able to get off just by them jamming me back there. It always felt nice, yeah, but before I could…it was usually over. I can come from rimming and stuff, cause it’s so rare for me to ever experience it, but just that…”

“I understand,” Cas mumbled, and kissed Dean gently on the cheek. “It’s not on you, Dean. Many don’t realize a lot of Omegas and Beta females need a bit more than ‘jamming it in.’ If you want me to do something else, or add something to this, I can do that. You don’t need to be able to come from my fingers alone, or my knot alone. It’s all all right.”

“…do you think I could, though?”

“You seemed worked up enough,” Cas said. “But as you said, you need to learn to relax with it, and not be so desperate for it. It’ll come if it’ll come. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, that’s all right too.”

“I…I think I wanna try it.”

“All right,” Cas said. “Is there anything I can do to help? To take your mind off it?”

“Could you…could you just talk to me? And stay close, so I can smell you?”

“Of course,” Cas said, and kissed Dean softly on the mouth. “I will put my fingers back in now. Let me know if you want to stop at any point.”

However, Cas didn’t just stick the fingers right back in. He instead did the teasing touches again, starting all over from the circular motion around the entrance of Dean’s hole. “Your rim is so soft and slick, Dean. I can’t wait to eat you out again, to kiss you down there as I were kissing your lips. I can’t wait to taste you, to smell you right at the source. You’re like a drug, Dean Winchester, and I never want to let my addiction go.” He let the fingers in, pushing and feeling at the walls. “It’s warm inside you, Dean. It invites me in. It’s sometimes so difficult to keep myself on the edge like this, to keep myself from just knotting you. Inside you is such an inviting place for my knot to be, Dean. Your wetness helps me in so well, and I feel most at home when I’m there, joined together with you. Not just because it brings us both pleasure, but because that way I feel I am as close and intimate with you as I possibly can be.”

Cas’ dirty talk had it all, being sexy, on point and tender, and Dean couldn’t get enough. He found himself just focusing on Cas’ voice, smell and his fingers and the sensations they caused once more. He barely even noticed as Cas began to brush his prostate. This time, he only started with soft touches once in a while.

“You love to be teased like this, don’t you Dean? You love that feeling of being on edge as much as I do, don’t you? I think we need to revisit that one day. I wonder how long I could tease you before you would beg me for a release, beg me to give you some relief…I wonder how easily and how many times I could make you come after you had been on that edge for so long you could think of nothing else. Would you like that, Dean?”

“Yes,” Dean gasped, his voice breathless and high-pitched. “Yes, Cas, I want that.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do, another time. I’ll tease you to desperation, so much that you’ll think you may burst at just the slightest touch from me. And I still won’t let you come. Not until I say you can. But when you can, I’ll make you come over—” Cas prodded his fingers into Dean’s prostate, and Dean let out a surprised gasp. “—and over—” another jam. “—and over.” One more.

“Cas!” Dean shouted. “Cas, please...!”

“You seem to like that idea. A perfect combination really. That edge first, then so many orgasms you will cry from relief. Look at you, the mere thought is making you so desperate. Can you feel how wet you are at the mere thought? Or is it my smell? Or my voice? You can’t stop leaking slick, Dean. I’ll have to work very hard to be able to lick all of it later. And look how hard you are too. I didn’t think after three orgasms, your cock could get this red and hard.” He kept milking Dean’s prostate with gusto.

“Cas!” Dean’s entire body was trembling, slick pouring out of him, past Castiel’s fingers. “Cas, I…!”

“Are you almost there, Dean?” Cas queried softly, snapping out from the dirty-talking mode for a second. “Do you want me to keep going? Help you over the edge?”

“Yes! Please!”

“Then I will.” Cas kissed Dean. “Your nipples are so very pink, Dean. Your entire face and chest too. You blush with your whole body, have you ever noticed? It makes your freckles stand out. I love all of them so much I wish I could kiss all of them. Maybe that is one thing I can try to work you up to that edge another time? Maybe I would avoid your nipples altogether at first, making you pray and beg and plead for me to kiss them. Then I’d only give you the lightest of touches, tease you until you were so desperate for anything I give you. I’d keep doing that until I was sure you couldn’t take it anymore, and then I’d bite them, leaving my mark on you, on them.”

“Cas, Cas, I’m gonna—”

“Shh, my love, let it go. Let it come. Relax.”

And Dean found himself at peace. All he was thinking of was Cas, his voice in his ear, his scent around him, his fingers in Dean’s ass. And Dean came.

He was pretty sure he blacked out for a second there. At least his mind was completely empty. When he came to, Cas was by his side, stroking his hair.

“Cas…” Dean said, voice hoarse.

“Shh, it’s all right.”

“Cas…it happened. I did it.”

“Yes you did.” Cas smiled, kissing his brow, his scent joyous. “I’m so glad. I knew you could do it.”

They lay there in silence for a minute, Cas still stroking Dean’s hair.

“…you still wanna go?” Dean eventually queried.

Cas raised an eyebrow, his scent now surprised. “I thought you might be finished already.”

“Oh, hell no. That was just four, you’ve given me five at best. We’ve got a record to beat. Besides,” he smirked, “I still actually want you to eat me out.”

Cas smiled. “Then I’ll get right into it.”

Indeed he did. With his expert tongue, Cas already knew how to take Dean apart, and managed to pull two more orgasms out of him, one with just rimming and another with added nipple play. He indeed seemed determined to lick everything Dean had to produce, which was quite the challenge with how turned on Dean was, still. In-between, Dean managed to finally get Cas to lose some of his clothes, though Cas was still wearing his underwear.

“I think this will do,” Dean said, after coming down from his sixth orgasm, taking a hold of Cas’s back. “We’ve beaten the record. Just come in me already, let yourself off that edge.” They had both noticed some time ago that they both rather enjoyed the idea of having sex without condoms, so they had both gone to get tested for STDs. Having been given the clean bill of health, and with Dean on birth control for many years now, they had decided to leave out the rubbers. Dean had especially found he really enjoyed being filled with Cas’ come, though he didn’t yet quite dare to think about why that was.

Cas smiled down at him, kissing him. Dean could still taste himself in Cas’ mouth. It tasted a bit like cinnamon in an apple pie. Not bad. “I’d like that very much.”

“Then get on with it.”

“Very well,” Cas said, leaning back to remove his underwear. His cock was an almost angry red by now, after Cas having held himself back for so long. He was leaking a bit of precome at the tip, the knot already beginning to form at the base of it. Dean gulped, the thought of how much come he must be storing in his balls now making him shiver. He couldn’t fight the impulse, and he sat up to lick at the pearly tip.

“Dean…!” Cas gasped.

Dean resisted the urge to take Cas’ cock fully into his mouth. 

“I’ll do this properly later. You look like you might burst if I so much as touch you right now.” He frowned. “I still feel kinda bad that you can make me come multiple times and I’ll be ready to go again in just a moment. But with you it’d take time for your knot to come down, let alone for you to get hard again.”

“It is how our bodies were made,” Cas said. “But as I have said, for me it is wonderful enough to vicariously experience pleasure through you, the pleasure I can provide you.” He took Dean’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He brought it to his mouth and gave it a kiss. “That is enough, trust me.”

“…Okay,” Dean gave in. “But I’d still like to do something for you. So if it’s okay with you, let me do all the work this time.”

“You mean you want to ‘ride’ me?”

Dean snorted out a laugh at Cas’ questioning tone. “Yeah, Cas, I wanna ‘ride’ you.”

Cas just smiled then. “I’m more than okay with that. That way I get to watch you take pleasure from me, and touch you more freely.”

Dean blushed, but also took it as his cue to push at Cas’ chest to make him lie back on the bed. Cas did, looking up at Dean with soft, tender eyes, but also with arousal and want. Dean smiled a little down at him, not letting their joined hands separate, and simply got on his knees, lightly grabbing Cas’ cock with his free hand. Cas’ breathing hitched even with that light touch, and Dean found he really enjoyed seeing Cas like this. Even this aroused, he didn’t lose control and it made Dean feel safe with him. He was still wet and open from everything they had done before, and Cas’ cock slipped inside him easily.

“D-Dean, slow down…!” Cas gasped.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean murmured, leaning down to kiss him. Dean wouldn’t have faulted him if Cas had come right after he’d been placed inside Dean. There was no reason to hold it off any longer. They had already beat the record, there wasn’t any need for Dean to come for the seventh time. This was all about Cas now.

“No,” Cas said firmly, squeezing Dean’s hand and cradling the side of his face with the free one. “I want to make this last. It really is so warm inside of you. Warm and safe and comfortable. I want to remain there as long as I can. I want you to take as much pleasure from me as you can as well. Just…let me calm down a little.”

Dean did, waiting it out, just focusing on the feel of Cas’s hard length inside of him, just barely brushing at his prostate. It did feel very intimate, only having him there and not doing anything else. Just being close like this. They merely looked at each other, held hands and traded sweet little kisses. Dean was wet, and eager to make Cas come inside of him, but he was not desperate; the earlier orgasms had made sure of that. He could only imagine how Cas was feeling, so on edge yet trying to make it last longer and longer. But then, for Cas, maybe that was the point, the greatest source of pleasure.

As they broke apart from the latest kiss, Cas looked Dean in the eye and said, “You can start moving now.”

Dean nodded. “You want me close here like this, or higher so you can watch like you wanted?”

Cas pulled their joined hands to his mouth, and kissed the back of Dean’s once more. “Strangely, now that you’re here like this, I just want you close. I like being able to kiss you and smell you so freely and so nearby to me. This really is as close as we can get to one another.”

“We can do it the other way on another occasion,” Dean promised, then began to move his hips up and down. Slowly at first, teasing a bit while still trading kisses with Cas, then beginning to go faster.

“Dean…!” Cas gasped, sounding desperate.

“Want…want me to slow down again?” Dean breathed out, but still not ceasing with his movements. He was hitting his prostate with Cas’s cock with every thrust, and it was causing him to leak and his own dick start standing at attention again. There really was something intimate about this, about getting to feel like this with Cas, and as much as Dean wanted to make it last, this was supposed to be about Cas. He just wanted to make it good for Cas.

“N-no…just…” Cas groaned, but didn’t seem to be able to hold any coherent thought.

Dean kept moving, but then Cas snuck a hand between them, starting to jerk at his cock at the same pace that Dean moved.

“Cas!” Dean yelled, slowing down though not stopping. Cas’ hand was a bit too expert, and with such a brutal pace Dean had been both taking Cas in and having him stroke him, Dean was getting dangerously close to his seventh orgasm already.

“Look at how well you receive me, how much pleasure you take from me. Only my knot alone drives you insane, doesn’t it? And I’m the one who hasn’t come once. You’ve come so many times, yet you’re still desperate for more from me,” Cas mumbled in Dean’s ear. “It’s all right, Dean. Take as much as you want. I will follow there with you. You don’t have to hold back. I’m ready. I’m here, with you.”

Dean kissed him, his throat constricting with lust and with something else he couldn’t quite name. He began moving in earnest again, and Cas started moving his hand at the same pace. It was driving Dean right back to that edge, making him crazy with want. He was beginning to see white.

“Cas, I can’t, I can’t…!”

“Shh, I’m right there with you, my love. Go ahead. Let it come.”

And although Dean hadn’t liked being told what to do since his Dad had died, from Cas, expressed so gently, he let himself feel and experience everything, let it wash over him and let it take him over the edge for the seventh time. He was gushing come over Cas’ hand and leaking so much slick as he got to the base of Cas cock, letting jam into his prostate. He only vaguely registered Cas groaning as he evidently reached his own end, finally. He could only feel Cas’ knot at the base of his rim, and the hot wetness of Cas’ sperm filling him. He collapsed on top of Cas, his mind entirely blank.

When he came to, it was to a rather similar scene as before when he’d previously blacked out. Cas was stroking his hair, and their hands were still joined together.

Dean jerked a bit, with a soft gasp, pulling one out of Cas as well. “You’re still coming?” Dean gasped, squirming from the feeling of fresh wetness in his ass.

Cas blushed. “As I said, our bodies are different. You come little, but can do so often. I can only come once, but it lasts longer, especially when I’ve put off my orgasm for so long.” He said. “I’m sorry, is it very uncomfortable?”

“No, I don’t mind. I even kinda…like it. There’s a reason we stopped using condoms,” Dean said, smirking. “It’s good you can get something out of all this as well.”

Cas smiled, kissing the top of his head. “I get plenty, believe me.”

“It’s just gonna be a mess to clean and get out. Hell, I’m already a mess. I really need a shower.” It was true. After so many orgasms, Dean was just covered in his own come and slick, and in Cas’ saliva.

Cas grinned cheekily at him. "I don’t know. I rather like you debauched like this. The way you smell like the both of us.”

Dean, almost unconsciously, sniffed at Cas. “You do too.”

They didn’t talk after that, too tired and sated from the night. They just held onto one another, waiting for Cas’ knot to go down, enjoying each other’s closeness and warmth. Dean could’ve even fallen asleep like that, but he knew he’d feel doubly gross in the morning if he didn’t clean up now. Cas only kept on coming, so much that some of it began to leak out of Dean’s ass. It was a strange, shiver-inducing feeling. If Dean wasn’t so tired, he might’ve asked Cas to clean up his mess with his tongue after. He was sure Cas would like that. Maybe some other time…

It was strange, how with every time they had sex, Dean only seemed to come up with more ideas that he wanted to try out with Cas. How he didn’t even think about the possibility that they might not be together long enough for them to be able to try all of those things out. But it wasn’t just sex either. Dean wanted to do all sorts of things with Cas. Go on a road trip, visit more cities, both here and elsewhere, split an entire pie together, give Cas a massage, kiss him at Heaven & Hell, at their apartments, at a restaurant, marathon movies together, play games (maybe Charlie could join them), talk to Sam about him, introduce him to Sam and Bobby…

Dean froze. That was getting dangerously close to planning the future. Planning on having a life together, being with Cas as long as they possibly could. Dean felt his neck burning where the mating bite might one day be located. And, for the first time in his life, he found himself wishing for it. Wishing that Cas would be the one to put it there. That they could build a future and a home together. Maybe after a while they’d even be blessed with some pups. Dean had always been fond of children, and he had after all basically raised Sam, but for a long time he’d doubted if he would ever have some of his own. It had felt like wishing for pups was going so far against what his Dad had wanted him to be. It was another one of those things he was only in the recent years starting to work out he was allowed to want, much like with the panties. And being with Cas made thinking of it not seem like such an impossible thing. It was more like something Dean could even plan for in his mind.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Cas murmured into his ear.

Dean shook his head. “Just…stuff.” 

He wasn’t ready to discuss that yet with Cas. It was probably far too soon anyway. After all, they had only known each other for about three months. It wouldn’t do to ruin a perfectly good thing with talking about the future so early down the line.

“My knot is going down. Not long now,” Cas said.

Dean nodded, and they waited it out in silence once more. After the knot deflated, they both hauled themselves into a joined shower. They didn’t even try and do anything sexual, just got into getting clean as fast as they could. Dean indeed found that he had a lot to clean off, especially from his ass. It was a battle alone to get into the shower without leaking all over the floors.

“I’d offer to clean you better, but I think we’ve both had quite enough for now,” Cas said as he rubbed shampoo into his hair. It was standing dark and white all over in various degrees of fluff and spike, and he looked quite silly. Dean had to laugh a little, both at the sight and Cas saying pretty much what he’d been thinking earlier.

“Yeah. But we can try that some other day,” Dean said, starting to scrub down his body with a sponge. “You might have to throw this away after this. I’m not sure if it can be salvaged, having been in such intimate touch with my body at this stage.”

“I can always buy another,” Cas said. “Would you like me to wash your back?”

“Sure,” Dean said, handing him the sponge. Cas got to work right away, being thorough in a gentle but firm way. It was almost like a pseudo-massage, and Dean realized there was another type of intimacy to doing stuff like this together. When you were washing or sleeping, you were at your most vulnerable. To allow someone to witness that, and to even help with the wash, it was very personal and required certain closeness for it to be comfortable. And Dean was comfortable. Very much so. Cas washed him so well and nicely that Dean found himself utterly relaxed, all putty in Cas’ hands.

“There, you’re done. Just wash away the soap,” Cas said, and Dean got under the shower to do just that.

“Let me help with your hair,” Dean then said, as the two of them switched places to let Cas underneath the streaming water.

“All right,” Cas said, and Dean tried to be both thorough and gentle with Cas’ head and hair, giving him a bit of a scalp massage. Sam had always accused him of being too rough when Dean had had to wash his hair when they were kids, but Cas seemed to have no complaints. Perhaps because as children Dean had tried to wash Sam as quickly as possible so they wouldn’t use up all the hot water, but with Cas, he could take his time to make it nice and good for Cas. He stroked Cas’ hair and his scalp, letting it become a soft fall of blackness, darkened further by the water in it.

“There, you’re done,” Dean said upon finishing.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas replied with a smile, and they both got out of the shower. They dried themselves as quickly as they could, which led Cas’ hair to becoming an utter mess, all his of hair going this direction and that, then changed into their pyjamas. It was still somewhat early, but they were tired from all the sex, so they just cuddled and talked this and that for a while as they let sleep slowly take over, their joined scents and soft breathing lulling Dean into a warm and soft dream.

…

They woke up early the next morning, having gone to sleep so early as well, and Dean took the time to cook them a nice breakfast with everything Cas had bought for them. He made hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, home-made muffins, and bacon.

“Dean, we can’t possibly eat all of this between just the two of us,” Cas laughed, even as he eagerly got to work on proving himself wrong. Dean knew the feeling; after marathon sex, one was bound to be ravenous.

“I’ll take the leftovers to Charlie if you don’t want them. Knowing her, she’s been stuck with sandwiches and noodles without me,” Dean joked while digging into his own breakfast.

“Right,” Cas sighed. “I’d almost forgotten you need to go back soon.”

“Yeah,” Dean murmured too, taking Cas’ hand into his own. “But I promised Charlie, and I don’t want her to be alone on Christmas Day, when she’s got no one else around here.”

“No, no, I understand that, and of course you must go, but…” Cas looked into Dean’s eyes. “I always find myself missing you when you’re not with me. No matter how much or little time has passed.”

Dean blinked, and found himself saying: “Yeah, me too.”

Cas smiled softly at that, but didn’t say anything further. They just ate their fill, before Dean went to get dressed, pack his presents and grab his bag to go back to the apartment.

“You gonna be okay?” Dean queried at the door.

“Of course,” Cas reassured him. “I will probably call Gabriel and my father later in the day, once they are actually awake in their part of the world. And I think I need to clean here; do the dishes, change the sheets. We left quite a mess.”

Dean grinned, and refrained from saying how sad it was to clean on Christmas Day. He just gave Cas a goodbye kiss, which turned out to a small make-out session with tongue involvement at the hallway, before Dean made himself pull back.

“Now I really have to go, or I never will.” He gave Cas one last peck. “I’ll call you later, and I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You know I’ll be there.”

With one last look and smile, Dean went on his way. The streets of Cambridge were quiet, dark and cold, and he hurried on his way. When he got back to the apartment, Charlie was still asleep, so Dean took the time to put away all the food he had brought, before putting his used clothes in the laundry. He had thrown the ruined panties away at Cas’ place.

Charlie finally woke up, her hair a mess. Dean had made her a pot of coffee and while she nursed it and chewed on a muffin, Dean warmed her some of the other leftovers.

“You’re the best roommate ever, you know that?” Charlie sighed into her mug.

“Yeah, I know.” Dean grinned. “Just think of it as a token of my appreciation. You did me a huge solid already by taking me in, and you’ve gone above and beyond with everything ever since. You even helped Cas with my Christmas present. So, thanks, Charlie. I really mean that.”

“No prob.” Charlie smiled. “It was the least I could do to get such an awesome friend. And I’m glad you liked the present. It was so sweet when Cas asked me for help. He really seems to care about you.”

Dean smiled a little. “I care about him too.”

Charlie grinned. “Then you better hold onto that, or I may never forgive you.”

“Yes, m’lady,” Dean joked, though he honestly meant it.

Charlie smiled further, then ate some more, while Dean also had some coffee.

“So…how was your big night with Cas? Did you get lucky?” Charle wiggled her eyebrows.

“Very lucky. We beat our record in how many times I can come a session. It was out of this world.” Dean smirked.

“Oh, man,” Charlie groaned. “Six times?”

“Seven, actually.”

“Oh, man,” Charlie said again, burying her face in her arms. “I need to get laid. I can’t just live through you anymore. It’s been months since I’ve had sex with someone that wasn’t me!”

“Too much information there, Charlie,” Dean said, but didn’t really mean it. “Didn’t you meet anyone at the Christmas party?”

Charlie groaned even more. “To be honest, it was an absolute dull. Only a few people showed up, they all seemed to have absolutely no social skills, and only two were chicks. So I just used the occasion to get massively drunk.”

“Sorry,” Dean said, and meant it. He felt bad thinking that while he’d been having such a good time, Charlie had been bored out of her mind.

Charlie waved his apologies away. “Hey, I told you that you could and should go and be with Cas, didn’t I? Who were you to know the party would be such a bust? Hell, even I didn’t know or I would’ve found something better to do.”

Dean was silent for a moment. Then he stood up. “Wait a second.”

He went into his room, and dug out Charlie’s present from underneath his clothes stored in his chest of drawers. He quickly went back to Charlie carrying it.

“I hope this will make you feel a bit better,” he said, handing it over to her.

“Aww, Dean, you shouldn’t have!” Charlie teased, while immediately starting on the wrapping paper. She tore into it, very unlike Dean had the previous night with Cas’ presents. But he didn’t mind upon seeing the look on Charlie’s face as she opened the present. 

“Oh, man, I know I was joking before, but Dean, you  _ really  _ shouldn’t have!” she said even as she longingly stroked over the surface of the box of the game Dean had gotten for her.

“I know how much you wanted it. Just think of it as another token of my appreciation.”

Charlie’s smile was soft and grateful. After a moment, she, too, rose up. “Hang on.” 

She went into her room, and came back bearing a present of her own. “Here.”

There was a card on top of the present, and Dean read that first _. “To the best friend and roommate a girl could ask for. Merry Christmas! ~Charlie” _

Dean smiled at it, before getting on the wrapping paper. He took his time with that one too, as he had with Cas’ present, tearing it gently and so it could be used again. Under the wrapping paper was a white box, with a picture of a round and flat device with headphones attached to it. The box was square-shaped on top, but rather flat; a little bigger than Dean’s hand. On it read, “Walkman.” It was a CD player. Along with came a single CD, entitled “Zeppelin’s greatest hits.”

Charlie grinned slyly as Dean looked in her direction. “Welcome to the late 1990’s, bro. It’s good to have you with us.”

“Charlie, I already have a cassette player.”

“Yeah, but they say the cassette sound actually gets worse the more you listen to them. That won’t be the case with a CD player,” she said. “Just try it out, see if you like it. It’s yours anyway, I’m not taking it back. Besides,” she smirked, “Now I have something to buy you for every present I need to give you; more CDs.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean said, putting the CD player aside for now, even if he was truthfully a little intrigued. Cassettes had always been his father’s thing. They had always played in the Impala on the road, the same songs, the same tapes, over and over. Dean had liked the music, yes, and he was allowed to keep on liking it the same way he liked cars and flannel, but…perhaps he should also allow himself to change more? Allow himself to improve his life, stepping further outside of his father’s orders? Wasn’t that what he had been trying to do with all his new unexpected decisions?

He picked the packaging up once again, opened it to Charlie’s joy, and put in the CD.

“Wait,” Charlie said, standing up. She walked over to the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. She returned with two AA batteries. “You’ll need these for it to work. I would’ve put them in myself, but I didn’t want to ruin the packaging.”

The place for the batteries was located at the bottom of the CD player, so Dean opened the cover of the battery slot and placed the batteries in. Then he pulled the headphones that had come with it over his ears, pressing play.

He listened to the entire CD while Charlie read a comic next to him, and he had to admit, at least the sound wasn’t any worse than with a cassette player. He could use it. Though he would need to keep his cassette player for now as well, at least until someone got him more CDs.

Dean and Charlie spent most of the day rather quietly, as Dean had done with Cas. They started out by testing Charlie’s new game, which turned out to be as good and fun as they’d both hoped. They watched a few movies from Charlie’s collection. Dean cooked them stakes with fried potatoes and peas for dinner, and they ate with gusto and eagerness. Later in the day, Dean called Sammy, having put aside money to be able to pay for this one phone call so far away.

“Hey, Dean. It’s good to hear your voice,” Sam spoke over the raspy line.

“You too, Sammy,” Dean said, and he was a little choked over the fact. He just hoped Sam wouldn’t hear it over the bad reception.

They talked a bit about what they’d missed about each other’s lives since the last letter or what they had otherwise forgotten to mention over the months of separation. Sam had been allowed to join his friend Jess’ family for Christmas, and they had also allowed him to use the phone at their house. He told Dean about the massive house and the massive turkey, and how different it had been from how they had used to spend their Christmases. Dean didn’t want to fight over this one phone call they were both allowed, so he didn’t comment on how it sounded like Sam preferred all of that to even the Christmases with him and Bobby. Dean could understand the resentment for their childhood Christmases, where they had barely done or eaten anything special, not to mention the lack of presents on most years, but he and Bobby had done their best to make up for it in the later years. But as said, he didn’t bring that up. Instead, he teased Sam a little about Jess, whom Sam had mentioned multiple times in his letters as well.

“I know you like her Sam. A big brother can tell these things.”

“No, you can’t,” Sam insisted, but the little high-pitched tone he said it with convinced Dean even further he was right. Sam always used that voice when he was lying.

“Yeah, you better work on your lying voice if you really want to become a lawyer, college boy.”

“I don’t have a…oh, whatever, how was your Christmas Eve with Castiel?”

As if on cue, Dean felt his shoulders relax. “It was good, Sam. Really good. We had a good time.” Then, because he was still Sam’s brother, he had to add, “A really good time, if you know what I mean.”

“Ew, Dean, I don’t need to know about your sex life with some guy I’ve never even met!” Sam groaned. Then his tone grew more serious. “Just tell me this though: are you happy with him?”

And because it was Christmas, Dean had to be honest. And he also wanted to put Sam’s mind at ease, just a little. “…Yeah, Sam. I’m really happy. I care about Cas a lot and I think he cares about me too.”

“Then I’m happy for you, Dean. Truly. But…I thought you were going to see the world? And now you’re going to stick around at Cambridge for some guy? That’s not like you, Dean.”

Dean was getting a little annoyed again, and had to work at keeping his voice even. This was another matter he and Sam had clashed over more and more as Sam had gotten older and grown into his Alphahood. In the past, Dean had been responsible for him and everything else, and Sam had looked up to him as an older brother. But once they’d grown and presented, Sam had begun to think it was his duty to both take care of Dean and to make it on his own. In the end, though, Dean’s resisting of it, his refusal to follow Sam to California when there was nothing waiting for him there, had sent Sam on his way to college on his own. It was still a bit of a sore spot with Dean.

“Plans change, Sam. And I didn’t make this choice on a whim. I thought about it long and hard. But you know what? I’ve been on the road for most of my life. Here, I have some stability and independence in my life. Hell, I actually have a life, period. I can always change my mind later, but right now, I’m glad that I stayed. I feel like it was the right call.”

Sam sighed at the other end. “Fine,” he said. “But don’t let him manipulate you or anything.”

“Cas isn’t like that, Sam. He’s honestly a good man, a good Alpha. One of the best I’ve known in all of my life. What he sees in me, I might never understand.” He meant it as a joke, but he had a feeling it hit a bit too close to truth to really work as such.

Sam, thankfully, didn’t comment on that and just said, “Okay, then. I guess I need to take your word for it.”

They changed the topic to Dean’s work instead, and talked a bit more about both of their lives.

“I gotta go now, I guess,” Sam eventually said. “Bye, Dean. Have a good Christmas. And…” he took a deep breath. “I know we’ve fought. I know it was hard for you when I left. But I’m glad you didn’t try and stop me, regardless. I’m good here, and I hope you’re good there.”

“I am, Sammy. Honestly, I think some distance was good for both of us.”

“I think so too, in the long run,” Sam said.

“Have a good Christmas, Sam. Write again soon, okay?”

“Yeah, bye.”

With that, they hung up. Dean knew they had pretty much said ‘I love you’ in as vague terms as only Winchesters ever could. But this time, it hadn’t felt so awkward. Distance really was good, he supposed. It made one more honest the few times you were actually able to talk to those that were so far away.

Love…

“Oh, crap,” Dean stated.

“What?” Charlie said, poking her head out of her room, where she had taken refuge to give Dean some privacy with Sam. “Did he say something super bad?”

“No, no, it was fine with Sam. I just remembered something from last night.”

“…Do I wanna know?”

“I dunno, but you’re gonna hear about it anyway, ‘cause I’m not dealing with this on my own.”

“Well, then,” Charlie said, stepping out of her room and walking to sit on the couch, patting the place next to her. “Sit down my friend, and tell all to Auntie Charlie.”

Dean walked over, and did sit down. He was so anxious, his heart going a mile a minute, that he didn’t even think it further before blurting out, “If someone calls you his love during sex, does it mean he really loves you or is it just a spur of the moment thing?”

Charlie’s eyes widened. Then her entire face spread into a huge grin. “Cas said that to you?”

“Yeah, but does it actually mean anything or was it just meant to reassure me or something?” Dean was starting to panic a little with the lack of knowledge, his breath coming out in short gasps.

“Dean," Charlie said firmly, placing a hand on his arm, “calm down for a sec. Listen. I can’t be sure what Cas meant, but I do know this. Your scents have started to mingle together, and it no longer feels like just a residue or aftermath of sex. It’s more…intimate. Like the two of you have come together and you’re not going to be let loose anymore. And I can tell you really care about Cas, in the way you talk about him and the way you look and smell when you do.” She paused. “Dean…do you love Cas?”

Dean swallowed. It was still Christmas, so no lying must be done. And he knew if he wanted to get the best advice possible, Charlie needed to know the truth. He breathed out a quiet, “yes.”

Charlie smiled. “I don’t know him as well as I know you, or as well as you know him, but I do really think he cares about you a lot. And he was the one who wanted a more serious relationship in the first place. I can’t tell you for sure how he feels, but I do know that you also can’t find out if you don’t ask him yourself.”

“…but what if he doesn’t feel the same?”

Charlie shrugged. “It’s always somewhat risky, telling someone how you feel. But I think in the end we regret the things we didn’t do or say much more than the things we did. I think some good will come out of every experience, even if it is just that experience.” She smiled softly. “You don’t need to decide right now. But…just think about it. I don’t think anyone will mind someone telling them they are loved, even if they themselves are not quite there yet.”

Dean did think about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the evening and night, and it made sleep not come easy. A part of him really wanted to tell Cas how he felt. It felt like his heart was about to burst every time he thought about those three little words, and that burst was going to come through his mouth. But Dean was also afraid of being so emotionally vulnerable. But he also had shown vulnerability to Cas with the panties, hadn’t he? And it had all ended up fine, more than fine. And Dean had a distinct feeling Cas felt the same anyway. Charlie was right, after all; Cas had been the one who had wanted a more serious relationship, who had said he didn’t want to be with Dean anymore if it didn’t mean anything.

At some point, he must’ve fallen asleep, because he woke up to someone stroking his hair softly, gently. Dean normally might’ve snapped awake from having someone intrude in his bedroom, but the scent of the other person was familiar and wonderful, and it lulled him to ease and rest. Still, getting to see that same person made Dean want to wake up, so he opened his eyes to meet Cas’, who was sitting on his bed, just stroking his hair.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Cas murmured softly.

“Maybe, but I don’t mind,” Dean mumbled, trying to clear his sleep-filled head. “How long have you been there?”

“Not long, I just came to check up on you. It’s almost noon. But you looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Shit,” Dean said, sitting up. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep very well.”

“It’s all right,” Cas said, removing his hand from Dean’s head. “Was something bothering you? Is there a reason why you couldn’t sleep?"

And suddenly, everything seemed to hit Dean all at once. Cas here, in Dean’s room, in the morning. Stroking his hair, letting him sleep. Beautiful as ever and smelling so wonderful. In the blue sweater that made his eyes pop out even more than they normally did. Asking him if something was wrong, so Cas could help if there was. And Dean couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Cas, I love you.”

Cas blinked at first, confusion evident on his face and his scent. Then, after a short beat, his face spread into a huge smile, his scent became all joy and happiness, and he said, “I love you as well, Dean.”

And Dean smiled back, his heart feeling more like ever like it was going to burst. He leaned over and kissed Cas before he realized it was probably a bad idea.

“Sorry. Morning breath,” he said, pulling back from the kiss quickly.

“I don’t mind. Too much.” Cas grinned mischievously, and Dean grinned back, happily. Cas loved him, and he loved Cas. What could be wrong in the world?

Dean went to brush his teeth, and ran into Charlie at the bathroom door.

He couldn’t stop grinning. It felt like he was walking on air. “I told him.”

Charlie smiled, punching him in the arm lightly. “Good for you, kiddo! What did he say?”

“He said he feels the same.”

Charlie smiled even wider. “I’m really happy for you, Dean.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dean said, before going in to brush his teeth.

Dean, Cas, and Charlie spent the day gaming and talking, with Dean cooking them some chicken, red potatoes and vegetables for dinner. This was the most time Charlie and Cas had spent together so far, so they got to know one another better while Dean cooked, and sometimes even over Dean. Fortunately, it was difficult not to get along with Charlie, and she and Cas seemed to have plenty of things to talk about. School stuff, for instance, even if they had different majors. It was something they discussed with Dean only in brief occasional sentences, perhaps because he might not be able to relate as well as another student. But they also discussed books and, surprisingly, games as well.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know you liked games so much,” Dean groaned as they played poker. He was already planning out game nights in his head.

Cas just grinned at him. “I grew up with three older brothers; you learn a thing or two,” he said. All three of them were fairly evenly matched in poker and Risk, but Charlie was the best in tabletop RPG games because the lack of practice and Cas didn’t do well with video games for the same reason. He was eager to learn and try new things, though.

The day was fun and relaxing. They had a few drinks towards the end of the night, and laughed, talked and smiled a lot. Dean and Cas held hands when they weren’t otherwise occupied. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy for such a long time, or had such good company over such good time.

Cas ended up staying the night at Charlie’s insistence, so long as they “kept it down.” But to be honest, neither Dean nor Cas was really in the mood for sex. Even with the love confession earlier, it didn’t really feel like anything had changed. Much like when they had taken the next step in their relationship, everything just felt natural. And this felt like one of those nights where they should just literally sleep together. So they spooned tightly in Dean’s bed, which was much smaller than Castiel’s. They kissed goodnight, and simply enjoyed each other's warmth, closeness and scents.

“I love you,” Dean whispered into the night after a while, not sure if Cas was awake anymore or not.

“I love you too,” Cas mumbled into Dean’s neck, planting a soft, light kiss there.

Dean smiled, and let their mingling scents and Cas’ even breathing lull him into a peaceful sleep.


	7. Chapter six

Even with all their secrets out in the open, things didn’t change much after Christmas, and the things that did change were for the better. Dean and Castiel were more honest and open with each other – if something was bothering either one of them, they were able to bring it up. If they needed advice, even if it felt strange to ask for it, they could, and the other one would help the best they knew how. If they felt like something needed to change in their relationship, they were able to bring it up. Dean found he wished Cas to talk about his schoolwork to him in more detail, even if he may not fully understand it, just so Cas could have someone to rant to. Cas agreed to do this, and in turn, wished that Dean would tell him more about his family, both happy and sad stories, and Dean agreed to do his best. They kept calling each other on the phone, sometimes to the utter annoyance of Charlie, who claimed they were rubbing their happy life as a couple in her single face, but they also tried to get together as often as they could.

Cas also kept his word and began to buy Dean panties. Sometimes he had them mailed, sometimes he hand-delivered them when they saw one another. Each option was equally thrilling and wonderful for Dean, who was always eager to see to see what new pair Cas had bought for him that day. And Cas bought many different kinds. Some were flimsy, see-through and sexy, some simple, sweet and lacy. And then there were those that were simple, supportive but smooth. Dean had taken to wearing those in his everyday life, underneath his regular clothes. He still wore his regular old underwear sometimes, but those days were starting to get fewer and further in-between. Every time he wore his everyday-type panties, his confidence about wearing them seemed to grow, and he liked wearing them more and more. So he did. Cas liked it, and Dean liked it, and no one else really needed to know, so why not?

Panties were also a part of Castiel’s gift for Dean on his birthday. Charlie kept her promise from the holidays and got him some new CD’s, and also took Dean to the movies with her. Afterwards, Dean had a wonderful steak dinner with Cas at a relatively nice, if not black-tie, restaurant, before they headed back to their apartment. It was there that Castiel revealed the second part of his present for Dean.

“I know you don’t particularly care about material possessions,” he said to Dean. “But you do care about the people you are close to. So call them; call your brother and Bobby on my phone. That’s my second gift to you. I’ll take care of that phone bill. You’ll get one hour with each of them to talk to.”

Dean had been so thrilled at this, that he had to kiss Cas square on the mouth, not even knowing what to say or how to thank him otherwise, before making the calls.

He called Bobby first, because it was later in Sioux Falls than in California and because he hadn’t heard Bobby’s voice for so long. While Dean waited for Bobby to pick up, Cas went to the bedroom to give Dean some privacy. Bobby was surprised to hear Dean call, but then wanted to hear everything Dean had to say about Cambridge and everyone he had met there. He naturally focused mostly on Cas, as Dean had been somewhat vague about the Alpha in his letters to Bobby, and Bobby had had to find out more about him from Sam. Dean told him pretty much what he’d told Sam; that Cas was a good guy and they cared about each other a lot. And that if nothing was going to change, Dean might stick around in Cambridge with Cas for indefinite amount of time.

“Just tell me this, boy: is he good to you? Does he make you happy?” Bobby asked.

“I think that’s technically two things, Bobby,” Dean teased. “But yeah, he is and does. I’m really happy, Bobby. Happier than I think I’ve ever been.”

“Then that’s all I really need to know, Dean.” Bobby said, and Dean could hear the gruff warmth in his voice, even across the muffled line. “You guys have any long term plans?”

“Not that many. Mostly just short term right now.”

“Hmm,” Bobby mused. “That’s all well and good for now, but remember to have a talk at some point about what each of you wants from life. You know where Cas stands on some stuff, but not all, and I’m not sure how much he knows about what you want to do. For instance, have you discussed mating yet? Or pups? I know you want them, Dean.”

Dean blushed, flabbergasted. “How the hell do you know that?”

“Oh please, boy, I’ve known you and Sam since you were little. I’ve seen how you are with him and all other little ones you ever happen to come by. You’re all mushy on them. It’s not hard to draw a few conclusions,” he paused. “I think you’d be a great dad, Dean, if that’s what you chose to be.”

Dean blushed heavier, but didn’t say anything. “I’ll talk to Cas at some point. I’ll have to think about a few things myself first.”

“Fair enough,” Bobby said. “Now, tell me a bit more about that London trip you took…”

Time seemed to just fly by as Dean talked to Bobby, and before he knew it, the hour was almost finished.

“Bobby, I gotta go soon. I still need to call Sam,” Dean said.

“Okay. But before you do, put that boy of yours on the line.”

“What, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, yeah, just do it.”

Dean almost wanted to tease Bobby for being protective, but didn’t want to end his call to Bobby with that, so he just called Cas over, explained Bobby wanted to talk to him, and handed him the phone.

“Hello? Yes, this is Castiel,” Cas said to the phone. “It’s good to finally talk to you, Mr. Singer. Dean speaks very highly of you.” A pause. “I understand.” He waited. “Yes,” he said, then waited again. “I am.” And again. “I love him, and I want to be with him, as long as I can.” Dean blushed again, but smiled as well. “I know. Dean has told me.” Another pause. “It doesn’t change anything for me. Only that I know he is indeed the strongest man I know.” Okay, Dean didn’t like what that sounded like a response to. “I will, Mr. Singer.” A final pause. “All right, Bobby.”

Cas called Dean back to the phone so he and Bobby could say goodbye, which they did, in their own mock-gruff manner, before Dean hung up.

“What did he have to say to you?” Dean asked Cas after, between the calls.

“Just that if I hurt you they’ll never find my body. And he asked me to be good to you and to take care of you.”

Dean snorted. “I don’t need caring.”

“I know, and Bobby does too,” Cas reassured him. “But it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it or shouldn’t receive it.” Cas took a hold of Dean’s hand, and brought it to his mouth to kiss. “You’ve had a hard life, Dean, and you’ve often been the one who takes care of others. This time, we can take care of each other.”

Dean smiled a little, and leaned down to give Cas a light kiss. “I think I can live with that.”

Later, Dean also called Sam, catching up with him on everything he had missed of late, wanting to hear everything about Sam’s Christmas. He also told a censored version his holidays with Cas and Charlie both. Sam himself was already busy with school, just like Cas, even though the new semester had barely started. Sam told Dean a bit more about Jess, but still denied them being anything other than friends. It was good to talk to his little brother again.

Once Dean was done with talking to Sam, he and Cas had finished the day with some spectacular birthday sex, Cas doing all the work and finishing inside of Dean.

It was one of the best birthdays Dean had ever had in his life. He was already happy to be 22.

…

As some more time passed, Dean and Cas began to fight, sometimes, as well. But they often found the sources of their arguments rarely truly lay in either one of them. Usually the reasons originated on the outside. Work or school could be stressful or terrible, or Cas would be dealing with too much pressure from his Mother. His father had apparently told her about Cas’ new mystery boyfriend in England, and she had called him to find out all the details. Then had promptly tried to make him break up with Dean after she’d found out he was just some bartender and not even actually British.

“She makes me so angry,” Cas told him, his scent frustrated. “But that’s not on you, Dean. She will judge me no matter what I do, since it’s not what she wants me to do. I shouldn’t take it out on you, I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Dean said, pulling Cas into him. “But talk to me about it. Rant to me if you need to. You wanted me to talk about my family, so talk about yours too. It’s better than internalizing your anger and taking it out on me.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Cas sighed, his scent now having sad undertones, showing he really was apologetic. “I guess I just feel I shouldn’t complain too much. Your life has been so much worse than mine. My Mother may be horrible, but I at least have my father and Gabriel. You haven’t had anyone to really look after you since you were four, and after that, most of the time, you’ve been the one responsible for everyone.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, pulling back to look Cas in the eye. “Don’t put your experiences down, okay? This ain’t some contest over who has had it worse, or more right to feel like shit. Yeah, my childhood sucked, but it doesn’t mean yours didn’t have problems either. And I’m at least fortunate that my Dad is dead; your Mommy Dearest is still alive and kickin’ and judging you. There’s really no point arguing who has it worse because they are still your experiences and things that you feel, and we’re different people anyway who see and feel things differently. So don’t think you can’t talk to me, okay?”

“…okay.”

With such fights, they were able to sort out their relationship further and develop it into something better. It made them understand both each other and themselves better. Even if the fights themselves weren’t nice, the end result was that they usually ended up in a better place than before. They were learning to communicate better and more, and that was slowly making their fights occur less and less.

Cas still hung around with his own friends and Dean hung around with Charlie, though Cas sometimes joined the two of them for movie marathons or game nights. Dean still didn’t wish to impose on Cas and his friends, because he knew Anna hadn’t quite warmed up to him yet. She still glared at him and barely said two words to him when Dean sometimes arrived at Cas’ place when he and Anna were finishing up their joint study sessions and Anna was just leaving.

“Give it some more time,” Cas told him. “Anna’s just been stressed lately, so she’s not quite amenable to be so kind and forgiving. But once we’re not so swamped with everything, I’ll try and talk to her and we can maybe go on a double-date with her and Ruby? That is, if you’re willing.”

Dean sighed. “I’m gonna try, Cas, for you. She’s your best friend, and I don’t want to come between you two. But I’m letting you know, and you can also let her know, that I won’t tolerate her being so rude to me in a more friendly situation. We’ve moved past our old relationship, shouldn’t she do so too?”

“Yes, I suppose she should. And I’ll be sure to pass your message along. It’s not fair even to expect you to be civil while she can continue to be rude.”

As weeks and months passed by, Dean was beginning to spend more and more nights over at Cas’ place. It was fairly easy, as Cas had two rooms and if one of them needed space, one could be in the open space and the other in the bedroom. Even sitting in the living room area with one’s back turned made it feel like one was alone. They learned to dance around each other in ways that bothered them the least. When Cas needed peace and quiet to study, Dean would either read or listen to music with headphones. He also made sure Cas ate and remembered to sleep. And that he took breaks once in a while. Dean was usually able to talk Cas into, if not going for a run or reading something not related to school, then to at least taking a stroll with Dean to get some fresh air and to let his brain rest once in a while. Dean also kept the place clean, having started to learn where Cas put everything, so his things weren’t all over the place every time Cas got too busy to look after himself.

“You’re too good for me,” Cas sighed gratefully as Dean served him sandwiches for lunch, his scent affectionate and loving. He tended to smell like that around Dean constantly these days, and Dean loved it almost as much as his happy scent. It made Cas smell almost like pure sunshine.

“Yeah, I know.” Dean grinned. “But I like not living in a mess and knowing you’re fed. You can’t study so well with an empty stomach.”

Cas blinked a few times, then smiled. “You said ‘live.’”

Dean stuttered. He had, hadn’t he? “Oh, damn, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t want to assume anything…”

“Dean, could you sit down, please?” Dean did, sitting next to Cas at the small kitchen table. “I can’t lie and say I haven’t been thinking about it. Us, living together that is. You are here more often than not, and truth be told, when you aren’t, I wish you were. So…would you want to move in with me?”

“…do I have to answer now?”

“No, of course not,” Cas reassured him, taking a hold of his hand. “It’s a big decision. Take as much time as you need. And you don’t have to say yes. I know it’s all moving along rather fast.”

Yes. It was. But somehow, that didn’t worry Dean. He had never felt this way about anyone, not even Cassie. With her, things hadn’t gotten the chance to progress this far. And Dean was just…happy. Happier than he had ever been. This was the first time he had ever been able to really share his life with someone else, and all he wanted was more and more of it. He wanted a future with Cas, a life with Cas. But he also wasn’t sure if it was the right time to move in together just yet. Would it ruin everything? Or what if they fell apart?

And yet, Dean knew how Cas felt. He, too, wanted to be with Cas all the time when he wasn’t. He wanted to be with Cas all day every day, but it would be easier at least if they could live in the same space to withstand when one of them was at work or school. In their shared space their scents would mingle and help soothe the longing to be together. And Dean had been spending a lot more time at Cas’ apartment than at Charlie’s of late. He still came around to spend time with her or get more clothes, but it always felt more like going to visit a friend than going back to where you were supposed to live. And he had never stopped calling it Charlie’s apartment; it had never started to truly feel like a home. More like a temporary place.

As he and Cas’ relationship had started to become more and more solid, Dean had also found himself thinking about the future once in a while. He thought about Bobby’s words, especially about pups. It seemed like they had broken a sort of dam, and now Dean frequently found himself looking at children and babies wherever he went and could find them. He had started wondering what it would be like to have his body swell with new life, to be able to carry that inside of him. He thought about what it would be like to hold that new life in his arms, to have his pup look at him and smile at him. He wondered what he and Cas’ children would look like. All of this was making it clearer and clearer why he liked it when Cas came inside of him so much. And he often found himself pausing in the mornings when he had to take his suppressant pill.

He went back to Charlie’s that night and talked about all of this with her, since she always gave him the best advice when it came to Cas and to understanding how Dean was feeling without him knowing about it fully.

“Dean,” Charlie said after he had talked to her. “It sounds like you have much more pros than cons in mind when it comes to moving in with Cas. So why not just go for it?”

“But isn’t it too soon? Shouldn’t we wait? Or what if it all goes horribly wrong?”

“I don’t think anyone except you and Cas can truly know if it’s too soon. There are no official rules for that, and it’s different for all couples, I think. Does it feel like it’s too soon to you?”

Dean thought about it, but not for very long. “Not really. I just want to be with Cas.”

“Does he feel that way too?”

“He’s the one who suggested moving in, so I’d say yes.”

“Well, there you go. And if it really does go wrong, you can talk about it. You can see if it was really too fast and you just need time apart and want to continue, or if the whole relationship has come to its end. Nonetheless—” she put her hand on his arm. “—you’ll always have a place to crash here with me, if you need it.”

Dean smiled. “Thanks.” He paused. “You…you sure you won’t mind me leaving? I can wait until you find a new roommate.”

Charlie waved his words off. “I’ll be fine. Honestly, I’ve just basically been waiting for you to say you’re moving in with Cas. It honestly barely feels like you even live here anymore,” she said. “Just come around and hang with me sometimes still, okay?”

“You know I will.”

Dean told Cas the next day he was moving in, if Cas wanted him to. They celebrated with some truly great sex, but one that ended with just a few orgasms from Dean, as Cas needed to get back to doing his homework.

Dean decided to officially keep living with Charlie until she found a new roommate. He slowly started moving his stuff to Cas’ apartment though. They had decided they would live there to start with, and possibly look for another, somewhat bigger place next semester. It was kind of a hassle that Cas couldn’t fit a desk into the bedroom and had to work at the kitchen table. It was an inconvenience for them both, as it limited the number of things that could be done while Cas worked and needed to not be disturbed. But they were able to work around it, even if Dean sometimes went over to Charlie’s when he wanted to watch TV instead of read.

Charlie eventually found another roommate, though she carefully still avoided it being someone she could be attracted to. According to Charlie, the new roommate mostly kept to himself and stayed in his room, so he was a much more boring roommate to have than Dean, but she didn’t mind too much since he was clean enough and paid his rent on time.

Once more, it turned out living together with Cas wasn’t that much different from what they had been doing before. Now there was just a sense of not having to go back and separate every time they spent the night together. Now that they lived together, Dean was making Cas step up a little and do his part of the housework. Dean still cooked because Cas couldn’t (though Dean was planning doing something to change that once Cas wasn’t so swamped with schoolwork), but Cas had agreed to do the laundry and the dishes, and that they would alternate between cleaning the apartment, as well as try and put things to their places after using them. It took an adjustment period, but they were getting better with it with each day and each week. It made them both happier when they both did their share and when the apartment was neat and tidy, and just more comfortable to live in.

They negotiated on this sometimes. Dean was willing to do more housework when Cas just absolutely couldn’t, so long as Cas made it up to him somehow. And he always did. Sometimes in bed, sometimes just everyday things like doing all the cleaning for next month. Or buying Dean some new pairs of panties. Dean now wore them every day, more and more comfortable since it was just him and Cas in their shared space now. He wasn’t quite daring enough to go out in his some of his sexier pairs yet, but he sometimes wore them around the apartment. They were a good way to get Cas to take a break once in a while, especially if Dean felt he hadn’t been paid quite enough attention to lately.

Dean continued to work at Heaven & Hell, but being with Cas was both a good thing and a bad thing for his career. Being able to talk to Cas about his work made it more bearable, but he tended to get less tips from customers when they smelled he was very much in a committed relationship, even if he was still missing the bite. Then there were those customers who wouldn’t take a no for answer, or accept being in a relationship as an excuse, so long as he was still missing the bite. Those nights, Dean tended to call Cas to walk him home, just in case.

Dean was seriously beginning to consider his career choices, and brought it up with Cas over dinner one night.

“Dean, if you feel the need to change your job, I will support you 100%. I have seen how little you wish to go to work lately, of course I have. And I know you’ve been wanting to change into being a mechanic in any case. So why not do it?”

Dean shrugged. “I think I’ll slowly start looking for another job, sending out my resumes and such. But I think I’ll work at the bar until the end of the semester at least, when the business is still somewhat decent from the students. I don’t want to be too hasty.”

Cas nodded. “You need to do how you see best. Just let me know if I can help in any way.”

“You can help me put together that resume. I have one, but I feel I need to improve it to get a full-time job as a mechanic. I have a feeling you’re better writing them than I am.”

Cas was indeed quite good with making a resume, having learned about such things under his Mother’s strict supervision. Dean slowly started sending the resumes out to places he’d discovered from his research or just places that were hiring. He hadn’t heard anything back from anyone yet, but he wasn’t about to lose hope.

At the same time, those nasty types of customers really were starting to get on Dean’s nerves. Apparently, the more he said he had no intention of going home with any of them, the more they flocked to him. It wasn’t the same faces all the time. Evidently, the rumors spread fast. Dean could well guess what they were saying about him behind his back, whispering about him. That he was a knottease, who thought too highly of himself and needed to be put in his place. Whose Alpha clearly wasn’t enough for him since there was no bite on him and since Dean had that undertone of an Omega who was on suppressants in his scent. That Omegas like Dean weren’t good enough for mating or long-term relationships anyway, just a good, nasty fuck. It was all starting to get on Dean’s nerves more than ever.

It also made him think. The suppressants had also been something his Dad had started out for him, something to make him hide who he was. John had said it was so people couldn’t take advantage of Dean so easily, that he wouldn’t be a prey to Alphas by his scent, but his words had always rang untrue to Dean. The suppressants were something he was used to, yes, and they allowed him to work without heat leave, but…why did he need to keep taking them? It was one thing to stay on them while single, but in a committed relationship was a whole another thing. He had an Alpha who knew his body in and out by now, and loved finding out new ways to give Dean pleasure. He could see Dean through his heats. And wouldn’t it be nice to share a heat with his Alpha, to take that final step so everyone would finally accept and see Dean had someone special in his life that he was planning to spend the rest of his life with?

And, speaking of the rest of his life, Dean knew by now he wanted pups someday. Having not been able to shake the thought of them for a while now, he knew a family with Cas was what he saw in his future. And he knew the longer he stayed on suppressants without having a heat made his chances of getting pregnant slimmer. They hadn’t talked about such things with Cas yet, but Dean assumed he would want pups in the future too. So why was he still risking his body and his health, when he could just come off the suppressants, or take those milder ones that only gave him one heat a year?

One night at the apartment, when Cas was taking a break from his studies and the two of them were cuddling on the couch, Dean decided to bring it up.

“I think I’d like to come off my suppressants,” Dean simply said.

Cas blinked, tilting his head in that Cas-like manner Dean had become familiar with by now, his scent slightly surprised and confused. “Are you sure? What brought this on?”

Dean shrugged. “I’m pretty sure. And lots of things, I guess. I just no longer have the same need for them as I did growing up, and I don’t…I don’t want to risk any more of my health by taking the stronger ones. All doctors have told me it’s not good for me, and I feel like I’m finally at a place in my life where I can listen to them.”

“Dean…” Cas took his hand, turning to face him, his scent a mix of emotions. “Do you mean to tell me you want pups?”

Dean blushed. But they needed to have this discussion someday, right? Better do it now than when it was too late to correct any misunderstandings. “Someday. Probably not for a few years; I think I’d like for you to graduate at first at least. But I do want them. And I don’t want to risk that I couldn’t have them any more than I have already.” He paused. “How…how do you feel about that?”

“Dean,” Cas started, his scent all touched and joyous. “I want that as well. I want us to have a family. In some ways, I’ve always been very lonely in my own family. Even Gabriel and I didn’t come to a full understanding until we were teenagers. My only safety as a child was my Dad, but I had to share him with three brothers. That’s why I’ve always wanted a family of my own. And I know you and I could make the type of family I’ve wanted; full of laughter and warmth and love. I just didn’t want to force the issue because I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it. You’d be the one to carry the pups, Dean, and you should have the right to decide what you do with your body.”

“Cas,” Dean breathed. “We’ll have pups, someday, I swear. I want that family too.”

Cas smiled. “I’m glad. Have you ever thought about how many pups you’d like? I’ll let you have as many as you’re willing to carry.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Even when you had to share your Dad with your brothers?”

“That’s different. The problem there was that our Mother was so cold and lacked love for us to such degree that we all had to fight for whatever attention we could get from Dad. With us, I imagine we’ll share the load more evenly. So…have you ever thought about it?”

Dean shrugged. “Mostly in passing. I think I’d like to have more than one at least. Siblings fight, yes, but they can also be your best friend and with them you’re never alone. And I think you can learn much from them, like sharing and so on. So at least two, I think. Maybe three.”

Cas nodded, his scent content and happy. “We’ll see as we go along. The decision will likely become clearer once we’ve had the first one.”

Dean smiled, and kissed Cas.

After they broke apart, Dean said: “So…I’ll come off my suppressants then?”

Cas nodded. “Make an appointment with a physician about it, just in case. They can tell you how to go on about doing that and what to expect.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed. “Cas…you do realise this will mean I’ll have a heat, right?”

“Yes,” Cas said, “but it seems like you’re ready for that.”

“I am, that’s not what I mean. I want to be with you for that and share it with you. But…” he trailed off, gathering his courage. “I kind of…want to take that final step with you, during it.”

Cas gasped, his face and scent all wonder, but not alarm, thankfully. “You mean…”

Dean nodded forcefully. “I want you to bite me. I want us to be together, Cas. I want us to be mates.”

“You’re…you’re certain?”

“Yes, okay?” Dean said, a bit snappish. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I know it’s fast, but it’s honestly not  _ that _ fast. Some mate right when they first meet. And I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone who I can be with the same way I can be with you, Cas. I really do love you, and I want to be together. I think…” He took a breath. He almost couldn’t believe he was about to say this. “I think we’re meant to be. Have always been. But I’m glad we’ve taken the time to actually be together and get to know each other before mating. That way neither of us has trapped the other into this, and we’ll go there with clear eyes.” He squeezed Cas’ hand. “I get it if you're not ready to go there yet. I can wait, if that’s the case. We can even think about it for a while longer, since it’s gonna take a while for the suppressants to stop affecting me anyway. But I’m letting you know that I am ready, and that this is something I’ve been thinking about."

Cas squeezed his hand back. “You’re not afraid?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Dean snorted. “But I guess…the possibility of being with you is a lot less scary than not being with you. And with you…I’m not afraid of anything. Not really, not anymore. I’m nervous sometimes still, yes, but…being with you seems to make everything better. So I want to keep on being with you.”

“I want that too,” Cas said, and leaned over to hold Dean in his arms. “I want all of that, Dean. If you’re sure…I’d be honored to be your mate. It’s what I’ve wanted ever since I first saw you.”

Dean hugged him tightly back, and had to laugh a little into Cas’ shoulder. Because he was just so happy.

Dean made an appointment for the upcoming week at the local clinic for an Omega specialist called Pamela Barnes, a Beta. However, upon arriving there and signing in for his appointment, he was informed Dr. Barnes had come down with a sudden bout of food poisoning, and her shift had been taken over by a Dr. Masters. The fact that the new doctor was an Alpha made Dean slightly nervous, but he was reassured by the dark-haired desk clerk called Tom that Dr. Masters was a professional and an experienced doctor. Dean would’ve felt silly backing out just because of the doctor change, plus this had been the only appointment he had been able to schedule for this week, so he decided to just go with it.

However, right when Dr. Masters stepped out of the examination room to call Dean in, Dean felt like his nerves had been warranted. Dr. Masters was an older man with graying, neatly-trimmed hair and some lines on his face. He would’ve been rather normal-looking, perhaps even pleasant, if it wasn’t for the creepy, almost leering smile he was giving Dean. And the fact that he smelled vile to Dean, almost like something burning. Dean had never liked the smell of burning, it bringing back far too many memories he’d rather forget. He wanted to run, wanted to leave, but the doctor’s eyes had found his and he seemed to know Dean was here to see him.

“Well, well, well,” the doctor began, stepping out of the examination room to meet Dean. “A Mr. Winchester, is it? And you’re here to discuss coming off your suppressants?”

Dean gulped. “Yes.” He was fairly proud he was able to keep his voice steady.

“Well, come on in then,” Dr. A. Masters, Ph.D., as the identity card hanging from his pocket stated, leading Dean back to the examination room. Dean followed nervously, telling himself he could get through this. And thanking high heavens he didn’t need to get naked for this.

“Now, tell me, in further detail, about why exactly you’re here,” Dr. Masters encouraged after he and Dean had sat down.

So Dean explained he wanted to have a heat for the first time in a while for his own health, and because he and his partner were thinking about becoming mates, and needed a heat to happen for all of that. Dr. Masters asked a few follow-up questions about how long Dean had been on suppressants and what brand he used, and although he still made Dean anxious, didn’t for a moment seem so creepy.

“Your brand of suppressants has been strong, I have to say,” he told Dean. “No one to share a heat with until now?”

The look he gave Dean almost made a chill run down Dean’s spine. “No, I guess not. This is my first long-term relationship.”

“I see,” Dr. Masters said. “Well, there is nothing preventing you from coming off your suppressants. And it is indeed good to do that now, before you completely lose your fertility. It’d be a shame if such…genes as yours wouldn’t be passed on.” He leered at Dean again, and Dean swallowed nervously. “However, since you haven’t had a heat for a long time, it is going to be very…intense.” He licked his lips, his eyes aflame. Dean could smell Dr. Masters was growing aroused just at the thought. He wanted to run. “And you’re certain you don’t want pups quite yet?”

“Yeah…not yet,” Dean managed to answer.

“What a shame. I’m sure they’d be as beautiful as their bearer.” Dr. Masters leered. “But I can write you a prescription for birth control, if you’re absolutely certain, since as you know, it is better to exchange fluids when creating a mating bond. Have you and your partner been tested for STDs?” Dean nodded. “Good then. You should also wait until after the heat is over to get on your new suppressants, because the old ones need to properly wash out of your system before it is safe to get on a new prescription. It might take a while for your body to cleanse itself as well, so don’t expect the heat to come right away, and be prepared that it might come suddenly. You also shouldn’t start on your birth control until the first day of the heat. Your suppressants will work as birth control until then.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Then I’ll write you a prescription. You can pick them up on your way out.”

Dean did. He went through the instructions carefully just in case, because he honestly didn’t trust that doctor. But they said what he’d said about suppressants and heat, and Dean didn’t think the medication instructions would lie to him. And although he did tell Cas what a creep the doctor had been (Cas suggested reporting him to the human resources, but Dean had to admit he didn’t have anything concrete to report on, just feelings), he didn’t mention the pills, not wanting to seem strange or paranoid. He thought about making another appointment at the clinic, but just the thought of going back there made him nervous. And in any case, he was probably just worried for nothing, and nervous about what was to happen. So in the end he simply stopped taking his suppressants, and began to wait for his heat to start so he could begin taking his birth control.

It was kind of a special type of torture, the not-knowing when to expect the heat to start and still try and live life like normal. Dean, of course, had to let his boss know that he might have to leave work suddenly or might not be able to make it in on a short notice.

Crowley had scoffed at the announcement. “Great. Another bitch lost to his biological clock.”

Dean had fumed and wanted to correct him, on edge enough from the meeting with the shady doctor and having to wait for his heat to start, but knew that wouldn’t be wise. He still worked for Crowley and would like to stay that way until he found something else. He just tried to be grateful he didn’t usually need to deal with his boss to work for him, as Crowley was mostly behind-the-scenes and allowed his bartenders enough freedom with the guidance of the senior staff, as long as they didn’t mess anything up.

It was also like an itch underneath Dean’s skin, to have to wait until that final step. And thinking about it made him very horny, though it was likely also partially due to his hormones being whacked from the lack of suppressants. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this much on any person as he was on Cas. Cas sometimes complained that he was losing a lot of time when Dean was so needy and wanted sex constantly, but he also almost never denied Dean. Even when he did, the thought of Dean masturbating, the smell and sounds of him, was always enough to eventually drag Cas to join him. Sometimes Dean just sucked Cas’ cock underneath the table as Cas tried to work, while working two fingers inside of himself.

It was almost weird to be having so much sex when they were just waiting for the moment where the desire for sex would cease to be a want and become close to a need. But it was a vicious cycle where Dean would think about the heat and the sex that would take place during it, get horny and want to have sex. And then it would start all over again.

A few weeks passed much in the same manner. Dean began to grow more frustrated, just waiting. But it was another week, at the start of the second week of April, until it finally came.

He was, mercifully, still at home when he began to feel the very first pricklings. Just reading, waiting for the right time to leave for work, when he began to feel himself getting horny again. At first he thought it was just the normal stuff, but he hadn’t been doing or thinking about anything exciting. And still, there was that familiar heat in his belly, he was starting to feel warm and his breaths were beginning to grow heavier. And, shit, he was getting wet. Really wet.

Suddenly, he heard hurried footsteps, glancing up to see Cas rushing towards him from his seat at the kitchen table. 

“Dean,” he said, his voice breathless, his face flushed, and his eyes dilated. “I think it’s starting.”

Then it was a flurry of trying to get everything done and out of the way. Dean called work and said he’d be taking his heat leave now, Cas called the university to let them know the same thing while Dean took his first birth control pill. Dean had luckily already prepared their bed with the watertight rubber around the mattress, so it wouldn’t be ruined. They also took out their less-used blankets to sleep in during this time.

And then it was all said and done, and Dean’s horniness was starting to sweep over into agony instead. Despite the creepy way he’d said it, the doctor had been right; this was already getting very intense, so much so that it was actually kind of painful. His dick was so hard and so red that it felt like any little touch could set him off.

Cas almost seemed to read his mind, or maybe he was just that attuned to Dean’s scent and other cues now. But before Dean could barely blink, Cas had gotten on his knees and was pulling Dean’s pants down with him. 

“Let me help with that first.”

And he got right into sucking Dean’s cock, swallowing him down with eager efficiency. With the heat, and Cas’ expert tongue, it didn’t take very long at all for Dean to find release, immediately taking the edge off his heat, at least for the moment.

They cuddled up on the bed together in contentment afterwards, Cas spooning Dean and petting his hair. “Are you all right?”

“For now. But it’s not gonna last long, I think.”

Cas kissed the back of his neck. “We’re prepared for this, Dean. I’ll do all I can to make it as easy on you as possible,” he vowed. “Now, we agreed I bite you as soon as it starts, because it’ll make the heat easier on both of us, being even more attuned to one another than before, and because we don’t know how long exactly the heat is going to last. Is that still how you feel?”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, holding onto Cas’ hand. “I want us to be in this together, as mates.” He turned around so he could look Cas in the eyes. “This is us, Cas. The beginning of a new chapter.”

Cas smiled at him, and gave his lips a soft kiss. “It is, truly.”

They slowly began trading sweet gentle kisses which after a while took a turn for more passionate and deeper ones. It eventually ended up with Cas on top of Dean, as Dean began to grow wetter and hotter again.

“Cas,” he mumbled between kisses. “I think it’s about to get worse again.”

“I know,” Cas said, kissing him softly, arousal taking over his scent, but keeping the overtone of comfort. “I can smell it.” He held onto Dean’s hand. “You’re ready to do this?”

Dean just grinned up at him. “Hell yeah.”

Cas didn’t say anything further, simply started kissing Dean again. He still held Dean’s hand, but the other one began stroking down Dean’s body. He started at the side of Dean’s face, then caressed his neck all over, before moving down onto his chest and nipples. He teased them at first, just giving them soft, light touches that made Dean’s oversensitive skin shiver and break out in goose bumps.

“Cas, c’mon, this is not the time to tease,” Dean mumbled, breaking off from one kiss.

Cas didn’t seem fazed, simply keeping up with the light touches around his chest. “No, Dean,” he said, “It is. This moment is special and important. I don’t want to rush into it, or just dive into it. This is something that will define much of the rest of our lives. It is the true beginning of us, as a shared life. We should both be able to look back on it years later and remember it as more than a simple, quick fuck.”

Man, but it was hot when Cas cursed, and Dean made an embarrassing noise at the back of his throat. He swore he leaked a little more at that.

“Don’t worry,” Cas said, kissing him deeply again. “We’ll get there. But for now, I want to take my time for a bit.”

“You’re gonna kill me,” Dean groaned, but he knew Cas could smell he was more than little excited about the idea. It turned out, he really was kind of into the whole orgasm denial thing. It was kind of hard to decide which he liked more; being teased to that edge for a long time before allowed release, or getting to have multiple orgasms. They now tended to alternate, depending on the mood, or sometimes combining the two, if they had the time.

“But what a way to go, right?” Cas teased, caressing Dean’s nipples softly. But Cas seemed to decide this was enough of that for now, and began to play slightly more attention to them, using his index finger and thumb now to touch Dean’s right nipple, not quite pinching it. Dean took a sharp breath in. He was really hard now and leaking a lot of slick, his pheromones and Cas’ scenting up the entire room. The apartment was truly going to become their own place now, with it smelling so completely of them and their joining together like this.

“Hmm, seems lefty is a bit lonely, don’t you think?” Cas mumbled into Dean’s mouth, teasing. “Would you like me to use my mouth, or my other hand?”

“Mouth,” Dean said. He wanted to hold onto Cas’ hand. It made all of this a bit less nerve-wrecking.

Cas nodded, pulling away from Dean’s lips and beginning to kiss down the side of his face and down his neck, passing the place where the mating bite would soon enough be. It made Dean shiver as Cas’ lips lightly touched it.

“Patience, my love,” Cas murmured, kissing down Dean’s bicep and then his chest, until he reached the left nipple and began to lick and suck on it, even using a little teeth, just the way Dean liked it. He also hardened the treatment on the right nipple, now actually pinching it.

Dean hissed, biting down on his lower lip. His nipples were always sensitive, but the heat made them doubly so, not to mention extra perky.

“Don’t hold back, Dean,” Cas said, before flicking his tongue lightly over the right nipple. “Let me hear you.”

“The neighbours might mind,” Dean gasped.

“They’ve been informed we’re about to mate; if they haven’t prepared for it by now, frankly it’s their fault,” Cas said.

Dean raised his eyebrows in a teasing manner. “Never took you for an exhibitionist.”

Cas just smirked up at him from around Dean’s chest. “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

“I’ve created a monster,” Dean huffed, but couldn’t really complain. He loved this about Cas, that he was so open-minded and adventurous about sex, never shaming Dean for what he liked and allowing him to express himself. They were also fortunate in that their likes and dislikes mostly complemented one another. Perhaps it was something that was ingrained into their DNAs, their scents, which made it known they were as good together as they were.

“Cas—” Dean gasped as Cas kept up the ministrations on his nipples. “Either s-slow down, or stop, or g-go further, or this isn’t gonna last.”

Cas didn’t quite stop, but he got a bit gentler for a bit. Then the cycle started again, until Dean was almost at the edge again. And again. And again.

“Cas, please, just get on with it!” Dean begged, leaking precome from his dick as more and more slick came pouring out. “I really need to come!”

Cas stopped sucking on his nipple. “All right, but just because it’s your heat. You know I normally wouldn’t let you off that easily.” Dean gulped. Oh, he knew very well indeed. And he even really liked it most days, but this was a special circumstance. Thankfully, Cas was never cruel about stuff like this, and he always got Dean where he needed to be, in the end.

Cas moved on to kissing down Dean’s body, just teasing. He kissed his stomach, the softness around his middle Dean was secretly slightly embarrassed about. He wondered if Cas knew, because he often seemed to really like lavishing attention to that particular part of his body.

“I love this,” Cas now murmured to Dean’s flesh. “Especially knowing how you starved as a child. I love that you’re healthy now and eat meals every day. Meals that you cook for both of us. You take such good care of me, Dean, and I only hope to return the favor as we start our joint lives together.” He kissed every part of Dean’s belly. “I know you don’t need anyone to take care of you, but I hope I can at least be a partner to you, someone who listens and helps you with life so you can be all that you want to be. Whatever you wish to do with your life, I will do my best to help you achieve.”

Dean was more than a little touched, and that in turn made him more than a little embarrassed. “You planning your wedding vows while we’re about to have sex, now, dude?”

Cas stopped, and Dean froze. He realised he probably shouldn’t have used the word ‘wedding’ in this kind of a situation. “Forget it, forget I said that, I didn’t—”

“Dean,” Cas said, raising up to look him in the eyes, squeezing his hand. “I would be honored to marry you one day. We’re already about to become mates. I want to marry you as well, as soon as you’re willing.”

Dean averted his eyes, blushing. “Was that a proposal?”

“If you want it to be.”

“…yeah, okay.”

Cas’ eyes widened, his scent shocked but elated. “You mean it?”

“Yeah, I mean, this is about as big a commitment as ever. And it’d be nice if it was on paper too, at some point.” Dean shrugged. “I mean, we don’t have to get married now. In fact, I think we should wait a while, at least until we figure out a way to have our families and friends together in the same room and all. But…let’s be mates, and engaged. How’s that sound?”

Cas was smiling so widely that his nose was getting the happy crinkles and Dean could see his gums, his scent filled with happiness and love and affection, before he practically leaped on Dean, planting a huge kiss on him.

They kissed like that for a few moments, before Dean pulled back. “So I guess we’re engaged now?”

Cas still couldn’t stop smiling, it seemed, the happiness in his scent not muting the least. “We are.” He kissed Dean again. “And I think that’s about as memorable as a mating can get. I really wanted to tease you more, but…”

Dean kissed him. “We can do that later. There’s plenty more of heat where that came from.” He stroked down Cas’ hair, putting his hand at the side of his face. “Right now though, I’m just anxious to be yours.”

“And I yours,” Cas murmured, lowering his hand gently down Dean’s body, past his dick and into his hole. “Wow, you’re even wetter than I thought you’d be. And very hot.”

The finger action was very expert at this point, Cas knowing just how to handle Dean, just touching and feeling his walls and teasing his prostate.

“Cas, please…” Dean gasped. “I want you in me. I want your bite.”

“And I want yours,” Cas said, kissing Dean. “It’s all right, Dean. You can have me now. You’re quite open enough.”

He removed his hand, and positioned himself so that his cock was right at Dean’s entrance. Dean locked his ankles behind Cas’ lower back. “You ready?”

“For you, always,” Dean murmured, and after a nod and a kiss, Cas let himself slip in, slowly, gently.

Dean’s breath came out in stutters as Cas went all in to the very root. He held onto Cas’ hand tightly, as Cas did his in return. For a moment, they only looked into each other’s eyes as Cas was inside Dean, breathing out in soft puffs.

“Are you nervous?” Cas queried gently.

“No,” Dean said, “not about this. Not about you. Not anymore.”

Cas’ gaze was soft, and so was his next kiss. “I love you, Dean. I can’t even tell how much.”

“I love you, too, Cas,” Dean murmured. “Now, get on with it.”

Cas chuckled. “Very well.” And he began moving inside of Dean. But it was still gentle, just tender thrusts. He was all close up in Dean’s personal space, their chests near one another. They kept kissing all through it, as Cas languidly moved inside Dean. It was all careful and soft, and Dean found himself loving it. This truly wasn’t some other regular fuck. It never really was with Cas, and no matter how rough or wild their sex life was, it was always special and meaningful to Dean because he and Cas actually cared for one another. But this was still different. It was much more just about closeness and intimacy than about pleasure. It was strange, given that it was Dean’s heat, but he found that this was exactly how he wanted it to be at this moment. Years later, he felt like he could look back at this moment and truly say, “Yeah, it was magical.”

Cas was still an expert when it came to Dean’s body, though, as he kept hitting Dean's prostate. Dean was moaning into his mouth, clawing at Cas’ back just a bit with the hand not holding Cas’s. His cock was standing so hard and red, and he was actually leaking slick around Cas’s cock.

“Cas, Cas, Cas,” he couldn’t stop chanting between kisses, half out loud, half just in his mind.

“I’m— I’m almost there, Dean,” Cas mumbled between kisses. “Do you want my hand? Do you need me to touch you?”

Dean considered it for a moment, but as Cas hit his prostate again and he couldn’t help but let out a sound, he said: “No. I’ll…I’ll get there. Just. A little more?”

Cas looked him in the eye, as if to figure out if Dean was truly serious. Whatever he saw in Dean’s face seemed to convince him though, as he kept his hand away from Dean’s cock, and just picked up the pace a little.

“Cas, please!” Dean gasped.

“Dean, I can’t…” Cas groaned. “May I bite you? And receive a bite from you in return?”

“Yes!” Dean hissed. “Just a bit more, Cas, just a little more!”

“Dean!” Stars were beginning to burst behind Dean’s eyelids. Cas angled his body so his mouth was over where Dean’s neck met his left shoulder, and so Dean’s lips were at a corresponding place at Cas’ body. Just when Dean felt himself about to burst, he acted almost on instinct, not even thinking about it, and bit down at Cas’ neck as hard as he could. He also felt the pain that was numbed by a wave of pleasure as Cas did the same for him, and as his knot caught at Dean’s rim and he released his hot seed inside of Dean, triggering Dean’s own orgasm.

Dean blacked out for a while, but Cas was still locked inside of him when he came to, lightly licking at the newly-formed bite at his neck, lying on their sides face-to-face on the bed. Dean didn’t feel much different from before, aside from being sated and having a knot in his ass, though. His and Cas’ scents were still mixed the way they had been for a while now. He didn’t feel like he had somehow become closer to Cas automatically in this way. It felt more like taking one more step up the stairs of their relationship or something. An important step, perhaps, but still something that had been in the works for a while. They hadn’t jumped into it. It just…was.

“Hey,” Dean murmured at Cas, touching their foreheads together.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas murmured back, kissing him gently, his scent satisfied and happy. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good. Sated. Satisfied,” Dean said.

“Does the bite hurt?”

“Not terribly, at least not yet. Yours?”

“Not badly.”

Dean hesitated for a minute, before saying: “…Is it weird I don’t actually feel that different, even with how much we built this up? How much everyone builds this up?”

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t know how most people feel. But that is quite how I feel too,” Cas admitted. “I am glad we’re here now, that we have this visible proof of us truly being together. I was ready to take that step with you. But I believe in many ways, we’ve already been mates for a while now. We’ve started sharing our lives quite intimately, down to now living in the space, even. Our scents have already become mingled, as have our lives and routines. We know each other already, we recognise each other, down to our very cores. We’ve been exclusive for months now, and faithful to one another. We’ve shared our secrets and talked about our relationship, trying to work things out the best we can.” He stroked Dean’s hair softly. “We were already mates, Dean. This was just us calling it that for the first time.”

Dean smiled at him widely. “I’m glad we’re here, Cas,”

“As am I.” Cas returned the smile.

It took a while longer than normal for Cas’ knot to go down, as was a normal reaction to the act of joining together as mates. Once that most important part of this heat had been over and done with, Dean and Cas simply began to try and enjoy this time together as much as they could. Cas did everything he liked to with Dean’s body, playing him like an instrument. He teased and edged him once in a while, allowing Dean to gain a huge wave of relief when finally rewarded with an orgasm, but also did his best to make Dean come as many times as possible in as many diverse ways as possible. He gave Dean head, he ate him out, he kissed and bit his nipples and his neck, he fingered him, sometimes while sucking him at the same time, sometimes not…towards the end, he even got a bit adventurous and managed to fit his fingers into Dean while also being knotted inside of him. He knotted Dean as much as his own body allowed him to, but now more than ever he liked just basking and enjoying Dean’s pleasure.

Cas also made sure they both ate and drank in-between rounds. They had stocked up on granola bars and juice, and Cas also brought them pizza, burgers and kebab from the 24-hour fast food joint nearby once a day, as neither one of them was in the mood to see if they might get too distracted to cook and then burn it.

The heat wasn’t as intense as Dean had feared. Or perhaps it was just easier to go through with a partner who was very eager and very willing to make things easier on him. The heat was over by around the midday or the fourth day, ending in languid lovemaking between the newly-mated couple.

They had both requested the whole week of heat leave, so they didn’t go back to work and school right away. The first day they mostly slept, showered and ate. One warm meal a day during so much physical exercise wasn’t nearly enough and they were both ravenous on the fifth day. Dean cooked them a large meal and they both had seconds and a little bit of thirds. They changed their beddings and removed the plastic cover from the mattress, bathed until they no longer felt so sticky. They watched a bit of TV between naps, massaging each other’s sore muscles in the meantime. This didn’t lead into anything further, both of them exhausted from so much sex for at least a while.

Dean finally braved stepping outside on the sixth day, and after showering as much of his sex smell off himself as he could, he went to visit Charlie. Cas was trying to catch up on his schoolwork, and was starting to prepare for the exam season.

Charlie was surprised, yet also glad to see Dean. “What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you for another day, at the very least!”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t really know myself, it’s weird. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and it’s been over for about a day and a half already. We’ve just been resting, and making sure it’s really over. The doctor said my hormones might be a little off-balance, so maybe my heat was a bit milder instead of being really intense?”

At least, that’s what Dean hoped it was. He hadn’t dared to say anything out loud about it to Cas, but he was a little afraid this might mean that his body had become so messed up that his fertility really had been affected by the suppressants. He didn’t want to worry about that yet, not when they were so newly-mated and wouldn’t be having children for a while yet. And Cas had been so good about everything so far. Dean wanted to believe even a smaller chance of children may not turn him away. Especially when they were supposed to be bound together now.

Charlie just smiled at him. “Well, come on in, and tell me everything!” she said as she let Dean past him to the apartment. “And also…I suppose congratulations on the mating are in order?”

“That’s not all.” Dean grinned. “Cas asked me to marry him. And I said yes.”

“Oh, Dean!” Charlie gushed, rushing over to envelop him into a sudden tight hug that made Dean lose his breath. “I’m so happy for you! When’s the wedding?”

Dean shrugged again. “I think for now we’ll just stay engaged and mated, especially since for now we’ll continue living here and our families are all in the States. And we need to figure out all the details first. I think we’ll wait at least until Cas graduates, then figure out everything, both about the wedding and the rest of our lives.”

Charlie led him to sit on the couch. “You think you might keep living here even after Cas is done with school?”

“I don’t really know,” Dean said. “Right now, I like the distance between me and everyone, the independence of it, but I think I’ll start missing my family, my brother, eventually. I don’t know if I’ll want to live in this country the rest of my life, or if it’ll even be possible. But I guess…as long as I’m with Cas, I don’t much care about where we live.”

“Awww,” Charlie cooed, and mock-punched Dean in the arm. “he’s turned you into a real sap.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah…I guess he has.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Masters was Azazel, in case it wasn't entirely clear.


	8. Chapter seven

The next few weeks passed relatively normally. Nothing was different in Dean and Cas’ lives, aside from everyone now truly being able to tell they were committed to one another. Dean kept working and Cas kept studying. His finals and other deadlines were approaching, making the Alpha busier than ever. Dean left the apartment sometimes to give Cas some space, generally escaping to Charlie’s place, but sometimes also to the library and their computers. He tried to do a bit more research about his options for the future, about finding long-term employment around the city. He sometimes even thought about taking some classes. Night classes maybe, because there was no way he would get into Cambridge as a full-time student. But his tips were almost non-existent these days, as everyone could now tell he was taken, both by his changed scent and the bite mark at his neck, visible and obvious, though healed. The plus side to all of this was that his new status update to “mated” tended to keep most of the creeps away, but Dean was quickly becoming aware that he wasn’t the asset to Heaven & Hell he had been when single, or even just dating. He was no longer the new, attractive American bartender; just a mated Omega trying to make a living. People knew he wouldn’t go home with them now, unless he was a total asshole, and it made them both less likely to come to the bar for him, or pay him extra to make him happy. It didn’t help that for some reason Dean had been growing tired more easily lately, which was making it harder for him to be as pleasant to the drunk customers.

Dean had known the situation was bad, but he hadn’t anticipated just how much, until one night Crowley called him into his office during his break. But by the time he was summoned, Dean already knew in his gut what he was walking into. Crowley so rarely talked directly to his employees. Usually he only did it for two reasons, either to hire them or…

“You’re firing me,” Dean said as he stood in the doorway of Crowley’s office.

The man was sitting behind his desk in a leather chair, holding the tips of his fingers together in front of him. Dean felt like he was walking into a session with Mr. Burns.

“Well, good that I don’t have to break the news to you then, doll,” Crowley smirked. “You’ve simply become more a nuisance than an asset. I’m sure you understand.”

“I work as hard as anyone at this bar,” Dean hissed through his teeth, trying to control his anger. “And I don’t think it’s legal to fire me just because I’m mated now.”

“Ahh, but I don’t think you can prove this is about that, can you darling? After all, you must admit, you haven’t been at your best game of late.” Crowley sneered. “Besides, I know you’re not truly into this work, and you were honestly supposed to be out of here months ago already. So I’m actually doing us both a favour by setting you free.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you until the end of the university semester. I’ll need extra hands around for when the finals end and the students want to celebrate the summer. After that, you’re out.” He then simply picked up a paper from his desk, and started reading it. Dean didn’t move, not sure what he was supposed to do now. Crowley eventually looked up. “What are you still doing here? Go back to work.”

Dean’s mind was even less on the job the rest of the night. He was distracted by thoughts of what he was going to tell Cas and how. He knew they should be able to keep on living with the money from Cas’ trust fund, but Dean Winchester had never been one to take up charity. He wanted to keep on working, and helping Cas maintain their home. But he still hadn’t found any new employment and was starting to lose hope as more and more time passed. Maybe he should just stop being so picky and find something else, like working at a grocery store or at a fast food place, at least until he managed to find something new and better. If he ever would.

Dean went home tired, stressed and irritated, but at the same time, wanting to be near Cas. Being with Cas at least made him feel better and gave him comfort, especially now that they were truly mated and more and more in-tune with each other’s cues.

Cas was sitting at the kitchen table, still doing his schoolwork when Dean got home, and Dean felt bad because Cas already had so much on his plate. He didn’t need or deserve to have Dean’s problems to add on his stress. But since moving in together, Dean hadn’t been able to hide anything from Cas, and Cas was able to smell what he was feeling by the time he stepped in. He quickly rushed over to Dean and took him in his arms.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked.

Dean, despite his better judgement, allowed himself to be comforted by Cas’ touch, warmth and smell. “They’re letting me go at work. I get to work until the semester ends, but then they’ll fire me. I’m not bringing in the crowd anymore now that I have a mate.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Cas said, pulling back to look Dean in the eyes. Cas’ eyes were stormy, his scent bitter with anger and sadness. “We can fight them on this. They cannot fire you just because you’re mated.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s not worth it. Crowley is right; I was never meant to work there this long. Hell, I’ve been looking for other work. It’s just…” He took in a breath, trying to compose himself and not cry. “I just wanted to have that as a safety net until something came up, you know? Will I even be able to find anything else? What will we do over the summer?”

“Shh, shh,” Cas soothed him, pulling him back into his embrace. “We’ll figure something out. I know you don’t want to live on my support, but I…I wish you would, at least until you can find work you actually enjoy. Work that is fulfilling for you. I know working at the bar has become such a chore to you, and it’s been making you more miserable than it is worth. I don’t want you to feel like that again with what you decide to do next.”

Dean buried his face into Cas’ shoulder. “What should I do?”

“Nothing, for tonight. In the morning, we can start figuring things out. There’s still time, Dean. The semester won’t end for another month. We can make a plan.”

They went to bed afterwards, Cas holding Dean through the night. His presence managed to soothe Dean to a restful sleep.

In the morning, they talked things over. After much discussion, Dean agreed he wouldn’t try and find any more temporary jobs, and would focus on looking for work he actually wanted to do. In the meantime, he could focus a bit more on himself and learn new things. He and Cas discussed the opinion of night classes, which Cas thought was a terrific idea. Dean would keep on sending his resume and applications out, but he’d start taking classes in the summer if nothing else came up.

A few weeks passed, without a word from potential employers, so Dean began to look into open local summer courses that anyone could take. That is, until one day, they got a phone call.

Cas answered it, and immediately became serious and tense once he heard who was on the other line. “Oh, hello, Mother.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. Why was Cas’ Mom calling all the way from the States, and unexpectedly at that? Despite being able to afford it Cas’ family had never called their apartment before since Dean had started living there. Cas only sent his brothers and Dad letters, as Dean did with his own brother. He just hoped this wasn’t anything terribly bad or serious, like somebody dying or something.

Cas sighed into the phone, his scent indicating irritation and frustration. “Yes, it’s true.” He paused to listen. “Yes, the bartender. Because I love him.” So apparently, this was about Dean. “Mother, this is not your decision. This is the one thing where I should be able to make my own choice. Mother—” He rubbed his fingers over his eyes in irritation. “You don’t even know him. What?” His eyes were wide now. “No, I…I suppose not. I will ask him. I’ll let you know. Give my love to Dad. Goodbye, Mother.” He sighed, his shoulder sagging, as he put the phone down.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked, getting up from the couch and walking over to Cas, lightly putting his arms around him in comfort. Cas still smelled annoyed, but it dissipated a little with Dean’s presence.

“Nobody’s dead, if that's what you mean,” Cas said, rubbing his forehead, as if fighting off a headache. “We better sit down.” They went to take a seat at the kitchen table. “It turns out my Dad told my Mother that we’ve moved in together and become mates.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Is that bad?” He hoped Cas wasn’t in trouble over it. He knew he probably wasn’t what a rich and traditional Alpha like Naomi Novak had pictured as an ideal mate to her youngest Alpha son.

“That depends,” Cas sighed, leaning back in his chair, his gaze in the ceiling. “She wants to meet you. She wants us to go over there for a few weeks once my summer break starts.”

“Over there? As in, to New York? To your parents’ place?”

“Yes,” Cas groaned. “I suppose I should’ve seen this coming. My Dad can hardly keep secrets from her. But I was just so happy that I wanted him to know what had happened, I didn’t think…”

“Hey,” Dean smiled in reassuring manner, taking a hold of Cas’ hand. “It’s okay. You should be able to tell your Dad stuff about your life. It sucks he told your Mom when you didn’t want her to know, but if all she wants is to meet me…I can do that.”

“Dean,” Cas said in a serious, low voice, his scent grave and, Dean realized,  _ afraid _ . “I’ve told you what she’s like. She never wants to ‘just meet you.’ She must have some kind of a trick up her sleeve. She wants to control my life, all our lives, and can’t stand that control having been taken from her. She will try and separate us, I know she will.”

“Then I won’t let her,” Dean told him. “I’ve fought off asshole Alphas all my life, do you think I’ll take any of her crap? I won’t let her separate us.”

“You don’t know what she’s capable of.” Cas smelled worried.

“I don’t care. Look—” he squeezed Cas’ hand, “This is you and me. We’re in this together. That means also our families. I can take a few weeks of your Mom; then we can come back to our normal lives. And besides, it’s not like it’s just her, right? I think I’d like to meet your Dad at least. Maybe your brothers too? You talk of them so fondly; it’d be good to see what the good influence on your life is like.”

“Dean…are you sure?”

“Hell yeah, I’m sure. It’s not like I have anything more concrete planned for the summer anyway, apparently.” He gave a forced laugh.

“Dean…” Cas murmured, his scent a mix of emotions, the topmost being affection and love, though the nervousness wasn’t completely gone either. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Dean waved him off. “Hey, after we meet your family, maybe we can take a trip to Sioux Falls to meet mine? I’m sure they’d like to meet you too, after everything I’ve told them about you, and that phone call you had with Bobby on my birthday.”

Cas smiled, his scent becoming more joyous, appearing to cheer up at least some. “I’d love that.”

Now they had a plan to work towards for the summer at the very least. They decided that they’d take a week after Cas’ finals to get ready for the trip, for Cas to get some rest and for the two of them to be able to have some quality time together, before heading off to New York. Cas’ mother was sending them their tickets, all paid and ready. First class, naturally, which at least made the notion of flying a little bit less awful to Dean. He was frankly surprised they weren’t flying on a private jet, but Cas told him he had insisted to his mother that they wanted to keep things a little more normal than that.

Dean also knew that in high society like the Novak family, certain behavior was to be expected. Therefore, he picked up some books on etiquette and also asked Cas to teach him.

“Dean, you don’t have to do all this,” Cas insisted when he asked, though he smelled slightly pleased that Dean was willing to put so much effort into everything for his sake. “I just want you to be yourself. You don’t need to be something else to charm my Dad; all he’ll care about is that you’re a kind and decent man who makes me happy. And there is no pleasing Mother, so why go through all the trouble?”

Dean shrugged. “I still want to make as good an impression as I can. Give her a few reasons less to look down on me, you know? And I don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

“You won’t,” Cas said, but seeing the look Dean kept giving him, he sighed, relenting. “Fine, if this is what you want.”

After that, Dean focused on learning as much as about proper etiquette as he possibly could, although he quickly figured out that some things couldn’t be learned, especially in such a short amount of time. These were the things that were generally a part of the upbringing in the upper classes, and were harder to teach down because they had become such subconscious things to everyone participating in them; core parts of their very culture.

Dean did learn, however, that he would need some new clothes to wear for the occasion. Dinners at the house of Cas’ parents were apparently semi-formal events where the clothes had to be neat and nice, if not quite black tie. So while Cas was studying, Dean let Charlie take him shopping for some clothes that were quite far from his usual style, provided by Cas’ credit cards. They got him slacks, button-up shirts and a few ties to start with. These were the types of practical things Dean was more willing to let Cas buy for him. However, the full suit, which Cas insisted Dean buy as custom-made, took a bit more convincing from the man.

“Think of it as a present for me, if it makes you feel any better,” Cas teased him. “I’ll like the look of you in a suit, I’m sure. Or you can think of it as an investment; you can wear it to interviews and events over the years.”

Dean had relented on the matter, knowing he needed to pick his battles and that Cas honestly did love spoiling him the few times Dean let him. It also helped that while Dean knew he needed these new clothes for this occasion, at the same time, Cas made sure Dean understood he shouldn’t have to change who he was just to appease Castiel’s parents. That whenever he could, he should wear his own clothes and say what he wanted to say, what he really thought. And that Cas loved him for exactly who he was, not even despite Dean’s lower social class, but even because of it.

“My father is the one whose opinion matters to me,” Cas told him, “and I want him to know the real you, the you that I love. He will like the real you much better than someone whom my Mother would want for me, anyway.”

Although Dean was nervous about meeting Cas’ family, seeing as it was another big step to take in a relationship, and he really wanted to seem good to people who cared about Cas and whom Cas cared about in turn, he was also kind of excited. He knew how much Cas’ father and youngest brother meant to him, how they had clearly influenced what sort of person Cas had become. Dean wanted to see that influence right upfront, to meet the people who had made Cas into the person he was today; the person who was so kind and considerate, who never treated Dean as any less for anything that he was and who respected and loved him not even though but because he saw Dean for who he truly was. Who didn’t judge, only supported and tried his best to help. Who Dean wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Finally, after months of studying and a week of finals, Cas finished the last of his exams. He and Dean celebrated with a big, delicious dinner that Dean cooked for them, but afterwards Cas pretty much conked right out, having put in so many late nights. Dean allowed him that, simply cuddling next to him, reading, while he waited for his own sleep to come.

Cas slept for 14 hours, during which Dean had his final grueling shift at Heaven & Hell, serving the freed university students. But on the next day, after breakfast, Cas was more than ready to celebrate by doing other things than sleep in the bedroom.

The next few days were spent almost constantly together, taking back the time they hadn’t been able to properly spend together while Cas had been busy with his studies. They went on dates to restaurants, where Cas treated Dean to thank him for being so gracious the last several weeks, having kept making sure Cas ate and slept and that their apartment stayed clean. They went on a few walks, watched films in their apartment and had some spectacular sex celebrating Cas’ freedom. They also went over to Charlie’s for another one of their game night. Dean had told her about their summer plans already, but this was the first time she was able to confront them both about it face-to-face.

“I can’t believe you’re just gonna leave me here for the summer!” she groaned over Risk.

“We’re not leaving you, Charlie. It’s just for three weeks,” Dean tried to reassure her.

“A lot can happen in three weeks! You can’t know what will occur! Maybe Cas’ family will convince you that it’s a terrible idea for you to return to the UK and that you need to stay in the States instead!”

“I assure you, Charlie, at the moment I have no intention to stay anywhere near my Mother for any long period of time,” Cas stated, taking a sip of his soda.

“Maybe, but she might mess with that. What if she, like, messes with Dean’s birth control pills, or replaces them with some mints, and then Dean gets pregnant and she will convince you you’re gonna need all the help you can get and you need to stay as close to her and your Dad to gain financial aid?” She stopped, realizing the mated pair was staring at her in confusion. “What? I saw it in a TV show!”

Dean chuckled. “You really need to get out more. But if it makes you feel any better, I swear I will keep a close eye on my birth control. Or we can use a condom while we’re there.”

Cas snorted at that. “We probably won’t. You like me coming inside a bit too much for that.”

“Ewwww, wayyyy too much information there, Cas!” Charlie yelled, though she was smirking at the way Dean blushed.

After Dean had managed to compose himself and Charlie had apparently managed to bleach her brain, she said, “In all honesty though, I’m gonna miss you guys. So I hope you’ll stay in touch and come back soon.”

Dean put his hand on her shoulder. “We will, I promise.”

Cas nodded, his scent of friendly affection and comfort. “We can even call you from the States and make my Mother pay the phone bill.”

Charlie smiled at that. “That would serve her right!”

After that night, Dean and Cas slowly started packing their things for their trip, making sure nothing important or valuable was left behind, and that they could eat everything that might not last three weeks before leaving. On the last night before their trip, they ate whatever was left over from their pantry, which was mostly noodles with some chicken. Then it was the matter of making sure everything they would need was packed, of that they had their money and passports ready to go, and of going to sleep early to catch their morning flight.

Not that it helped much, because neither one of them could fall into sleep.

“Dean, is something bothering you? You smell anxious,” Cas eventually queried into the darkness around one AM when Dean rolled over once more.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Dean said. “You’re not asleep either, and you smell tense.”

“You know I am more of a night owl; it’s difficult for me to fall asleep very early. The fact that you’re also awake is not helping.”

“Should I go to the couch, so you could sleep? I can read there or something until I fall asleep,” Dean murmured.

“I’d rather talk, if there is anything I can do to help,” Cas said, turning to his side, leaning his head on his hand as he faced Dean, his scent and presence radiating comfort. “Are you nervous about meeting my family?”

“Yeah, sure, but…” Dean swallowed. “Right now I’m just nervous about the flight.”

“Ah,” Cas said. “We have the quickest flight, Dean. Less than five hours. And you do know the statistical probability of anything happening is very small.”

“Yeah. I mean, of course I know that. Intellectually. But…”

“It doesn’t help, because phobias are not something that can be reasoned with.” Cas nodded. “Is there anything that might help? That I could do?”

Dean sighed. “Not really. But I am glad you’ll be there anyway. I think it’ll be better that I’m not alone, and you also have a soothing effect on me in general.”

“All right, then I’ll do all I can,” Cas vowed, then raised the arm he wasn’t leaning on. “Come here. Let’s try and sleep for at least a few hours.”

Dean cuddled up to him, and they did manage that few hours, but were both still dead on their feet when they took their cab to the airport and went through the admittance and security checks. They both struggled to keep awake, but managed by entertaining each other with conversation and jokes. By the time they got on the plane, Dean was tired enough that it overrode his fear. Their first class seats were admittedly nice, and they were able to cuddle in their seat. Soon enough, before they had even taken off, they had both fallen asleep again.

It was the easiest flight Dean had ever taken, as he slept right through all of it by Cas’ side, letting his mate’s scent and the pattern of his even breathing and heartbeat soothe out the sounds of the plane.

Dean could hardly believe it when they finally landed at the JFK airport in New York City, and the stewardess woke him and Cas up. He commented as much to Cas while they grabbed their hand luggage and began to exit the plane.

“Isn’t it better to have slept than for you to be anxious and tense throughout it?” Cas said.

“Well, yeah, but it’s just weird. I didn’t think I could even be relaxed enough to sleep on a plane. At least, not without any alcohol or some heavy drugs.”

"You were tired. You’ve been tired a lot lately, actually.” It was true. Dean’s tiredness from weeks before had never really gone away. He had needed to start taking more and more naps to manage, and lately he always woke up groggy in the mornings. He assumed that perhaps both Cas’ stress from his finals and Dean’s own stress from the upcoming trip and his job ending had been starting to get to him, and maybe he had tried to escape it into sleep. It hadn’t been as bad the past week or so, after Cas’ exams had ended and his job had been finished, so he had figured it was something passing.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean said, taking a hold of Cas’ hand. “Plus, you were there. Like I said, you soothe me.”

Cas smiled, as they arrived at the large and very busy airport. Having slept through their entire flight, they were both starving and stopped for burgers at the Burger King of JFK.

“Are your parents coming to pick us up? Won’t they mind waiting for us?” Dean asked from Cas as they waited in line for their turn.

“My Mother is sending us a car. I don’t think she’d find it suitable to her image to be seen at a public airport,” Cas huffed, smelling exhausted already. “I know our driver quite well; he won’t mind waiting for us. And we can keep my parents waiting for a while longer as well. They won’t budge from their daily routine, so we won’t be getting food for a while, and I’m not up for facing her hungry.”

Dean could admit that was probably not a good idea, and they ate their burgers before exiting the boarding area of the airport, receiving their bags and heading outside. Indeed, there was a tall, lanky man in a chauffeur’s cap and jacket waiting for them near the main doors, holding up a sign that read “Castiel Novak”. He was so skinny that he looked to be almost swimming in his outfit, but he had a large, almost scarily sunny grin on his face, and he waved enthusiastically as he spotted them.

“Hello, Garth,” Cas greeted him, returning his smile. “It’s been a while. Sorry we made you wait, but we wanted to grab a bite before going to see my parents.”

"No problemo at all, Master Castiel,” the chauffeur answered, still grinning in an almost unnatural fashion, his scent almost overwhelmingly happy as well. Now that they were closer to him, Dean was surprised to smell he was an Alpha, and smelled a bit like exhaust fumes. “It’s good to have you home, sir.”

“I wish I could say it’s good to be home,” Cas said, almost apologetically. Then he turned to Dean. “This is Dean, my mate. Dean, this is Garth Fitzgerald. His family have been my family’s drivers for generations.”

“I’m the fourth!” Garth told him enthusiastically, gripping Dean’s hand and shaking it so hard Dean was afraid his shoulder was going to dislocate. “Pleased to meet’cha, Master Dean!”

“Y-yeah, you too…” Dean mumbled, not really knowing how to respond to this strange, cheerful Alpha.

Thankfully, Garth didn’t seem to even notice Dean being more than a little unnerved, and instead just gestured towards the doors of the airport. “Now, since I’m sure you’re tired and eager to get to your destination, if you would please follow me and I’ll take you to the car and then where you wish to be.” He grabbed some of their heavier luggage to carry.

“Hey, you don’t have to do that, man,” Dean tried to tell him, when Garth picked up some of Dean’s luggage as well. Frankly Dean was a little worried he might fall over underneath their weight, though Garth was apparently stronger than he looked.

“Nonsense, sir,” the chauffeur said, his sunny grin and happy scent never fading. “It is my job. And I live to serve.”

They stepped outside, and to Dean’s surprise, found a dark luxurious limousine waiting for them, parked over two taxi spaces.

“I hope your Mom has compensated the taxi drivers somehow for this,” Dean whispered over to Cas from the corner of his mouth.

“I doubt even she’d be allowed to do this unless she had,” Cas sighed. “I just wish she could be a little less dramatic and eager to show off her wealth. She always comes off as so arrogant for it.”

“Not to mention less than conspicuous,” Dean snorted. “But hey, let’s enjoy it if it’s already been offered, right? I’ve never ridden one of these things before.”

They settled into the comfortable and very spacious backseat, and Cas pulled up the screen between them and Garth in the front.

“Oh, thank God,” he said right after he’d done that, and went over to the mini bar that was included in the car. He took out a few liquor bottles. “At least I don’t have to do this entirely sober.”

He offered one to Dean, but Dean shook his head. “I don’t want to screw up too badly, and I feel like if I start drinking I won’t be able to stop. And that won’t end well for any of us.” He tucked into the candy bars instead, while Cas knocked back a few of the tiny bottles.

“So…Garth huh?” Dean said after a while.

Cas chuckled, his scent amused and somewhat weary at the same time. “I know he can be a bit much when you first meet him, but he’s very loyal and a good worker, as was his father before him. And he grows on you.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Dean said, taking another bite of his candy bar.

The drive took a while, as Cas’ family home was located in the rich suburbia of New York. The manor had been in the family for centuries and it was where all heads of the Novak family settled down to raise a family. They also had an apartment at the Upper East Side, where the family had lived for their sons’ high school years and where Naomi stayed when her business in the city took longer, and a summer home in the Hamptons. However, Cas’ mother had seen it best that Cas’ life partner be introduced to his family at the family home, where Cas had spent his childhood. Dean also had the feeling it was because that house was located farthest from any prying eyes and offered the most privacy, so that no one that wasn’t involved in the family would see him and get the front page news story for tomorrow.

He and Cas cuddled in the backseat, and Dean looked at the passing scenery of the city from the limousine window to pass the time. There wasn’t that much to see, however, other than traffic and houses, because they were away from what most people saw as the “real” New York in Manhattan. Plus, Dean was too nervous to really pay attention to most of what he was seeing, his anxiety mounting by the minute. It was starting to hit him he was actually here, now, in New York, about to meet the parents of the person he was hoping to spend the rest of his life with. It was becoming increasingly clear to him how shabby he looked, with his hair mussed, his clothes rumpled and his skin clammy from the journey over. He half-wondered if he should ask if he could change into something more presentable, but Cas was still in his t-shirt and jeans, so Dean figured dressing in his new, fancier clothes could just make him stand out in comparison. And right now, he really didn’t want to stand out too much. He was already far too tall and far too big and talked in a working class accent. He knew he couldn’t be anything what Cas’ parents had probably envisioned for him growing up.

Cas put his hand on Dean’s leg, rubbing it soothingly, his scent exuding comfort. “Dean, you don’t need to be so nervous. As I said, you can’t please my Mother anyway because you’re not someone she picked out as my mate single-handedly. All I care about is my Dad’s opinion and I know he will love you. He’s been asking to meet you for months already. He only wants me to be happy, and you make me happy. There is no reason for him not to like you.”

“You sure about that?” Dean asked, and grimaced at the croak his question came out as.

“I’m sure. I’ve talked about you to him, and he always says stuff like ‘You sound so happy, Cas. It’s so wonderful you’ve found someone who makes you happy’ or ‘Dean sounds like such a lovely young man. When will you bring him over so I can meet him?’” Cas sighed, his scent suddenly taking a nervous undertone. “Honestly, I’m more worried you won’t like him than the other way around.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “Why wouldn’t I like your Dad? You always speak so warmly of him.”

“I know, but he’s my Dad, and I know the circumstances surrounding him.” Cas’ scent was very sad now. “Dean…my father is not a very strong man. In any way, really. The life he’s had, the circumstances he’s been placed in…they’ve rather broken him. He did his best for us, his children, but he’s always been under my Mother’s thumb, in the end. All he could really do was love us, encourage us and comfort us, not help us gain what we wanted or fight against Mother. Now that we’ve all left the nest, he won’t fight at all. He won’t stand up for you or for me against Mother, not really.” Cas took Dean’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I just hope you won’t judge him too harshly for that, when you are such a strong person yourself, and having perhaps suffered worse than he did.”

“Cas,” Dean stated, his tone serious and low. “I’m not gonna judge your Dad just because he broke and I didn’t. I told you once, we all have different ways of coping with trauma, and different capabilities for coping. Maybe your Dad couldn’t cope, and that’s awful. But it’s more awful he’s stuck in a situation where he has to deal with what made him break in the first place every single day. At least you and I were both able to get away from our bad circumstances.” He looked Cas straight in the eye. “I know it ain’t a kind world out there, especially for Omegas. And your Dad’s an Omega. As upper class, I get there have been expectations placed on him from birth, some of which he may have failed to live up to when he presented. It’s not his fault. And I’m not gonna look down on your Dad just because he couldn’t handle it and I could,” Dean said. “I just want to meet your Dad, and get to know the person who raised you and made you into the man you are. There is no way I can dislike the man who did that.”

Cas’ face slowly spread into a warm smile, his scent filled with love and affection as he leaned over to give Dean a kiss. “I love you so much.”

Dean smiled back. “I love you too,” he leaned to whisper into Cas’ ear. “And if I didn’t know Garth was on the other side of that very thin wall, I’d ask you to fuck me in this car.”

“That would certainly be one way to get you to relax,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips. “But we’re almost there, so I have to decline.”

“Raincheck?”

“Definitely.”

True to his words, they reached the correct neighborhood not long after, where the houses and the lands surrounding them began to get bigger and fancier. They eventually pulled up to the driveway of one of the houses, presumably the Novak Manor. The house and the lands were enormous, bigger than any private property Dean had ever seen before. The house itself was made of stone painted light yellow, with white pillars and stairs leading up to the front door. The windows covering the walls were tall and wide, and formed of multiple small squares.

Evidently Cas’ parents had been notified when they’d be arriving beforehand, because as soon as the car pulled up in front of the front steps, the main doors they led up to opened and a short, middle-aged Omega man stepped outside. The closer he got to them, hurrying down the stairs, the more Dean saw the family resemblance between him and Castiel. The same dark hair that curled slightly, the same blue eyes, the same nose, the same forehead…the rest of the face was a bit more obscure as it was hidden behind a beard. Chuck Novak was slight-framed, but smiled widely at the sight of them, bringing out the crinkles by his eyes.

Cas stepped out of the limo just in time to receive his father into a warm embrace, for which Cas had to lean down slightly.

“I’m so glad you came, Cas,” Dean heard Chuck mumble into his son’s shoulder, his voice slightly muffled.

“I’m really happy to see you, Dad,” Cas said warmly, his voice slightly hoarse, his scent a mix of emotions. Dean thought he was maybe a bit more moved than he was willing to let on, and had likely missed his father more than he had dared to admit.

“Castiel,” came a sharp, female voice, and all three men turned to look up at the tall, regal woman standing at the top of the steps. She had auburn hair that had a few grey streaks in it pulled to a tight bun, her shoulders and back angled to a rigid posture. She was dressed in a grey pantsuit with the white blouse underneath buttoned to her neck. Naomi Novak’s eyes held none of the warmth her mate and son shared, and her lips that Dean could tell had been passed down to Cas, were held tightly together as if she was trying to hold back a sneer. “Welcome home.”

“Hello, Mother,” Cas said, his posture now equally rigid as his mother’s, his voice low, his scent alert and his eyes sharp. All of his form and his scent told he’d rather be in anyone else’s presence than his mother’s. He was still holding onto his father, but now it seemed almost protective. Like he wanted to shield Chuck from his mother. Thinking of the conversation in the limo, Dean thought he probably did, indeed. That he felt he must do what he could now that he was around his parents once more.

Then, Cas gestured to Dean. “This is Dean. My mate.”

“Welcome, Dean,” Chuck said, pulling away from his son and offering his hand for Dean to shake. He did, and Chuck’s grip was warmer and firmer than he’d expected. It made him feel welcome. Chuck covered their joined hands with his free one, smiling at Dean, his scent affectionate. “It is so good to finally meet you. Cas has told me so much about you.”

“It’s good to meet you to, Mr. Novak,” Dean said.

“Please, call me Chuck.”

“Charles,” Naomi then said, stepping down to their level. “We shouldn’t lower our standards, now, should we?”

Chuck’s posture immediately changed, and so did his scent. He seemed to curl up into himself, trying to make himself as small as he possibly could, and his scent was all anxiety and fear. He was slumping his back and lowering his eyes, yet his shoulders were so rigid they almost touched his ears. His grip on Dean’s hand was loosened.

“But Dean is…he’s Castiel’s mate,” Chuck mumbled, twitching like a nervous hamster. “He’s family. Surely it is all right…”

Naomi’s lips curled into a smirk that seemed to say ‘we’ll see about that.’ Her scent was icy, shimmering with repressed feelings. Dean frowned. Yes, he supposed they would.

Then Naomi stepped forward, offering her own hand to Dean. “Naomi Novak.”

“Charmed,” Dean said, making sure to put as much sarcasm into his tone as he could muster. He also didn’t let go of Chuck’s hand to shake hers. Naomi quickly realized this and looked at their joined hands with disdain, almost like she was smelling something bad. Even her scent seemed disgusted along with being enraged.

She gathered herself rather quickly. “I’m afraid I cannot say that I have heard much of you, as Charles supposedly has. Castiel so rarely calls or writes me.”

“Can’t imagine why,” Dean said, keeping up a tone of mock-politeness in his voice.

“Yes, well,” Naomi stated. “He’s going through this phase of rebellion where he wishes to have some distance from his mother. I never imagined he would go across the Atlantic to school just to prove a point though! Not that I should complain, I suppose. It’s a good feather to his hat to be able to say he graduated from Cambridge.”

“Cas loves it there too. He sometimes will barely shut up about his classes. He also did really well in his final exams.”

Before Naomi could say anything further to that, Cas cut in, “Mother, I’m afraid the journey was long and Dean and I are quite tired and shabby. I think we should retreat to our rooms to freshen up, and perhaps try and sleep a few winks before dinner?”

Naomi stood there for a moment, simply staring at her son, her scent not revealing much of anything what she was thinking or feeling. Finally, she sighed. “Very well. I assume you remember the location of your old room, Castiel. Dean has been given the green guest room.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dean stopped her. “You gave us separate bedrooms?”

Naomi raised a single, perfectly-waxed eyebrow. Other than that, her entire facial expression remained neutral, and her scent didn’t change either. “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah, there’s a problem, why can’t I sleep in the same room as my mate?”

“Well,” Naomi began, in a tone that seemed to say she felt like she was talking to a petulant child, “Mated as you may be, you are not married yet. And I won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour under my roof.” She looked at Castiel then. “To be frank, Castiel, I thought I taught you better than this. I thought I was perfectly clear in that you should marry before you mated someone.”

Castiel didn’t even flinch. “ _ To be frank _ , Mother, I wish that I had, because at least then you might be less inclined to break us apart, if only to save Dean from getting half of my trust fund money.” Naomi’s eyes widened and her both eyebrows now shot up. “And Dean will be sleeping together with me. If I cannot be together with my mate under your roof, we will gladly go to a hotel. I’m sure Dean would love to be in the heart of the city where he could be closer to all the sights.”

Naomi paled slightly, her scent now indicating slight anxiety, and Dean could almost hear the warning bells ringing inside her head. Public, open spaces where he and Cas could be seen meant that anyone might find out about the disgrace of the youngest Novak Alpha having mated outside of marriage, and to a huge working class male Omega nonetheless.

Naomi seemed to weigh her options for a while, before her shoulder sagged slightly in defeat. “Fine. The servants will bring your luggage up.” She turned to go back to the house. “I have work to do. I’ll see you all at dinner.”

They waited until she had walked up the stairs and re-entered the manor, before they all seemed to take a huge sigh of relief and relax their shoulders.

Chuck held a hand against his chest, right where his heart was located, his scent still filled with anxiety. “I can’t believe you talked to her like that. Both of you.”

“I’m an adult now. I’m not going to let her walk all over me, or tell me what to do. And if she disrespects Dean…” Cas trailed off. Then his expression softened into concern, also indicated by his scent. “I hope this won’t cause trouble for you, though, Dad.”

Chuck brushed him off. “Don’t worry about me. I’m just glad someone is finally talking back to her to her face.” He then turned to Dean. “I really am glad you are here, Dean. I apologize in advance for whatever Naomi may say to you. I hope you know I don’t share whatever she thinks of you.”

Dean smiled. “ _ To be frank _ ,” he joked, quoting both Cas and Naomi, “I don’t much give a shit about what she thinks. Um, pardon my language.”

Chuck simply waved him off. “I raised four boys. I’ve heard worse.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Right. What I meant to say is that…I only really came to meet you, sir. And maybe Cas’ brothers too. She’s just a…necessary evil, so to speak.”

Chuck blinked at that. Then stared. He kept staring, not saying anything for a long time, his scent a mix of multiple emotions, changing so fast that they were difficult to read. Then, Dean noticed his eyes looked a little moist, and wasn’t sure what to say or do anymore.

“Thank you,” Chuck finally said, his voice slightly trembling. “It means so much to hear that.”

Cas smiled gently down at his Dad, putting an arm around his shoulders. “C’mon, Dad. Let’s go inside.”

Chuck nodded. “We can talk in my study.”

They walked up the stairs to the house. Inside, Dean took in the high ceiling of the hallway they stepped in. Most of the house inside was made of gleaming stone, pillars both decorating the place and holding up the ceiling, with paintings of landscapes and people posing hanging on the walls and little tables with flower vases on them placed around strategically. To his front left, there was large staircase leading to the second floor, which the three of them began to climb. As he looked down the continuing hallway by the staircase, he saw doors, but all of them were shut. Their steps echoed on the stone stairs and walls, and Dean couldn’t help but feel like that, the deliberate decoration of the place and the shut doors made for a terribly cold and lonely atmosphere. He could only imagine what it had been like to grow up in a place like this. It felt empty, almost like a museum, or something similar. He couldn’t imagine children ever running down these corridors, at least not without the danger of getting into major trouble when they eventually collided with one of those little tables and caused the likely very expensive flower vases on them to fall and shatter. It made him sad to think of small Cas growing up in this coldness, with mere blinks of warmth available to him. He would make sure wherever Cas lived from now on would always be full of warmth, love, and laughter.

Dean, Cas and Chuck headed left at the first corridor on the second floor. It was decorated much the same as downstairs except with darker tones of wine red and black to the walls. The floor was also carpeted rather than kept stone, probably to reduce the noise of people walking around. Chuck led them to the door at the very end of the corridor, made of dark wood.

Chuck’s study was almost like a mini-library, with all its four walls covered in bookshelves that were all stacked to the brim with books, new and old. The only place where there weren’t any books at the walls were the windows and an old-fashioned, sturdy fireplace. Around the fireplace, two armchairs and comfortable-looking loveseat were set. The room was ruled by a huge mahogany desk, behind which was a large leather chair, with two thinner chairs on the other side of it. On the desk, more books were stacked in messy piles, as well as what looked like hundreds of papers. Directly in front of the leather chair on the desk was a typewriter, and around that, multiple photographs in frames. Some of them were also placed on the mantle of the fireplace. They all seemed to be pictures of Chuck and his children at different points in of their life. Graduation photos of all his sons, a few happy childhood memories like picnics or learning to ride a bike, and a couple of photos where all of them were together.

The oldest photo was placed the closest to the typewriter. Young Chuck, probably younger than Dean was now, in an armchair with a wrinkly and pink newborn wrapped in his arms, and a young baby with golden eyes and hair on his left knee. A bleached blond toddler sat at his feet, looking sleepy and confused, and a not much bigger but somehow much more mature-looking dark-haired child was to Chuck’s left, standing by his side with a rigid posture. All of the children were well-dressed and groomed, clearly having been prepared well for the photograph, but Chuck himself, although also well-dressed, looked incredibly tired with bags underneath his eyes. The smile he gave to the camera seemed forced and weary.

“That was the first picture we took after Cas was born,” Chuck said after he saw Dean looking at the photo. “Naomi never comes in here, so this is the only place where I can still have photographs of all of us around.”

“It’s really that bad, with Gabriel?”

“She won’t even let his name be spoken in this house. She wants us all to pretend like he doesn’t even exist,” Chuck sighed, his scent full of sorrow. “I’m happy for Gabe, happy that he’s made a good life for himself. That’s all I ever wanted for him, for all my sons.” He looked at Cas at that, his eyes warm. “But I can’t say it’s not difficult.”

“I wouldn’t expect it not to be,” Dean said. “I can’t imagine what it must be like.” Dean felt like he could somewhat relate. It must be a bit like when he had sent Sam off to Stanford, only much worse. Chuck had actually carried and then raised Gabriel, while Dean had only stepped in to try and be Sam’s parent, to the point it had partially been a relief to let him go on his own way. And Dean could still be in contact with Sam, and they’d see each other again. Chuck couldn’t be sure if he’d ever see his Omega boy again.

“Yes, well…” Chuck shook his head mournfully. “Let’s not talk about that now. I want this to be a happy day. Dean, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself? Cas has already told me some things, but I’d like to know more, and directly from you.”

Dean told Chuck whatever came to mind that he was comfortable sharing. He didn’t mention the whole ex-prostitute thing, but he did tell him about his life on the road, about Sam and his Dad, and then about living with Bobby, and how it had hurt when Sam had gone off to college, about how much he missed him. About how he’d found his way to Cambridge, met Cas (he gave a somewhat censored version, but also didn’t lie and say they had just kissed and held hands either) and had fallen in love with him.

“Your son is a good man, Chuck. A good Alpha,” Dean said to him, smiling and looking at Cas with warmth, squeezing his hand. “I’m lucky to have him.”

“I keep telling him that I’m the lucky one, but it never seems to take.” Cas smiled, his scent full of love from seeing his father and mate getting along.

Chuck was also smiling, and his eyes looked a bit wet once more. “I’m so glad the two of you have found each other. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite this happy, Cas.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, Dad,” Cas said. “I actually have some news. I didn’t want to tell this over the phone.” He was grinning with his gums showing now, his scent all sugary with joy. “We’re engaged. We’re going to get married.”

“Oh, Cas,” Chuck gasped, his scent filling with almost equal joy, he rose from his chair and came over to hug his son once more. “That is so wonderful to hear. I’m so happy.” He pulled back from the hug. “Congratulations to you both. May I ask when the wedding is?”

Dean shrugged. “Probably not for a few years. We think we’ll wait for Cas to graduate first, then we’ll get married once we can decide where we want to live on a more long term. We’re fine living in sin for now.” He wiggled his eyebrows a little.

Chuck chuckled a little at that. “That sounds like a good idea. I know the two of you are committed to each other and mated, but marriage is another big step and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

Just then, the colorful small clock placed in the middle of the fireplace chimed, as if had done a few times before. However, before the three of them had only ignored it, but now Chuck looked up at hearing it.

“Oh dear,” he said. “You should probably go to your rooms if you want to get ready for dinner in time.”

“Are you sure, Dad? We’re not actually tired; we slept on the plane.” Cas said.

Chuck waved him off. “I’m sure. Your Mother has expectations now, when you said you would freshen up for dinner. So go do that.”

Cas hesitated for a minute, before nodding and standing up. He gave his father a light kiss on the cheek. “We’ll see you at dinner.”

“Bye, Chuck,” Dean said as they exited the room. Chuck gave them a slight wave as they went on their way.

Cas led the way to the other corridor on the right, down to his childhood bedroom. This corridor was otherwise the same as the one before, except that it had double doors that were all windows aside from the steel in between them that led to a balcony at the very end of it. Cas’ room was roughly in the middle to the right side of the corridor.

The door to Cas’ room opened to reveal a beautiful, open and large room. Dean was almost certain that room alone was bigger than their entire apartment back in Cambridge. It was decorated with light colors, with light blue wallpaper for the upper half of the wall and a dark brown wood covering the lower half. The floor was a lighter wood, but there were a few fluffy mats laid neatly around here and there. By the wall close to the door was a huge white two-door closet, and to the right by the other wall was a spacious writing desk of light wood with a big office chair in front of it. On the left side of the desk, there were a few drawers built attached to the underneath of it. Further, there was a door and at the wall opposite to them, two almost wall-high windows with white see-through curtains underneath and darker blue heavier ones on top. The whole room was ruled by a king-sized bed with a white bedcover and decorative pillows of different shades of blue arranged neatly on top of it.

It was the most beautiful and biggest room Dean had ever been in, but at the same time it still felt…hollow. It held that same sort of coldness to it the rest of the house did.

Their luggage had already been brought to the room, and was set on the floor at the foot of the bed.

“You really don’t personalize your spaces much, do you?” Dean queried, looking around the room further. As far as he could see, there was no personal touches in it. No posters, no photographs, no papers or notebooks. Nothing about it said it belonged to Castiel Novak. It could’ve easily belonged to someone else, or into a hotel or something. It was just a plain and bare space, although a comfortable one. Dean’s room at Charlie’s had been pretty much the same, but that was mostly due to him not having been planning on staying very long. Once he had gotten his own room at Bobby’s place, Dean had immediately begun personalizing it as much as he could, with comics and books and posters. You could walk right into that room and gain the first glimpses to what made Dean Winchester tick.

There was nothing like that in this room. Nor had there been in Cas’ apartment, aside from the piles of books and papers. Dean knew by now that Cas had other books than just those for school, mostly on poetry and fantasy, but you wouldn’t have been able to tell at first glance. It was also only after Dean had moved in that they had purchased a bookshelf which allowed people to take a closer look at what Castiel’s collection of books actually held.

Cas shrugged, heading over to their bags and hauling them towards the closet. “I don’t think this was ever my ‘space,’ so to speak. I spent as little time here as I could as a child. I was usually either at the nursery or at my Dad’s study.” He sighed. “This space was much too vast for a small child. And I always felt like I was going to mess it up if I stayed in it for very long.”

Which probably wasn’t wrong, and confirmed Dean’s feelings about the whole house as well. Children tended to be messy, after all, and Dean could imagine what it might feel like to grow up with a room like this. So cold and impersonal, and yet difficult to change.

“What about the apartment in Cambridge? That wasn’t very personalized either, when I first met you.”

Cas was starting to put his clothes away into the closet. It was currently completely empty. “I was happy to be away from my Mother, but I always felt bad for leaving Dad and Gabriel behind. I only went so far to be able to carve a space in the world for myself; to figure out further who I really was underneath all my Mother had imposed on me. I had started figuring it out in high school, but I knew I had to be far, far away from her to know for certain. But I guess it still never felt permanent to me. Or like a home.” He turned around to smile at Dean, his scent loving and affectionate. “It was only after you came that it really started to feel more like a home.”

Dean smiled as well, sitting down on the bed, on the side closest to Cas. “Is there anywhere you felt at home before I came along?”

“I suppose, our place at the Upper East Side.” Cas said. “Mother wasn’t around very much during my later school years. For much of it, it was just me, Dad and my brothers. The space was smaller, so it was less lonely, and without my Mother’s pressing influence, we had a bit more freedom. I was able to rebel some and personalize my room. And after school Gabe and I would spend time in the City, instead of heading straight home and doing the right thing.” He smiled wistfully. “Those were some good times.”

“Will you show me? The places you went to? And I think I’d like to see the nursery here, if it still exists.”

“It does. Mother is saving it for the next generation of children that will grow up here, who most likely will be Michael’s. And yes. We’ll go to the City one of the days, and I’ll show you around.”

Dean grinned, then hopped off the bed to help Cas with the clothes.


	9. Chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of past Castiel/Meg, in a way that implies it wasn't entirely consensual on Castiel's part.

Dinner was a somber, quiet and tense affair. No one dared to speak, and the clinking of dinnerware on plates and the quiet munching as everyone chewed seemed to be excruciatingly loud and echo in the stone walls.

Naomi was sitting at the head of the table – of course – and it seemed as though she wasn’t taking her eyes off the others in the room, her gaze icy and sharp as she ate, seemingly without even looking at her plate. Castiel was seated to the right of her, and Dean next to him. Chuck sat opposite of Cas on Naomi’s other side. He didn’t seem to be eating very much at all, mostly just picking at his food, passing it around his plate absentmindedly. Dean could relate. Being in Naomi’s presence for a lengthened period of time really made you lose your appetite. It was a real shame, too, because the food itself was excellent. Apparently it really did pay off to have your own personal chef. Dean didn't think he’d ever had turkey this moist or potatoes this perfectly seasoned. He was hungry, too, but still had much less appetite than he normally would’ve. Each swallow felt like it required so much effort, his throat dry and thick in the high-strung atmosphere. He almost felt queasy and sick to his stomach from it. It was difficult to eat when someone was staring down at you like you were something that smelled terribly bad under their nose.

Since he and Cas hadn’t actually been that tired, they had taken their time in the large bathtub Cas’ personal bathroom had. It had easily fit them both if one of them sat in front of the other. They had taken the time to talk a bit about what was about to happen while they enjoyed the warmth and comfort of the bath and washed each other’s hair. Afterwards, they had both dressed in some of their better clothes, both going with slacks and button-up shirts as their dinner attire.

Dean was trying not to look at anyone else at the table and simply concentrate on his dinner, hoping that would make things somewhat easier. But somehow only concentrating on your plate made everything even worse in comparison than looking at the people around you. At least when you could see the other people’s faces, you might be able to catch a clue or two about what they were thinking, about what they were going to do or say. Just looking at what you were eating made you feel that much more defenseless, almost like you were going to war blind.

As if on cue, Naomi spoke up, “So, Dean,” she said his name like it was poison, “What is it that you do, exactly?”

Dean knew he wasn’t going to win any son-in-law of the year awards in the eyes of Naomi anyway, and he didn’t want to lie in front of Chuck or Cas, so he went with the truth. 

“I worked as a bartender up until a week or so, but I’m now trying to find something a bit more permanent and that I enjoy more. I’d love to work with cars somehow, but Cas and I have also talked a bit about me going back to school for a bit, if I can’t find employment where I actually like the work.” He glanced over at Cas warmly as he said this, and found his gaze matched with a similar one.

Naomi blinked, carefully raising both eyebrows. “Cars? Well that’s…unorthodox.”

Dean just shrugged, appearing nonchalant. “I don’t really think so. I learned all about them growing up.” He knew that Naomi meant that it was unorthodox for an Omega to want to work on cars, but damn if he was going to give her the satisfaction by bringing that up.

His strategy paid off because Naomi turned a soft shade of purple, biting down on her bottom lip. Other than that, she kept her composure, and Dean wasn’t even able to properly read her scent. Dean was certain she was used to having to hide her emotions from people and had become an expert on how to do that.

Naomi cleared her throat, before continuing, “What about children? Are you planning on continuing to work when you have them?”

“I honestly don’t know yet,” Dean said, “We haven’t talked about them much. I guess it would depend on where we are at that point in our lives. If we’re doing okay, I don’t think I’d mind staying home for the first few years of the pups’ lives at least.”

Cas blinked at that, his scent momentarily surprised, as he turned towards Dean. “Really?”

Dean turned to him. “Yeah, I think,” he said, shrugging. “I'm honestly pretty family-oriented. But don’t quote me on that, I might change my mind, or might not feel like it’s the best option when we’ll actually have pups.”

Cas smiled gently, taking Dean’s hand underneath the table, his scent affectionate. “I would never.”

“I know, I just wanted to remind you.” He really wanted to lean over and kiss Cas, but felt it inappropriate in the present company. No matter how much it might piss off Naomi, the atmosphere just didn’t seem right.

“And when will the appropriate time to have pups be, exactly?” Naomi queried, cutting in between Dean and Cas’ fond gazes in each other’s eyes.

Dean turned back to look at her. “I dunno. Like I said, we haven’t discussed it much further. A few years maybe?”

Naomi sucked in her lip, looking as if she had tasted something sour. “You do realize your fertility rate goes down with every year, don’t you? You’re approximately right at the peak currently. Shouldn’t you be taking advantage of that?”

“Look, lady,” Dean said. “I love Cas, but we haven’t even known each other for a year yet. I’d rather be smart about this, and to have us be on a more secure ground, both financially and otherwise, before we have children.”

“Money is not an issue,” Naomi told them. “If Castiel would just return home, and finish school here…”

“I am perfectly happy where I am, thank you, Mother. And I am content to wait to have a family,” Cas said, taking a sip of his drink, appearing to all the world cool as a cucumber. But Dean was tuned into his scent by now, and there were undertones of defiance and annoyance there.

Naomi on the other hand was having harder and harder time keeping her composure. “I did not wait around to have you and your brothers,” she managed to force out.

Cas stared right at her. “And look how well that turned out.”

Naomi’s face was now definitely purple. “You always said you wanted a family, Castiel.”

“And I do. But it doesn’t have to happen now, or tomorrow, or in a few years. I have my whole life ahead of me with Dean. There is no rush.”

“Castiel—”

“No. I’ve said what I wanted to say. I won’t speak of this anymore.” He went back to his dinner without another word.

Apparently, Naomi couldn’t figure out anything further to say either to save her face, so she picked up eating as well. Dean was just trying to finish what he had on his plate, despite the increased queasiness in his stomach.

He and Cas finished dinner in a hurry, and decided to skip dessert. It was a shame, in a way, but Dean would rather not eat dessert than stay in that room with Naomi and the uncomfortable silence a minute longer. And he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to stomach the dessert with the tense atmosphere.

As Dean and Cas were starting to head back upstairs to their shared room, Chuck stopped them. “Dean, could I have a short word with you?”

Dean and Cas looked at each other.

“Go ahead. I’ll be right after you,” Dean said to Cas. His mate nodded, and began heading up, while Dean came down the few steps he had managed to take to reach Chuck.

“What’s up, Chuck?” he queried, hoping what had happened at dinner hadn’t rattled Chuck or caused trouble for him. Chuck hadn’t said anything, of course, but he might still be the one Naomi would take her anger out on, and Dean was beginning to feel terrible having not thought of that.

“Don’t worry, Dean, there is just one thing I would like to ask you,” Chuck said, giving him a weak smile, trying to look reassuring, though he smelled skittish and anxious. “I know you said that you didn’t want to have pups quite just yet, and I understand that and support that, but…I’d like to know, what would you do, if you got pregnant accidentally, before the time you would consider suitable to have pups?”

Dean blinked. This wasn’t what he had expected. “I’m on birth control.”

“Yes, I figured you must be, and that’s good. But just…if something happened, if it didn’t work, if you forgot to take it, anything, and you started to expect a child…have you thought about what you would do?” He fidgeted. “I’m sorry, I realize it’s invasive of me to ask this, but…”

“No, it’s okay. I get it. Life’s unpredictable; believe me, I know. You can have plans, but you can’t always be sure they will work out. It’d be foolish not to consider all alternatives.” He took a breath. “I can’t speak for Cas, but for me…I don’t think I could give up a baby. If nothing else was wrong, I wouldn’t want to have an abortion. I don’t know how Cas might feel about that, but I think he would support me, whatever I decided to do. And then we’d just have to adjust our plans and situation accordingly. You know, make new plans.”

Chuck nodded, smiling with relief, his scent losing some of his anxiety. “Good, that’s good.” Then, he seemed to catch himself and stopped smiling. “I mean, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be making these choices for you, they should be up to you—”

“Chuck, it’s okay, I get it,” Dean cut in, putting up a hand to cease Chuck’s rambling. “I know it must be hard. You’ve got two granddaughters out there, and you haven’t even met them.”

“Cas told you about that, huh,” Chuck sighed, his scent turning sour with sorrow. “It is hard, I admit. Luke doesn’t seem very eager to settle down to raise a family, and Mike wants to focus on his career until further notice. I don’t know when I’ll have grandchildren I will actually be able to see and hold in my arms.” Then he looked Dean in the eye, and his gaze was firmer and sharper than Dean had ever seen it on him. “But that doesn’t mean you should make any decisions based on me. Neither should Cas. I want you to make your own, independent choices, instead of first considering how I might feel about them.”

“Okay,” Dean said, smiling a little. It was kind of nice to see Chuck be something other than a sad, lonely, defeated person. “Was that everything?”

“Yes, quite,” Chuck chuckled a little, a soft tone of amusement tingling in his scent. “Would you mind if I walked up with you?”

“Not at all.”

They headed upstairs, but didn’t speak further, parting ways at the top of the stairs with wishes for goodnight. Chuck headed for his study and Dean towards he and Cas’ shared room.

Cas was already in bed when Dean entered, under the covers in his pajamas, reading. He looked up from his book as the door opened. “What did you and Dad talk about? Or is that private?”

“He just wanted to ask what I would do if we had an accidental pregnancy,” Dean said, starting to take off his clothes and placing them in a pile on the desk chair. Cas had left his clothes on the other hand rest, so Dean did the same with the opposite one.

“Really?” Cas queried, raising an eyebrow, his interest now piqued. “May I ask what you answered?”

Dean sat down on the bed, now in his underwear. He looked straight at Cas, expression serious. “That I don’t think I could make myself to have an abortion. That as long as you supported me, we would just adjust our plans and make do to raise the child.”

Cas’ smile was soft, his scent affectionate and loving, and he reached over to hold Dean’s hand. “Of course I would support you. And I know we could do it.”

Dean smiled in kind. “I think so too.”

“But I don’t want you to take any pressure from that, all right? I meant what I said, I am content to wait a few more years to actually have children. And you are right in that it is good to be smart about that.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I do want a family with you though. I just don’t think it has to happen right now.”

“I want that too, Dean. So much. But as I said to my Mother already, we have all our lives to raise a family together. All our lives to spend together. There is no need to rush into that.”

Dean smiled a bit more, and leaned over to kiss Castiel. “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” Cas said, still smiling. “And I love that you don’t let my Mother walk all over you. And to think I was worried.”

Dean tweaked his nose. “Damn straight.”

They didn’t make love that night. The day had been long and emotional, and despite their long nap on the plane, they were both quite exhausted. They read, but only for a while, before they both got too tired to keep their eyes open any longer and decided to simply go to sleep. They cuddled together and let sleep wash over them. The house around them may be cold and loveless, but there was a little nest of love and warmth in this room, at least, which soothed them quickly into having pleasant dreams.

…

Dean woke up the next morning to realize Cas wasn’t beside him anymore. He glanced at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. It was a little before seven in the morning, so still quite early. Dean was rarely ever up at this time, seeing as he worked well into the night, but the time difference was evidently messing with his head.

He noticed Cas had left a note on his pillow:  _ “Went for a run. Be back soon. I love you, Cas.” _

It was a little surprising for Cas to have gone on a morning run. He usually left exercising for the evening, not being able to get up early enough to make the time for anything but breakfast and a quick brush of teeth in the mornings before class or residency. Cas wasn’t much of a morning person, and couldn’t really function well before he got a cup of coffee unless he got to sleep in. But apparently Dean wasn’t the only one suffering from the time difference, so Cas must’ve made an exception to have something to do.

Dean lay in bed for about half an hour more, trying to fall back to sleep, but soon found himself too hungry for that. He wondered if there would be breakfast being served downstairs, but also didn’t really feel like going there by himself and without any backup. It was still too early in the morning to be subjected to belittling or awkward conversations and silences. Regardless, he got up and got started for the day, washing his face, brushing his teeth and fixing his hair in the bathroom. Dean didn’t get dressed yet, but turned on the lights properly and got under the covers again to read in order to pass the time.

Cas returned quite soon after, smelling of sweat and the fresh outdoor air, though not terribly out of breath. The sweat made his hair cling to his forehead and made his skin glisten. His eyes were bright and his muscles seemed thicker and stronger than ever, and Dean kind of wanted to lick at the sweat at his neck just a little bit.

“Oh, you’re awake already,” Cas said, smiling at Dean.

Dean shrugged. “Jet-lag. And I’m hungry.”

“I was too. I didn’t want to wake you, so I went to run around the neighborhood,” Cas said. “Give me a few minutes to shower, then we’ll go down for breakfast.”

Dean considered joining Cas in the shower, but the thought of doing anything sexual and then going to face Naomi at breakfast made him shudder. So instead he just read a bit more while Cas showered, then once Cas was dried, they dressed together and went down to the dining hall.

Chuck was already there, but Naomi wasn’t, thankfully. Dean was actually a little surprised; he had figured a woman like Naomi would be an early bird, the type that didn’t want to waste any more time than needed for things like sleeping, when there were more important things to do and take care of. Not that it wasn’t a relief to not see her there, even though it made Dean regret not joining Cas in that shower just a little. But probably best not to dwell on that in the presence of Cas’ father.

“Good morning, Cas, Dean,” Chuck smiled at them from behind his cup of coffee. He had a two pieces of toast with strawberry jam on a plate in front of him, joined by a glass of orange juice.

“Good morning, Dad,” Cas smiled back at him, giving him a light kiss on the cheek. “Dean, please, help yourself. Enjoy not having to cook for me every morning,” he smirked.

Dean, ravenous as he was, didn’t need to be told twice.

Cas and his father talked a bit over their breakfasts, while Dean mostly focused on eating. Even though he had enjoyed his dinner last night, he was feeling extra hungry today. It also helped that it was much easier to eat without Naomi looking down her nose at him as he did.

“You should call Luke today,” Chuck said to Castiel. “He told me to ask you to do that once you arrived. He wants to meet you and your new ‘beau,’ as he put it, while you’re in the States.”

“All right, I will." Cas nodded, before glancing at Chuck’s plate. “Dad, is that all you’re eating?”

Chuck shrugged. “You know me. I never eat much in the morning. At least if I’m not pregnant,” he chuckled quietly.

“You ate so little at dinner, too. You need to take better care of yourself. I think you’ve lost weight since I last saw you…”

“Cas, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” Chuck reassured him, placing a soothing hand over Cas’ arm. “I’m not doing any worse than I have been. In some ways, I’m doing better.” He gave a small smile. “I’m writing again.”

Cas blinked, surprised joy coating his scent. “That’s wonderful, Dad,” he said. “What are you writing?”

Chuck shrugged. “Just something. I think I’ve had that idea for a while now, and bits and pieces of it have been with me for years. It’s just that only now am I starting to understand what kind of a story I wanted it to be, in its whole form. It’ll keep me occupied for a while.”

Dean almost wanted to ask something about this, since he had known Chuck had told bedtime stories to his children, but not that he actually wrote things. But Cas and Chuck seemed to have forgotten he was even in the room, and it felt too private for Dean to intrude on, so he just shoveled more food into his mouth and stayed silent.

Cas pulled his chair a little closer to his father, his voice soft and quiet. “Are you really all right though? Does Michael visit? Does Luke?”

“They both do, when they can. Luke more than Mike, these days,” Chuck sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Cas…you shouldn’t worry about me. Neither should Luke, mind you. You’re my sons. I’m supposed to worry about you, not the other way around. You should just focus on your own lives.”

“I can’t help it,” Cas almost spat, suddenly irritated and frustrated. “I hate the idea that you’re stuck here, with her, all by yourself.”

“Well, the good thing about that is that I think she’s finally mostly done with pretending. It’s easier not to pretend when there is no one to see it,” Chuck said. “She’s away most of the time these days. And I get peace from her.”

“But she still won’t let you leave.”

Chuck shrugged. “It is what it is. It’s not as though I’m not used to it. And it’s not the outside world I miss about not being free.”

Cas was silent for a moment, his eyes on the floor, his scent sad and still frustrated. Dean had stopped eating.

“…I should’ve been here.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Chuck told him, this time more firmly. He now sounded more like a scolding dad, his scent all conviction. “You need to live your life, for both our sakes. You’re free, Cas, free to do what you want and go where you want. Free to gain more freedom, an independence of your Mother and this family. Free to…” he glanced briefly over at Dean, who quickly tried to focus on his plate to pretend he hadn’t been listening in on them. “Free to choose who you want to be with, who you love. It shouldn’t be your life job to take care of me.”

Cas took his hand, and held it tight, seeming resigned, but still sad. “I will see Gabriel this week. Write a letter for him. I’ll take it to him.”

Chuck smiled softly, but there was a sad tinge to it, even though it was genuine. “Thank you. That is all I wanted to hear.”

…

Cas and Dean were quiet after breakfast. This wasn’t terribly unusual. They didn’t always talk, and often simply sat in comfortable silences together, doing mundane things together. But this silence was tense and awkward, which hadn’t happened in a while between them.

Dean wasn’t sure if he should bring up the conversation between Cas and Chuck, or just pretend he hadn’t heard any of it. He wasn’t sure if Cas would rather pretend it hadn’t happened in the first place. He wasn’t sure if it was his place to ask about anything regarding it.

Chuck had stated that he was going to his study to write after breakfast, so Cas had suggested he and Dean take a short stroll through the gardens, which turned out to be quite beautiful and even bigger than Dean had expected, making up for a nice place to wander in the sunny morning weather. Naomi was evidently out of the house for the day, having left before the rest of them were even awake. This had confirmed Dean’s suspicion that Naomi likely didn’t sleep that much, but he didn’t know what to make of the fact that she had decided to leave the house so soon. He hadn’t expected a warm welcome from her either for himself or for Cas, but he had thought she would remain to at least further assess the situation. Not that Dean minded her not being around, as it made things much easier on everyone else involved, but at the same time it also gave him a bit of an ominous feeling in his gut. Like this was just calm before the storm.

In the end, Dean couldn’t take any more of the silence, and decided to start the conversation from a more neutral topic, but still considering something Chuck had said, just to test the waters. “Will I have trouble from Luke? You haven’t spoken of him or Michael as much.”

Cas turned his head towards Dean in a sudden movement, startled by him breaking the silence. He recovered fast, however. “To be honest, I have no idea. Luke has always been a bit of a wild card, I suppose. He doesn’t play by our house rules and he, more than anyone of us, really stands up to our Mother. Gabriel and I just want to live our own lives, but Luke more than anything wants to take Mother down from her pedestal. He may like you just because the very idea of you annoys her.” He smirked a little, and Dean returned it hesitantly.

But Cas became serious quickly after. “Still, Luke doesn’t much care about what others think of him, and he tends to say what is on his mind, no matter how rude. I don’t think he will dislike you, but he may not be the easiest person to get along with, in any case. So be prepared for that.”

Dean nodded. “Okay. I think I get it. What about Michael? Do you think we’ll see him?”

“Most likely, at some point. He joins our parents for dinner at least once a week, and Mother probably has called him as back-up. If she gets her way, she will have Luke over the same night.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “Why?”

“She likes to play them against each other. I think she thinks Michael is the only way she can get Luke to come back to the family. They were close as pups, but as the years went by…” he shook his head, his scent suddenly sorrowful and bitter. “Mother has always wanted them to fight over who gets to take her place as the head of the family and the business. I think she hates that Luke dropped out of the competition far earlier than she’d planned, and not for the reasons she wanted. However, Luke and Michael fought quite a bit in their later years due to their differing views on our parents. She probably wants to use that to her advantage; to make Luke think the only way he can change Michael’s mind is to come back to the family and convince him.”

“So…she’s hoping to get two flies at once; get Luke to come back and to fire up the sibling rivalry,” Dean said.

Cas chuckled tiredly. “Couldn’t have put it better myself.”

“So I guess Michael doesn’t feel quite the same about the whole get-Dad-out-of-cage plan?” Dean queried.

“At the very least,” Cas said. “Michael is the heir our Mother wanted all of us to be. He hangs onto her every word and tries to be the model son. He’s taken in everything she has tried to instill in us, including the way she sees as proper to treat Omegas. Therefore Michael believes it is only right and our Dad’s duty to stay with Mother, until death do them apart, no matter how miserable he, or her, might be. He has very traditional ideas about marriage and mates as well,” he sighed again, shaking his head, smelling tired and resigned, like all of this was weighing him down. “Luke definitely has some problematic views of his own, but he can’t bring himself to forgive Michael for not allowing our Dad his freedom and happiness, when he was the one who raised us and when Mother was so rarely there for us. He’s angry Michael is taking her side over his or our Dad’s.”

“Yeah, that’s not very cool,” Dean mumbled.

They walked around the gardens a bit longer, not talking much anymore, before going inside so Cas could make his phone call to Luke. In the meantime, Dean was shown to the entertainment room which had a TV set and some movies, to entertain himself so Cas talk to his brother privately. Since Naomi was out of the house, Dean felt much more comfortable being somewhere else in it than just in he and Cas’ room, although he was somewhat surprised the manor even contained a TV, when it seemed like such an antique place.

“Mother had it installed so she could watch the news,” Cas explained to him when he asked. “The rest of us only watched it here when she wasn’t around. We had more channels and a better TV at the Upper East Side.”

Dean settled down to watch a movie on VHS while Cas made his phone call in another room. Chuck was still evidently writing in his study.

Cas stayed away for a long time. Dean wasn’t sure if he was surprised or not. If it had been him and Sam, they would probably talk for a long time too. (Come to think of it, he should probably call Sam now that they were on the same continent and he wouldn’t even have to pay the bill if he called from the manor.) But he had never gotten the feeling Cas and Luke were especially close, not the way Dean and Sam were, or even how Cas and his brother Gabriel were. But there wasn’t animosity between them either, it seemed, or at least not to the degree there was between Cas and Naomi, or Luke and Michael. Perhaps their common enemy united the two brother to a degree. Or maybe it was just easy to find things to talk about and catch up on when you didn’t talk for a very long time. Absence made the heart grow fonder and all that.

Dean was about halfway through the movie he’d started watching when Cas finally joined him. Dean paused the movie to talk to him.

“How did it go?”

“Pretty well. We caught up quite a bit, and he’s excited to see you. He laughed when I told him about your lack of respect towards Mother. He probably thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread now,” Cas smirked, his scent affectionate and amused.

“What did you agree about us meeting him?” Dean queried.

“We asked Dad’s opinion on the matter as well, just in case, and we all agreed it is better for us to meet Luke away from here once Mother returns. That way the two of them won’t be in the same room, and we will also have an excuse to avoid her and can be more at ease. I called her office, she will be staying there for the next three days. After that, we can go meet Luke in the City. And I was thinking that once we’ve done that, we could go stay with Gabriel and his family in Connecticut for a while, then come back here.”

Dean nodded. “That sounds like a pretty good plan. I’m definitely more up for being around here without your Mom.”

“Me too,” Cas said. “Do you mind if I leave you for a while longer? I’d like to call Gabriel as well, and ask if he and Balthazar are all right with this plan as well. I just wanted to confirm you were fine with it before I called him.”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” Dean said, and prepared himself for about an hour longer of solitude. If Cas had had much to talk about with Luke, there was probably even more to talk about with the brother he was closest to. “But I’m calling Sam and Charlie tomorrow, and you can be by yourself for that.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Cas said, leaning over to give Dean a soft kiss. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Take your time.”

In the end, Cas’ phone call with Gabriel ended up lasting for 75 minutes.

…

Cas, Chuck, and Luke all seemed to know what they were talking about, saying that it was much nicer to be in the manor when Naomi wasn’t in it. After their second night there, Chuck seemed to relax a bit more and came out of his shell to spend some time with his son and Dean. They talked more over breakfast and Chuck joined them to watch movies in the entertainment room or for walks in the garden. Once Naomi was out of the house, he was also able to talk more normally about more general topics, such as his likes and dislikes. He apparently liked fantasy stories the best, but also enjoyed romance novels. He said they provided him with a certain type of escape. He read more books than he watched movies, mostly because he was more used to it, though he definitely didn’t dislike movies either. And apparently he hated Brussel sprouts.

He also had many stories to tell about Cas and his brothers when they were little, and showed Dean pictures from them growing up, as well as the light-colored, sweet nursery where they’d spent their earliest years. He mostly did this when Cas was absent, on his runs or something else, so he could talk more freely without being interrupted by his embarrassed son.

“Cas was a total sweetheart growing up,” he told Dean one night over another photo album of the Novak brothers around the first grades of elementary school. “He mostly liked to stick close to me and listen to my stories. He was never very far away from me, always clinging to my legs. I think the others were quite jealous, actually, because it seemed like I was giving him so much attention when he was sticking so close to me. And perhaps I was. When Mike was born, I was still so young and had no idea what I was doing, and after him I had a new baby every year, until Cas. By the time he came along I knew a bit better what to do, and when he was a toddler, the others were big and self-sufficient enough I was able to give him a bit more attention,” Chuck sighed, his affectionate scent turning sad and resigned. “It was probably a mistake, but I honestly did the best that I could.”

“I’m sure you did,” Dean said, trying to sound comforting. “Cas has told me that you were practically on your own with them. I’m sure they don't hold that against you.”

“Perhaps not, but I still wish…I wish I could’ve been better. They’re my everything, my boys.”

“I know,” Dean said, placing his hand on Chuck’s shoulder. “And I think they know it too. From what I hear, they all love you a lot. Cas certainly does. And I think having you as his Dad has taught him a lot, has made him in a large part into the man, the Alpha, that he is today.”

Chuck smiled softly, sadly, patting Dean’s hand on his shoulder. “That’s kind of you to say, Dean, thank you. And I am proud of the man Cas has become. I am so happy the two of you have found each other, and will make a much better life for yourselves than he has had here.”

“We won’t leave you behind, though. We’ll come visit, and we’ll bring our pups too, when we have them.”

Chuck shrugged. “Thank you for saying that, Dean, but if it comes down to it…I want you to choose each other, not me, if I am to be any sort of factor. I’d rather you be like Gabriel; free and away from this place, than miserable and still with me. As a father, I must think of my boys’ happiness above my own.”

“You think it’ll come to that?”

“I don’t know. But I do know Naomi really dislikes you, and would rather see you gone. If she gets her way…”

“She won’t. I won’t let her. I won’t leave Cas.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”

Dean also called Sam and Charlie, as promised, and told them everything about what he’d experienced so far, and what was to come. Sam asked him to send a postcard from the City, while Charlie told him to bring back some souvenirs. It felt good to hear their voices and talk to them about everything, especially knowing Naomi would be the one to pay the phone bill.

Naomi, however, returned eventually, and it was almost as though life and air got sucked out of the Novak Manor by her arrival. Chuck retreated back to his study, sometimes not even coming down for dinner or breakfast, and Cas and Dean mostly stuck to their room, entertaining one another. They only ended up staying for one more day before heading for the City, to the Novak’s Upper East Side apartment.

The apartment was located in a high, sleek and modern building, with glass doors and brightly gleaming lobby downstairs, which lead to the elevators. The elevator opened right into the Novaks’ apartment, which consisted of four bedrooms, and the middle area which was simultaneously the living room, the kitchen and the dining area, the last two being separated from the first one by a stone kitchen island. The wall opposite to that was almost completely made out of windows, making the place filled with light, which reflected on the yellow and white walls, and the light-colored furniture. Modern art pieces hung around here and there on the walls. It was such a huge contrast to the cold lifelessness of the manor that Dean almost found it hard to believe they had inhabited the same people.

Cas led him up the small set of stairs left of the elevator, adjacent to the entrance to the rest of the apartment, up to his old bedroom that was at the upstairs of the place and therefore had the most privacy. In this room, Dean could see the personal touches, the realness of Cas in it, despite the years it had been unoccupied. He was grateful it had been allowed to stay as it was.

The room was roughly the same size as their bedroom at the Cambridge apartment. It had a blue color scheme like the room at the manor, but in a way that seemed much less pretentious and artificial. The back wall was painted a soft shade of blue; the rest of them were white. The bed had a simple white bedspread, but no pillows. By either side of the door there were a desk and a closet with slide-doors. By the left wall was a window which brought light into the room and next to it, a bookshelf. It wasn’t stuffed full like their bookshelf back in Cambridge, but it did have more than a few books. In its empty spaces were a few framed photographs of Cas and his family, as well as a framed high school diploma. The wall opposite of that contained a room to a private bathroom, and by it hung a framed quote and a framed photograph of the silhouette of New York City at night.

Dean turned to smile at Cas. “Now this room looks like you.”

Cas smiled at him, his scent much lighter and happier in this space than it had been at the manor at any point. “I’m glad you like it. It looked even more like me in high school, with books and papers all around.”

Dean chuckled. “I can imagine.” 

He walked over to the window. The view over New York was magnificent, and he didn’t feel too scared being so high up, seeing it all from behind the glass. Cas came behind him, putting one hand on his shoulder and one on his hip, lightly holding him, encompassing Dean in his familiar scent. Dean breathed it in, allowing it to wash over him and basking in its safety, letting out a happy little hum. “How long until we go see Luke?"

“It’s noon, so not for a few more hours. Why?”

“Because…” Dean murmured, taking a hold of Cas hands, and pushing his hips back against Cas’ own. “This is the first time we’ve been alone for a few days.”

“Oh,” Cas let out, and Dean could hear the grin in his voice, arousal beginning to sneak into his scent. “What do you want to do with that?”

Dean turned around, placing his arms around Cas’ neck. “I can think of a few things,” he said, and kissed Cas.

They ended up making love in Cas’ boyhood bed.

Afterwards, lying nude in each other’s arms under the covers, Dean asked Castiel, “Did you ever bring anyone else into this room to do this?”

“No,” Cas answered, his voice a bit rough from their earlier activities, his scent sated, happy, and filled with love. “I lived with four brothers. Someone was going to find out about it and it would lead to either awkwardness or trouble, depending on who it was. I didn’t have sex until I went off to Cambridge. Which was honestly fine, I was only 18. Too bad I didn’t realize that at the time.”

“Who was your first?” Dean queried, realizing he had never asked that before.

“Her name was Meg,” Cas said, but there was something strange in his tone and scent now, something Dean couldn’t quite read. It was a bit unnerving, with how intimately familiar he had become with all of Cas’ scent cues by now. He found himself paying attention more properly. “I met her at one of the parties Anna had dragged me to – I’ve known Anna since my first year at Cambridge, you tend to hang out with a lot of the same people in med school – and Meg came to talk to me there, seeing me nursing a beer all by myself. She offered me one of the shots she was carrying, asking if I’d like some company. I was stunned, not knowing what else to do but to say yes. I felt anything else would’ve been rude. We ended up drinking and talking; I don’t remember exactly about what, but somehow it ended with her asking me, almost word for word, ‘Hey, wanna have sex?’”

Dean blinked. Somehow, he didn’t like where this story was going, and it didn’t even feel like a jealousy issue. It was something else. Like something was wrong with this scenario. It didn’t help that he still couldn’t quite read Cas’ scent. “What did you say?”

“I was quite stunned, but then I think I said something like ‘okay,’” Cas said. “I believe I was quite drunk by that point, but I suppose I couldn’t think of a reason not to do it when she was right there, offering. And in that moment, I recalled everything everyone always said about me, how people said they could tell I was still a virgin and that I should just go and get it over and done with. So I let her take me to a bedroom, and…” he trailed off, and now Dean could distinguish the discomfort in his scent.

There was the same type of unease in Dean’s gut as there seemed to be in all of Cas. He didn’t like this at all. “Cas…what happened?”

Castiel shrugged. “It just…it wasn’t what I had imagined my first time to be. I didn’t even really know Meg, or care about her. She was very…aggressive with me, where I suppose I had longed for gentleness. And, because it was my first time, it didn’t really…last very long. And she wasn’t exactly nice about that, or anything else afterwards, when she realized I had been a virgin.”

Dean tightened his hold on Cas, trying to offer him comfort. He’d had no idea. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve asked, but how could he have known, when Cas had never indicated anything like this? Did Cas even realize how wrong all of that was? That it wasn’t right just because Meg had been cruel to him, but for other reasons as well? Did Dean dare bring it up?

“Cas…I’m so sorry,” Dean mumbled, at a loss for words and hating it. He had never been very good at offering comfort, and it felt so inadequate in a situation like this. He knew it wouldn’t help, not really, but it was all he could do.

“It’s all right, Dean,” Cas said, stroking Dean’s hair, as if to offer  _ him _ comfort when Cas was the one who should’ve been given it. But his scent was honest, telling Dean it really was all right, and the discomfort was fading. It seemed that it was just hard for him to talk about it, rather than to think about it. “It’s been quite a few years since then. Afterwards, I managed to find Anna, and she comforted me, helped me get through it. I’m quite all right now.”

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand. “…You realize it wasn’t right, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Cas murmured, kissing Dean’s head, his scent now taking an affectionate and loving tone, though there was sadness there too. “I’d had too much to drink, and Meg took advantage of that, as well as my inexperience and my insecurities. Thankfully, I never saw her again, and I believe Anna warned people about her, but the first few months after that were quite difficult. But I feel like it wasn’t all for nothing, because it brought Anna and I much closer to one another, and we became truly friends through our shared experience.”

“I guess that explains a bit about why she’s so protective of you,” Dean said. Honestly, it explained a few things actually, like Cas’ obsession with consent and perhaps even a little bit about why he had been so understanding about Dean’s days as a teenage prostitute. “I’m sorry I brought this all up, this is pretty crappy pillow talk…I didn’t think…”

“It’s all right, you couldn’t have known,” Cas told him, and again smelled like he meant it. “And I suppose it was about time for me to tell you this anyway. I just don’t think about it much usually, so I suppose it has slipped my mind until now. It’s a part of my life that is over and done with, so I don’t much dwell on it these days.”

“That’s okay. I’m glad you told me now,” Dean said, giving Cas’ chest a light kiss, hoping to give him some comfort, even though Cas didn’t smell terribly uncomfortable anymore. The longer they lay there, the more any negativity seemed to fade from Cas’ scent, more pleasant emotions taking their place. Since it seemed like it at least wasn’t making anything worse, Dean kept holding him for a while longer in silence, not knowing what else to say. But in a way, it felt like no more words were needed on the matter. If Cas didn’t wish to discuss it further, Dean certainly wasn’t going to make him. He would just have to trust Cas on this one.

After some moments of silence, Dean finally deemed it acceptable to speak again, and asked, “Did you have any other partners before you met me? Ones you actually had more consensual sex with?”

“Only one. We went out on a few dates, and had a sexual relationship together, but we quickly realized it wasn’t working out. He was still in love with his ex, and I was only dating him because I was lonely, and perhaps so that I could prove I could. Those weren’t good foundations for a relationship.”

Dean sat up then with a start. “Then how come you’re so great at sex? If you’ve had that little experience…”

Cas chuckled at that, finally showing a smile, his scent becoming lighter and happier once more. “You have to thank Gabriel for that. When I was in high school, he gave me a book that taught me everything I know now. He gave it to me and said, ‘Cassie, if I never teach you anything else about life, at least take this with you and learn it. You’ll thank me later.’ I read the book during my previous relationship so I could be good for him in bed.” Cas smiled wistfully. “Gabe had already eloped with Balth back when he gave the book to me, but we still saw each other around the City and at school. We went to sister schools; one for Alpha, one for Beta and one for Omega students.”

Dean blinked. “Gabriel didn’t drop out when he got married?”

“No, he graduated. Even with our Mother’s influence and disdain, the school wouldn’t let Gabriel drop out. With those types of schools, all high school years’ tuition has to be paid before you even start, so Gabe was covered with the money. And him dropping out would’ve been bad for the school’s reputation, so despite everything, he was able to stay there and graduate.”

Dean smiled. “That’s nice. I wasn’t even able to graduate.”

“You got your GED though.”

“Yeah…” Dean murmured, playing with Cas’ fingers in his own over his chest. “I still wish I could’ve graduated at least.” He turned onto his stomach to look at Cas. “Cas, I don’t really care what kinds of careers out pups choose, or if they want to go to college or do something else. But I hope we can get them to graduate high school at least.”

“We’ll encourage them, and you can tell them you regret not getting your diploma,” Cas said, kissing Dean’s temple. “But your education doesn’t have to be over. I really do think you could go back to school. And that if it bothers you this much, you probably should, too.”

Dean smiled a bit. “Yeah, maybe.”

They lay in bed a few moments more, before they realized they had to start getting ready to meet Luke for a late lunch/early dinner. They weren’t in a hurry quite yet, but if they didn’t want to be, they needed to get up. Dean told Cas that they could cancel if Cas wasn’t up for going after their talk before, but Cas reassured him that he was fine and he wanted to go. He seemed like his usual self, laughing and joking even, so Dean decided to take his word for it. It was true after all that while Dean had only now learned about what had happened, Cas had had time to deal with it for years, and perhaps he really had put it behind him. Dean still made sure Cas knew he was there if he ever needed him. After a few reassuring kisses, they managed to find their way to the shower together, afterwards getting dressed in some of their finer clothes (Luke was taking them to a fancy place), while brushing their hair and shaving.

Garth arrived with one of the Novak family cars to take them to the right place, a nice French restaurant called  _ La Cage _ , where the host was evidently actually French. He led them to the reserved booth, where a bleached blond man was already waiting for them. He looked up as they approached.

“Cas!” his face spread into a smile upon seeing his brother. Even with slightly less baby fat and a few more lines to his face, Dean recognized him as Luke from the pictures he’s seen. His hair was cut short and his eyes were a slightly lighter shade of blue than Castiel’s, and he smelled much like cold winter air. He rose from his seat at the booth to gently embrace his brother. “It’s so good to see you!”

“And you, Luke,” Cas replied, though he sounded and smelled a bit uncomfortable and surprised.

“And you must be Dean!” Luke said, letting go of Cas and turning to Dean, offering his hand which Dean took. He was a little taken aback by the man’s cheerful attitude. He didn’t think it corresponded with his scent, which was quite difficult to read. It seemed to be like that with all of the Novaks. “I heard you finally gave Naomi a bit of a taste of her own medicine.”

Dean smiled a bit forcefully. “Well, I did try.”

“Please, let’s sit and eat,” Luke said, gesturing towards the booth and settling down to do just that. “I want to hear all about everything.”

So they ended up talking a bit about everything. They ordered lobster because that was apparently what the restaurant was famous for, and because Dean had never had it before. Dean was silent at the beginning of their meal, because he wasn’t sure what Luke already didn’t know, but thankfully the Alpha was engaging and soon started asking Dean questions. They were somewhat generic, repeating much of the same ones Naomi had asked him, but at least Luke wasn’t as condescending or controlling in how he responded to them. Dean wasn’t entirely sure what to make of him, honestly. He seemed cheerful and open, but there was something to him that made Dean get the gut feeling he was a lot more dangerous than he looked.

“So, Luke, what is that you do?” Dean queried.

Luke shrugged, waving a dismissive hand. “Oh, this and that. I am a businessman. I have my toe dipped a bit in every pool. I live off my investments gaining me back what I invested.”

Dean got the sense he wasn’t going to elaborate on that, and he wasn’t sure if he would understand if Luke had, so he moved on as he munched on his lobster. It really was quite delicious. “Cas told me you legally changed your name some time ago. Does everyone call you Luke these days, or has it taken some adjustment?”

Luke chuckled at that. “Almost everyone that mattered in my life already called me by that name, so the adjustment was easy,” he wrangled his hands. “Only Naomi calls me Lucifer anymore, even though I’ve told her not to.”

Dean grimaced. “I can imagine it wasn’t easy to grow up with that kind of a name.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard pretty much every Satan joke you can imagine. But as I said, everyone important has always called me Luke, and that’s the name I like the most for myself, so I took that.” He smiled. “You know Dad gave me that name?”

“I didn’t, actually,” Dean said.

“Yeah, he gave us all nicknames growing up. He said that our proper names were given to us by Naomi, and the nicknames were given to us by him.”

Dean turned to Castiel. “Is that where ‘Cas’ got started too?”

“Yes, although Gabe tended to call me ‘Cassie’ instead.”

“The rights of a big brother,” Dean grinned.

“You seem to know,” Luke put in. “Do you have brothers, Dean?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a younger one. Sam. He started college last semester, at Stanford,” Dean was maybe bragging a little, but he was allowed to brag about Sam and his accomplishments.

Luke raised an eyebrow at that. “Wow, that’s quite impressive. Will you be seeing him before you return to UK?”

Dean shrugged. “I’m not sure, we haven’t made plans. Me and Cas are planning on going to Sioux Falls, where I grew up, before we return to Cambridge, but Sammy’s not coming back home for the summer, so…” Sam had found a summer job in California, didn’t wish to spend money on the trip back, and, though he wasn’t saying it, probably didn’t feel like returning to his problematic family when there was a whole new world out there just waiting for him. Plus, Dean was pretty sure by now that Sam had a girl in California that he didn’t want to depart from for the summer.

“Has it been difficult to be so far away from him? And the rest of your family?” Luke queried.

“In some ways, yeah,” Dean replied. “But in other ways, I’ve sort of liked it too. It’s given me new experiences, new opportunities, new ways to look at things,” he glanced over at Cas fondly. “And I wouldn’t be right here now if I hadn’t decided to leave.”

“Quite,” Luke smiled widely. Dean had to suppress a shiver. There was something eerie about that smile.

“How about you, Luke? Do you have anyone special in your life?” Dean managed to ask to distract himself.

Luke snorted. “Oh, no! I’m afraid I am at a far too busy phase in my life to even consider getting into a relationship right now. Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “I still go out on dates, have a good time and so on. But I usually don’t see my dates much afterwards.” He wiggled his eyebrows in a rabid, suggestive manner a few times.

“Well, relationships aren’t for everyone,” Dean admitted, a bit uncomfortable. “And it’s not like there isn’t time; you’re still young,”

“Exactly. I just wish Naomi would get that. She keeps leaving me voicemails about Omegas that she thinks would be just  _ perfect _ for me,” he sighed somewhat melodramatically. “She drives me insane.”

“You’re not the only one,” Cas said.

They ate their fill and finished off with some crème brûlée, still hot from being flamed. Dean’s serving seemed to melt in his mouth with its sweetness. Afterwards, Luke still had some things he needed to take care of, so he prepared to depart with Dean and Cas at the door of the restaurant.

Luke and Cas parted with another hug, this one slightly more relaxed, and Dean found himself being hugged goodbye as well.

“It was really good to see you both,” Luke said. “But don’t let me leaving stop you. The night is still young, especially in the city that never sleeps. Oh, that reminds me.” He went through his pockets, digging up two straight pieces of paper. “Tickets to the musical  _ Les Misérables _ . I got them at work, but as I said, I can’t go. It starts in about an hour. You go and enjoy it in my stead.”

Dean’s eyes were just about to pop out of his head. He would never admit it, but he had really wanted to see a show on Broadway while they were here, since it was, pretty much, the thing you had to do when you were in New York. “You serious? I mean, you could probably sell these for a profit…”

Luke waved him off. “Nah. I’d rather give them to someone I like. You can think of them as a way for me to make up leaving you so early like this.”

“Then, we thank you for the tickets,” Cas said. “And hopefully we’ll see you at dinner at the manor sometime later?”

Luke smiled. “Of course, Cas.” 

He waved the three of them a taxi, since they were going to the same direction, and they hopped in. He dropped Dean and Cas off around Time’s Square, where they headed off towards the correct theater after saying their final goodbyes to Luke.

The show was incredible and Dean got chills during “One Day More.” At the end of the show, he clapped as enthusiastically as any of the other viewers, and they all gave a standing ovation to the performers as they bowed on stage.

Since the night was so warm and nice, he and Cas decided to walk a bit towards the Upper east side instead of catching a cab. Hand-in-hand, they walked, making sure to keep their property close to their person so it wouldn’t get stolen by sneaky pickpockets. They didn’t talk much, mostly about how great the show had been, though Cas pointed out some of the spots which he knew, where he had been as a child and some of the stories behind them. They also took a side tour to a small ice cream shop, where they ordered themselves to-go milkshakes.

“This is my favorite place in New York to get milkshakes,” Cas said, as they waited for their orders to be ready. “Before we leave, I’ll show you to my favorite burger place.”

Dean grinned. “You guys sure know about where to get what food in New York.”

“It’s a part of having grown up here. You have to learn the dos and the don’ts, if you want to avoid food poisoning and wish to get your money’s worth.”

The strawberry milkshake Dean had turned out to be incredibly rich in texture and taste, and every bit as good as predicted, so Dean couldn’t wait to see and taste what else New York had to offer, and what Cas had to show him there.

They ended up walking all the way back to the Upper East Side, just sipping their milkshakes and enjoying the evening air. Back at the apartment, they simply brushed their teeth and changed into their sleepwear before getting under the covers. They read for a while, before deciding to call it a night and falling asleep. Dean didn’t think he had been this happy, or had this good of a time in such a long while.

If only the sleep could’ve remained that peaceful and happy, because Dean found himself awake around two in the morning and desperately hurrying to the bathroom to empty his stomach in the toilet bowl.

Cas woke up soon after, coming over to the bathroom and rubbing Dean’s back in comfort as Dean retched forcefully out whatever was left in his stomach. “Dean, are you all right?”

“What—” Dean had to pause so as not to puke all over the floor. “What does it look like?”

“I know, I’m sorry, that was a stupid question,” Cas said in a softly calming tone, rubbing Dean’s back again, engulfing Dean in his comforting scent. He made soothing noises until Dean felt like he wasn’t going to throw up anymore, though that was probably partially because everything there was to come out had already come out.

“Wait here, I’ll get you some water,” Cas said, and hurried out of the bathroom, returning quickly with a glass of water. Dean cleared his mouth with it and spit into the sink, then filled the glass again and drank some.

“How did this happen? I think I’ve yet to see you sick, Dean,” Cas worried.

“I dunno, Cas. I don’t get sick easily, and usually not this suddenly. And I was feeling perfectly fine earlier,” Dean said. “Food poisoning?”

“From a four-star restaurant?”

Dean shrugged. “Could happen. I swear it was the lobster,” he said, yawning. “But I’d rather worry about it in the morning. Let’s try and get some more sleep; see if I can make it through the night without puking again.”

They managed to find a bucket to keep by the bed so Dean could hurl into that if he needed to in the night, without having to hurry to the bathroom. But to both their surprise, they both slept soundly through the night and Dean was feeling fine in the morning. In fact, more than fine. He was  _ starving _ in the morning, and cooked up a storm with everything he found in the fridge (which had been stocked ready for them prior to their arrival) in the apartment’s ultra-modern kitchen.

“Dean, are you sure it’s wise to eat so much when you just threw up the night before?” Cas queried as they sat at the dining table, enjoying what Dean had made for them, Cas with more reservation than his mate who couldn’t seem to get enough food in his system.

Dean swallowed his latest mouthful. “I might get sick again, or I might not. All I know is that right now, I’m not feeling nauseous and I’m really hungry.”

Dean didn’t start feeling sick even later during the day, but Cas still made him take a day off from doing anything strenuous, and so they ended up staying at the apartment watching movies. Cas allowed Dean to cuddle with him on the couch, which was pretty cool of him, since they couldn’t be sure if it was indeed food poisoning rather than some kind of a bug. It was honestly a pretty nice day, even though Dean kept insisting that he felt fine and that they could’ve gone out to see the sights instead.

They both got hungry later in the day, so Cas ordered them Chinese food, not allowing Dean to overexert himself. It was pretty neat to get it home-delivered though, and they ate the food straight out of the boxes in the living room as another movie played.

Because Dean hadn’t thrown up again in the night and was, by all indication, seemingly and miraculously fine, Cas agreed that the next day they would go and see the sights.

Because Cas had shown Dean much of his teenage spots the night before, they went for some of the more traditional tourist things, like taking a ferry to Ellis Island. On the route there, they also got a fairly decent view of the Statue of Liberty. They had decided that that would be enough, and that they wouldn’t go to the top of either the Statue nor the Empire State Building due to Dean’s fear of heights. At Ellis Island, they visited the immigration museum, which had surprisingly interesting information about the place presented in an easily-accessible fashion. Dean got a card for Sam from the giftshop.

They ate hot dogs for lunch at Cas’ favorite place for them after returning to the City, before Cas took Dean to some of his favorite record, book and movie stores, and after a bit of sweet-talking, managed to convince Dean to get whatever he liked. Dean tried to be modest about his purchases, but some of the things he found were almost impossible to resist. Still, he did manage not to buy the whole stores empty, telling himself he could always come back sometime later, and that he shouldn’t take too much advantage of Cas’ generosity. But it was also easier to let Cas spoil him now that they were mates and, if not on paper then in their hearts, everything that was Cas’ was also Dean’s. They stayed away from clothing stores though, because Dean had been given so many new clothes already before their arrival at the States.

After finishing with their shopping, Dean and Cas went back to the apartment to drop off what they had bought and to rest their feet for a while. Dean ended up taking a short nap while Cas read. Afterwards, they were both starting to get quite hungry, so Cas suggested a dinner and a movie to end the day, which Dean found to be an excellent idea. Cas had them taken to his favorite burger place by Garth, which turned out to be a very tiny joint in the basement of one building, located between a taxidermist and a triple-X bookstore. The place had a simple green door, and above it was a flashing red sign that simply stated “Burger.”

The place itself was quite modest, with concrete walls, tiny tables, a small counter and an old-fashioned cash register. The only really interesting thing about it was that the walls were covered with black-and-white and signed celebrity pictures, and Dean realized they were of people who had visited this place. Evidently, it was quite famous, because the wall was almost covered.

Perhaps there was a reason why this modest-looking place was Cas’ favorite.

“So, tell me, what’s the story here?” Dean queried as they waited for their orders to arrive (cheese-burgers, Dean’s with extra onions).

Cas shrugged. “Quite the same as any other story of finding any of our favorite spots in New York. One day, after school, Gabe and I were just wandering around the city, window-shopping and talking. We started to get a little hungry, and just happened to come across this place. We ordered the burgers, and…Well, just wait until you taste them. We made sure to memorize where the place was located so we could come again and bring more people with us. Needless to say, that didn’t remain the only time we visited this place.”

The burly, big-bellied and hairy chef of the place came out with their orders, and Dean cautiously took a bite. Then another. And another and another. It was like the flavors were exploding and melting in his mouth at the same time, and it made him salivate. It was incredible, the way the different parts of the burger blended together into a perfect harmony, like a melody of flavors.

“Slow down, before you choke,” Cas chuckled at Dean’s eager eating, his scent amused. “It’s good, isn’t it?”

“Good? Awesome more like,” Dean mumbled around his latest mouthful, before swallowing. “How is this place not more known, or have a bigger space? We’re the only people here, right now. This place should be like the hotspot of New York.”

Cas shrugged. “Who knows? Perhaps the owners feel this type of smallness is a part of its charm, or they are putting the money somewhere else. Perhaps not many people just know of it or can’t find it because it is so obscure,” he theorized, his scent indicating deep thought. “Gabriel and I spread the word at our high school, but it never seemed like many people came here more than once, if even that. Although perhaps those who have lived in New York our whole lives all have their own hotspots, their favorite places to eat. These just happen to be mine.”

“Well, they are great so far.” Dean smiled, sipping his soda from his carton cup. “Did you like growing up in New York? How does it compare to Cambridge?”

Cas shrugged again. “Both have their ups and downs. New York is very big, and it is easy to get lost in here, in multiple senses of the word. If you can’t find your own people to rely on, it can be very lonely, and feel like you’re lost in the mass. It is very brutal, and costly. But the culture and the city itself are of course marvelous and vibrant, if you can find your footing in here,” he said. “Cambridge is smaller, and if you are a student or a younger person, it is easy to find your own crowd within the student community, although many of them can be quite snobbish as well,” he snorted somewhat sadly. “There are things to be found there as well, but it hasn’t ever really felt like a home, like a place where I’d want to build my life. It’s more like a rest stop on the way to the final destination.”

Dean nodded. “Would you like to bring up a family in New York then?”

“I’m not sure. Like I said, it can be brutal. But if you wish to stay close to the City, there are options for that too. After all, Gabe lives in Connecticut; it’s not that hard to get from there to New York by train or by car. And it’s a much smaller and safer community, much more suited for raising small children. Gabe and Balth certainly seem to like it there.” He smiled, his scent wistful and affectionate and his eyes shining, as he took Dean’s hand. “So we do have options.”

“Yeah.” Dean smiled back. “And it’s not like I’m trying to decide right now, or that we have to decide. Just…thinking about options I guess. About the future.”

“That’s fine. I’m actually glad you feel secure enough to plan for the future.”

“Do you do that too?”

“Of course, off and on. Nothing concrete, but it’s nice to think about things.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Well…after I graduate, I’d like to spend a year travelling the world. Maybe make it into a very special honeymoon for us, if you’re not too caught up with work or your own studies? Then I could find employment as a doctor. I think I’d like to return to the States to make a life, but I haven’t thought further where I would most like to live. Just anywhere where I can work as a doctor would work for me,” he said. “But I’d like for us to have a house, with a yard where there was maybe a tree that we could hang a swing for the children, where we could play with them, and maybe with a small vegetable garden I could take care of.”

“How many kids are you thinking?” Dean queried, growing more and more intrigued by the minute.

“That’s honestly up to you. You’ll be the one carrying and bearing them.”

“Hmm…” Dean mused. “I think I’d like to have at least two, maybe three. I think it’s good to have siblings, even when they can be annoying. I think you miss out on certain life lessons, or have to learn them through harder trials, if you grow up without siblings.”

Cas nodded. “True. Two or three sounds perfect to me.”

“And I pretty much want everything you said there too,” Dean stated, squeezing Cas’ hand. “I want us to have a life together, Cas.”

“And I, as well.”

They finished eating their burgers, then headed to the movies. They had a good night together, but decided to take a cab this time to the apartment, too tired to walk back.

“Do you want to stay here another day, or head over to see Gabriel tomorrow?” Cas asked Dean in the cab, where they were cuddled together in the back.

“I think I’ve rather gotten my share of the City life for now,” Dean murmured, almost too sleepy to stay awake for the ride back. “It’s been fun, but it’s kinda overwhelming too, you know? And I want to finally meet the brother that you’re the closest to, the one you talk about so much.”

“I understand,” Cas said, nodding into Dean’s hair softly. “Let’s sleep well tonight, and make our way to Gabe’s tomorrow. It’s Friday, so it’ll be a good day for us to arrive. We can spend the weekend there, then return to my parents’ place before heading off to Sioux Falls. I’ll call Gabe in the morning to let him know we’re coming.”

“You sure he won’t mind us barging to his house so suddenly?”

“He knows we were going to come sometime this week, just not exactly when. Trust me, he’s even more eager to meet you than you are to meet him. After all the people he tried to set me up with in high school, he’s just happy to know I won’t be alone for the rest of my life.”

When they got back to the apartment, they were both rather dead on their feed, and simply quickly got ready for bed and went right to sleep in each other’s arms, smiles on their faces from dreaming about their fun times in New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few references to other TV shows in this chapter. See if you can spot them ;).


	10. Chapter nine

Dean slept in late that morning, and by the time he woke up Cas had their bags packed and Gabriel had been informed they would be arriving sometime in the day. Cas had gone out to fetch breakfast and they ate a good brunch at the table.

Dean was about to tuck into his second waffle, when he caught Cas smiling at him over the rim of his coffee cup, his scent filled with affection and love.

“What?” he asked, looking over at Cas.

Cas caught himself, his scent becoming startled for a minute, as if he hadn’t even realized he was staring. “Nothing, it’s just…” He shook his head, but was still smiling. “I’m just glad you’re healthy and eating again.”

“Cas, I told you, I’m fine. It was probably just some kind of 12-hour thing. It passed and I’m good now,” Dean reassured him, starting to cut his waffle into pieces. “Though I’m not sure if I should worry about how hungry I’ve been lately. I feel like I could eat a horse.”

“It might be that your body is still adjusting to the new time zone. You weren’t eating so well when we arrived, due to multiple factors I imagine, and your body’s just trying to catch up now.”

“I just hope it doesn’t mean I’m going into heat early. The doctor did say there might be some imbalance between the times after having suppressed it for so long. That would be kinda embarrassing.”

Cas was looking at him seriously now. “Do you want to stay here to make sure it’s not that? We’d have privacy here if that is indeed what this is…”

Dean thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah. If it happens, we’ll grab a motel room or something. But I’d rather not wait around on a maybe that might not even happen. And I don’t have any of my other usual symptoms, like wanting to jump on you whenever I see you,” he smirked over at Cas. “Well, any more than usual.”

Cas cheeks flushed a little, though he looked and smelled pleased. “You’ve been pretty tired lately though.”

Dean shrugged. “Like you said, maybe it’s an adjustment thing,” he sighed. “I’ll be glad when we can go back to Cambridge. Not that this hasn’t been great," he hurried to reassure Cas. “It has. Some of the best days of my life. But it’s…it’s a lot, you know?”

“I know,” Cas said. “I’m looking forward to going back as well, though I still want to meet with Gabe before we go.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Garth would drive Dean and Castiel to Castlebury, Connecticut, and to Gabriel’s house, as that was the easiest way for them to travel there with their luggage. The skinny Alpha greeted them in his usual cheerful manner, chattering a bit about how great it was that Cas and Gabriel were still so close even after all these years, as they prepared to get in the car.

The drive to the small town was relatively short. Castlebury was one of those almost idyllic places that had everything a person needed to live, but not much more, and where most people knew each other. The sort of place where people settle down to raise a family, where children play in the streets and an ice cream truck might drive past while playing a cheerful melody. Where there were nice houses and big yards and trees in full leaf by the quiet streets. It was difficult to believe a town like this was so close to a big city like New York, where the life was so different. In Castlebury, everything seemed so quiet and serene, as if time had no meaning and everything was slowed down for the pleasure of the people who lived there. New York City was a stark contrast to that with all of its noise, coldness and busy lives the people who lived there led.

Gabriel and his mate Balthazar Ange lived in one of those nice houses that seemed typical for Castlebury. It was painted white and it had a dark grey metal roof with a big green yard surrounding it. A family model car was parked in the driveway, and some outdoor toys for young children were scattered around the front lawn. It looked like the perfect family home, the one that anyone would be happy to live in, to have grown up in.

They were only just out of the car and taking their luggage, when a man on the shorter side with golden brown hair and glittering amber eyes came out of the house, hurrying towards them. Cas just had the time to prepare before the man threw himself at him, playfully yet tightly embracing him.

“Cassie!” Gabriel let out, as Cas struggled to regain his balance from the force of Gabriel’s hug. His scent was sugary sweet, almost like melted chocolate and caramel mixed together. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I’m glad to be here, Gabe,” Cas mumbled to his brother’s shoulder. He then let Gabriel go and gestured to Dean. “This is Dean.”

“Hi,” Dean said, holding up a hand in greeting but Gabriel ignored that and went straight for a hug. However, unlike Luke’s goodbye hug, this one wasn’t so awkward for Dean, perhaps because Gabriel was another Omega, and Dean supposed his inner instincts called out for a physical touch and platonic affection of other Omegas. With a quick start, he realized Gabriel was actually the first male Omega he had met since his time at Sonny’s.

“Hi, welcome!” Gabriel greeted Dean, squeezing the breath out of him. Then he pulled back and took a quick look at Dean from head to toe. “Wow, Cassie wasn’t kidding when he said you were a big one.”

Dean blushed, and didn’t really know what to say. It was certainly true that once he had grown into his full height he had been bigger than most Omegas he ever came across. Sometimes it was nice, because it gave him a sense of power that made him feel like most people wouldn’t dare mess with him, and to hide his identity as an Omega, but Dean also knew it was one of the reasons why he wasn’t traditionally beautiful as an Omega. That while his face was nice enough, in some ways he would never be like the other Omegas. He wasn’t the type that people sought out as mates. And right now, faced with Cas’ petite brother, wondering what Gabriel must think of him, he was starting to feel a bit self-conscious.

However, Gabriel finished with saying, “That’s great! My bro needs someone that can measure up to him and win!” and Dean’s expression slowly melted into a smile at the face of Gabriel’s cheerful attitude.

Cas was smiling as well. “I like him the way he is quite well.”

Gabriel grinned at Cas over his shoulder. “I could tell, with how much you talk about and sing his praises over the phone.” He grabbed one of their bags, giving Garth a brief greeting. “Come on, come inside!”

He started heading towards the house. Dean was still smiling at his retreating back, as he grabbed his share of the bags and started to follow him.

Cas stopped him by putting a hand on his arm. “Are you all right?”

Dean smiled softly at him. “Yeah, I think so. Let’s go.” 

Dean rather liked Gabriel and his enthusiasm already, and it wasn’t unnerving like with Garth. It didn’t feel like Gabriel just oozed cheer all day every day; more that he was very happy to see his brother after a long time. Outwardly, Gabriel’s behavior was also like that of Luke’s, but there was just a different type of warmth and welcome in his manner that made it fine to be at ease around him, to let your guard down and be yourself.

They stepped up the few steps to the porch, then from the front door to the Ange household. The house wasn’t the biggest one out there, but it was comfy and inviting, painted with light colors on the inside as well as outside. The light from the windows was reflected in the walls and the light wood of the floors, making the place seem like it was shining a little bit on the inside.

The front door opened to a hallway, which ended in a staircase to the second floor. There were three doors in the hallway, all of them with just a hole for the door, making the space very open. Two of the doors were on the left and one on the right. The right door led to the living room, the first door on the left was to the kitchen, the second to the dining room beyond it.

“Let’s leave the luggage here for the moment,” Gabriel said, setting down the bag he had been carrying. “The girls are napping, and I don’t want to wake them up by going upstairs just yet.”

Dean and Cas easily accepted this, and set down their bags on the corridor floor as well, by the living room door wall so no one would trip on them.

“Where’s Balth?” queried Cas as Gabriel led them to sit in the living room so they could talk. The back wall was made up entirely of a huge bookcase. The wall opposite to them as they entered the room had a window on one side and an art piece of the same size as the window on the other side. In the middle was a large gray couch, shaped like a square that was missing one of its sides. Where the last side should’ve been, was a TV set and some space for people to walk to sit on the couch. In the middle of it was a low coffee table.

“Still at work. He called to pass on his apologies, but something came up with a client at the last minute and he just couldn’t get away on time,” Gabriel said, leading them further into the living room. They sat down on the couch, Dean and Cas sitting together on the side closest to the door from the corridor, Gabriel taking a seat at the place at 90-degree angle from their seat, staying close but far away from them to be able to properly look at their faces. “But hey, maybe it’s better this way? I want to grill you both before he gets here anyway.”

And grill them indeed he did. Because Gabriel already knew most of the generic stuff about Dean from Castiel, he didn’t ask about those things, but went for the deeper end of the questions instead.

“What do you see yourself doing in the future? What would you like to do?” he asked Dean.

Dean actually had to think about it for a while. “I still really like working on cars, but I think I’d also like to improve my music a little. I…I actually write songs sometimes, but I haven’t performed them yet to an actual audience. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can just keep being a bar setting or something, and I don’t think I want to become world-famous or anything…but I’d like to get better at making music for its own sake, and because it’s important to me.” Dean paused. “But I’d also really like to raise a family.”

Gabriel nodded, but he was smiling, beaming really. “Those sound like good goals to have. I know Cassie shares your dream of having a family.”

“Yeah, but we’ve agreed we’re going to wait a while longer. We’re still young, after all,” Cas said, turning to Dean. “Do you think you’d like to take classes in music as well as mechanics?”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t really know, I haven’t really put much thought into it yet.”

Cas nodded. “You can consider it further in the following months. But I would love it if you could continue making music; I know how much that means to you. And I always love to hear you play and sing.”

Dean smiled at him, taking a hold of his hand.

“Blergh,” Gabriel made a sound at the back of his throat, sticking out his tongue and pointing a finger into his open mouth as if he was throwing up. “You guys are so sweet it’s making me sick. Jesus, Cassie, I always knew you were a sap, but this is going overboard, even for me.”

Cas scoffed. “As if you weren’t like this with Balth after you had eloped. You were always making out when he came to either drop you off or fetch you at school.”

Gabriel blinked a few times, stunned. Then he just grinned and shrugged. “True, but I’m the big brother so it’s my job to gross you out. You’re not allowed to gross _ me _ out.”

“Well, I’m going to, anyway,” Cas said and surprised Dean by pulling him into a quick kiss. Not that Dean minded.

“Gah! Critical hit! Now I’m dead!” Gabriel held his chest overdramatically, leaning on his side on the couch before falling off of it on the floor. Dean actually had to laugh a bit at their shenanigans. Cas and Gabriel, much more than Cas and Luke, really felt like real brothers, reminding Dean of himself and Sam growing up.

Gabriel soon gathered himself off the floor, getting back up on the couch, and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened to disturb it. “How did you like New York, Dean? Did Cassie show you all our spots?”

“New York was nice. Big, lots to see. Cas showed me at least some of your old spots, but I doubt we could go through all of them in such a short period of time.”

“That’s probably true,” Gabriel admitted. “I hope Mom didn’t give you too hard a time when you saw her?”

Dean shrugged. “Well, she didn’t give the warmest welcome ever, that’s for sure. But I ain’t scared of her.”

Gabriel nodded, looking satisfied, grinning. “Good. Anyone who becomes mated into our family and wasn’t hand-picked by Mom needs to have a thick skin to survive. Actually, I think even those she did hand-pick would need to have a thick skin.”

“That reminds me,” Cas began. “I brought you another letter from Dad. It’s in my bag.”

Gabriel’s gaze softened, and his shoulder slumped, his scent becoming cloudy with a sad yet compassionate tone. “How is he? Is he handling himself okay?”

“I think so,” Cas said, though he sounded somewhat hesitant. “Though I feel like it comes and goes. He said that Mother isn’t around as much anymore, and that he has at least some notion of freedom when he gets the house to himself. And he’s writing again, which I think is wonderful; it gives him something to do, some kind of a purpose. But he’s also pretty lonely these days, with all of us being gone.”

Gabriel nodded, his eyes lowered sadly. “I expected as much. I wish I could go see him, or have him come over here sometime. God knows I could use some help with the girls, but…”

Cas leaned forward a little so he was closer to Gabriel’s face. “Are you and Balth doing okay? I mean, you have your business and he goes to the City to work nearly every day, and you have two pups rather than just one…”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Gabriel reassured Cas, waving a hand to dismiss his worries “The girls’ Grandma helps us with them, she’s become really invaluable to us, and I do love the girls to death too, it’s just…” Gabriel sighed, running his fingers through his hair, leaning back in in his seat tiredly, his scent weary and resigned. “I guess I always hoped I’d have Dad to help me with all of this, to figure everything out, to show me the ropes, you know? It’s been over a year since I had the girls, and I still feel like I’m just making shots in the dark, trying to figure out what is the best for them and how I can best not traumatize them for life with every decision I make…”

“I think that's probably how all parents feel,” Dean put in, and suddenly found himself the target of two equally intense stares. This made his heart jump into his throat, as he tried to come up with words to justify what he had just said, and the fact he had said them in the first place. “I mean…we’re all just humans, right? All we can really do is make judgements and try and make the right call. It’s always gonna be a hit and miss, but all we can do really is try our best. But I think it’s great you take your time to think about what is best for your daughters.” He smiled a little, trying to look convincing, though he could feel his lips were trembling a little.

Gabriel blinked a few times. Then his face melted into a gentle, yet wide smile. “Yeah, you’ve got a point,” he said. “For someone who doesn’t have kids yet, you sure seem to know what you’re talking about. Though Cassie mentioned you practically raised your brother. Is that what you base those thoughts on?”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, a little, I guess. But I think that’s just life in general, too, you know? A lot of the time, you just have to do what you think is the best, or at least the less terrible out of bad options.”

“You’ve got a good point there too,” Gabriel said, before turning to Cas, and pointing a finger towards Dean. “I’m so glad you picked this one.”

Cas smiled as well, putting an arm around Dean and pulling him closer. “So am I.”

Afterwards, they talked about more general things, like Cas’ final exams and their plans for the rest of the summer, before Gabriel went upstairs to wake up his twin girls from their nap. He led Cas and Dean upstairs, and from there to the guest room which was the smallest of three bedrooms upstairs. It just barely fit the bed and the dresser, where they began putting their clothes away while Gabriel went to his daughters’ room to wake them up.

“You should go in there with him,” Dean told Cas as they started unpacking their bags, putting their clothes away to dressers. “I can handle this. He could probably use a hand and I know you want to see your nieces after such a long time.”

Cas looked at him seriously. “Are you sure?”

Dean waved his hand up and down. “Yeah, I’m sure. Go spend some time with your family. I’ll be fine.”

Cas smiled then, and leaned over to give Dean a little kiss, before he headed off to the twins’ room with a “thank you.”

Dean smiled to himself a little, shaking his head as he began putting the rest of the clothes away. After a while, he could hear Cas and Gabriel talking amongst themselves in soft voices in the corridor between the upstairs rooms, and into it mixed a little bit of tiny girl voices, still somewhat sleepy and probably a little cranky from being waken up. He glanced out of the half-shut door as they made their way past, and his heart just about melted at the sight of Cas holding an 18-month-old blond baby girl dressed a pretty light blue summer dress, his mate murmuring comforting words to her ears and bouncing her a little in his arms to give her comfort. Cas would make such a great parent one day. And man, their children would be so beautiful too. He hoped their children would inherit Cas’ pretty blue eyes, maybe the soft texture of his hair, his smarts, his kindness…

Dean caught himself. Man, he would have to brace himself if just seeing Cas with a small child was going to start giving him baby fever, because they were going to stay here for at least a few days.

He finished putting away the clothes, and decided to use the upstairs bathroom before he went back down. It was located between the three bedrooms and was decently sized, with a simple bathtub that included a shower, a sink with a cupboard underneath it as its base, a mirror cabinet above it, and the toilet.

There wasn’t much toilet paper left in the current roll being used, so Dean began rummaging through the cupboard for another one. He found the rolls there, too, but as he removed one, he also came across something else. It was a small rectangle box, half white, half pink. On the side of it read “Baby button – know if you’re pregnant in less than half an hour!”, and another side had a picture of what the pregnancy test inside would look like, along with a picture of a brunette woman smiling almost eerily wide. It must have been left over from when Gabriel had been attempting to get pregnant with the twins.

Dean was about to ignore it and just close the cupboard door, but then he caught himself, and started to think. The hunger, the weariness. The timing. He hadn’t had much nausea, but every case was different. And there had been that one time after the lobster, even though the lobster should’ve been fine by all accounts because Cas hadn’t gotten sick and the place had been a four-star restaurant. Maybe the lobster hadn’t agreed with a certain part of him, maybe it would’ve been fine if he had been his normal, regular self. And perhaps it hadn’t just been Naomi’s presence that had been making Dean nauseous at their first meals in the Novak Manor…

But it couldn’t be, could it? He’d been on birth control…but of course, that wasn’t 100% reliable, and perhaps his hormonal imbalance with coming off his suppressants and getting his first heat in so long had made them even less effective? And his heat had also ended suspiciously quickly, too…

“Dean?” came Cas’ voice, slightly muffled by the door and the distance. He was likely still downstairs. “Are you almost done? I’d like to meet the girls as well.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Dean called back, shaking his head to clear it. It was no use dwelling on this right now. There were things he needed to do and places he needed to be. He could think about this more later. He closed the cupboard doors, changed the toilet paper rolls and did his thing.

When Dean returned downstairs, Gabriel, Cas and the kids were having snacks in the dining room table. The kitchen and the dining room were one open space, the dining table just being further down in the room. The kitchen was very modern and spacious, the surfaces light, tidy and clean. The dining room table itself was long and large, made out of wood that gave the place a little bit of a rustic feeling, and it was clearly made in mind of having many guests around it for dinner. Dean got the feeling this was a family that enjoyed good food and made that known amongst friends.

The two girls were sitting in their high chairs, eating pieces of toast and some yoghurt while drinking juice. They were already able to eat by themselves, though they had bibs in front of them to keep their fronts clean. They both had fine blond hair, but one twin had blue eyes while the other one had Gabriel’s amber gold eyes.

“Hey, nice of you to join us,” Gabriel said to Dean as he entered, though he was smiling. “Let me introduce you.” He looked at the little girl sitting closer to Dean, the one with the blue eyes. “This is Rachel,” he said, and turned his head to the other girl. “And this is Hester. Can you say hi to Uncle Dean, girls?” Dean felt his heart jump a little at being called ‘Uncle Dean.’ It felt like an affirmation of Gabriel’s acceptance of him into the family.

Hester looked up and then right at Dean. She said, “Hi!” before going back to eating her toast. Rachel seemed a bit shyer, just glancing over at Dean before ducking her head down.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Gabriel murmured, caressing Rachel’s short hair. “Just eat your food, okay?” He kissed her head, then her sister’s head, before turning to Dean and Cas. “You guys want anything? We won’t eat dinner until later.”

The three adults also ended up snacking on some toast, and Gabriel began telling Dean about his work at the bakery. That explained a bit about the state of the kitchen; Gabriel probably liked to spend time in there and also knew how important it was to keep a kitchen neat and clean by his trade.

“Baking is something I’ve always wanted to do,” Gabriel admitted. “Ever since I was little, I’ve just been cooking and baking and tasting different things. And I always dreamed of opening my own place. I didn’t go to any kind of school for cooking, but I took courses in management and business at the community college once I left home, and started creating my own recipes. Then I was able to get a job at a bakery owned by the friend of Balth’s family. He taught me everything I hadn’t learned for myself growing up. I kept working there, right until the guy retired. He had no children of his own, so he named me his heir with the bakery. I couldn’t believe it, it was like all my dreams were coming true,” he sighed, but it was a happy, wistful sigh, his scent nostalgic. “Although I knew I wanted to get away from Mom and the whole society life, I was also scared when I left. I couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t ruin the rest of my life, or at least try and make it as difficult for me as humanly possible. But either she just didn’t care enough, or didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that I had left, but I actually was able to have a life, a good life at that. A much happier, better life than I ever could’ve imagined for myself. It’s smaller and perhaps more insignificant than it might’ve been had I stayed, but it’s mine, and I alone am in charge of it.”

“That’s awesome.” Dean grinned. “It’s great you figured it out so quickly, were able to leave so early. I only really managed that last year.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “That why you went to Cambridge?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I mean, sort of. I wasn’t gonna stay there that long, but then this one—” he pointed his thumb at Cas, “—had to come along and ruin all my plans.”

Gabriel smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. “Well, I guess that just proves your theory that life doesn’t always give us what we want.”

Dean smiled back. “Maybe. But sometimes, it gives us exactly what we need instead.” He looked into Cas’ eyes and kissed him softly.

“Damn, you guys are making me nauseous again,” Gabriel said, putting an extra note of faked disgust into his tone, though his scent was all amusement and affection.

Just then, they could hear the keys in the lock, and soon after, the front door opened. Gabriel smiled, looking down at his daughters. “Daddy’s home.”

The two girls smiled and began moving around in their chairs, waving their legs up and down and their arms in the air. “Daddy, Daddy!” they called.

A blond man with blue eyes and nice clothes sauntered into the kitchen.

“How are my three darlings?” he said in a British accent, which was strange to hear amongst all the American accents Dean had been hearing all week. Gabriel walked to receive him, and got a kiss on the cheek for his efforts.

“Just fine, thank you. I got some help from their nice uncles.”

Cas also walked over now, and shook hands with the Alpha that had just arrived. “It’s good to see you again, Balth.”

“And you, Cas,” Balthazar said, leaning over to hug Castiel one-armed, which Cas returned with his own free arm. When they parted, he looked over at Dean over the others’ heads. “And you must be Dean.”

“Yeah, hi,” Dean walked over, shaking hands with Balthazar Ange for the first time. The Alpha’s grip was warm and firm, and Balthazar looked him straight in the eye as they shook, and he smelled of clean spaces, which put Dean immediately at more ease with him. He didn’t think the person Gabriel would elope with would’ve been bad in any case, but it was one thing to think it and one thing to see it for himself.

They all got seated around the table once more, Balthazar taking Hester into his lap while Cas held onto Rachel as Gabriel put away their used plates and cups.

“Sorry I couldn’t be here right when you arrived. My current client heard of a sudden art sale and insisted I come along, just to make sure he wouldn’t miss out on anything worthwhile.”

“How is the art world going, Balth?” queried Cas. “I hope the clients don’t give you too hard a time?”

Balthazar shrugged one shoulder. “Mostly, I enjoy my work. And I knew what I was getting into when I decided this was what I wanted to do with my life. It’s just the spoilt brats of my clientele that give me headaches sometimes.” He shook his head, his scent slightly weary. “But it is what it is.”

“Hey, no work talk at the table,” Gabriel said, as he returned to the table. “Leave that to the City, okay?”

“Yes, yes,” Balthazar said, although he was smiling, not looking too sorry to be interrupted.

Dean decided to change the subject. “So, how did the two of you meet, anyway? Cas has never told me that story, just that the union wasn’t exactly well-received by your family, Gabriel.”

“Not really, no,” Gabriel confirmed, his scent taking a nostalgic tone. “Mom wanted me to marry either a business associate of hers or one of their children. But I never really fit into that world. I like simpler things, a simpler life, not one where every move I make is judged and observed, where constant rules and expectations govern my life and what I can and cannot do. I knew I wanted out long before I met Balth.”

“We eventually met at one of the many parties Naomi attended with her family.”

“It was a fundraiser for the eagles that live in the Central Park,” Gabriel snorted, shaking his head, dry amusement in his scent. “I was just over 15, and Mom wanted us to go to the party with her to look into possible future mates. Cassie hadn’t presented yet, so he stayed home with Dad.” Gabriel nodded towards his brother. “And I was soon bored to tears with all the business talk and bragging about whichever school someone was going to. The only good thing about it were the hors d'oeuvres.”

“Which I happened to be serving at the time, alongside drinks,” Balthazar continued. “I had just started college, and was working as a waiter for a catering company to make ends meet. My parents had put money aside for my education, but the money I got from my job helped with everything, especially if I wanted to buy more than the minimum needed to live. Gabriel chased me around all night.”

“Shush, I was chasing the food, not you,” Gabriel said, playfully shoving his mate, his scent affectionate. “But when you follow the person serving you food around all night, you start wondering about them. So we eventually started talking, and it turned out Balth was the most interesting person I was able to find that night. So I had to settle for his company.”

“And I had to listen to him complain about everyone in the room,” Balth said.

“Oh, you were just as bad, telling me who had helped themselves to a bit too much wine,” Gabriel teased, before turning to Dean. “He also knew the best gossip.”

“No one expects the waiter to pay attention,” Balthazar shrugged. “In any case, that was how we met. And kept meeting. The catering company I worked for got pretty popular in the rich New York circles, so we did a lot of gigs, and I found myself always looking for Gabriel in those things.”

“And I looked for him. He was such a breath of fresh air, someone who for once spoke upfront to me and was honest and straightforward, rather than just pretending to be polite while feeling up my leg underneath the table,” he scoffed. “Eventually, we started seeing each other outside of those events, and more in our own time, like friends.”

“I realized I was in love with him about six months after we started to meet just to see one another. I told him how I felt…”

“…And I admitted I felt the same,” Gabriel continued. “But I knew Mom would never allow us to be together. Balth’s family isn’t poor or anything, but they are middle-class, and he was still a student at the time who wanted to become an art dealer. He didn’t have the sort of future set ahead of him as someone from my class would have. Everyone from that world has connections to get where they want to be. I was expected to marry someone who had at least as much money and connections as my family,” Gabriel sighed, shaking his head. “I thought about what to do for a long time. We started going out, but didn’t really talk about the future. But then Dad realized something was going on with me and talked to me about it.” He smiled a little. “He made me understand that I needed to cease this opportunity for the kind of life I wanted for myself, if I was really ready to take the chance. And that sometimes, and especially with love, that risk is worth taking. So Balth and I started making plans, saving up money, and we eloped when I was 17.”

“Wow,” Dean said, addressing Gabriel. “Seems like you don’t regret it, though.”

“Not one bit,” Gabriel grinned. “I have everything that I’ve ever wanted. Balth’s parents are really wonderful and they accepted and took me in with all grace and support, and I was thankfully able to finish high school, too. The only regrets I really have is that I left Cassie behind at first, and that I will probably never see my Dad again.” His grin fell, his scent turning murky and sad.

“You know I forgave you for that,” Cas reassured him. “And you know it was Dad who told you to pursue this. He doesn’t hold a grudge or anything.”

“He still just wants you to be happy,” Dean hurried to add. “He talks so much about how much he loves all of you, I can tell he means it too.”

Gabriel nodded, his eyes looking a little misty. Balthazar covered his hand with his as a gesture of comfort. “He’s a great Dad, and I know I made the right choice. I just wish it hadn’t cost me him.”

“We all do,” Cas admitted, his voice low and his scent grim, before turning to Dean. “Luke and I deliver letters between Dad and Gabriel. That’s the only way they can keep in contact. It’s in secret from Mother, of course.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t even imagine what it must be like for Gabriel to not be able to talk to the man who had raised him; not getting to invite him to his wedding or to see the birth of his children. He wondered if he would be able to make the same choice.

Yes, a little voice spoke in his head. Castiel would be worth it, their life together would be worth it. Dean would be willing to sacrifice anything to be with Cas. Of course, he didn’t think his family was going to give him any trouble for being with Cas, but he also knew in his heart that he would make the same choice as Gabriel, if ever needed.

Just then, Rachel hiccupped a little, breaking the ice and making Cas chuckle a little. After that the conversation moved onto lighter topics like the girls and how school was going for Cas. Dean realized rather quickly that Cas wasn’t just close with Gabriel, but with Balthazar as well, whom he treated quite like a big brother. And at the same time, Balthazar also sometimes tended to tease him but at the same time was proud of his accomplishments, just as an older sibling would. Dean was beginning to feel a bit like an outsider, being the only one who wasn’t really a part of this family, even though they all made sure to involve him in the conversation.

Eventually, Gabriel said, “I think it’s about time I start preparing dinner. Dean—” Dean turned to look at him, “Would you like to help me with the food? Cassie tells me you’re a rather marvelous cook."

Dean blinked, having not expected this. “Sure, why not.”

The Alphas moved to the living room with the twins, while Dean and Gabriel got to working on a homemade meatloaf with mashed potatoes and peas. Dean was actually happy to get to use his hands to prepare a meal again after having had his food prepared for over a week now. He honestly enjoyed the work and the accomplished feeling it gave him to see it get done and have the people he cared about eat what he had prepared. After the fast food and fine dining of the restaurants of New York, Dean was also happy at the thought of being allowed to eat a home-made meal.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel suddenly said as they started the process of cooking. Dean looked up, confused. “I’m afraid we spoiled Cas in this particular area a bit too much, not letting him learn enough when it came to working the kitchen. You probably do all the cooking for the two of you.”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t mind. I like cooking. And Cas does other chores instead for the both of us, like the laundry. Plus he’s got other stuff he brings to the table in terms of the relationship,” he said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows a bit. “He told me I have you to thank for a few of them.”

Gabriel snorted out a laugh. “Oh, that.” He shook his head, grinning, scent amused and light. “I was just afraid he was going to die alone if I didn’t teach him at least a few things. Virgin Alphas can be so…rough sometimes, you know? Or don’t care enough about the person they are with. Though I honestly don’t know how much I actually did. I just told him that he always needs to respect the person he gets into bed with, make sure they are comfortable with everything that is happening, and to make sure they come first.”

Now Dean snorted. “I think he took that last bit a bit too seriously, actually.”

“Ew, too much information about my little bro there, thanks,” Gabriel said, but he was still grinning. Then his expression turned serious. “Be real with me for a sec here though. He makes you happy?”

“Very happy. Pretty much happiest I’ve ever been.”

“You’re serious about him?”

“Very serious. If the teeth mark on my neck wasn’t enough proof.”

Gabriel nodded, then he smiled again. “Good. That’s all I needed to hear,” he said, mixing more spices into the minced meat. “I don’t think Cassie’s ever been as happy as he is with you. I want to keep him happy like that, so I have one less thing to worry about in the world.”

“I’ll do my best to keep him that way. I do want to make him happy, since him being happy means I am happy too.”

“God that’s sappy,” Gabriel grinned. “But it puts my mind at ease to hear.”

For a while, they just worked mostly in silence, not talking other than to give each other notes about the food.

“Cas and Balthazar seem to get along pretty well,” Dean said, glancing over at the living room, where he could just about hear the two men talking, though he couldn’t make out the words.

“Yeah,” Gabriel smiled softly. “At first, Cassie really resented Balth for ‘stealing me away’ or something like that. It used to be him and me against the world, but suddenly I wasn’t even living with him anymore and he wasn’t allowed to talk about me at home. And I did feel guilty about that, I still kinda do. I really wish there had been a better way to deal with all of that, that I wouldn’t have had to leave. But eventually Dad managed to get Cassie to forgive me. It still took some time before he got used to Balth, but I made sure they spent time together, first the three of us and then sometimes so that I was just out of reach while the two of them talked. Balth is a good man, and a good Alpha. I figured Cassie could use a role model and a big brother to show him how to be one too, when he was so lacking in proper ones in our family. Plus, Cassie didn’t actually have that many friends, or people to actually talk to growing up. Balth is older than him, obviously, but in some ways they connected much the same way I connected with Balth. He’s easy to talk to, and I think Cassie also discovered that.”

“That’s nice,” Dean smiled. “It’s good that they get along now.”

Soon enough, the food was in the oven and the mash was cooking on the stove. Dean and Gabriel ended up chit-chatting in the kitchen a bit more, just about general things like books and movies, until Gabriel began to set the table and asked Dean to go and get Cas, Balthazar and the twins for dinner. Dean walked over to the living room door, not wanting to yell and startle the little ones. What he found was Cas in the room alone with the girls, the three of them on the floor playing with building blocks, Cas talking in a soft tone to the twins.

“You’re building it so big, Rachel, I can hardly keep up. And Hester, I can’t believe what a talented builder you've become,” Cas was saying, and Dean found his heart melting once more at the sight. Cas’ expression was so soft and tender, so affectionate, when he looked at the two little girls. And he was so good with them, so encouraging and warm. It made Dean all the more anxious to see him with their own children, knowing how well he’d take care of them. And it also made him think of the pregnancy test in the bathroom again.

“Hey,” he said to Cas, shaking off that train of thought. “The supper’s almost done. Where’s Balthazar?”

“He had to take a work call. Apparently this client really is a nightmare. I agreed to watch the girls in the meantime,” Cas said. “Will you take one of them, and we’ll go to the dining room together?”

Dean nodded, slowly walking closer. Rachel was following him with her eyes, while Hester was still focused on her blocks. Dean crouched right by Rachel, following her gaze with his.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean murmured softly. “Wanna come to Uncle Dean?”

Rachel seemed to understand, because she rose to her small feet and toddled over to Dean, letting him take her into his arms while Cas picked up Hester. Hester made a bit of a fuss, clearly not wanting to cut her playing time short, but Cas murmured comforting words to her on the way to the dining room.

“Oh, sweetie,” Gabriel said as they arrived, taking Hester off Cas’ hands and rocking her, seeing her distress. “You’ll get food in a moment, you can go back to play then, okay?” Hester seemed to calm down, Gabriel and Dean placed her and Rachel in their high chairs.

“Where’s Balth?” queried Gabriel.

“Went upstairs to take a work call.” Cas replied.

“Oh, brother,” Gabriel groaned. “I’ll go get him. I’ll hang up on the guy myself if I have to. This has gone too far now.” He practically marched out of the room.

“How are you getting along with Gabe?” Cas queried from Dean as they sat down to the table to wait for the Anges.

“Pretty well I think. He just wanted to make sure I plan to stick around.”

Cas nodded. “I suppose Gabriel is easier to get along with now than he was when we were younger, but it’s sometimes hard for me to forget he’s no longer a teenager but a grown man and a father. He was somewhat difficult to get along with in our youth.”

“Yeah, I figured that much by your stories of the pranks he pulled.”

The dinner was nice, and Dean felt himself more relaxed now and immersed into this side of Cas’s family. Gabriel told many fun stories from their past, including some of his best prank stories, and the room was filled with good food, some wine (which Dean found himself declining) and much laughter. Dean went to sleep content and happy that day.

They spent three more days with the Anges, going to the local park with the twins, watching a few movies and just talking. Dean ended up playing together with the twins and Cas more than a few times, and sometimes caught Cas looking at him with a very sappy look in his eyes when this happened. Dean wondered if Cas was thinking what he had been thinking, seeing Cas in a similar position with the two little girls. He decided he’d bring it up once they got back to Cambridge. Perhaps they should rethink their plans after all, when it was becoming clearer and clearer how badly the both of them wanted a family.

Gabriel turned out to be a very fun, warm host, who liked to do everything his children did on the playground, and even put up the sprinkler system in the backyard so they could all run through it to cool off in the summer heat. The more Dean spent time with him, the more he liked him, even when Gabriel always seemed to beat him at the card games the adults played in the evenings. Balthazar was in some ways more composed, but could goof off quite equally with Gabriel and was also madly passionate about books and art. They worked well together as a couple and their love was very warm and comfortable as far as Dean could tell. It was obvious they adored each other and tried their best to be what the other one wanted and needed in life.

In the end, though, Gabriel and Balthazar both had to go back to work and Dean and Cas had to return to the mansion to meet Michael and Luke for dinner before going to Sioux Falls. They had already packed their things and Garth and the limo were waiting downstairs. Dean decided to use the restroom before they left, and found his thoughts once more straying towards the pregnancy test in the cupboard when he saw it. He had been able to shake off the thought of it for the most part during these few days, busy as they had been, but now he couldn’t avoid it anymore.

He should wait, right? Even if what he was suspecting turned out to be true, he could wait until he got back to Cambridge to find out. It would be better, not to let that disturb him while he was here under that much more pressure. Back in Cambridge he could be much more rational about this and talk it over with Cas without any outside influence.

But dammit, now that he was in this tiny room with it again, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He almost wanted to take the damn test right now. But there was no time for that, because it would have to sit out for a few minutes and everyone would start wondering why he was taking so long.

In the end, Dean made the spur-of-the-moment decision. Before he left the bathroom, he took the pregnancy test with him from the cupboard and put it in the bag that had been left for him to carry. At least he would have it if he felt the need to take it, and wouldn’t have to sneakily buy another one. He just hoped Gabriel wouldn’t notice it was missing and tell Cas before Dean was ready to take the test and talk about or even think about this.

Making his way downstairs, Dean and Cas said their goodbyes at the door to the Anges, where hugs and kisses (for the twins) were exchanged.

“Don’t be strangers now, okay?” Gabriel told them. “Come visit again. Preferably faster than a year. And Dean, write to me okay? You have my address.”

“I will,” Dean promised, smiling. It was good to have a friend who was the same Type as you, and Dean had a feeling he had finally found one. What was doubly good about that was that he had found that friend in the brother closest to Cas. It was like gaining another brother for himself.

The drive to the Novak Manor was quiet, because now that Dean had the pregnancy test in his bag, it was even harder for him to stop thinking about it. About the test, about what it meant he had even taken the test. What they should and could do if he really was pregnant. He had meant it when he’d said he wouldn’t want to abort an accidentally-inseminated child, and he didn’t. It wasn’t ideal perhaps, to have it happen so soon and so unexpectedly, but he definitely wanted the pup if there even was one. He also told himself he shouldn’t get this worked up without even knowing if he was pregnant or not. He should find out for sure and then figure out what to do next rather than think about it too early and have to worry about it twice.

“Dean, is something the matter?” Cas queried about halfway to the drive.

Dean quickly turned away from the window he had been staring out of without actually seeing anything. “Why would anything be the matter?”

“You’ve just been so quiet all drive, that’s all. I mean, it’s not as though being quiet is a problem, but you also seem…distant. And you smell slightly distressed,” Cas said. “Do you dislike having to go back to the Manor?”

“No!” Dean hurriedly answered. “I mean, yeah, a little. I’m not too thrilled about seeing Naomi again, but I do want to see Chuck before we go see Bobby. But it’s not that. I just have some stuff in my mind.”

Cas raised an eyebrow, looking and smelling concerned. “What type of stuff?”

“Nothing important,” Dean said, waving his hand dismissively. “I’m not even sure if it is anything. I’ll let you know when I know more, okay?”

Cas looked confused, frowning, but he relented and said, “All right. Just let me know if you need to talk about something, anything. All right?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, leaning over to give Cas a light kiss.


	11. Chapter ten

It was bleak and depressing to return to the Novak Manor after first experiencing the wonderment of New York City and then the warmth of the Ange household. At least Chuck was there to warmly greet Dean and Cas upon their arrival, and Naomi had gone back to her office to work, so they didn’t have to face her right away and could have some peace. Much like when they’d first arrived, Chuck took them to his study to talk for a while, but this time the talk concentrated mostly on Gabriel and his family, and how they were all doing. Chuck’s eyes were shining when he listened to Dean and Cas’ tales about his granddaughters, even though there was sad longing in his scent. Cas also handed the letter Gabriel had written as a response for Chuck, which made the man teary-eyed. Dean and Cas left him to read it in peace while they unpacked.

Dean kept the pregnancy test at the bottom of his bag for now, figuring it was the best place to hide it. He still hadn’t decided what he would do with it, but he definitely wasn’t ready to bring it up yet.

Afterwards, the household gathered for lunch, for which Naomi joined them. Dean found it difficult to eat in her presence once more, and she seemed to be giving him even more of a stink-eye than before. She only talked to Cas over the meal, asking him about the City and Luke, not even mentioning Gabriel. She really did want to pretend like he didn’t even exist. And Dean was honestly getting a déjà vu from being in this house again. It seemed as though everything in there happened in circles, repeating in even patterns, never changing, unrelenting.

Later, Dean and Cas closed themselves off in their room, where Dean took a little after-meal nap while Cas read a bit. When Dean woke up, Cas wasn’t by his side anymore. Dean wanted to go look for him, but figured it would be better to just wait for Cas to come back. He couldn’t have gone far if he hadn’t left a note. Besides, Dean might get lost in this big house that he still didn’t know all that well. Or worse, run into Naomi. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with her right now, especially not on his own.

He also kind of wanted to go to the bathroom to take the pregnancy test now, but didn’t feel like risking it when he didn’t know when exactly Cas would be back. Not doing it now turned out to be a good strategy, because Cas returned only a few minutes later, with a strange mix of worry and surprise on his face and in his scent.

“Hey,” Dean said, getting off the bed and approaching Cas. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just something weird,” Cas replied. “I got a phone call while you were asleep and went to take it. It was Michael. He asked me to come meet him in the City tomorrow, just the two of us, before coming back here for the dinner together.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Is that really so weird?”

“We’ve never hung out just the two of us before, so yes, it is peculiar.”

“Well, maybe he wants to change that,” Dean theorized. “You’re far away for most of the year. Maybe he’s realised you won’t be around forever if he takes you for granted. Maybe he wants to put things right.”

“I don’t know…” There was concern and suspicion in Cas’ scent.

“Then what did you tell him?” Dean asked.

“I told him I needed to talk with my mate before making any decisions.” Cas looked right at Dean. “I don’t really want to leave you alone in here…”

“No, no, you should go,” Dean told him. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a few hours, right? I can just hide in here for that time, no big deal. I think you should at least go and hear what he has to say. Spend some time with him, just the two of you. You can always come back early if it doesn’t work out or amount to anything.”

“You’re certain? I can tell him I won’t meet him unless you can come too…”

“No, I think it should just be the two of you. I don’t think Michael would be as open if I was there too, and this sounds like a conversation that needs openness and privacy,” Dean took Cas’ hands in his and squeezed them in comfort. “I’ll be fine, Cas, really. Go see him. If he rarely contacts you like this, it must be important.”

Cas thought about it for a moment longer, just staring into Dean’s eyes, as if looking for answers there. Finally, he nodded. “All right. I’ll go make the call back to him right now.”

He turned on his heel and left the room to tell his brother his plans. And it was just then that Dean realised this was the opportunity he had been waiting for. It felt almost like a sign.

Tomorrow, when Cas left, he was taking that pregnancy test.

…

Dean and Cas made soft, slow love that night, just enjoying each other’s presence and comfort. They both had their reasons to be nervous about the upcoming day, so the lovemaking was a good distraction for both of them, and a way to relax enough to fall asleep. It was also like a reassurance that come what may, they would face it together, head on. They were even able to forget where they were, almost, just concentrating on each other, lost in their very own world.

Their kisses and touches were light, their movements languid. Dean found himself tracing Castiel’s features, cataloguing everything about him in his mind. How he felt, how he smelled, what his kisses tasted like, what his voice sounded like. For some reason, that night it felt more important than ever before. Perhaps because Dean already knew that nothing would be the same once he took that pregnancy test. It was as if subconsciously he already knew what it would say. All he needed to do was to confirm it for himself and for Cas.

As Cas kissed his nipples, Dean thought they seemed a bit perkier than normal. A bit more sensitive. Yet another sign. Cas kissed his stomach and Dean wondered if he somehow already knew deep inside as well. But Cas moved on and Dean was able to push that train of thought aside for now.

Afterwards, Cas fell asleep, but Dean continued watching his relaxed face, kept caressing his soft dark hair. He catalogued the shadows Cas’ eyelashes created on his cheeks with his eyes, listened to his soft breathing and smelled their mixed leftover scents from sex that was now becoming softer and mussed with sleep. Dean was nervous, but he wasn’t afraid. He just wanted to remember this moment as it was, where everything was simple and easy for a little while longer.

Dean eventually fell asleep, and when he woke up, Cas was already gone. He found another note from him that said,  _ “I did not want to wake you. I will be back as soon as I can. I love you, Cas.” _

Dean got up, and before he did anything else, he went and took out the pregnancy test from its hiding place. He read over the instructions, and made sure to check the test hadn’t expired yet. It was good for another six months, so Dean deemed it useable. The instructions said the results were the best with the first pee of the morning and that he needed to wait five minutes for the results. The pink plus sign would mean it was positive, a single horizontal line negative.

Dean didn’t think he could eat anything before taking the test, so nervous as he was, and he needed to pee anyway, so he just went to the adjoined bathroom to take the test. He peed on the stick as well as he could, and sealed it, leaving it to the bathroom while he waited in the bedroom, watching the clock. The minutes seemed to drag on as Dean just followed the hands of the clock in the room with his eyes. He wasn’t able to bring himself to do anything else but sit there and follow the time.

Finally, the five minutes were up, and Dean stepped back to the bathroom with shaky legs. But after he was inside and he could see the pregnancy test on the toilet seat, though not the results yet, a sense of calm suddenly settled over him. He wasn’t dreading the result anymore, wasn’t even really nervous. In his heart, he already knew.

He took one last deep breath, before taking the test in his hand again and turning it over. And yes, there it was, the little pink plus sign on the screen.

He was pregnant. He and Cas were going to have a pup. A family. Together.

And suddenly Dean found himself incredibly happy at that thought.

And hungry. Very, very hungry. He put the test back on the toilet seat, deciding to show it to Cas later when he came back. It was better if they were both in on this as soon as possible. Screw waiting to get back to Cambridge before telling Cas. Dean wanted him to know, wanted him in on this happy occasion.

He couldn’t stop smiling on the way downstairs for breakfast. Neither Naomi nor Chuck was there while he was, so he found it easy to eat his fill and consume everything he wanted. He had waffles and orange juice, but also made sure to eat some of the fresh fruit being offered and the yoghurt. He was gonna need to start eating healthier now that the pup’s health was in his hands as well. He was just glad he hadn’t been drinking any alcohol for a while, having wanted to keep up good appearances for Cas’ family in the States and not having wanted to drink when Cas couldn’t during the finals. Dean only hoped that the party following those finals had ended hadn’t affected the baby too badly. He’d need to book a doctor’s appointment once they got back to Cambridge. And make sure it wasn’t with Dr. Masters under any circumstances.

After finishing his breakfast, Dean retreated to his room to read in order to pass the time, but he had only managed a few pages before there was a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he said, confused. Cas couldn’t be back yet, right? And he didn’t think Cas would knock on his own door anyway. So who was it? Chuck, maybe?

But to his surprise, it was one of the maids in the house. He could tell by the uniform she wore. “Sir, Mistress Novak requests your presence. She says it’s urgent.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. Naomi? What did she want with him? Nothing good, that was for sure. She was probably trying to catch him off guard or threaten him now that Cas was gone. Well, if she thought she could do that, she was going to have another thing coming. Dean was by no means going to bow down to her. But he also wasn’t going to back away quietly.

“All right. Lead the way,” Dean said, getting up and letting the maid take him to the other side of the upper floor of the manor, to one of the large, heavy-looking doors made of dark wood. Dean felt much like he was being led into a prison cell.

The maid knocked on the door, and said, “Dean Winchester for you, Madam.”

“Let him in,” came Naomi’s voice from within. The maid opened the door for Dean, and shut it behind him after he entered what appeared to be Naomi’s study.

Unlike Chuck’s personalized and enclosed space, Naomi’s was much bigger and more open, with two wall-high windows on the opposite side of the room from Dean that brought in light. She had several bookcases, but most of them were filled by files rather than books. In front of the windows was a large, heavy desk of dark oak, on it more files in a neat pile, but also a computer and a phone. Naomi was standing in front of the windows, her back turned to Dean.

“You wanted to see me?” Dean said, and made sure not to put any ounce of intimidation into his tone or scent. He wasn’t going to be messed with by this woman who had made Cas’ childhood so miserable and still thought she had the right to judge his life choices. This woman who made the kind and gentle Chuck so small and so quiet, almost like he wanted to disappear. This woman who didn’t even want to know she had two granddaughters, who wouldn’t let her Omega son see his Dad because he had gone against her word.

“Yes,” Naomi said, turning halfway around to look at Dean. She had a strange expression on her face that on anyone else would’ve resembled a concerned, almost sympathetic smile, but on her simply told Dean she was going to be messing with his head, though he still couldn’t properly read her scent. He steeled himself. “Dean, how long are you going to kid yourself with this farce?”

Dean raised an eyebrow, but made sure not show any other type of reaction. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, just look around yourself,” Naomi said, gesturing with both hands to the room around them, or possibly the entire premises of the Novak Manor, looking up towards the ceiling. “All of this is Castiel’s legacy. He is one of the heirs to one of the oldest and wealthiest families in all of United States; all of the world really. And you…” Now she gestured towards Dean with one arm, looking at him with something akin to amusement, like something about Dean was so incredibly funny. “What are you? An orphan Omega with a drunk driver for a father and not even a high school diploma? How can you expect to ever be enough for Castiel? To measure up to him in any way?”

Dean swallowed, telling himself to not let insecurities get a hold of him now. “Cas and I promised to each other to not let where we come from determine what we will become or who we are in our relationship. I don’t care that he has money and he doesn’t care where I come from. And in any case,” he said, looking straight at Naomi, adding a smirk to his face for good measure. “Once Cas graduates, it won’t matter. He doesn’t want anything to do with the family fortune or legacy. He wants something better for both of us. We’re not going to live in your world, or by your rules. We’ll make our own.”

“Oh yes,” Naomi said, still seeming strangely amused by everything that was happening. “Castiel may feel that way right now. But what would he think if he found out about your little night job?”

Dean carefully narrowed his eyes. “What night job?”

“Why, the oldest kind of course. I imagine it requires a lot of time spent on your knees.”

It hit Dean then. Naomi knew. She knew he had traded sex for money in the past. Perhaps she thought he still did that. Dean found some of his resolve fading, shame burning inside of him. Cas of course knew already and accepted that part of him, but it was just so humiliating to have Naomi know and try and use that against him. Dean had only told those he knew and trusted, and now to have her take it like this and try and use it as a weapon…

He took a breath, as quietly as he could. He wouldn’t let her win this. He looked her straight in the eye, steeling himself. “I don’t do that anymore. And anyway, Cas knows all about that already.”

Naomi’s eyebrows rose at that, her eyes widening slightly. “I see…” she said, and although she was trying to hide it, Dean could tell she hadn’t expected that. She actually had to pause for a minute, just to think of her next move. Then, she finally seemed to get serious, not treating all of this like some funny joke. “Look, just tell me, what is it going to take for you to leave my son alone?"

“Nothing,” Dean said, firmly. “Nothing you have to offer me anyway. The only thing that can make me leave is if Cas wants me out of his life. I won’t go otherwise, so you better get used to me being around.”

“Hmm,” Naomi mused, but she didn’t look worried. She didn’t even flinch. “Well…maybe I should just take the other thing that Castiel most cares about away, if you won’t go quietly.”

Dean blinked. Now a cold feeling of worry began to settle in his gut. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the money he needs in order to attend Cambridge,” Naomi said, extremely calmly while Dean actually blanched a little. “His trust fund is important, especially with him continuing his medical practice, or if he wants to specialize further in his field. And he still needs to live. Where do you think you will stay or how will you feed yourselves if he loses his family’s support for his studies?”

Dean tried to stay strong, tried to come up with something to say; anything. “We would work something out.”

“Perhaps, or perhaps not. And if not, what would you do?” she asked him, smiling wickedly. “I’m sure you know Castiel’s biggest dream is to become a doctor. A part of that has to do with his other dream to gain his independence from this family. So do you truly believe he would not come to us for help if he doesn’t find work to pay for his studies and living? Especially—” her smile was cruel, cold, “—When you’re expecting your first child.”

Dean gasped, not being able to keep it in. “How did you…?”

“Oh please, dear,” Naomi said, waving her hand dismissively. “You left the test right in the open. It was easy enough for anyone to find.”

It was true. Dean hadn’t thought anyone would come into the room to rummage through their things. He felt like an idiot. And doubly so, because in his shock he had confirmed it to Naomi.

Naomi just kept up that cruel smile that was a mockery of something motherly and kind. “Castiel will likely seek out employment from me to be able to provide for you and your child. He is family-oriented like that. And after that, he will always be indebted to us, and won’t get another chance to leave us.”

Dean glared. “I thought you wanted me to leave? He’s not going to let me do that once he finds out.”

“Perhaps so,” Naomi admitted. “But you leaving is not as important as Castiel coming back to the family. Right now, you’re pulling him further and further away from us. And I imagine that with time, he will grow to resent you anyway, as you were the reason he lost his dream and was forced to return to the family. Then you won’t have any sort of hold over him anymore. I can wait that long,” she said. “Unless, of course, you do all of us a favor and leave right now, taking that abomination in your stomach with you. He won’t hear anything about that from me, I can promise you.”

Dean gritted his teeth, clenching his fists. He wanted to tell her not to talk of his unborn pup like that, when they were the most amazing thing to ever be created by him, but he didn’t dare. Her words were ringing in his head, his face was burning and tears were stinging in his eyes. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t leave Cas like this, without any word of explanation. It suddenly made sense Michael had called Cas to the City; he had probably done so under the orders from Naomi. Could Dean lengthen this out long enough for Cas to come back? Probably not, Michael had likely been told to keep him there as long as possible. Dean couldn’t bear to lose Cas, but he also couldn’t bear being the reason Cas might lose his dream and his freedom. And Naomi was right, Cas may well come to resent him and the pup for that anyway. Then everything would be lost, even if he decided to stay.

But maybe he didn’t have to choose. Maybe there was a third option.

He looked right at Naomi, steeling his shoulders, determined to not show her any weakness. “Fine. I will leave. Give me a few minutes to pack my things.”

Naomi smiled then, satisfied and cruel. “Marvelous. Don’t worry about your things, I already had Olivia pack them for you. I also booked you a flight to Sioux Falls as well. Isn’t that where you’re from?”

Of course she had. “I think she may have missed a few things. I hid the important things pretty well.”

Naomi sighed, but said, “Fine. But be prompt about it. I’ll call you a cab, and you better be done by the time I come downstairs or I will come looking for you.”

Dean nodded, and said nothing else, just hurried out of the room and down the corridors to his and Cas’ shared room. He found his things packed and ready there on the floor, as he’d been told they’d be, and immediately began rushing around. He quickly retrieved a notebook from Cas’ things, and a pen. He hurriedly began to write:

_ “Cas, _

_ Your Mom has gone crazy. She told me to leave or you lose your college money. I’m going, so you won’t lose your dream. But if you want to figure out what to do, if you still want us to be together, come to Sioux Falls and find the Singer Salvage Yard. I’ll be there, waiting. You can also just contact me. Be discreet, Naomi knows I’m there.” _

Dean paused in his quick writing, wondering if he should tell Cas about the pregnancy. But he decided not to. He could tell Cas when he came to find him. And in any case, he wanted Cas to come for Dean and Dean alone, not because he felt obligated due to the pup.

So Dean finished his note with just:  _ “I love you, Dean.” _

He then wondered where he should leave the note. He obviously couldn’t just leave it out in the open, or Naomi would likely take it away. But it still needed to be somewhere where Cas would find it. Dean glanced over at the bed, and quickly made up his mind. He didn’t have enough time to think it any further. He put the letter under the covers on Cas’ side of the bed. He’d find it there when he went to sleep that night.

Dean hurriedly then grabbed his bags, and started to leave the room. He glanced over his shoulder at it one last time. He was never coming back here for sure, no matter what the outcome otherwise would be.

He made it downstairs just in time, and Naomi saw him off to his cab, all the way inside.

“Well,” she said as Dean got settled into the backseat. “I wish I could say it’s been a pleasure to know you, Dean, but I think we both know saying that would be a lie.”

“Indeed,” Dean said, and then decided to add for good measure, “Bitch.”

He closed the door in on Naomi’s face, telling the driver to take him to the airport. In the car, as it drove away, and Dean looked at the Novak Manor for the last time, he thought a little prayer. He had never been a religious man, but this was a special occasion.

And then he let his silent tears fall on his cheeks, occasionally wiping them with his fingers. All he now had was hope and faith. If not in God, then at least in Castiel and their love.

The End???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I just ripped your hearts out at the last minute, haha :). But as I said in the beginning, there is going to be a sequel to this, once I can get back to writing it...
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed this fic, and please leave a comment or two if you did!


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